


(ELE)Mental

by jumpthisship



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Chinguline (EXO), M/M, Online Friendship, Online Romance, discussion of anxiety and mental health, idk i just wanna have a good time, these boys are gay, twitter fanboys au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-01-03 22:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 74,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12156102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumpthisship/pseuds/jumpthisship
Summary: park yeollie B)@yeoloooooo@dks_0112 hey uhhhhh u don’t know me but i love ur art. like so much. thank u for doing god’s work in this fandom. ily. bye.kyungsoo@dks_0112@yeoloooooo thxPark Chanyeol desperately wants to recruit twitter fanartist Kyungsoo into his crew of gay fanboys. The obvious way to do this is by confessing his love for him every day.





	1. Chapter 1

**park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 hey uhhhhh u don’t know me but i love ur art. like so much. thank u for doing god’s work in this fandom. ily. bye.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo thx

Chanyeol clicks out of his Twitter notifications. The reply shows up on his dash; that’s what he gets for following Twitter user dks_0112 before making his embarrassing love confession. He clicks out of that, too. Logs out of his account entirely. Clutches his chest. 

The door to his dorm room opens, and Kris, his Canadian roommate, steps in. “Whoa,” he says. 

“What,” Chanyeol says, staring at his laptop screen, now proudly displaying the lowest Solitaire score he’s ever gotten. He knew he shouldn’t have left a game running while he scrolled through Twitter. 

“When you said _a couple posters_ , this is not what I had envisioned,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol looks up, glances back at his side of their shared room. His entire wall above his bed is plastered in posters and photobook pages and magazine foldouts. He got a little overzealous during the decoration process. “I had more on hand than anticipated.”

Kris stares. “That is...a lot of attractive Korean men.”

“Two of them are Chinese, actually,” Chanyeol informs him. “There’s only four total.”

Kris shakes his head slowly. “Chanyeol...is there something you want to tell me?”

“I really like this band,” Chanyeol says. He turns back to his laptop, starts a new game of Solitaire. 

“I...can tell,” Kris says. He takes a step closer to Chanyeol’s wall, squints at his posters with an air of assessment. “Who _are_ they?” 

“ _Element_ ,” Chanyeol says offhandedly. “They’re really popular. Half Korean, half Chinese.”

“Why do you have _so many posters_ of them?”

“They’re good boys, Kris,” Chanyeol says.

Kris is silent; Chanyeol sees him nodding vaguely out of the corner of his eye. Then he says, “Why are they all so _beautiful?_ ” 

Chanyeol grins, moves a 5 of hearts onto a 6 of spades. “That’s how they pull you in.”

Kris hums thoughtfully. “I like this one.” 

Chanyeol glances up, follows Kris’ point. “That’s Lu Han,” he says, turning back to his game. “He’s taken.”

“By who?” Kris asks. “You?”

“No, no. Minseok’s my bias. That foxy bastard standing next to him.” Chanyeol jerks his head slightly. “Lu Han is taken by Minseok.” He lifts his hand, points vaguely in the direction of a page from a magazine pictorial, where Lu Han is making very, _painfully_ obvious heart eyes at Minseok across their dressing room. 

“...Uh huh,” Kris says. “Chanyeol. Can I ask you something?”

“Very,” Chanyeol says. 

“What?”

“Very gay. Yes. To answer your question. Very gay.” He points to himself, nods, then moves a queen of diamonds onto a king of spades. He flicks his eyes up to meet his roommates. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

Kris stares at him. Blinks. “Are you gonna be bringing boys around here a lot?”

Chanyeol shrugs. (The answer is no.) “What if I did?”

“Well, just let me know beforehand, so I can clean my side of the room,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol grins. Canadians. Good people. 

He clicks away from his Solitaire game—it was going badly anyway—and opens up his Twitter account again, so that he can tell everyone about this wonderful interaction he’s just had with his new roommate. And then he sees it again. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo thx

Chanyeol grimaces. 

It’s not that Kyungsoo—the best fanartist the Element fandom, nay, the _world_ , has ever seen—owes him anything more than a _thx_. Obviously. Kyungsoo is the one who deserves to receive one million love confessions and compliments every day. Maybe he does, and Chanyeol’s received reply is the exact same one he gives all of his thousands of adoring fans. Damn them. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t owe him anything. Of course. It’s just that Chanyeol has been following him for a whole month now, saving every piece of art Kyungsoo posts, setting them as his phone background, as his laptop wallpaper, as anything he can think of. He’s been silently admiring Kyungsoo(‘s art) for thirty whole days. 

He wanted Kyungsoo to say _hey, thanks! I love you too, random citizen! Let’s be friends!_

This feeling may or may not have only started in earnest when Chanyeol discovered Kyungsoo is a boy. Sue him. It’s hard to come by fanboys in his chosen fandom, alright? 

Forgetting Kris and his exciting coming-out story, Chanyeol clicks to his DMs, opens the conversation between him and Twitter user byun_xing.

**park yeollie B)**  
bro i just got shot down by The kyungsoo. help.  
how to become friends with fandom famous ppl  


**barkhyun**  
bro. i’m tryna sleep.  
also how would i know

**park yeollie B)**  
ur not trying to sleep don’t lie to me  
bc ur a little bit fandom famous. and u have famous friends. teach me.  


**barkhyun**  
i /could/ be trying to sleep tho. it’s 1 the fuck am in ye olde western hemisphere  
i don’t become friends w ppl. they are drawn to me. by my animal magnetism.

**park yeollie B)**  
animal magnetize kyungsoo towards me. i want him to be my friend.  


**barkhyun**  
that doesn’t even make sense  
just talk to him??

**park yeollie B)**  
tried it. didn’t work. he gave me a “thx.”  
not even the full “thanks.” i was crushed. i’M CRUSHED.  


**barkhyun**  
lololol  
he rlly doesn’t want to talk to u

**park yeollie B)**  
T^T T^T T^T  
how am i supposed to collect element fanboys like this  


**barkhyun**  
lulz  
hold on i’ll check if me and him have any mutuals  
i mostly have writer friends tho, not artists  
nvm he only follows like 8 ppl that aren’t fansites  
soz

**park yeollie B)**  
sniff. guess i’ll just throw my love at him and wish for him to notice me  
pls senpai  
[prayer hands emoji]  


**barkhyun**  
guess so  
so ur all moved in eh?

**park yeollie B)**  
ye  
u should see my walls. they’re a Shrine.  
also my str8 boi roommate says he likes luhan ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  


**barkhyun**  
NICE  
did u tell him he’s taken

**park yeollie B)**  
BRUH  
i did  


**barkhyun**  
:’)  
ensnare him  
turn him into one of us

**park yeollie B)**  
yes master  


Feeling somehow assuaged about the whole thing, Chanyeol smiles, opens up a YouTube tab. “Come,” he says to Kris, who has moved to flop down on his bed. “Let me show you their music videos.”

####

K-pop boy group Element debuted in 2012, when Chanyeol was in grade 10. He was mostly into anime back then; had a Tumblr for memes and various weeaboo things. And that’s how he saw them. One of the blogs he followed posted their debut teaser pics, and then their music video. And they were so goddamn beautiful. And Chanyeol spoke a little Korean. He was curious. (And gay.)

He’d never seen anything like it. Four beautiful men, singing and dancing and...each representing one of the four classical elements. Kim Minseok—earth. Lu Han—air. Kim Joonmyun—water. And Zhang Yixing—fire. Debuting with their not-immediately-popular first song, _Harmony._ It was cheesy. Chanyeol loved it. 

And that’s how it started. He followed more Element blogs. He reblogged more pictures. So many that his followers snippily told him that he should consider making a sideblog for them. So he did. And some of the people he followed on his new sideblog followed him back. And he made friends. And they told him he should get Twitter. So he did. 

And now, five years later...he’s here. Still gay. Still a fan. Still trying to make new friends in a fandom that is no longer dauntingly inaccessible. Searching far and wide for more fanboys to add to his collection. 

There’s not a lot of them. Or maybe he just hasn’t been able to find them. But he’s got his crew. 

Himself. Park Chanyeol. Username: @yeoloooooo. (For the moment.) Bias: Kim Minseok. Talents: being able to look at an Element picture and tell you which day it’s from. Crying. Waking up late on comeback days. 

Byun Baekhyun. Username: @byun_xing. Bias: Zhang Yixing. Talents: getting a lot of RTs on his selfies. Making bad sex jokes. Writing half-decent slash fanfiction. 

Kim Jongdae. Username: @thundaboi. Bias: Kim Joonmyun. Talents: producing tweets that unexpectedly go viral. Being an actual good and helpful friend. Telling Chanyeol to go to bed. 

And, uh...that’s pretty much it. Kim Jongin (@nini_draws), tiny artist fanboy, is rarely online—he’s always busy studying and only shows up to post adorable doodles and like Chanyeol’s lamest tweets. Oh Sehun (@ohohorat), Jongin’s irl friend, is always online, retweeting attractive pictures of Lu Han, but he rarely interacts with anyone. (Chanyeol thinks he’s shy.) Huang Zitao (@wo_hui_lai_le), Chinese fanboy with bizarrely good English, is mostly Sehun’s friend, and really only posts pics of himself in designer clothes and shows up to retweet people’s selfies. 

They’re good boys. But they’re also the only boys Chanyeol could find. 

And now he’s found another. Kyungsoo. An artist. And Chanyeol wants _so badly_ to recruit him into the crew. But that means talking to him, and Chanyeol...does not know how to do that. 

After three hours, give or take, Chanyeol gets over the cold rejection of Kyungsoo’s _‘thx,’_ and he’s ready to try again. He is nothing if not persistent, after all. 

_Conversation_ , he thinks, scrolling up and down his tline. _Words. Words to say that will make him want to be your friend._ Chanyeol doesn’t know how to make conversation. He only knows how to yell about attractive boys and give incoherent compliments. 

He reaches Kyungsoo’s most recent tweet. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
Working on something fun. Please anticipate. 

Chanyeol’s already liked it. Of course. He likes basically everything Kyungsoo tweets.

He clicks on Kyungsoo’s display pic, lets it take him to his profile. He’s got a pretty nice layout—one of his recent fanarts of Minseok as his dp, a simplistic header in matching foggy greys and soft greens. Classy, artistic. Chanyeol likes it. 

His bio isn’t all that helpful, though. 

**kyungsoo**  
@dks_0112  
kyungsoo * fanartist * he/him * eng/kr * i like to draw

Chanyeol sighs. Couldn’t he at least put something a _little_ personal on there? Something Chanyeol could use to start up a conversation? 

He thinks, briefly, of his own bio—which just says “ _chanyeol ~ boy ~ boys ~ BOIIIIIIIII_ ”—and winces. Okay. Maybe he shouldn’t be one to talk. 

He clicks on Kyungsoo’s most recent tweet again. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
Working on something fun. Please anticipate. 

Chanyeol stares at it for a long time, and then finally types out a reply. He hopes Kyungsoo doesn’t notice that he liked it hours ago and is just sending a reply now. That would be...embarrassing. 

**park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 what kind of something? ^^

 _Yes,_ he thinks. _Clever. Lure him in with something he obviously likes._

A minute later, a little blue (1) pops up over his notification bell. He clicks on it eagerly. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo secret

Chanyeol deflates. This is not going as well as he’d hoped. 

**park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i’m excited!! *\o/* 

The blue (1) pops up again. Chanyeol crosses his fingers. 

**kyungsoo** liked your reply · 4s

Chanyeol closes his laptop and gives up.

####

Chanyeol figured out he was gay when he was nine.

There was this boy in his class. Also nine. Obviously. He was short and cute and had big glasses and Chanyeol just fucking _loved_ him. Like he loved that little boy in his class. He thought about him pretty much every second of every day. He wanted to be looking at him at all times. He told Yura about every single thing he said, to Chanyeol or otherwise. 

Yura said, “Yeollie, why do you like that boy so much? You’re not even best friends or anything.”

And Chanyeol said, “I don’t know, I just do. I just like it when he smiles at me.”

And Yura said, “It sounds like you have a crush on him.”

And that’s when Chanyeol realized it. He did. He _did_ have a crush on him. He’d never really understood everything his friends were saying about having crushes on girls, because he never really felt those feelings, but he’d always thought maybe they were making it up to sound more grown up. But now he understood. He _did_ have a crush. On a boy. He liked boys. 

He started to cry. Yura panicked a little and hugged him really tight. And she said, “Why are you crying? There’s nothing bad about liking boys. Liking boys is _great. I_ like boys. Boys are great, Yeollie. Don’t cry. Liking boys is the _best._ I hope you like boys _forever._ I’ve never been so happy in my _life._ ” 

She was exaggerating, obviously. She was only twelve. She didn’t know how to reassure a small, gay Chanyeol in any way other than telling him that he was a better person for being gay as hell. But it worked. Chanyeol felt a lot better. And every day after that, Yura reminded him that he was _great_. He was gay and that was _wonderful_. He was the _best brother ever._

Chanyeol learned, at a very young age, that being told you’re awesome on a regular basis is probably the best way to live your life. And therefore, the second-best way to live your life is to compliment people on the things they may be insecure about, every single day. 

The day after Kyungsoo passively rejects Chanyeol twice in under four hours, he logs into his Twitter account, sees that Kyungsoo’s posted a WIP of the thing he was talking about the day before. He stretches his fingers. 

**park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 THIS IS LOOKING AMAZING SO FAR!!! ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ is that lumin?? ur lumin art is always my fave. ur my fave. i love u. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ᄏᄏ. secret. 

Chanyeol grins. He got a laugh. That is VISIBLE and UNDENIABLE PROGRESS.

**park yeollie B)**  
_shared a tweet_  
i got a laugh  


**jongdamn**  
go to sleep chanyeol

 **barkhyun**  
woooo u go yeol  
get ur man

**park yeollie B)**  
it’s 11am in seoul u knob  
u go to sleep  
THANKS BAEK I’M GONNA RECRUIT HIM  


**jongdamn**  
boiii is that lumin tho  
Here For That Gay Shit

 **barkhyun**  
recruit him  
into ur heart  
i love a gay son in law

**park yeollie B)**  
what  
that doesn’t even make sense  
also idek if hes gay  


**barkhyun**  
lmao yeol he’s drawing pics of gay boys  
do u really think he only likes girls

 **jongdamn**  
lmao baek  
pls  
u only realized u were bi /after/ u wrote like  
100k of boys making out

**park yeollie B)**  
lmao  


**barkhyun**  
but i did realize!!!  
that’s the important thing  
That Boy Is Gay

**park yeollie B)**  
it’s not nice to assume sexuality bark  


**jongdamn**  
he does kinda have a point tho  
RECRUIT HIM

**park yeollie B)**  
i’m working on it!!  
he doesn’t like me :[  


**barkhyun**  
maybe if u didn’t have a sunglasses emoji in ur dn...

**park yeollie B)**  
gasp  


**jongdamn**  
gasp

**park yeollie B)**  
hdu say that abt my sunglasses man  
he’s a part of me  


**barkhyun**  
just sayin  
anyway i gotta go to bed,,, it’s 4am  
gluck

 **jongdamn**  
i love ur sunglasses man  
go to bed bark  
tsk  
i gotta go to class tho

**park yeollie B)**  
this is why i love dae best  
bye losers  


He clicks out of his DMs, opens Kyungsoo’s reply again.

 **park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 it’s beautiful and i love it and also u

Can’t go wrong by just confessing your love a thousand times.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Element has nothing to do with the 2000s boyband LMNT. Obviously. 
> 
> Uhhhh idk what I'm doing but I've been talking about this on twitter recently and people seemed to like it so I'm just gonna wing it I guess?? Updates will come whenever I finish them. :D
> 
> screw u ao3 for not allowing emojis IT WAS BETTER WITH EMOJIS


	2. Chapter 2

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
[fanart] Kiss Me? #lumin #루민 #minseok #luhan #elementfanart  
pic.twitter.com/UwsnTdasFG 

**park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 AAAAAAA THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. your art is always so poignant [clutches chest] i love that Gay Shit. this is amazing. i love u. 

**park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 [tom haverford voice] i’ve been staring at this for 5 hours now

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i only posted it 9 minutes ago…….

Chanyeol clutches his chest. (Again.) “He talked to me,” he says. 

Kris looks at him from across their room. “What?”

“My favourite art senpai,” Chanyeol says. “He said something to me other than ‘ _thanks.’_ ” 

“Oh, him.” Kris turns back to his textbook. Despite not having falling for Element the way Chanyeol wanted him to, Kris is pleasantly willing to listen to Chanyeol ramble about his online friends at every hour of every day, and watch the odd video with him. It’s a pretty good arrangement. Chanyeol pays him back in help reading hangul. “What did he say?”

Chanyeol drums his fingers on the edge of his laptop. “Well. Nothing exceptionally friendly.”

Kris snorts. 

**park yeollie B)** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i was so entranced that it felt like 5 hours *_* i thought time had….stopped…….

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo haha. ty

Chanyeol sighs. “Well. Next time I’ll definitely convince him to be my friend.”

Kris hums vaguely. He’s never believed in Chanyeol. “Why are you so desperate to be his friend, anyway? You don’t even know him.”

“You don’t understand,” Chanyeol tsks, screenshotting the conversation to send to Baekhyun and Jongdae for constructive criticism. “I search far and wide for maybe-gay fanboys to be friends with. And this one seems normal. And nice. I must woo him.”

“For what? To date him?” Kris asks. 

Chanyeol snorts. “No. To be friends. I don’t have to date every maybe-gay boy I meet. It’s just nice to _know a gay boy._ ” He looks up at his roommate. “You’re Asian-Canadian. You should know what it’s like to be a minority.”

Kris purses his lips. “Okay. Fair point.”

Chanyeol grins, starts typing out his message in his _Beagle Bros_ group chat, and hums the chorus of Infinite’s _Be Mine_ to himself. “Now if only I knew a gay boy in real life…” he sighs dramatically. 

“I’m soooo sorry to disappoint you,” Kris says drily. 

Chanyeol laughs and keeps humming. 

It’s been something like two weeks since he first talked to Kyungsoo. He has...not made very much progress since then. Kyungsoo is much more resistant to being wooed than any of Chanyeol’s other online friends were. He became bffs with Baekhyun and Jongdae in something like three hours apiece. But, he figures, there are probably a hundred people trying to become friends with Kyungsoo. Fans love talented fancreators. Chanyeol obviously has to step up his game. 

In the meantime, though, he’s been liking Kyungsoo’s tweets, retweeting anything art-related, commenting on anything he can think of to comment on. Kyungsoo doesn’t post very frequently—never really talks about his personal life or anything—but Chanyeol is dedicated to supporting his every tweet. And especially, of course, the art ones. He aspires to be Kyungsoo’s #1 fan. 

“BE MY FRIEND,” he says, staring at another “ _ **kyungsoo** liked your reply_ ” notification on his phone. He’s out for lunch with Kris now, and a few startled customers are staring at him. 

“I think maybe you’re creeping him out,” Kris tells him gently. “Maybe he thinks you’re a stalker or something.”

Chanyeol slumps, pouts. “But I’m so nice! _I’d_ want to be friends with me.”

“ _You_ want to be friends with anyone who smiles in your general direction. Not everyone is like that, Yeol,” Kris reminds him. 

Chanyeol huffs. “Well, what am I supposed to do, then? Let things happen _naturally?_ ” 

Kris snorts, picking up a piece of kimbap with his chopsticks. “God forbid.”

“Someone’s gotta make the first move,” Chanyeol tells him. 

“You’ve already made the first _fifty_ moves,” Kris says. “Chill a little. You’ll scare him.”

Chanyeol huffs, stuffs the biggest end piece of kimbap into his mouth. 

He’s not sure he’s ever understood the definition of _chill_.

####

Chanyeol, miraculously, manages to remain somewhat lowkey about wooing Kyungsoo until, in early October, Kyungsoo opens up two commission slots.

Chanyeol tries to DM him so fast his Twitter app closes spontaneously and he has to reopen it, heart stuttering.

**park yeollie B)**  
_shared a tweet_  
ME. I WOULD LIKE TO COMMISSION YOU. PICK ME!!  


**kyungsoo**  
ah  
ty ^^

**park yeollie B)**  
did i WIN THE DRAW  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
it’s not a draw  
first come first serve

**park yeollie B)**  
am i first  


**kyungsoo**  
no  
second

**park yeollie B)**  
DAMMIT  
WHO WAS FIRST  


**kyungsoo**  
there are...  
two slots

**park yeollie B)**  
i know but i wanted to be first  
: <  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
well you still get a slot

 

Chanyeol punches the air. This is it. His ticket to befriending Kyungsoo. PLUS he gets some sweet fanart out of it. 

 

 **kyungsoo**  
was there something you wanted me to draw for you?

 

And Chanyeol freezes. He...did not think this far ahead.

**park yeollie B)**  
i...did not think this far ahead  


**kyungsoo**  
haha  
well since i’ll be drawing yours second, you have some time to think about it  
let me know when you have an idea and i’ll do some sketches :3

 

Oh, god. He’s so cute.

**park yeollie B)**  
okay!!!  
i’m so excited wtf  
i love u  


**kyungsoo**  
^^

Chanyeol clicks over to his _Beagle Bros_ group chat.

**park yeollie B)**  
MEN!!  
I;M COMMISSIONING KYUNGSOO TO DRAW ME SMTH  
WHAT SHOULD IT BE???  


**barkhyun**  
YOOOOOOO  
U HAVE THE MONEY FOR THAT?

**park yeollie B)**  
oh shit  
i  


**jongdamn**  
LMAO PARK  
UR SCREWED

**park yeollie B)**  
it’s ok it’s fine i have a little bit of money  
i just won’t eat  
THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT  


**barkhyun**  
u bet ur ass it is  
the great Fanartist Kyungsoo  
what u gonna ask for

 **jongdamn**  
make it super racy

**park yeollie B)**  
i want him to LIKE ME DAE  
also he never draws nsfw stuff  
i would know  


**jongdamn**  
well are u gonna request smth shippy

**park yeollie B)**  
probably  
oh god i’m so nervous  
what if he thinks my request is lame  
what if he thinks i’m a weirdo  


**barkhyun**  
he,,, draws that kinda stuff all the time yeol  
just for fun

**park yeollie B)**  
ah. true.  
what do u think he enjoys drawing  
i want him to see my request and be like *_* a kindred spirit  


**jongdamn**  
ur ridiculous  
just ask him to draw u lumin

 **barkhyun**  
lumin as hogwarts students  
lumin in yoi outfits  
lumin in cozy fall sweaters  
lumin in space

**park yeollie B)**  
GASP  


**jongdamn**  
LUMIN IN SPACE

**park yeollie B)**  
SPACE BOYS LUMIN  


**barkhyun**  
GAY SPACE BOYS!!

**park yeollie B)**  
GAYS IN SPACE!!!!!!  


Chanyeol decides to go with that.

####

The first gay boy Chanyeol ever became friends with was Kim Jongdae, at the tender age of 18.

Element debuted when Chanyeol was 15, long after he figured out he was gay and even after he came out to his parents and friends. But he went to a small-town high school. There was one person in his entire school that he knew of who wasn’t straight, and it was a senior girl who scared Chanyeol. 

By the time he graduated, he was already pretty deep in fandom. He had some online friends. They were...all girls. A couple of LGBT girls, but still girls. And they were great! They were really great. He’s still friends with a few of them now. But they were...girls. 

At the sweet, tender age of 18, as a nervous university freshman, he was introduced by his online friend Sooyoung’s to Jongdae. 

A boy. 

A gay boy. 

And a whole new world opened up to Chanyeol. A world in which...he was not the odd one out. _Finally._ Chanyeol grew up with a dozen things setting him apart from his peers. His blatantly Korean name. His sexuality. His chosen fandom. His gender _within_ that fandom. Even though he always knew he wasn’t the _only_ person with any of those things, sometimes it felt like he was the only person with _all_ of them. 

And he hadn’t even really realized how...difficult that was. For him. He didn’t even really register it until he met Jongdae, and he realized:

He wasn’t alone. Jongdae, bright and bold and _proudly_ a gay Korean fanboy, appeared suddenly in his life, and suddenly Chanyeol could just...relax. He didn’t have to watch his words. He didn’t have to wonder if he was making sense. He didn’t have to wonder if anyone could relate to his experiences. Jongdae, just a thousand miles north of him in Ontario, Canada, was experiencing all the same things. And Chanyeol could just...be. 

Soon after that, Jongdae introduced him to Baekhyun, a bi Korean American from San Francisco. And then Baekhyun introduced him to Jongin. Ace. Korean. Australian. And then Jongin to his friend Sehun. Pan. Korean. Australian. And then Sehun to Zitao. Gay. Chinese. And they could all just _be_. 

And that’s why he’s stuck around in fandom, even though it can be a shitty place and fans are often kind of insane. He’s stuck around because he _needs_ these people. And he thinks maybe they need him. 

Within months, Jongdae and Baekhyun went from being people Chanyeol could share HD pictures with to people who assured him that he was a person worth dating even if he couldn’t find anyone who wanted to date him. They went from being people he could laugh at memes with to people who encouraged him to stay true to himself even if his classmates might think he’s weird. They went from being people he could yell about comebacks with to people who said _Hey, are you alright? Do you need someone to talk to?_

And Chanyeol tries—he tries _really hard_ —to be that person for them, too. As much as they dick around and call each other juvenile names, he really, _really_ tries to be a good friend. Because there’s a _reason_ so many of them are looking for friendship online rather than in real life. There are sometimes _many_ reasons. But the point is, they’re all there— _still_ there—because they found something great there. On fucking...fandom twitter. 

And Chanyeol plans to continue trying to be part of that _something great_. 

“Hello, my good dickbags,” he says to his screen at noon on a Sunday. “How are you this fine, uh. Evening?”

“Tired!” Jongdae says, at 11pm in Mississauga, Ontario. “I can’t believe it took us a whole fucking month to plan this Skype call.”

“I can,” Baekhyun says, at 8pm in San Francisco. “Chanyeol, why did you have to go to Seoul? You messed everything up, now we have to plan around _three_ timezones.”

“Sorry,” Chanyeol says, grinning unapologetically. “I just _had_ to go have all the fun.”

“Yeah, you dick,” Baekhyun mutters. “How many cool fan things have you already done without us?”

“So many,” Chanyeol gushes. “It’s not that fun without a partner, though. I mean, it still is. But it’d be more fun with someone to get hyped with. Did you see my pics from yesterday?”

“I saw it, but I refused to like it out of pure jealousy,” Jongdae sniffs. His desk lamp is glaring off his glasses terribly. He looks like an anime nerd, having a terrifying moment of ruthless genius.

“I didn’t see, what did you do? Dae, do I want to know?” Baekhyun asks. His face is still smudged with paint from some sort of parade he went to with his college friends.

“You don’t want to know,” Jongdae confirms. 

“I dragged Kris with me to Yixing’s restaurant,” Chanyeol says smugly. 

“ _Nooooooo!_ ” Baekhyun wails. “Yeol, how _could_ you? You bastard. I _trusted_ you.”

Chanyeol cackles, steeples his fingers. “It was delicious. I got a picture with his huge standee. And I signed the wall.”

Baekhyun flops dramatically across his bed. “That’s _my_ man, you jerk. I’ll never forgive you for this.”

“I left a note for you,” Chanyeol says, biting back a giggle. “In Korean. _My friend Baekhyun loves you, he thinks you’re totally handsome! Yixing hwaiting!_ ” 

Baekhyun grumbles, pulls himself back upright. “Fine. Forgiven. Did you add my picture to it? Did you give him my KKT ID?”

Chanyeol snorts. “Sorry. Not this time.”

“Go back next week,” Baekhyun mutters. 

“As you wish,” Chanyeol promises, bowing his head solemnly. 

“Alright but did _you guys_ see my _midterm marks?_ ” Jongdae butts in. 

“Bro, I did!” Baekhyun yells immediately. “90’s across the board, baby! I showed them to my roommate.”

Jongdae laughs, ducks his head bashfully. “I studied my ass off for those.”

“You did,” Baekhyun agrees. “I knew you’d crush ‘em.”

“I didn’t see them,” Chanyeol moans. “I miss everything now. I’m always sleeping when you guys are doing stuff.”

“ _Across the board_ , Yeol,” Baekhyun tells him. “We’re friends with a genius.”

Jongdae pushes his glasses up his nose. Anime nerd. “Aw, stop,” he says, grinning. 

“That’s awesome, Dae. Can’t wait until you save the goddamn world or something,” Chanyeol says. 

Jongdae sighs. “I wish my parents reacted the same way as you guys.”

“We’re your parents now,” Baekhyun says gravely. “I’ll hype you up on _demand_ , buddy. Watch me.”

Jongdae grins. “You already do.”

“Speaking of sons,” Chanyeol interjects, “has anyone heard from Jongin recently? I feel like he hasn’t tweeted in like...weeks.”

“He’s always doing that,” Baekhyun says with a frown. “Has Sehun said anything?”

“I don’t think so,” Chanyeol huffs. 

“I’ll check,” Jongdae says, fingers flying over his keyboard. “Dang, yeah, Nini hasn’t said anything since mid-September. And his last tweets were...not very cheery.” 

“Exactly,” Chanyeol sighs. “That’s why I’m more concerned that I’d usually be. Should we check in with Sehun?”

“I’ll do it,” Baekhyun says. “Yeol, you wanna DM Jongin? Just, you know, ask him how he is and stuff. Say we miss him. Don’t make it sound like you’re interrogating him. He’s sensitive.”

“I know,” Chanyeol says, opening his DMs in a separate window. “I just know he wasn’t having a great time in university. But maybe he’s just busy. You know how hard he is on himself.”

“My son,” Jongdae sighs. 

“Message sent,” Chanyeol announces. “What time is it in Sydney?”

“Mmmmm, like 1pm?” Baekhyun says, tapping away again. “Sunday, so he should be home.”

“Let us know if he says anything, Yeol,” Jongdae says. “I’d like to know he’s still breathing.”

“I think Sehun would have said something if he was _dead_ , Dae,” Baekhyun snorts. 

“Shush. I’m a worrier,” Jongdae sniffs. 

“MomDae,” Baekhyun coos. 

“Dads can worry, too!” Jongdae says. “JongDad.”

“Children, please,” Chanyeol says, grinning. “Let’s focus on keeping our family together.”

“Speaking of our family,” Baekhyun says, “how’s the new recruit coming along?”

Chanyeol grimaces. For once, he’d like to have _good news._

He’s going to wrangle Kyungsoo into being loved and supported by his motley crew of excitable gay fanboys if it _kills him._

####

The best and most wonderful thing about spending all his money on an art commission is this: after Chanyeol explains what he wants in very general terms and assures Kyungsoo that anything he draws will be fantastic and mind-blowing but _can they please have their Metamorphosis era hairstyles?_ Kyungsoo says something incredible.

 **kyungsoo**  
oh yeah those were their best hairstyles  
100%  
best comeback tbh

Chanyeol bubbles with giddy excitement.

**space boy yeollie**  
WASN’T IT???  
omg i’m glad i’m not the only one who thinks so  
take me back is their BEST SONG  
those vague homoerotic undertones  
[kisses fingers like an italian chef]  


**kyungsoo**  
there are a few b-sides i like even better but  
you’re right. DEFINITELY best title track.  
“this song is about friendship” ok yixing

He’s making jokes. Chanyeol thinks Kyungsoo is _making jokes_. This is the most exciting thing that’s happened to him all week.

**space boy yeollie**  
OK YIXING  
i think the chinese ver was less gay  
that’s what my friend zitao was saying  
v disappointing  


**kyungsoo**  
tragic  
it was the best comeback for styling too  
minseok’s pink hair  
lu han’s sparkly eye makeup

**space boy yeollie**  
minseok,,,, the most beautiful man in the world  
i saw the face of god that day  
his lil vest and stuff,,, space smuggler aesthetic  
minseok solo  
wait no. that doesn’t work. han...minseok….  
he lookED LIKE HAN SOLO  


**kyungsoo**  
minseok solo  
another dream of mine

Chanyeol’s heart thumps with how exciting this is. Kyungsoo. _Talking to him._ He thinks he’s going to tear up.

**space boy yeollie**  
SAME  
is he ur bias?  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah  
yours?

**space boy yeollie**  
HELLZ YEAH  
since debut,,,, when he was soft and round  
he was beautiful then and he is beautiful now  
cute and smol…..My Type  


**kyungsoo**  
same

Somehow—confusingly—Chanyeol’s heart drops a little. Which is dumb. It doesn’t matter to him what Kyungsoo’s type is. He’s not— He doesn’t have a _real crush_ on him. He just has, like. A fan crush. It’s different. He doesn’t get sad when Minseok says his ideal type is [whatever whatever, probably something feminine]. HE DOESN’T. 

**kyungsoo**  
you’ve been around since debut?

And Chanyeol forgets, for now, about the ideal type thing. Because THIS. This is important. Kyungsoo is _asking him questions_. Kyungsoo is _interested in him._

Chanyeol is going to recruit him, once and for all.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second installment comes quicker than expected bc so many people said such nice things that i got REAL EXCITED. thank you TT <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (for those of you who can't read hangul, i added little translations at the bottom!)

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
[FA] give hug?? #element #elementfanart #imalive  
pic.twitter.com/HskYdkBwks

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@nini_draws NINI UR BACK!!! SO SCHOOL DIDN’T SWALLOW U WHOLE. also wtf this is so cute. how to RT multiple times. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@nini_draws NINI!!!!! I MISSED U. and hdu come back w the cutest kids!au fanart to ever grace this cruel earth. this cleared my skin & watered my crops.

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@nini_draws this is so…. fucking cute……. jm’s lil sweater paws wow. i’m cryin forreal. also welcome back my son i missed you.

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing @thundaboi lol thanks guys ^////^ i just took a little break from studying to doodle this :3

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing @thundaboi how did you all reply so quick tho…. shouldn’t some of you be asleep…..

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@nini_draws @yeoloooooo @byun_xing lmao as if we don’t have ur tweets on notification….. our Best Son

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @nini_draws @byun_xing how’re u doing, bud? school still giving u a rough time?

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi @byun_xing i’m surviving!! ^^;; it’s getting….better. semester 2 has just been. stressful. 

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@nini_draws @yeoloooooo @byun_xing yeah, that happened to me first year too. i’m glad ur doing better now!! ^3^

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo @byun_xing thanks guys :’)

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@nini_draws @thundaboi @yeoloooooo hey uhhhhh nini i love u and i’m glad ur doing better but it’s 5am pls untag me so i can sLEEP A BIT MORE,,,,,,

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo hehe,, sorry bark

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@nini_draws cute! your linework is really clean, and i love the colours you used for this. your style is really cute. 

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
@dks_0112 owo thank you!! i don’t think we’ve met— i’m jongin!

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@nini_draws we haven’t~ i’m kyungsoo

Chanyeol stares in awe and horror at the conversation now taking place on his tline. He clicks, almost too scared to even look, on Jongin’s profile. 

_7 Followers you know_

Twitter user @dks_0112 is newly among them. 

“What the!” he says, offended. “Kris! Come look at this!”

Kris groans from across the room. They both got home fairly early from classes today, and Chanyeol has just now remembered that Kris said he was going to take a nap before supper. “What?”

“Never mind,” Chanyeol says quickly, and clicks on his DMs.

**space boy yeollie**  
KIM JONGIN!!  
DID MY ULTIMATE ARTIST SENPAI KYUNGSOO REALLY JUST FOLLOW U  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
it would appear so? i didn’t know he was ur...senpai  
can he be a senpai if u are not also an artist?

**space boy yeollie**  
of all the cruel and disrespectful things,,,  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
i didn’t know ;A;  
i’m sorry  
?

**space boy yeollie**  
no not u  
u are perfect and i love u  
the WORLD is cruel and disrespectful  
to me  
i’ve been trying to become friends with kyungsoo for months……  
and now...he speaks to you of his own free will….  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
it’s probably bc i’m a fanartist too…  
oh i recognize his art :0  
he’s so good

**space boy yeollie**  
I KNOW HE IS  
I CALLED HIM FIRST  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
chanyeol……  
not everyone wants to be friends with everyone  
he probably has like 50 ppl trying to be his friend  
just bc he draws well

**space boy yeollie**  
i know TT  
i just want him to be part of our cool fanboys posse  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
sometimes u just have to  
let these things happen  
my friend

**space boy yeollie**  
hUFFS  
well maybe u can recruit him then  
SINCE HE OBVIOUSLY LIKES YOU MORE THAN ME…  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
i’m only online like  
once a week

**space boy yeollie**  
fine! forget it! i will recruit him  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
sorry…..

**space boy yeollie**  
no no i am joking  
i’m not mad at u nini  
u are wonderful and ofc he likes u  
but since u are a busy hard-working boy  
i must seduce him with my charms  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
lolol good luck  
i support u  
he seems nice ^^

**space boy yeollie**  
i kNOW  
sigh  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
but if he doesn’t want to be friends don’t keep bothering him  
that’s not nice

**space boy yeollie**  
ok T^T  
but i think he’s warming up to me!!  
we talked about our fandom histories and stuff  
we’re practically acquaintances now  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
lololol  
good luck  
ilu 형

**space boy yeollie**  
ilu too baby bro  


Secretly, Chanyeol is a little relieved that Jongin won’t be taking over his place as Main Recruiter. At least not this time. Chanyeol really...he wants to convince Kyungsoo to be his friend on his own terms. Because he _likes_ Chanyeol. He was joking about seducing Kyungsoo with his charms, but also...he wasn’t, entirely.

He just wants Kyungsoo to fall for him, alright? As friends. Is that such a weird thing to wish for?

####

“Hey, Chanyeol— What are you doing on my bed?”

Chanyeol sighs, rolls over to watch Kris struggle through the door with a huge box in his arms. “I was lying in my own bed, but somehow that felt more pathetic.”

“How could lying in your own bed feel more pathetic than lying in your roommate’s?” Kris asks, cocking one eyebrow. 

“I was hoping for comfort. It didn’t work.” Chanyeol sighs again, sits up. 

“What do you keep sighing about?” Kris sets down the box on his desk, over top of his laptop and notebooks. 

“I don’t know.” Chanyeol sighs a third time. “I think I’m getting homesick.”

“We’ve only been here a month and a half,” Kris says. “Don’t get homesick now.” 

Chanyeol groans. “I miss my sister,” he says pitifully. “I miss my parents. I miss my dog. I miss dipping my pizza crusts in ranch dressing.”

“That’s disgusting,” Kris says. 

“It’s not!” Chanyeol insists. “Everyone does it, Kris.” He huffs, lies back across his roommate’s bed. “No one gives me hugs out here.”

“I would offer, but I think that’d be awkward for both of us,” Kris says. 

“All I can do is look at pictures of soft boys,” Chanyeol says, gazing balefully across the room at his Shrine Wall. “My only comfort.”

“You’re making me depressed,” Kris says. “Anyway, this was in the mail pick-up for you. I brought it up at great personal risk to myself.”

Immediately, Chanyeol is up and across the room, looking down at the box on Kris’ desk. “Oh my god!” he says. “Mail! For me?”

“Your name’s on it,” Kris says with a shrug. 

Chanyeol carries it to his bed, inspects the label. “It’s from Baekhyun,” he says, grinning. 

“He has your mailing address out here?” Kris says incredulously. 

Chanyeol laughs. “No.”

The box is open within minutes, despite having to cut open the tape with the flat end of a chopstick. He pries the flaps open and yelps. “No!”

“What?” Kris says, half-startled, half-amused. 

“Those bastards!” He lifts out a bottle of ranch dressing. 

“Oh, gross,” Kris mutters. 

Chanyeol laughs giddily. “Oh, god, I love him.” He reaches in again, pulls out a package of peanut butter cups. 

“If you eat those with that ranch, I’ll have to murder you,” Kris tells him. 

“Okay, that really _is_ gross.” He pulls out a few other American foodstuffs—Kraft Dinner mac and cheese, pop-tarts, a package of beef jerky. And then two little stuffed toys—a tiny Minseok in an earthbending outfit, and a tiny Lu Han with deer antlers. 

“Are you crying?” Kris asks. 

“They’re so cute,” Chanyeol sniffles. 

At the bottom of the box, Chanyeol pulls out a sheaf of papers. 

_Chanyeol!_ reads the first one. _We finally pulled together a care package for you! It took this long because we had to first write a letter to Yura to ask for your new mailing address so it would be a surprise, and then it took a zillion years to get everyone’s letters and contributions in and to collect the money to mail it to you. Hahaha. But here it is! I donated the LuMin dolls. Because I thought maybe you would feel lonely and need someone to cuddle at night uwu. And because I have….too many dolls…. BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. Take care of them for me, okay?_

Chanyeol skips to the bottom of the page. The letter is signed _Baekhyun, Best Beagle Bro._

The second letter is from Jongdae. _I contributed the ranch dressing, you’re welcome._ Signed, _Jongdae, #1 Dad Friend._

The third is from Sehun, who sent the mac and cheese. Signed, _Sehunnie, who loves you._

The fourth is from Jongin, who paid for the peanut butter cups and sent a sheet of stickers. Signed, _Your best 동생, Nini._

The fifth is from Sooyoung, Chanyeol’s and Jongdae’s mutual friend, who sent the pop-tarts. Signed, _Sooyoung, Obligatory Female Friend <3_

The sixth is from Zitao, who paid for the beef jerky. Signed, _Huang Zitao, Rich Friend Who Donated The Most Money._

Chanyeol sniffles some more, pins all six letters up above his desk, covering his Element pictures carelessly. All of them have the same general message, each in their own way. _We love you, we’re proud of you, kick some ass, change the world, we’re cheering for you._ Chanyeol has never loved his friends so much in his whole damn life. 

“You’re just going to school,” Kris says, peeking at them over his shoulder. “You’re not, like, joining the army.”

Chanyeol elbows him gently. “It was hard for me to make the decision to study abroad,” he says. “They’re just being wonderful, supportive friends.”

“Damn,” Kris says. He looks at all the gifts Chanyeol received, spread out across his bed or still clutched in his arms. “They really are...your actual, real friends.”

Chanyeol chuckles wetly. It’s not the first time someone assumed his online friends were...less than real, somehow. That they couldn’t possibly be his friends, when they’d never met each other face to face. His mom had said it a thousand times. _Go hang out with your_ real _friends. You have_ real _friends, Chanyeol, why do you need these ones?_

Chanyeol’s _real_ friends have barely taken the time to shoot him a 20-word email since he left North America. 

“I need to send them a mass message to thank them,” Chanyeol says, moving to his bed and tucking his Earthbender Minseok into his lap carefully. “Excuse me while I cry a little.”

Kris grins, pats his shoulder supportively. “No problem, dude.”

Chanyeol sighs happily, blows his nose, and gets ready to send a thousand emojis.

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
tfw ur friends love and supprt u….. :’)

####

Two days after the Great Mail Fiasco, Chanyeol sighs, sits back, cracks his knuckles, and then clicks on his DM conversation with Kyungsoo. He really _has_ laid off on his attempts to actively befriend Kyungsoo. Since they talked about how they got into k-pop and specifically Element, a week ago now, Chanyeol hasn’t really said much to him, other than one or two replies to tweets that didn’t really require a response. He’s been lowkey! And afraid of scaring Kyungsoo off, honestly. Or creeping him out with his obvious desperation, more likely. Chanyeol has been told, once or twice, that he comes on too strong.

 _Don’t ask him to be friends,_ Baekhyun had told him—he knew these things, as a moderately popular fanfiction writer. _Let him think he came up with the idea on his own._

Chanyeol sighs. His entire life, he’s made friends by saying, “HI, LET’S BE FRIENDS.”

But then again...Chanyeol never had that many friends in real life.

**space boy yeollie**  
hey!! i was just wondering how the arting was going ^^  
NOT THAT I’M RUSHING YOU  
i’m just genuinely curious how the process goes  
take as long as you need….. obviously  


**kyungsoo**  
hi~  
it’s going ok  
i’m still working on the first commissioner’s art  
but i drew a little preliminary sketch for yours to nail down the outfit design  
pic.twitter.com/JdsRskXkdjs

**space boy yeollie**  
DUDE!!!!!  
OMG??  
like i was already HYPED  
but now i am  
that exploding brain meme  
transcendental  


**kyungsoo**  
haha  
you like it?

**space boy yeollie**  
I LOVE IT  
i love their CLOTHES. i love their HAIR.  
i love YOU…..  
for drawing this  
thank you  


**kyungsoo**  
this isn’t even the actual art yet….  
this is just character design……

**space boy yeollie**  
don’t, i’ll get too excited and pass out  
ok i’m exaggerating a TINY BIT but i really am super pumped  
i’ve been admiring your art for a long time now  
so to get an art of my own  
i’m emo  


**kyungsoo**  
thank you  
i’m glad you’re excited

**space boy yeollie**  
btw...i feel like i never introduced myself properly?  
i’m chanyeol  


**kyungsoo**  
i know. it’s on your profile.  
i’m kyungsoo. obviously.

“Shit,” Chanyeol whispers, cheeks warming. “I knew I should have changed that.”

**space boy yeollie**  
oh ^^;; u saw that  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah. when you commissioned me.

**space boy yeollie**  
time to  
die  


**kyungsoo**  
haha. it’s not that bad.

(Chanyeol thought it was funny right up until this very moment.)

**space boy yeollie**  
orz  
anyway i should go do some homework  
thanks for showing me the sketch!!  
i’m really excited  


**kyungsoo**  
np~

Chanyeol sighs heavily, clicks away to an essay he’s been trying to write for several days now. He’s been too busy doing exciting new things in Seoul during all his free time. Yesterday he visited the locations where Element shot their debut music video. Kris made fun of him for tearing up. It was awesome. 

He’s just about to _really_ get down to work when his phone pings with a notification. 

“I’ll just check this really quick—” he mutters, swiping the screen open when he sees it’s a twitter notif. 

**kyungsoo** liked your Tweet · 8s

Chanyeol blinks. Kyungsoo liked his tweet. Not a reply. A _tweet._

It’s Chanyeol’s most recent tweet, in fact. A tweet he tweeted less than an hour ago, commenting on Minseok’s airport fashion from the previous day, which was, in his own exact words, ‘ _a blessing straight from the gods, to me, personally._ ’ 

(It was a big sweater over little shorts. Chanyeol always likes big sweaters and little shorts.)

Kyungsoo liked his tweet, which means either Kyungsoo is on his profile, or—

Or, potentially, it popped up on his tline because one of their mutual friends liked it. 

God _dammit_ Jongin. 

Another notification pops up. Automatically, Chanyeol clicks on it. 

**kyungsoo** followed you · 2s

Chanyeol smacks his phone down on his desk. “ _Shit,_ ” he hisses, picking it back up again. “Shit, okay. Not broken. Holy _shit_.” He opens his Twitter app again. “ _Holy shit._ ” 

Kris makes a grumpy sound from his bed. He’s gotten very fond of mid-afternoon naps suddenly.

“Oh my god,” Chanyeol says. “Holy fucking shit. Screenshot, you piece of— Oh, god. Is this real life?” 

“Mmmjfdjsk,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol forgets that he even _has_ an essay to write.

**space boy yeollie**  
pic.twitter.com/HksTpwYuCs  
men  
the wait is over  
i reign victorious  


**barkhyun**  
OH MY GOD YEOL  
YOU’VE DONE IT

**space boy yeollie**  
I FUCKING KNOW  
YOU GUYS!!!!!  
I’VE!! DONE IT!!!!!  


**jongdamn**  
o hmy godf  
i fr got to turnn foff my phoen  
its 4an u asholes

 **barkhyun**  
CONGRATULATE CHANYEOL U DICK  
HE’S ACHIEVED GREATNESS

**jongdamn**  
tmrrw i kill u  
congrat

**barkhyun**  
pmsl  
seriously tho  
CONGRATS

**space boy yeollie**  
HELLZ YEAH!!!  
WE’RE MUTUALS NOW  
THAT MAKES US FRIENDS  


**barkhyun**  
considering he follows like 15 other people total  
u have been Chosen  
a high honour

**space boy yeollie**  
I FUCKIN KNOW  
i only just told him my nAME today  
and he already knew it  
from my profile  


**barkhyun**  
he’s been looking at ur profile?  
boiiiiiii

**space boy yeollie**  
when i commissioned him  
oh god my profile is so embarrassing tho  
WAIT WHAT’S MY PINNED TWEET RN  


**barkhyun**  
HAHAHAHAHAHA

**space boy yeollie**  
nOOOOOOOO  
NOOOOOOOOOOOO  


**barkhyun**  
oh god  
it’s still the pic of u and the,, goddamn ferret

**space boy yeollie**  
IT WAS FUNNY UNTIL NOW  
K ILL ME  


**barkhyun**  
it’s not even like  
a cute childhood pic  
Ultimate Dork Years  
i’m sorry

**space boy yeollie**  
this is the Worst thing that has ever happened to me  
why do i tweet so much trash????  
time to delete my entire account  


**barkhyun**  
this is a beautiful day :’)

**space boy yeollie**  
ur fired  
i wish jongdae was awake  
JONGDAE UR MY BEST FRIEND  
PLS DO KILL BARK WHEN U AWAKEN  


**barkhyun**  
sorry buddy it’s just me  
here to laugh at u :)))

**space boy yeollie**  
baek :(((  
im embarrassed  
also idk what to do now?? do i say smth to him???  
like “thanks for following” or????  


**barkhyun**  
idk i don’t usually make the first move  
and if i do it’s like “HEY WE DON’T KNOW E/O BUT U SEEM COOL”

**space boy yeollie**  
yeah i’m not gonna do that  
sfhskjfbjdksfjsk  
this is the worst  


**barkhyun**  
ur the one who wanted to be friends w him  
just be urself dear :)

**space boy yeollie**  
being myself got me NOWHERE FAST  
baek i wanted him to like me T~~T  


**barkhyun**  
lmaoooo  
it’s a picture yeol  
an unflattering one, but still just a picture  
if he’s really gonna unfriend u for that,,,,  
ditch him

**space boy yeollie**  
:(((  
idk what to do  


**barkhyun**  
idk either. let him make the next move?

**space boy yeollie**  
so just ignore that he’s followed me?  


**barkhyun**  
dunno  
guess so  
it’s 1am i’m too tired for this

**space boy yeollie**  
if this backfires on me  
i’m kicking u out of the beagle bros  


**barkhyun**  
u can;t  
i’m a beagle  
once a beagle always a beagle

**space boy yeollie**  
i’ll replace u with nini  
he’s puppy enough  


**barkhyun**  
u love me  
i’m going to bed  
good luck romeo

**space boy yeollie**  
I’M gonna need it  
goodnight bark  


Chanyeol spends the next hour deleting embarrassing tweets and waiting for Kyungsoo to interact with him again. He doesn’t. Honestly, as far as Chanyeol can tell, he’s not even online. (Chanyeol can’t relate.) (Unless Kyungsoo is asleep. Chanyeol doesn’t know what timezone he’s in.)

He clicks on Kyungsoo’s profile, stares at his minimalist bio, scrolls through his most recent tweets. Chanyeol has already liked all of them. 

“He’s probably asleep,” he reassures himself. 

He puts his phone down. Nods. Picks it back up and checks again even though he doesn’t have any new notifications. 

“Okay,” he says, and puts it back down. “This is fine. He’s just...asleep.”

It takes him another hour before he finally convinces himself to work on that essay. 

He’s too busy thinking up non-embarrassing things to tweet.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 형 - hyung (i'm assuming yall know this one)  
> 동생 - dongsaeng (younger sibling)
> 
> not all of the boys speak korean, but chankai both do, so they occasionally refer to each other as hyung/dongsaeng. if there's ever korean in the fic, i'll include translations! but there won't be a lot. 
> 
> ANYWAY ANOTHER QUICK UPDATE. i'm having too much fun. sorry for not replying to comments first, i'll do that now!


	4. Chapter 4

“Wow, Park, how long did it take you to pick out _that_ outfit?”

Chanyeol grins as he climbs up the last of the subway stairs towards Wendy, a friend from class, and holds out the hem to show off the bold, obvious Element logo on the front. It’s conspicuous as hell--their last comeback, _Unity_ , was gaudy as fuck. Chanyeol loves it. “Joke’s on you, my wardrobe is entirely made up of Element shirts, and it took me ages to choose the perfect one for today.”

Wendy scoffs. “At least I have a _little_ shame,” she says, and pulls her button-down open to reveal a familiar little logo on the shoulder. 

“I’m not ashamed at all,” Chanyeol says loftily. “We Element fans are loud and proud.”

Wendy laughs, and the two of them head for the correct subway exit. “I’m starting to regret telling you I like Renegade.”

Chanyeol grins. “I mean, they’re not Element, but they’re alright, which makes you alright by association.”

“ _Alright_ ,” Wendy scoffs good-naturedly. 

Chanyeol snickers, bumps her hip, and leads the two of them out onto the streets of Myeongdong, one of Seoul’s major shopping districts. Chanyeol’s been before--obviously--but never with a fellow k-pop fan. He met Wendy weeks ago, at school, but only recently did she approach him after class and admit, after seeing Chanyeol’s Element hoodie, that she’s actually a fan of one of Element’s biggest rivals in the industry, popular boyband _Renegade_. Both had been slightly wary at first--their chosen fandoms don’t tend to get along--but after realizing they were both sane, rational people, they really hit it off. Chanyeol likes Renegade well enough, and Wendy has a poorly-hidden crush on Joonmyun, so it all works out. 

“Nature Republic first,” Chanyeol declares, because there’s an enormous one right by the subway station, and because Element has been endorsing it for a solid year now. 

“Do you even wear makeup?” Wendy sniggers. 

“I don’t need to wear makeup to admire pretty photoshopped faces staring at me from every corner of the building,” Chanyeol says, ushering her inside and grinning at the girl at the door handing out little promotional packages of tissues with Element’s faces on them. 

“Well, you’d look cute. Anyway, I think there are standees or something upstairs?” Wendy says, trailing her fingertips over a selection of lip glosses. 

“There are, I already took selfies with them last time I was here,” Chanyeol says. “Let’s go, I have to go propose to the Minseok one.”

The store is playing Element songs on repeat, and Chanyeol hums along to the words, bobbing his head, guiding Wendy by the shoulders towards the back stairs of the building. 

“Am I not allowed to browse?” Wendy asks, stopping forcefully to swatch a shimmery red-pink eyeshadow on the back of her hand. 

Chanyeol watches the way the overhead lights reflect off the pressed powder on her skin. “What?”

“Hmm?” Wendy turns towards him again, catches his gaze. She holds out her hand. “It’s pretty, right?” 

Chanyeol blinks, shrugs. “No browsing until you take a picture of me being taller than the Minseok standee,” he says, urging her onwards. “Also I need to get one of you with Joonmyun so I can expose you to all your friends.”

“Uhhh, my friends literally don’t care what boybands I like, and especially not which boys I like within those boybands,” Wendy says, putting the eyeshadows down and letting him tug her along. 

“Not even your Renegade fan friends?” Chanyeol asks. 

Wendy shrugs. “Don’t really have any. Just me and my sister, and I know a girl from my dance class back home that likes them.”

Chanyeol gasps. “Wendy! You’re missing out on a world of potential! _I_ could hook you up with some friends online.”

Wendy shrugs, following him up the stairs. “Are they really that great?”

“They can be,” Chanyeol confirms. “Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. Just you wait.”

Wendy rolls her eyes. “Alright, then.”

“I’m gonna hook you up with some Element fangirls,” Chanyeol says, grinning. “Convert you.”

Wendy hums. “Are they cute?”

Chanyeol glances back at her. “Do you like girls?”

Wendy smiles, shrugs again. “Sure, if they’re cute.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol says. “I’ll see what I can do.”

They make it to the top floor, find the corner where there are Element standees tucked away for everyone’s viewing pleasure. Chanyeol cracks up looking at them, then gets Wendy to take a few pictures for him on his phone, and takes a few of her, and then a few selfies of both of them with the standees behind them. It’s ridiculous. Chanyeol has a blast. 

He finally lowers his phone when he hears tittering, and sees a gaggle of Korean school girls peeking at them. “ _Look_ ,” one of them says to her friends, “ _he’s here with his girlfriend but he’s the one that’s a fan_.” 

They must have heard him and Wendy speaking to each other in English, because they don’t even try to be quiet. “ _She’s not my girlfriend,_ ” he says in easy, if accented, Korean. _I don’t want a girlfriend_ , is what he wants to say. _Not every boy wants a girlfriend. “We’re both fans._ ” 

The girls blush, huddle, giggle. “ _Are you an Aether oppa?_ ” one asks. 

Chanyeol bites back a grimace at the fan name. He’s always thought it was corny. “ _Yeah_ ,” he says anyway. 

His answer sets off another round of giggles. “ _Which oppa is your favourite?_ ” the same girl asks. She can’t be older than fourteen.

“ _Minseokkie-hyung,_ ” Chanyeol answers. “ _My friend likes Joonmyun._ ” 

It’s cool, Chanyeol thinks as the girls all tell him their biases--one Lu Han, two Joonmyuns, a Yixing--to meet other fans, just randomly on the streets. It really is. Chanyeol never had this experience in his hometown. No one in his hometown even _knew_ about k-pop.

It is less cool, however, when most of the fans he meets--the people who point to his shirts and ask him if he’s a fan and who he likes best--are young, practically pre-pubescent girls. Most of the girls in this store, buying makeup with their oppas’ faces on them, aren’t even old enough to wear makeup at school yet. 

Chanyeol loves going out, loves seeing his boys around the city, loves seeing fans all over the place, but _damn_. It sure does make him feel out of place. And that’s without them knowing he’s gay. They never assume he’s gay.

“Am I a weird loser?” he asks Wendy as they stop at the eyeshadow counter again on their way out. “Am I in the wrong-est fandom? I suddenly feel like a pathetic creep kind of person.”

“It’s not like the _boys_ are younger than you, Chanyeol,” Wendy says. “If the people you were a _fan of_ were school-age girls, I would be concerned. But they’re not.” She picks up a silver-blue shadow.

Chanyeol sighs. “Still. Suddenly I feel like I’m too old for this. And too...male.” Then he adds, “Don’t get that one, the red was prettier.”

“I’ll find you some _ahjussi_ fans to talk to, then,” Wendy laughs. She picks up the red-pink shadow from earlier and lets Chanyeol swatch it on his hand. “Maybe that’ll make you feel better.”

Chanyeol smiles, shrugs, and tries to forget about it. Wendy’s right. It’s a little _weird_ , maybe, but it’s not _wrong_. 

“Did you want to buy this?” Wendy asks, holding up the eyeshadow. 

“Me?” Chanyeol blinks. “No, I. I don’t wear makeup.”

“You could, though,” Wendy says. “You said you liked it.”

Chanyeol shrugs, scratches the back of his head. “I don’t know. Nah.”

Wendy looks at him for a moment, then shrugs. “Alright, I’ll get it. You’re right. It’s a good colour.”

They’re heading back to the dorms an hour later, sharing Chanyeol’s earbuds, when a girl that must be nine looks at him from the opposite side of the subway car and says, “ _Ahjussi, do you like Minseok-oppa?_ ” 

Chanyeol blanches, putting down the Minseok fan he bought last week as a joke and was just showing Wendy. “Oh, god,” he mutters. “ _I’m_ an ahjussi fan.” 

Wendy laughs and laughs, and the little girl’s mom takes her hand and tells her not to talk to strangers (and, hopefully, not to call twenty-year-old boys _ahjussi_ ), and Chanyeol chuckles along, but secretly, he feels kind of like dying. Is this his fate? To be part of a fandom where the average age is twelve? Is he like those dudes who like My Little Pony unironically? 

Twenty minutes later, he’s shuffling into his room, sighing and flopping onto his bed. 

Kris looks up from his desk, typing away at something steadily. “Hey, welcome back. How was your date?”

“Hah hah,” Chanyeol says. “That doesn’t work when you’re gay.”

“Party pooper,” Kris says. “Not fun? You’re not usually this moody when you come back from socializing. That’s my job.”

Chanyeol quirks a small smile, rolls over to pull out his phone and open his Twitter app. “It was just crowded,” he says distractedly. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
tfw a 14yo girl asks who ur bias is but it feels like an insult. suddenly i feel like a weirdo? i just love them….. let me live little girl

“How’s your online romance going?” Kris asks. “You haven’t mentioned that in a while.”

“Huh? Oh, I’ve been avoiding him,” Chanyeol says, scrolling through his tline. Wendy sends him a selfie on kakaotalk showing off the eyeshadow she bought. It’s really _is_ pretty.

“What? _Why?_ ” 

Chanyeol sighs, sends Wendy some heart eyes emojis. “Baekhyun thought maybe I should let him make the first move.”

“So...you’ve just been ignoring him, now that he’s finally followed you back or whatever.”

“...Yes,” Chanyeol says, suddenly feeling like that is the wrong answer. 

Kris turns his gaze skyward, like he’s asking the heavens for patience. “Chanyeol. You’re truly terrible at this.”

“I _know_ ,” Chanyeol groans. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“How are you so terrible at this? You have lots of online friends that you have obviously not failed with like this,” Kris says, shaking his head. 

“I don’t know! I’ve never put this much thought and effort into it before and it’s all going badly!” Chanyeol says pitifully, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in his pillow. 

Kris snorts, his chair squeaking as he turns back to his desk. “Go find something to say to him. He probably thinks you don’t want to be friends with him now.” His fingers clack over his keyboard, and Chanyeol hears him mutter, “ _Avoiding him_. God.” 

Chanyeol whines, then picks up his face so he can find Kyungsoo’s profile and scroll through his most recent tweets. 

His latest tweet is a WIP Chanyeol hasn’t seen yet, a half-drawn comic strip in a sketchbook obviously being balanced on his lap. Chanyeol’s thumb hovers automatically over the _like_ button before he even reads the caption. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
even if the average person on a seoul bus can’t read your comic, they can still see that it’s about boys kissing, kyungsoo…

Chanyeol gapes. “Holy shit,” he whispers, and taps the _reply_ speech bubble frantically. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 DUDE I’M IN SEOUL TOO!! WE SHOULD MEET UP??? 

He has to wait four agonizing minutes for a reply. “He’s in Seoul,” he babbles to Kris, practically vibrating on his bed. “We could be _real life friends_ , like I don’t have to be struggling to talk to him on the _internet_ , I could just _know him—_ ” 

His phone vibrates. Chanyeol thumbs open the notification hastily. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo maybe~

Elation drains from Chanyeol’s body like water out of a sink. “What did I do wrong?” he moans. 

“Why, what did he say?” Kris asks. “Shot you down?”

“ _Worse_ ,” Chanyeol says. “Passive rejection. The worst kind of weenie passive rejection you can get. The infamous _maybe._ ” 

“Maybe’s not a no, though?” Kris says. 

“I _know_ ,” Chanyeol says, flopping down on his bed, arms spread. “It’s a pity response! He has no plans to ever meet up with me, but he doesn’t want to sound like an asshole, so he says _maybe_. This is a rejection, Kris. I _have_ been shot down, and I can’t even be offended about it, because he didn’t technically say _no_.”

Kris turns in his chair to stare at him. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a little dramatic?”

“Never,” Chanyeol lies. 

He sulks for a while after that, briefly considers leaving fandom forever, more seriously considers giving up on this whole recruitment thing. Kyungsoo doesn’t like him. Chanyeol’s probably just annoying him at this point. 

And then his phone goes off again. Chanyeol picks it up, thumbs open the notification. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo there are many kinds of bad fans, but you’re not one of them. and consider this: at least you’re not mistaken for a fellow middle schooler

For a second, Chanyeol doesn’t even know what it’s a response to. He has to click on it, scroll up to see his tweet about the girl at Nature Republic. And then he has to scroll back down to make sure he’s read that correctly. That _Kyungsoo_ is _talking to him_. 

_Unprompted._

“Kris, what do I do?” Chanyeol says frantically. “Kyungsoo’s talking to me?”

“What, for fun?” Kris asks. “I thought he didn’t like you.”

“So did I?” Chanyeol says, voice rising. “I’m getting mixed signals! I’m excited but also still reeling from rejection!”

Kris sighs. “Leave me out of this. I’m giving up on you.”

“I don’t know if he wants to be friends or if he just feels sorry for rejecting me!” Chanyeol says desperately, refreshing his notifications compulsively. 

“Just— No, no. Not getting involved,” Kris says, obstinately facing away from him. 

Chanyeol screenshots both conversations--Kyungsoo’s rejection to his proposition, and Kyungsoo’s little piece of encouragement--and posts them on his Beagle Bros group chat. “Dammit,” he says. “No one’s awake yet to give me advice.”

“How about you just act like a normal person?” Kris deadpans. “Give that a try for once.”

“I’m a 20-year-old gay fanboy, Kris!” Chanyeol tells him. “I’m not a normal person!”

Kris snickers, and Chanyeol takes a few deep, calming breaths. He clicks on Kyungsoo’s reply. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 haha. yeah ^^;;

[delete draft]

“You idiot, Yeol, at least give him something to work with,” Chanyeol mutters, staring hard at Kyungsoo’s reply. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 I’m definitely not a middle schooler

[delete draft]

“Oh my god, no,” he tells himself firmly. “That sounds like a bad come-on.”

“Do it,” Kris goads. 

“Stay out of this!”

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 lmao. is that something that’s happened to you?

He presses _send_ before he can overthink it for too long. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo there was no one around to witness it, so no one can prove it happened

Chanyeol does a quick victory lap around his and Kris’ room, fists raised in the air. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 okay but today a little girl called me ahjussi so…...what’s the worse option here?

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo being told you look between twelve and fifteen, hands down

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 okay fair enough BUT!!! being an ahjussi in this fandom is way weirder. feels bad, man. feels bad. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo solution: don’t go outside anymore

Chanyeol grins broadly. He _knew_ Kyungsoo was secretly funny. He _knew it._

“This is ridiculous,” Kris mutters.

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 my roommate will judge me. solution: kill roommate?

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo attaboy

Chanyeol flops belly-down on his bed, snickers into his pillow. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 srsly tho. sometimes i really regret my life decisions. “boybands, chanyeol, really? that’s the obsession that sticks?”

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo they’re good boys chanyeol

Chanyeol gasps out loud. 

“He used my name,” he whispers. “He used my name _and_ a joke that I, myself, have used in the past. Kris. I think we’ve bonded.”

“That’s nice dear,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol screenshots Kyungsoo’s last tweet to him, and not even to send it to anyone. He just wants to keep it for his own personal records. The first time Kyungsoo called him by his name. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 ur right kyungsoo. nothing but respect for MY gay icons. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo be the best fanboy you can be. i believe in you. 

Everything in Chanyeol feels warm and giddy and excited. He knows this is like...totally lowkey conversation for fandom Twitter. Usually by this point he’s revealing deep dark secrets to people and telling them his entire life story. But this is _progress_. Chanyeol is really doing this. 

So what if Kyungsoo rejected his offer to meet up? That’s...fine. Everything is fine. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 thank u. i love u. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo (o_o)v Be Whoever You Wanna Be

Chanyeol smiles, thinks about that for a long time. A long, _long_ time. It’s not like no one’s ever said that to him before, but...he really thinks about it this time. 

And then he calls Wendy, and says, “Hey, come to my dorm. Bring that eyeshadow.”

####

“Do I look good?” Chanyeol asks an hour later, trying to use the front-facing camera on his phone as a mirror. “Do I look cute?”

“Of course you do, my makeup skills are amazing,” Wendy says smugly. 

“Kris, do I look good?” Chanyeol asks, pulling his phone away. 

Kris doesn’t even look up from his book. “You look amazing sweetie.”

“ _Kris_ ,” Chanyeol whines. 

Kris sighs, examines his face from across the room. “Yeah, Yeol. It looks good.”

Chanyeol grins. “Wendy, help me take a killer selfie.”

“Break some hearts, babe,” Kris says. 

Wendy laughs, opens their window blinds to let in more sunlight. “Are you gonna post it?”

“He’s trying to impress a boy,” Kris tells her. 

“You shush!” Chanyeol says, and then mutters, “He’s already seen my childhood ferret photo, there’s no going back from that.”

Wendy snickers, nudges Chanyeol into his desk chair and turns him towards the window. “Should I take the picture or are you going to?”

“I will,” Chanyeol says. “Authentic selfie. But you gotta help me pick the best one.”

He takes two dozen pictures, and then Wendy helps him delete the ones that don’t really show off her handiwork, pick the most flattering ones, decide between filter or no filter. And then they take a few selfies together with dumb dog filters and stuff, because they can. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
Be Whoever You Wanna Be ^^ makeup cr. @son_seung_wendy (MY GOOD AND PRETTY FRIEND, LOVE HER)  
pic.twitter.com/KshmdYjdbsIs

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo BRO!! ask ur friend to come do my makeup too.

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo also u look Sexy As Fuck, u should wear eyeliner more often

 **jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
@yeoloooooo looks great 형! this look suits you ^^

 **president huang** @wo_hui_lai_le  
@yeoloooooo wahhhhh super handsome. i’m taking notes. 

**baby chick** @ohohorat  
@yeoloooooo handsome…

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo i jst woke up….v sexy park. my eyes are blessed. good looks run in our family. the eyeshadow is: good.

 **sooyoungie** @velvet_joy  
@yeoloooooo you look amazing! and who’s this friend? introduce me! 

Chanyeol grins at all of his friends’ encouraging responses, and at the handful of likes and retweets he’s getting. Chanyeol will never say no to having his ego stroked. 

But.

####

**space boy yeollie**  
it’s been a day and kyungsoo hasn’t liked my selfie  
T^T  


**barkhyun**  
oh my god yeol

**space boy yeollie**  
HE DOESN’T LIKE ME  
even SEHUN came out of hiding to say something  
SEHUN!!!  


**jongdamn**  
yeah that was rlly cute  
i love my shy son

**space boy yeollie**  
THAT’S NOT THE POINT DAE  
why didn’t he like it ;;;;  


**barkhyun**  
maybe he’s, idk  
BUSY?

**space boy yeollie**  
it’s sunday!!!  
and he only follows like 12 ppl he must have SEEN IT  


**jongdamn**  
maybe he doesn’t backtrack

**space boy yeollie**  
DON’T TRY TO CONVINCE ME  
he either hates me OR he thinks i’m ugly  


**barkhyun**  
he talked to u, so he doesn’t hate u  
and u look fine as hell, i don’t think he thinks ur ugly

**space boy yeollie**  
maybe he didn’t like my makeup T^T  


**jongdamn**  
isn’t he the one who told u to do whatever u want

**space boy yeollie**  
IDK  
MAYBE I MISINTERPRETED  


**barkhyun**  
honestly yeol  
maybe he just FORGOT  
maybe he was so shocked by ur princess diaries transformation from dorky ferret boy to handsome post-pubescent man that he just FORGOT  
or maybe he’s one of those ppl who doesn’t like things unless he wants to save it  
ur 100% overthinking this

**space boy yeollie**  
it was a good selfie T^T  


**jongdamn**  
yes it was  
which is why u shouldn’t assume he didn’t like it  
enjoy it, i mean. he obvs didn’t /like/ it

 **barkhyun**  
lmao “enjoy it” makes it sound like he jacked off to it

**space boy yeollie**  
BAEK  


**barkhyun**  
:3

**space boy yeollie**  
baek is fired. dae, comfort me.  


**jongdamn**  
all i can do is assure u u looked great  
ur friend did a great job and u have a good face

**space boy yeollie**  
T^T  
thanks  


**jongdamn**  
^3^

 **barkhyun**  
i’m still laughing at “enjoyed”

**space boy yeollie**  
delete ur account  


**barkhyun**  
^3^

Chanyeol sighs, rolls the eyeliner pencil Wendy gave him between his fingers. 

_He_ thought he looked good.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i keep updating super quickly because i: get excited from all ur comments AND bc i don't have a job. 
> 
> anyway i love u guys <3 and thanks to RUSTY for helping me w this fic ily rusty


	5. Chapter 5

In early November, Chanyeol wakes up on a Tuesday to a barrage of messages from his friends. 

**barkhyun**  
hey park  
it’s been like a month  
why isn’t ur boy following us yet

 **jongdamn**  
hey  
yeah  
what’s taking u so long

 **barkhyun**  
are u keeping him for urself  
is that what’s going on

 **jongdamn**  
are u embarrassed of us  
chanyeol how could u  
we’re ur family

 **barkhyun**  
we’ll be nice  
we won’t show him ur embarrassing baby photos  
lmao jokes, he’s already seen em

 **jongdamn**  
and actually we would do that

 **barkhyun**  
that is accurate  
but we’d do it lovingly  
chanyeol introduce him to us

 **jongdamn**  
you’ve had enough time to woo him by now  
we want to love him

 **barkhyun**  
unless u decided he’s not invited into the group  
is he not beagle enough  
actually we don’t need more beagles  
too many beagles as is

 **jongdamn**  
maybe he said a weird thing  
like maybe chanyeol found out he’s actually a douche  
Not All Fanboys Are Created Equal

 **barkhyun**  
he would have come to us crying by now if that were the case  
i think  
CHANYEOL WAKE UP

Chanyeol groans, rubs his eyes. Kris’ alarm is going off across the room, but Chanyeol doesn’t have to be up for class for another hour. Now that he’s awake, though, he might as well answer his friends.

**space boy yeollie**  
he;s not weird  
he’s jst  
confuding  
confsin g  
i can’t figure him out  
:((((  


**barkhyun**  
good morning sunshine  
what’s confusing about him

**space boy yeollie**  
EVERYTHIGN  
sometimes i think he wants to be my friend  
but other times  
he rejects me  
so coldly…….  


**jongdamn**  
is this still about him not liking ur selfie  
honey u gotta let that go

**space boy yeollie**  
IT WAS A GOOD SELFIE  
but also no that’s not all  
it’s a good example tho  
one day he’s all “hello chanyeol let me call u by ur name”  
the next he  
doesn’t even like my good selfie  
so hot and cold  


**jongdamn**  
has this happened more than once or are u just being dramatic

**space boy yeollie**  
it’s ALWAYS  
does he want to be my friend or not  
why can’t he just tell meeeeee  


**barkhyun**  
chanyeol  
not everyone is a beagle  
u weren’t there when we were befriending nini  
it was one baby step at a time

 **jongdamn**  
oh god  
it was like  
taming a baby hamster  
“first learn how to take food from my hand”  
“now get used to me petting u”

 **barkhyun**  
hamsters, dae?  
that’s ur analogy?

 **jongdamn**  
what’s wrong w hamsters  >:[

**space boy yeollie**  
i’m not good at this  
i’m way better at making friends irl  
BUT HE WON’T MEET UP WITH ME….  


**jongdamn**  
do u want us to take over?  
i’m pretty nice c:

**space boy yeollie**  
NO  
kyungsoo is /MY/ ALMOST-FRIEND  


**barkhyun**  
possessive……

**space boy yeollie**  
i haven’t spent 2 months on this for nothing  


**barkhyun**  
just find something u both like to spazz about  
bonding thru yelling is the best kind

**space boy yeollie**  
he’s not a yeller  
i’ve tried  


**jongdamn**  
maybe u just haven’t found the right thing yet  
even sehun yells w us if we talk abt dogs in sweaters

**space boy yeollie**  
maybe….  
he doesn’t seem like a person who gets hyped tho  
more…...quiet and sarcastic  


**barkhyun**  
are u sure u like him

**space boy yeollie**  
YES……  
he’s just chill  


**jongdamn**  
we could use some chill ppl in our friend group  
WORK HARDER PARK  
MAKE HIM LOVE U

**space boy yeollie**  
I’M  
TRYING  


On the other side of the room, Kris groans and rolls out of bed, and Chanyeol gives in and sits up in his bed, rubbing his face against his Earthbender Minseok doll.

“Go back to sleep, Yeol,” Kris says quietly, picking up a pair of jeans from the floor to pull on. 

“Nah, I’m already awake,” Chanyeol says on a yawn. “Busy day today. Class, class, important lunch break, class, and then wooing a boy.”

“New boy?” Kris asks. He picks up DeerHan from his own bed—his usual sleeping spot these days—and hands him to Chanyeol so he can sit him next to EarthbenderSeok against his wall. 

“Nah, same boy,” Chanyeol says. “He’s very resistant.”

“And this is...definitely worth it?” Kris asks. “Spending...weeks of sweat and tears on this dude you literally barely know?”

Chanyeol shrugs, stretches his arms over his head. “Haven’t you ever had a friend crush before? Like, you know, when you see someone in your class wearing a sweater with dogs on it and you want to be friends with them just for that?”

“I feel like this is anecdotal,” Kris deadpans, rummaging through his shirts to find something to put on. 

“It was a good shirt,” Chanyeol says. “Anyway. He just seems cool, okay? He’s funny and talented and we have stuff in common.”

“Alright,” Kris says, shrugging. “I’m not gonna stop you. I just don’t quite understand your dedication to this cause.” He pauses, then adds, “Honestly, you just have so many more feelings than me in general.”

Chanyeol chuckles, tries to shake the drowsiness from his sluggish limbs. “If you can believe it, that’s not the first time someone’s said that to me.”

“Shocking,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol smiles, scrolls through his tline idly. Retweets a few pictures he’s probably retweeted before of the Element boys in their Halloween costumes from last week. Comments on a cute little doodle Jongin posted last night after Chanyeol’s phone died at 9pm. Narrows his eyes at Kyungsoo’s comment above his: _Your drawings are so dynamic. Do you study art?_

Kyungsoo never asks _him_ questions about what he studies. 

Closing the app grumpily, he drags himself out of bed to get breakfast with Kris, and then goes back to the dorm while Kris goes to class. He spends the morning chatting on and off with Jongdae and folding socks he washed a week ago, and then he showers and goes to class. 

He has two classes in the morning on Tuesdays, and then an hour and a half for break before his third class, which he now spends with Wendy in the cafeteria, eating their lunches together. 

She is slightly more sympathetic to Chanyeol’s Kyungsoo plight. “I bet he’s just shy,” she says reassuringly. 

“But he’s nice to me sometimes!” Chanyeol insists. “On rare occasions. Like he’s either being nice to me and chatting, or he answers with one word. Or just likes my reply.” 

Wendy shrugs. “Selectively shy?”

Chanyeol huffs, spooning rice into his mouth. “I just haven’t convinced him that he wants to be friends with me yet.”

“Gotta show him your best qualities,” Wendy says. “What are your best qualities?”

“My unbridled enthusiasm in basically everything,” Chanyeol says confidently. “However, he does not seem to enjoy that very much.”

“Well he’s gonna have to learn to love it if he’s gonna be your friend,” Wendy says. 

Chanyeol grins briefly, and then sighs. “Should I maybe try to be more lowkey?”

“Do you know _how_ to be lowkey?” Wendy asks. “And also, no. Don’t try to change what you’re like to suit someone else.”

“Inspiring,” Chanyeol says, pressing a hand to his chest. “But I dunno, maybe I should—” He stops as his phone vibrates with a notification. Trailing off, he unlocks it, taps the little DM symbol. 

**kyungsoo**  
just finished the lineart for your commission  
let me know what you think/if you’d like me to change anything  
pic.twitter.com/JpisbUdbjsd

“Oh my god,” Chanyeol says dumbly. “Oh my god. Wendy. I’ve just seen the most beautiful creation to ever grace this cruel earth.”

“What is it?” Wendy leans over to try to glimpse his screen. 

Chanyeol turns it to face her, and then quickly turns it back so he can reply.

**space boy yeollie**  
i  
am beyond words rn  
this is  
THE  
most wonderful thing i have ever seen with my own two eyes  


“I have the feeling you’re not being lowkey right now,” Wendy says, grinning.

“Fuck being lowkey,” Chanyeol mutters. 

**kyungsoo**  
you like it?

**space boy yeollie**  
I;VE NEVER LOVED SOMETHING SO MUCH IN MY LIFE  
I ALRDY KNEW I’D LOVE IT BUT I AM  
LITERALLY BLOWN AWAY  
KYUNGSOO THIS IS INCREDIBLE????  


**kyungsoo**  
^^

**space boy yeollie**  
NO LISTEN  
THEIR FACES???  
THEY’RE NOT EVEN LIKE. BEING INTIMATE OR ANYTHING  
BUT THEY’RE SO IN LOVE???  
YOU CAN SEE IT IN THEIR EYES  
HOW DID U DO THAT  
HOLY SHIT KYUNGSOO  


**kyungsoo**  
i’m really glad you like it :)

**space boy yeollie**  
I FUCKING LOVE IT  
and it’s not even coloured yet ksdjhsjkfjks  
i think i’ll die when i see the finished product  
i’ll DIE  
or otherwise burst into tears  
i think i’m tearing up rn  


“Are you getting misty-eyed right now?” Wendy asks from across the table.

“Shut up.”

 **kyungsoo**  
i honestly don’t think i’ve ever gotten this kind of response to my art before  
no one’s ever cried before

**space boy yeollie**  
oh they have  
it was me  
i have cried before  


**kyungsoo**  
^^;;

**space boy yeollie**  
i’m sorry i am just really  
this is so beautiful  
best money i EVER spent  


**kyungsoo**  
no it’s nice  
not a lot of people comment on art  
this is nice

**space boy yeollie**  
bro i will comment on ALL ur art  
actually i probably have already  
but seriously. tag me in every art thing u ever do.  
i will pour genuine praise all OVER that shit  


**kyungsoo**  
i might just take you up on that

**space boy yeollie**  
I’LL BE UR #1 FAN  
I ALREADY AM BUT IT’LL BE OFFICIAL  


**kyungsoo**  
^^  
i made up a little backstory for this pic btw  
do you want to hear it

**space boy yeollie**  
DO I????  
TELL ME  


**kyungsoo**  
:)

“I’m in love with him,” Chanyeol says. 

“Maybe don’t tell him that.”

**space boy yeollie**  
i love u  
i’m in love with u  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏᄏ  
ok so listen

“I’m in love with him,” Chanyeol says again. 

Wendy reaches over their trays to pat his shoulder. “I know you are.”

####

The next day, Chanyeol meets up with Kris for lunch while Wendy helps her roommate with some top secret business, which Chanyeol thinks is probably code for something but can’t figure out what.

“I was thinking we could go to that _galbijjim_ place near our dorm,” Kris says as they make their way out of the library, where Kris was waiting for him after class. “I heard it’s like. Ridiculously spicy.” 

“Well, I do love to ruin my entire day by noon,” Chanyeol says with a broad grin. 

“You tell me your entire day is ruined at least three times a day,” Kris says. 

“Yes, but I always manage to turn it around again with my dogged optimism,” Chanyeol says loftily. 

Kris hums. “I’ve learned to just embrace the comforting darkness of existential despair.”

Chanyeol laughs. “That’s how you’re going to deal with the spicy food?”

“One does what one has to do to make it through each day,” Kris says solemnly. 

Chanyeol snickers, pausing just inside the doors of the library to zip up his jacket. November has brought increasingly chilly winds with it, and all of his warmest hoodies are in the laundry. “One sec,” he says, pulling out his phone as it vibrates and thumbing open a DM notification. 

**jongdamn**  
hey are either of u online rn

“Hold on, I gotta tell Jongdae I’m going out,” Chanyeol says, swiping his thumb over his keyboard. 

**jongdamn**  
having a sad time today dudes

Chanyeol blinks. “Hey, dude, sorry,” he says. “I can’t go to lunch anymore.”

“Huh?” Kris gives him a concerned look. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s an emergency,” Chanyeol says, glancing up at him. 

Kris snorts softly. “Everything in your life is an emergency, Yeol.”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “No, really. Dae’s having a bad day. I can’t go to lunch.”

For a second, Kris looks like he doesn’t know what to say. And then he just says, “Oh, okay. Do you want to sit down somewhere?”

Chanyeol nods, already bending his head to type out a reply. “Yeah. I’m really sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Kris says. “Day-ruining spicy food can wait.”

**space boy yeollie**  
hey man what’s up  
u okay?  


“We can just sit in the library cafe,” Kris says, tugging Chanyeol back into the building by the elbow. “Do you want me to go get you some food?”

“Yeah, that’d be awesome,” Chanyeol says, glancing up from his phone to shoot his roommate a smile. “Thanks, man.”

Kris shrugs, deposits him at a table and then moves on to the cafe counter. 

**jongdamn**  
just skyped with mom  
same old same old

Chanyeol’s stomach rolls anxiously. He drops his phone on the table, reaches into his backpack to pull out his laptop to make things easier.

**space boy yeollie**  
wanna talk about it?  


**jongdamn**  
idk  
not much to say

**space boy yeollie**  
we don’t have to  
i don’t have anything up  
we can just chat about other shit  


**jongdamn**  
yeah  
idk she just  
makes me feel like shit all the time

Chanyeol sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. A second later, Kris returns to their table carrying two wrapped sandwiches and bottles of juice. “Thanks,” Chanyeol says again, twisting the cap off of his. 

“No problem. What’s up?” Kris asks, nodding towards his open laptop. “Unless it’s personal.”

“Nah, it’s just. Ugh.” Chanyeol types out a quick reply. “Jongdae’s family is just shitty sometimes.”

**space boy yeollie**  
i’m sorry  
u don’t deserve that  


“Abusive?” Kris asks tentatively.

Chanyeol shrugs. “More like manipulative. On his mom’s end at least. Always guilt tripping him for studying literature instead of business or whatever, and playing the martyr, and never supporting him.”

 **jongdamn**  
like no matter what i do  
she’s never happy for me  
or proud of me

**space boy yeollie**  
i know  
it’s fucked up bc ur  
literally the best  


“Oh, that really sucks,” Kris says with a sympathetic wince.

“And his dad is kinda shit too,” Chanyeol sighs. “Super Catholic. Which, I mean, isn’t a bad thing. But Dae feels like he can’t be open with him, so he isn’t out to him yet, but his mom keeps saying she’s going to tell him someday if Jongdae doesn’t do it himself. And at the same time his brother’s been awkward with him ever since Dae came out to _him_. So. It’s all shit.” He runs a hand through his hair. “It’s usually fine. He doesn’t see them a lot during the school year. But it gives him pretty bad anxiety sometimes.” 

**jongdamn**  
yeah well tell her that

**space boy yeollie**  
i literally will  
give me her #  
ur like the ideal son. if she can’t see that then it’s her own fault  


**jongdamn**  
it doesn’t matter whose fault it is  
i’m the one who feels like shit

Chanyeol sighs, scratches his fingers against his scalp frustratedly. “I’m so shit at this. But if we don’t cheer him up within, like, half an hour, he really spirals.”

“‘ _We_ ’?” Kris says. 

“Me and Baekhyun. We promised him if he was ever having a bad day then all he had to do was ask and one of us would be available to talk. But I always feel like I’m doing a bad job when Baek isn’t around.” Chanyeol closes his eyes briefly, then types out a careful reply.

**space boy yeollie**  
you shouldn’t have to feel that way  
is there anything i can do to help?  


**jongdamn**  
idk  
i should probably just stop thinking about it

**space boy yeollie**  
maybe  
she’ll see one day how wrong she is  
when you’re successful and happy  
and have a cute-ass bf/husband who loves the shit out of u  


**jongdamn**  
lol  
thanks yeol  
i hope so

**space boy yeollie**  
bro i KNOW so  


**barkhyun**  
HI I’M HERE TO LOVE U  
i just got out of class sorry  
yeol ur doing it wrong  
all u have to do to cheer someone up is show them this pic  
pic.twitter.com/JrsUpwkZx

**space boy yeollie**  
BAEK NO  


**jongdamn**  
LOL

“What?” Kris says. 

Chanyeol realizes belatedly that he’d vocalized his outrage and clicks out of his DMs. “You’re not allowed to look. Baek brought back my middle school grad photo.”

“How did you get on _that_ topic?” Kris asks, bewildered. 

“Baekhyun _lives_ on that topic. I think he has it saved to every device he owns.” Chanyeol scowls. “He uses it to make Jongdae laugh.”

“Ah,” Kris says, grinning. “That makes sense, then.”

“I’ll permit it this time,” Chanyeol mutters. “But only because we’re in crisis mode.”

**space boy yeollie**  
i told you to delete that  


**barkhyun**  
u shouldn’t have ever posted it then :)))  
did it work dae

 **jongdamn**  
somehow, it always does  
i know i say this every time but  
yeol  
ur face

**space boy yeollie**  
not everyone is born photogenic….  
u guys are so mean to me  


**barkhyun**  
we only make fun of u bc u got hot

 **jongdamn**  
that did help tho  
thanks bark

 **barkhyun**  
bro ofc  
u okay?

 **jongdamn**  
yeah  
idk  
just a bad night

**space boy yeollie**  
well i have more pics of me aged 8-14 if that’ll help  


**jongdamn**  
lol  
i think the one will tide me over a while

 **barkhyun**  
hey i know i’ve said this before but  
if u ever need somewhere to go  
my house is always open ok

 **jongdamn**  
thanks baek ;;

**space boy yeollie**  
honestly i’m not even in NA but  
literally  
if u went to my parents’ house  
they’d love to adopt u  


**jongdamn**  
lol  
i’m not an orphan yeol

 **barkhyun**  
ur parents don’t deserve u  
can u believe those 2 ppl produced  
THE PERFECT BOY

**space boy yeollie**  
not only HANDSOME but also KIND!!  


**barkhyun**  
AND GENEROUS

**space boy yeollie**  
THOUGHTFUL  


**barkhyun**  
RESPONSIBLE

**space boy yeollie**  
WARM-HEARTED  


**jongdamn**  
guys…….

 **barkhyun**  
THE LIST GOES ON  
seriously tho dae  
ur the actual best

**space boy yeollie**  
we’re not even exaggerating  


**barkhyun**  
we’re underselling you  
like for once in my life  
i’m being 100% serious

**space boy yeollie**  
do u know how thankful i am that i met u  
my life goal is for someone to be as happy to meet me as i was to meet u  


**jongdamn**  
;;;;;;  
thanks guys  
i love you

Chanyeol sighs, deflates with relief. “Okay. Crisis averted, I think. He should be good.”

“You always describe your friends as so bubbly and cheerful,” Kris says thoughtfully, chewing on his sandwich. “I’m kind of surprised to hear that they have these kinds of issues.”

Chanyeol shrugs. “I think everyone has these kinds of issues, somewhere along the line.”

Kris hums, nods. “That’s cool that you have a kind of system, though. Support system. Can’t be easy to admit those kinds of things to your friends.”

Chanyeol grins. “One does what one has to do to make it through each day.”

 **barkhyun**  
we love you too  
which is why chanyeol’s gonna dig out more awkward childhood pics

Chanyeol sighs, opens his _My Pictures_ folder. “Even this.”

####

That Friday—on November 7th, a date for the history books—at precisely 6:02pm KST, the following tweet appears on Chanyeol’s tline:

MS♡LH @ilLUMINation  
[trans] 171107 SOHU interview  
Minseok: we got a cat recently  
Lu Han: yes. me and MS  
M: we are both taking care of it  
L: she's 10wks old

“Oh my god,” Chanyeol says out loud. 

For once, Kris isn’t in their room to hear him. He’s out for supper with his classmates, and Chanyeol is alone with no one to vent to. 

“Oh my god?” Chanyeol says. 

He checks the time. Does some clumsy calculations. 

_Fuck._ It’s 2 and 5 in the morning for Baekhyun and Jongdae, respectively. They won’t be awake for _hours_ to scream about this with Chanyeol. 

“They’re _fucking married_ ,” Chanyeol says. 

He scrolls down his tline quickly to see who’s online. Zitao’s awake, but he mostly likes Yixing ships. Sehun retweeted something half an hour ago, but he’s not that fun for yelling about things. Why the fuck are all of Chanyeol’s mutuals from the western hemisphere? 

He scrolls down a bit more, and sees, in tiny letters above a Chinese LuMin fanart, _kyungsoo Retweeted._

Realization strikes Chanyeol like a lightning bolt. 

His fingers fumble across his keyboard. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 hey uhhhhh did u see this? i’m crying forreal https://twitter.com/ilLUMINation/status/824672643872283

To his extreme relief, Kyungsoo replies almost immediately. Chanyeol is fist-pumping before he even reads it. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo holy shit

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 I KNOW

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo holy shit. they’re married. 

Chanyeol grins, giddy with excitement. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 SDKFHSKJ I. KNOW. i can’t even believe this???

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo can u believe. minseok and lu han are officially gay dads. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i need to know everything about this cat IMMEDIATELY!!

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo where’s the raw vid, i gotta see the cold hard evidence with my own eyes

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 idk I’LL LOOK FOR IT

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo do you speak korean? i can translate it for you

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 only conversationally. TELL ME EVERYTHING.

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 HERE’S THE RAW but it’s a chinese interview so idk how much is in korean? https://youtu.be/aJDSN8JS3

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo the korean members answer in korean

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo FOUND IT  
ms: we got her from a shelter  
lh: *literal heart eyes*

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo lh: we call her “our daughter”  
he said that in korean specifically to bless me, personally

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 do they say her name. i need to know her name. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo not yet. but ms says she’s calico

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 PIC. PIC. PIC. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo damn they moved on to the next q

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 DAMN

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 still tho??? GAY DADS: CONFIRMED

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo seriously. they call her their daughter, chanyeol. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 THEY ADOPTED A CAT TOGETHER. THAT’S TRUE LOVE AND COMMITMENT.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo where are my pencils. i have to draw this: immediately.

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 PLS!! 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 can u imagine loving ur bro so much u go out and adopt a cat together

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 kyungsoo look at this gif they love each other pic.twitter.com/RksDjsOsdS

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo Actual Boys In Love

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo also look at this pic i doodled of them cuddling their daughter pic.twitter.com/JksdsBjsOm

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 oh my GOD

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 actual event that took place at their dorms this morning tbh

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo they’re still roommates right

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo cozy cuddle piles every day my friend

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo EVERY DAY

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 actual boyfriend goals tho

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo same

Chanyeol gasps aloud. “He’s gay,” he whispers to himself. “Or something. I _knew_ it.” Then, “Play it cool, Park. We’re all gay here.”

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 this is the happiest day of my goddamn life

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo if lu han doesn’t post a family pic on instagram i’ll destroy him

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i like that you don’t even bother hoping minseok will do it

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i don’t even think minseok knows his instagram account still exists

Chanyeol pauses for a moment, draws a centering breath. This is his chance. A conversation has been established. Kyungsoo is presumably in a good mood. (LuMin will do that to a person.) 

It’s time for: the leading questions. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i’m so glad this gem didn’t come out while i was in class

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo oh god. same. 

Chanyeol grins victoriously, cracks his knuckles. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 are you in school, too? 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo yeah. not atm though. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 uni, i’m assuming? exchange, or…?

For a minute, Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, and tension builds in Chanyeol’s shoulders, his heart thumping nervously. Did he overstep? Were his questions too personal? He’s just curious, he’s not a stalker or anything!

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo yeah, at hanyang. 

“Aha!” Chanyeol says excitedly. “I wasn’t even going to ask which one! I was just going to say which one I go to and hope he’d get the hint!”

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 oh, cool! i’m at konkuk ^__^ are you studying art?

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo no, engineering

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 *^* i love a multi-talented art icon

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ᄏᄏ. what about you?

 **space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 media  & communication~

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo cool

Chanyeol deflates a little at that. He’s happy, of course, that he’s learning more about Kyungsoo. Today has been, without a doubt, a roaring _success_. They’ve bonded. Chanyeol knows where and what he studies. Kyungsoo knows the same about him. 

But that response. _Cool_. Gah. It leads nowhere! And it sounds so uninterested. _Cool_. That’s what Chanyeol says when he doesn’t actually care about things. If he does care, he adds a minimum of two exclamation points. And then asks another question. 

“Not everyone wants to talk to you forever, Chanyeol,” he mutters to himself, clicking through his browser tabs aimlessly while he tries to decide what to do next; if he should say something else or just let the conversation die a peaceful death and turn in for the day. 

A little (1) appears in to his notifications tab. Curious, Chanyeol clicks on it. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i don’t actually know what media and communications is about

A slow grin spreads across Chanyeol’s face. 

**space boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 lol. well. let me tell u.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, i love my boys. and also you guys <3 thanks for making my first foray into posting-as-i-write in a looooooong time such an enjoyable experience :')


	6. Chapter 6

This is the way of online friendships, According To Park Chanyeol (patent pending):

Before anything else, there is First Contact. Sometimes, this is seeing the other person’s content on your tline and liking or retweeting it, or reblogging it on Tumblr, or whatever you do on whatever platform you use. Other times, it’s an unexpected conversation with a mutual friend that you both join in on without knowing each other. There are probably a hundred types of First Contact. The point is: you don’t know the other exists. And then you do. You act and react. 

After that, there are First Intentional Interaction and Introductions, though these can happen out of order. The cosmic forces of the universe have brought you together, out of the billions of people on the earth. Now it’s your job to keep that ball rolling. 

And from then on it’s a bit of a mess. But there are important steps. First Shared Joke. First Private Chat. First Meaningful Conversation. 

But there is one step that is more important than any other. (Maybe.) One thing that tips you over the edge from _acquaintances_ to _friends._

First You-Thought-About-Me-Even-When-I-Wasn’t-Around. 

Chanyeol steps out of his Media Research Methods class at 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday and opens his Twitter notifications to see the following:

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@dks_0112 @yeoloooooo

At first, he doesn’t get it. It’s a blank tweet, more or less. He thinks maybe it was an accident. 

And then he clicks on it, and sees that it’s a reply to another tweet. Also by Kyungsoo, written an hour ago. Ten minutes before the reply. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
yesterday’s bus doodle  
pic.twitter.com/UhjFsmcBe

Chanyeol stops in his tracks in the middle of the campus walkway to grin hard enough that his face hurts. 

Kyungsoo tagged him in a piece of art he posted. He drew a thing, tweeted it, and then thought, _Chanyeol would want to see this._ Or he thought, _I don’t want Chanyeol to miss this._

The point is. He wanted Chanyeol to see it. He thought of Chanyeol, without prompting, and wanted Chanyeol to see something so badly that he went out of his way to tag him in it. Just him. No one else. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 YOOO THIS IS ADORABLE. i love the little colour splashes  <333 also omg are the reflections in their eyes literal hearts,,,,,

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ᄏᄏ. yeah. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo they’re in love…

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 of course they are ♡_♡

He walks a few steps, chewing on his lip. Kyungsoo just took a huge step. Chanyeol is giddy with it. But what _now?_ At this point in a relationship, Chanyeol thinks, every conversation has to count. He has to convince Kyungsoo that he’s worth not unfollowing, despite his shitposts and unflattering childhood photos. (Apparently not-unflattering selfies was not the way to go.)

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 do u draw doodles every day on the bus?

[delete draft]

Asking Kyungsoo questions about himself has had a pretty low success rate in Chanyeol’s experience. He doesn’t seem to like talking about himself nearly as much as Chanyeol does. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 pls tag me in all ur art things

[delete draft]

Sounds desperate, a little needy. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 tbh LH looking @ MS w heart in his eyes is me @ u

He’s honestly not sure why he goes with that one. Maybe it’s because at this point he has no shame. Maybe it’s because he has so much love in his heart and only knows one way to express it—ridiculous hyperbole. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo no one will ever love me as much as LH loves MS

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 that is true but i’m gonna give him a run for his money

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo u only love me for my art tho……

“Oh, shit,” Chanyeol says, swerving around a harried professor. “Shit.”

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 how dare u imply such a thing…….

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 ur art is just a vehicle with which to express my love for u……….

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo lol. you barely know me apart from my art. 

Chanyeol scoffs, runs into a lamppost. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 bruh,, i’m. tryin.

He regrets it basically as soon as he’s sent it. He’s revealed too much. He’s not supposed to say that he’s desperately trying to befriend someone. They’re never supposed to _know_. It’s just supposed to _happen._

“Chanyeol, you moron,” he mutters, rubbing his shoulder where it struck metal. “Now he’s gonna think you’re a creep.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t reply, and secretly, Chanyeol hopes that means the tweet spontaneously combusted somewhere between his phone and Kyungsoo’s notifications (and yes, he’s aware that’s not how that works). But also, the longer Kyungsoo goes without saying anything, the more Chanyeol feels anxiety build under his ribs. He knew it was a stupid thing to say, but what if he _really_ screwed up? First making Kyungsoo feel like Chanyeol only liked him for his artwork, and then scaring him off with Chanyeol’s typical intensity. 

Oh, god. What if Kyungsoo unfollowed him? 

Stopping before he runs into anything else, he fumbles to click on Kyungsoo’s display pic next to his last reply, waits anxiously for his profile to load. 

**kyungsoo**  
@dks_0112 Follows you

Chanyeol breathes out a heavy sigh of relief, and then scrolls down just a little to see Kyungsoo’s two most recent tweets, posted less than a minute again. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
tfw

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
o <\--<

Chanyeol makes a distressed noise. Is Kyungsoo _subtweeting_ him? Has he finally pushed Kyungsoo to goddamn _subtweeting?_ And not only that, but the _vaguest_ subtweeting ever. That feel when what?? What, specifically, has Chanyeol been making him feel, so that he can resurrect the situation via excessive apologies? 

Nervously, he refreshes the page, just to see if Kyungsoo has deigned to finish that tweet with something, _anything_ slightly more enlightening. 

The tweets are gone. Chanyeol thinks maybe he hallucinated them. 

“At least he’s still following me?” he says out loud, maybe a little hysterical. _For now_ , an obnoxious voice at the back of his mind says. 

Before he can despair any further, a notification pops up at the top of his screen, and Chanyeol clicks on it automatically. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo our prayers have been answered  
https://twitter.com/ilLUMINation/status/748428290292

Chanyeol blinks, clicks on the shared tweet. 

MS♡LH @ilLUMINation  
[trans] 171107 Lu Han’s Insta  
Caption: appa [dad-KR], baba [dad-CH], and daughter Haru~  
pic.twitter.com/JksbUbdsIf

Chanyeol gasps dramatically, and forgets all about Kyungsoo maybe-possibly hating him. There can be no hatred when there is LuMin. There can be only brotherhood and shrill screaming. 

And, he thinks later. 

And. Kyungsoo thought about him. 

That makes Chanyeol smile.

####

“Hey, Kris, how do I look.”

“Fantastic, honey,” Kris says as he flips a page in his textbook. 

“You’re not looking!” Chanyeol complains. 

Kris sighs, looks up. “Yes, Yeol, you look— What are you wearing?”

Chanyeol grins, pulling his face mask up over his mouth. “It’s my disguise.” He tugs the brim of his cap lower over his eyes.

Kris stares at him. “Why are you wearing a disguise?”

“It’s what all the idols do,” Chanyeol says. “Very mysterious. Now no one will be able to recognize me.”

“I thought you were just going to the movies,” Kris says, baffled. “Why are you trying not to be recognized?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “I dunno. So it looks like we’re famous people trying not to get mobbed at the movie theatre.”

Kris shakes his head slowly. “You are a strange, strange person.”

“Wendy thought it was a good idea,” Chanyeol sniffs. “This is why she’s my new best friend and not you.”

“A real best friend doesn’t let you set yourself up to be _actually_ mobbed in public,” Kris says drily. 

“You never support me, Kris. This is why we would never have worked,” Chanyeol says theatrically. 

“Oh, woe is me,” Kris says. “What movie are you going to watch?”

“ _It’s a Long Story_ ,” Chanyeol says, pulling his mask back down. It feels like he’s suffocating in there. “Joonmyun’s in it.” He points to one of his more prominent pictures of Joonmyun on his wall. 

“I know which one Joonmyun is,” Kris says, rolling his eyes. “I also know his birthday, what his voice sounds like, and the name of his dog.”

Chanyeol grins. “So you _have_ been paying attention.”

“I’m always listening to you, sweetheart,” Kris says, turning back to his textbook. “Have fun.”

“You can still come, if you want!” Chanyeol says. “I hear Joonmyun is very handsome in this one.”

“I’m sure he is. But I have a test tomorrow.” Kris lifts his notebook, covered in cramped notes. “Go, have fun without me.”

“I will!” Chanyeol declares. “I don’t need your negativity in my life.”

“You like my negativity. It’s mellowing,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol laughs, waves, and leaves to meet Wendy at the mall. 

Actually _finding_ Wendy once he gets there is kind of laughably difficult, because neither of them had considered how hard it would be to recognize each other in their disguises. Eventually, it’s Wendy who finds _him_ , saying, “No one else is that tall and wears sweaters _that_ big.” 

Chanyeol turns, grins. “Miss, you must be mistaking me for someone else.”

Wendy laughs, her face half-hidden behind an enormous pair of sunglasses. In _November_. “Your voice is even more obvious than your bowlegs,” she says fondly, reaching out a hand for him as she draws near. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Chanyeol says happily, and takes her hand to swing it between them. 

They head for the cinema from there, buying their tickets at the front booth to make sure they get a screening with English subtitles and earning themselves a number of odd looks. They’re an hour early, so they spend some time loitering in the lobby, taking selfies with Joonmyun’s solo promo poster, lurking in corners and hiding behind magazines like they’re scared of being discovered. As soon as the screening room opens, they make their way inside, find the best seats, dead center. The movie came out a week ago, and it’s a matinee showing, so the place is pretty empty, but everyone who does come in casts them suspicious glances. 

“This is nice,” Wendy hums, leaning against Chanyeol’s shoulder over their shared armrest. “You should take me out more often.”

Chanyeol scoffs. “I only paid for your ticket because you won the bet about Renegade’s comeback. Don’t expect this to happen again.”

“You should make dumb bets with me more often,” Wendy singsongs. 

“I’ll never fall for your traps again, you wench,” Chanyeol says. 

Wendy snickers, clasping their hands together between them. “Now that I’m on Twitter, I have _two_ platforms on which to lure you into them.”

“You can’t use my own home-court against me,” Chanyeol scoffs. 

Wendy just hums, unconvinced. 

“Speaking of Twitter,” Chanyeol says, squeezing her hand until she winces, “how are you getting along with those girls I set you up with?”

“Sooyoung’s nice,” Wendy says, digging her fingernails into Chanyeol’s skin. “We’ve been chatting on DMs.”

“Ohoho, DMs already. Moving fast, Miss Son,” Chanyeol teases. 

“Hah hah,” Wendy deadpans. “She's funny. I like her.” 

“Of course you do, she was my friend first,” Chanyeol says. “I have excellent taste in friends.” 

Wendy pats their joined hands gently. “Yes, dear.” 

“You've spent too much time with Kris,” Chanyeol laughs. 

Wendy snorts ungracefully, tucks her head more comfortably against Chanyeol's shoulder. “You have very nice shoulders.”

“Thank you, my mother gave them to me,” Chanyeol says. “They're very good for shoving.” 

“On the subway?” Wendy says. 

Chanyeol grins, laces their fingers together. “Precisely.” 

Wendy sighs, squeezes Chanyeol’s fingers. “This is nice. You know, Park, I don’t hold hands with boys often.”

“You know what,” Chanyeol says. “Me neither.”

Wendy huffs a laugh through her nose. “If you make a joke about me having man hands…”

“This is the closest I’ve ever come to holding a boy’s hand before,” Chanyeol coos obnoxiously. 

Wendy pinches him with her free hand. “Watch it, punk.”

Chanyeol laughs. “But seriously, though. I’ve probably held hands with fewer boys than you.”

Wendy hums thoughtfully. “I’ve held like maybe...four?”

“Oh, you’ve definitely got me beat,” Chanyeol says. “Unless you count, you know, buddy system in kindergarten.”

“Really? Have you not dated much?” Wendy picks up her head to blink at him. 

Chanyeol shrugs, only a little embarrassed. “Nah. Not really...ever, actually.”

Wendy’s eyes widen, but she doesn’t say anything. 

Chanyeol ducks his head nonetheless. “I don’t know. I wasn’t really out in high school, not openly, and there weren’t any other gay boys in my school anyway. And then in university...I don’t know, I was just busy, and I haven’t really had any crushes or anything. It just...hasn’t happened.” He shrugs again, chews on his lip. 

“Well, that’s not a _bad_ thing,” Wendy says. “I’m only surprised because you’re such a catch.” She pats his shoulder supportively. 

Chanyeol laughs. “Who needs a real boyfriend when I can just stare at pictures of attractive and completely unattainable Asian men all day?”

“Seriously,” Wendy hums. She sits back in her chair, leans against Chanyeol comfortably. “I’ve never dated a girl, either. A couple boys, but no girls.”

“You don’t have to,” Chanyeol says. 

Wendy sighs. “I know. But it’s...it feels wrong, somehow. To identify as bi, but having never dated a girl. Am I allowed to identify as bi if I’ve never dated a girl?”

“I know,” Chanyeol says. “That sucks. That you have to second-guess that. Like, even for me...I _definitely_ identify as...just gay. Like, just, 100% gay. But even I sometimes think maybe I’m just fooling myself, somehow? I’ve never dated a boy, or even like...flirted much with any boys. I _feel_ gay, but at the same time I always feel like I’m hiding it? Sometimes I even think I’m hiding it from myself.” He sighs. “I don’t know. It’s dumb. But...honestly, this sounds even more dumb, but being on Twitter helps. Like, being in that space. Where everyone is really...validating. I feel like I’m me, there. Openly.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that, too,” Wendy says. “And I’m really glad you have that, Yeol.”

“Me too,” Chanyeol says honestly, and smiles. 

They’re quiet for a few minutes, and then Wendy whispers, “When is this goddamn movie going to start?”

Chanyeol snickers, checks his phone. “Another seven minutes to go.”

“ _Ugh_ ,” Wendy groans. “Why did we show up so early?”

“We did it for Joonmyun, Wendy,” Chanyeol says, grinning. “That’s your man up there.”

“My man doesn’t know whether I showed up at the last minute or not,” Wendy grumbles. “Why didn’t we bring snacks in?”

“I did,” Chanyeol says. “Why do you think I wore my hoodie with the biggest pocket?”

Wendy pulls back, grins up at him broadly. 

“ _They’re so cute_ ,” says the girl behind them to her friend. “ _Look at that cute couple._ ” 

Chanyeol blinks, and his stomach turns unpleasantly. He’s just...he’s just here with a friend. Can’t he just be here with a friend without someone turning it into something it couldn’t be farther from being? Couldn’t just _one person_ see him for who he _is_? 

His heart thuds, and he turns around. “ _Actually, I like boys_ ,” he says. 

The girls behind him blink owlishly. Chanyeol turns back to the screen just as the lights dim and sound starts playing through the speakers. His pulse rushes in his ears. 

Wendy squeezes his hand tightly, and when Chanyeol glances at her, she’s smiling. Chanyeol smiles back. 

It means very little, in the grand scheme of things. Telling one person—one stranger—that he likes boys. 

But it feels good. He feels good. 

He sits back to watch the movie and feels fully himself for once in his life.

####

The week after Chanyeol and Wendy’s movie date is Thanksgiving week in America, and Chanyeol’s homesickness comes back with a vengeance.

“I’m lonely,” he moans pitifully from his bed. “I’m sad and lonely and nobody loves me. Kris, why aren’t you being sad and lonely with me?”

“Thanksgiving’s in October in Canada,” Kris says, reading manhwa on his laptop. 

“It doesn’t need to be Thanksgiving for you to be sad and lonely, Kris!” Chanyeol says. 

“Do you need a hug?” Kris asks. 

“Yes,” Chanyeol mumbles into his pillow. 

“Then call Wendy.”

“She’s busy!” Chanyeol whines. “She’s too busy for her best friend. Now I’ve only got you left, and you _hate_ me.”

“Yes, I can’t stand you, you’ve caught onto my tricks,” Kris says. 

“I knew it,” Chanyeol sighs. “What time is it? Jongdae only wakes up at like 10pm.”

“It’s only seven, Yeol.” Kris closes his laptop, stretches his arms over his head. “I have to go to the campus library for some research, if you want to come with?”

Chanyeol sighs again, more heavily. “Nah, I’d just bother you. Go on, leave me to my misery.”

Kris stands, moves to pat his shoulder as he heads for the door. “Sorry, man. I’ll be back in an hour or two, maybe I’ll let you drag me somewhere if you’re still depressed.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol mumbles. 

“See if any of your other friends are online, maybe,” Kris suggests, and then throws on his coat and leaves. 

Chanyeol mopes for another few minutes after the room falls silent, and then he rolls over and picks up his phone. None of his closest friends are online—no one he feels comfortable just starting a conversation with out of the blue—but he taps out a pitiful tweet anyway. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
hey who wants to take pity on me and talk to me before i expire from loneliness

A minute passes, and no one responds. Chanyeol sighs, puts his phone down next to his head, and considers the repercussions of going to bed before 8pm. 

He actually manages to force himself to feel a little sleepy before his phone vibrates on his pillow. He blinks, picks it up. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ..hi

Immediately, Chanyeol’s face splits in a grin. His fingers fumble over his screen as he types out his reply. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 hi :D

It takes another couple of minutes for Kyungsoo to respond, and for a second Chanyeol thinks maybe his initial reply had been a mistake, or maybe a joke? Chanyeol doesn’t know. But he frets over it anxiously until a new notification pops up at the top of his screen. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo hello… how are you?

Even in text, it feels stilted, awkward. Chanyeol chuckles a little, scratches the back of his neck. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 bored  >< my roommate left me and all my friends are busy or sleeping

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ahh…

“Shit,” Chanyeol says. “I just implied he’s not my friend. Are we friends?” He looks pleadingly at Kris’ bed—he needs advice, and Kris is so much more levelheaded than him. But he’s not going to make Kyungsoo wait so he can _text_ him. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 if i was in the states still, i’d be home for thanksgiving…...feels bad

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 what are u up to?

He chews his lip, presses _send_ a little more hesitantly than he normally would for such a casual question. They’re friends, right? He’s allowed to ask Kyungsoo what he’s doing on a Monday evening. Right? 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo not much. hanging out at home. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 you have a home??? wtf i’m in a dorm…

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo haha. i’m sharing an apartment with a couple other exchange students.

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 and none of them are home??

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo they are. we’re not really friends though. 

Chanyeol blinks in surprise. He...barely even considered that a possibility, when he found out he’d have a roommate at school. To be honest, he’d seen Kris for the first time, taken in his scary eyebrows and the awkward set of his shoulders, and thought, _ah, there he is. My new friend._

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 that’s too bad :c

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo meh. i don’t mind. 

Chanyeol can’t imagine that, either. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 so what do u do, alone in ur room at night

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 holy shit that sounded so inappropriate 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 I JUST MEANT WHAT DO U DO IF U DON’T HANG OUT W UR HOUSEMATES…..

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 I’M DELETING MY ACCOUNT

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo lmao

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo are you sure that’s not what you meant…

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 I’M POSITIVE

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 if u can believe it, it was a very unsuccessful attempt at “so what do u like to do in ur free time?”

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ㅋㅋㅋ

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo if i’m not studying/doing homework i just draw or read

Chanyeol smiles. Even though Kyungsoo still sounds stiff and awkward, and Chanyeol keeps fucking up, they’re _talking_. They’re just...talking. That’s something. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 ^^ and which are u doing tonight?

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo drawing. i’m working on coloring your commission. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 :o :o :o !!!! 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ^^;;

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 should i not bother u then?? 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo no, it’s okay. i’m taking a break. 

_Taking a break to talk to you_ , Chanyeol’s giddy brain fills in for him. He beams. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 :D so are you also american? i’m asking bc. thanksgiving. not bc i’m a stalker.

kyungsoo @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo yeah, i am. kinda glad to be away from home over the break though. 

Immediately, Chanyeol goes into Concerned Mom Friend Mode. He’s heard this kind of shit enough times that he knows it’s best to tread lightly. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 how come? if u don’t mind me asking.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ahh, just. nosy family. i usually end up sick by dinner. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 sick? o.o

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo yeah, idk. anxiety and shit. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo sorry that’s like. a downer thing to say. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo idk why i responded to your tweet i’m literally so shit at conversations. 

Chanyeol types so fast, heart squeezing, that his initial attempt at a response is almost illegible and he has to start over. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 NAH ur good. that sucks that it’s like that with ur family tho. they should be more understanding :(

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 hey but also. my friend jongdae @/thundaboi is like. in a p similar situation by the sounds of it. if u ever want me to introduce u to him!

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 he’s like the nicest person i know. angel dad friend. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo yeah idk. maybe. sorry i didn’t mean to bring this up. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 NO IT’S FINE. lol. we can drop it. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 let’s talk about something else!! have u seen joonmyun’s new movie??

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo oh yeah i went and watched it a couple days ago

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i saw you went to go see it with a friend?

Chanyeol tries, _very hard_ , not to feel a little offended that Kyungsoo saw his picture but didn’t like it. At least it wasn’t a selfie this time—he posted a picture of Wendy lurking suspiciously next to Joonmyun’s poster in her disguise, rather than one of both of them together.

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 YEAH I DID. did you like it?? on a scale of 1-10 how embarrassed were u by jm’s acting.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ㅋㅋ he wasn’t THAT bad…...in this one

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 OKAY I’LL ADMIT he’s improved. i only cringed 2, maybe 3 times. visibly. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo he was kinda cute…

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 oh he was fuckin adorable. but i was still embarrassed. it’s like watching ur son botch his lines in a school play

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ㅋㅋ is that how my dad felt when i was in elementary…

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 u were in plays in elementary??

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo in middle school, too. i really liked it except i always got nervous and screwed up my lines in front of an audience

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 dude that’s so cute. what kinds of roles did u play?

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo a zebra… a christmas elf… a tree…

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 U SCREWED UP BEING A TREE……

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo it was a talking tree... i accidentally said someone else’s lines instead…

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 that’s ADORABLE

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ^^;;;;

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 don’t be embarrassed, i completely fucked up my clarinet solo in middle school. THE SHAME.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo clarinet…

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 IT’S A GOOD INSTRUMENT OK. except when i play it. then it is not a good instrument. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 that’s a lie i actually wasn’t bad. except in front of 200 people, obviously. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo hahaha

Chanyeol grins, sits up and leans against the wall next to his bed as he types out _i’ve never been able to hear ‘let it snow’ the same way, since i ruthlessly butchered in in front of a live audience._

This is good. This… _feels_ good. It was awkward there at the beginning, forced and fumbly, but they both stuck it through, and he thinks—he _thinks_ Kyungsoo is maybe even enjoying this conversation. It’s hard to tell—Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to be an extremely emotive person, at least not through text—but it feels easy to Chanyeol. 

An hour later, Kris returns to allow Chanyeol to drag him out for a snack run, and right around the same time, Kyungsoo says he has to do some work before bed. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 alright, see u!! thanks for talking to me today kyungsoo ^^

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo np. hope you feel better. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i do ^^ and let me know if u want me to introduce u to my friends!! i promise they’re nice

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 u already know jongin~ and i’ve got a small crew of nice gay fanboys that would probably love to meet u. just saying!!

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo yeah, maybe ^^;; i’ll talk to you later chanyeol

Chanyeol still grins whenever Kyungsoo calls him by name. He’s not really sure why. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 ttyl kyungsoo. sleep well~ ( ˘ ³˘)ノ♡

For once, when the only thing that pops up in his notifications is _**kyungsoo** liked your reply_ , Chanyeol feels perfectly pleased. 

He didn’t even accidentally confess his love to Kyungsoo 600 times. 

(Of course, when he wakes up the next morning and finds his finished commissioned art in his DM inbox, all bets are off. But that’s allowed. That’s his duty as Kyungsoo’s #1 fan.)

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the characters' opinions of joonmyun's acting skills do not reflect the author's lmao. tbh i'm not sure i've ever seen him act......
> 
> anyway SORRY for this chapter like i know it wasn't as funny or Good but. here it is. i did my best. i'm trying my best. 
> 
> also i'll reply to comments later, i figured i should update first bc i'm a bit later than usual! i love u all, kiss kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
HAAAAAPPY CHANYEOL DAY!!! (in korea.) I LOVE YOU BEAGLE BRO, HAPPY BIRTH, NOW U ARE FINALLY OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK IN AMERICA @yeoloooooo

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANYEOL, YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND THE BEST FRIEND, I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT DAY!!! @yeoloooooo

 **sooyoungie** @velvet_joy  
happy birthday yeollie!! i hope you get to eat lots of cake and get 21 birthday smooches from someone ^3^ @yeoloooooo

Chanyeol grins at his phone screen in the darkness of his and Kris’ room, heart swelling with love. 

“What the hell,” Kris croaks from his bed. “Why does your phone keep going off?”

“Sorry,” Chanyeol says, muting his notifications. “It’s midnight. They were birthday messages.”

There’s a brief pause, and then Kris says, “It’s your _birthday?_ ” 

“Yeah. As of...one minute ago,” Chanyeol chuckles. He types out thank-yous to each of his friends individually, grinning. 

“Yeol, what the _hell_. You didn’t tell me it was your _birthday_.” 

Chanyeol laughs softly, puts his phone down. The bright screen is burning his retinas. “I couldn’t think of a smooth way to bring it up. _Hey, speaking of birthdays…_ ” 

“Literally all you have to say is _hey, it’s my birthday next week_ , or _in three days_ , or _tomorrow_. You didn’t warn me, you asshole,” Kris mutters. 

“Sorry~” Chanyeol sings. “You’ve got another 24 hours to properly prepare and celebrate it.”

Kris grumbles unintelligibly for a few seconds, then says, “Go to sleep. It’s too late for me to be annoyed at you.”

“Yessir,” Chanyeol says, grinning. He pulls his blanket over his head to check his phone the next time, squinting against the brightness. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo i was faster than dae :3 don;t let this be forgotten

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo shut up asswipe. i had to LEAVE CHURCH to send yeol a midnight birthday message. that’s DEDICATION.

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo buddy i had to set an alarm for 7:50 IN THE MORNING to send this. i;m dying. i’m the true friend.

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi kjhsjdsk guys….pls…..i lov u both

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing BUT U HAVE TO LOVE ME MOST

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo NO, ME. I WAS FIRST. I GET THE MOST LOVE.

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi children…..please…….

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi hehehe. so what’s the plan for the big day?? gettin WASTED?

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi have i ever gotten wasted before…..

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi i have class~ so. nothing too special. lunch w wendy. maybe i’ll buy myself a cake ^^

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing TWO cakes! THREE cakes!

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @byun_xing how would i even eat that much cake….

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi by believing in urself

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo lololol

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo ok ANYWAY i gotta go back to church lol i’m tweeting from the bathroom  >_>

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo yeah lmao i gotta go back to bed...it’s too early……

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi lololol and i have to go to bed….i have class in the morning…

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi goodnight~~ i love u~~~

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo i love u more than baekhyun does~~~

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @byun_xing lolol bye morons. love u too.

“I can hear you snickering under your blanket, Yeol,” Kris says. “Go the fuck to sleep.”

Chanyeol grins, puts his phone down on his bedside table. “Goodnight,” he coos, and then snuggles down into his bed to sleep. 

Eight hours later, he wakes up to another handful of birthday messages from people who were asleep at midnight—Jongin, Sehun, Zitao—and a text from Wendy, saying she’ll bring his present to their lunch date. 

“I see how it is,” Kris says, pulling on his coat to leave for class. “You tell Wendy, but not me.”

“She asked, actually,” Chanyeol says with a grin. 

“I’m just saying,” Kris huffs, “I’ll never forgive you.”

Chanyeol shuffles over to him, slings an arm over his shoulders. “That’s it. I guess you’re coming to lunch with us.”

“No, no, I know when I’ve been demoted to second-best,” Kris sniffs, shrugging him off. 

“It wasn’t a question, Kris. I said you’re coming.” Chanyeol punches him lightly in the shoulder. “12:00 sharp. We’re going to the spicy galbijjim place.”

Kris narrows his eyes suspiciously. “The place that ruined our lives?”

“That’s the one. Wendy didn’t believe me that it was that spicy,” Chanyeol says, grinning. 

Kris snorts. “You don’t have to invite me, Yeol. Really, I’m not actually mad. You can go hang out with your friend.”

“Kris, honey, sweetcheeks… You _are_ my friend.” Chanyeol throws his beanie at him pointedly. “You’re coming. This is ideal, actually. Both my best friends with me as I die from spicy food on my birthday.”

Kris smiles slowly. “Well. When you put it that way.”

Chanyeol pumps his fist. “I’ll tell Wendy you’re coming. 12 o’clock! Don’t be late!”

“Speaking of late,” Kris says, “we need to leave for class. Stop distracting me!”

Chanyeol grins all the way to campus.

####

The moment Chanyeol steps into the restaurant at noon, he lights up. “I love this song!” he crows, recognizing the instrumental intro to Element’s _Storm_.

“Really,” Kris deadpans from a table by the window. “You don’t say.”

Chanyeol gasps. “ _You did this._ ” 

Kris turns away, but Chanyeol catches the corner of his smile. 

“You sly bastard. Kris Wu...I love you.”

“Damn, if I knew that was all it would take to make your day…”

Chanyeol turns, sees Wendy coming in just behind him. “Kris gets a free pass on presents, because he has to put up with me all day at home,” he says, grinning. “Also, asking them to play my fave band is a big thing for him. Kris is scared of strangers and his Korean is shit. He’s made a great sacrifice.”

“Sure, sure. Happy birthday, Yeol.” Wendy loops her arms around his waist, squeezes him tightly, and then pulls him along to their table. “Now, give me that spicy-ass food.”

“Okay, well, last time Kris and I ordered the one with 30% spiciness,” Chanyeol says as they sit down. “And we actually died. They felt so sorry for us that they brought cherry milk to our table. For free.”

“The lowest is 20%,” Kris laments. “We didn’t even think we were being brave or anything.”

Wendy scoffs. “We’re ordering 50% today.”

“Wendy no!” Chanyeol says. “It’s not safe!”

Wendy just grins and rings the bell for table service. 

Thirty minutes later, they’re all crying around the table, gulping down cherry milk and regretting their life decisions. 

“My mouth is on fire,” Chanyeol moans pitifully. “My stomach has been replaced by the pits of hell.”

Wendy sniffs her running nose. “It seemed like a good idea at the time,” she insists. 

“You just wanted to see me cry, you sick bastard,” Chanyeol says, and spoons more food into his mouth. 

Kris sits in some sort of silent zen state, face red and hair damp with sweat. 

“Okay, well, this seems like a good time to give you your present,” Wendy says, pulling a little bag out of her backpack. “To remind you that I actually do love you, I swear, I just made a mistake.”

Chanyeol snorts, wiping his hands on his napkin and plucking out the tissue paper at the top. “Aha!” he cheers, pulling out the contents. “Assorted makeup goods!”

Wendy grins. “I’ll show you how to use ‘em, if you like.”

“I’m gonna be the most beautiful boy in the world,” Chanyeol says, reading the label on a liquid eyeliner pen. “Maybe something here will even cover up my tear-tracks after this meal, which I’m sure will be permanent.”

Wendy laughs, patting his hand. “I didn’t get you any concealer, actually, because I didn’t know your skin tone. But I got you some eyeliner and an eyebrow pencil and this very nice-smelling lip balm just in case you ever want to kiss someone.”

“Aw, thanks Wendy,” Chanyeol says, beaming. “That’s super nice of you.”

“Consider it an apology for this,” Wendy says, gesturing to their still half-full dish of galbijjim. 

“You’ll never make up for this,” Chanyeol says, and then pulls his phone out of his pocket as it vibrates. 

“No phones at the table,” Wendy tuts. 

“It’s my birthday, I can do whatever I want,” Chanyeol sings, and taps open a Twitter notification. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i heard it’s your birthday… hope you have a good day ^^ pic.twitter.com/JbsYvswN

Chanyeol makes a high-pitched noise, and Kris breaks his silence to say, “Oh, god, it’s that boy again.”

“He sent me a little birthday doodle,” Chanyeol says, grinning so hard it hurts. “Look. Look at it. Oh my god.”

He turns his phone towards them, shows off the little picture of Minseok and Lu Han holding hands and cheering, with a little _생일츅하햄~♡_ written above them in red pen. 

“Aw, that’s cute,” Wendy says, scrolling up to see the attached message. 

“I love him,” Chanyeol gushes, cheeks warm. “We’ve been talking more recently. He’s really funny, if you catch him in the right mood. I think he likes me?”

“He obviously like you, Yeol, there’s a little heart in the picture,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol looks at it again and beams. “I didn’t even know he knew it was my birthday.”

“You have it right in your display name, Yeol,” Wendy snorts. “It’s hard to miss.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says. “Right. Well. It’s still nice! He’s so nice.”

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 thank you kyungsoo!!! this is so cute aaaaaaa i love it ;;;; this is a great present

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo haha it’s barely anything though

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 STILL. i love it and i love u

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ^^

Chanyeol sighs happily. “He used to barely even say one word to me, and now he’s drawing me cute little birthday doodles.”

“I can’t believe it only took you three months to make such astounding progress,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol makes a face at him. “That’s not my fault! He’s a slow-to-warm-up kind of person.”

 **birthday boy yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
YALL LOOK AT THIS CUTE BIRTHDAY DOODLE KYUNGSOO DREW ME ♡__♡ @dks_0112 pic.twitter.com/JbsdHvsJaNw

“Okay, Park, put away the phone now,” Wendy says sternly. “Or else I’ll make you pay for your own meal.”

“You were gonna pay for my meal?” Chanyeol says, sliding his phone back into his pocket and grinning. 

“I was going to make Kris pay for it,” Wendy says sweetly, and Kris grimaces, but doesn’t actually object. 

They finally give up on trying to finish their food half an hour later, and both Chanyeol and Wendy have to leave in a hurry for their next class. 

He only realizes after he’s out of class that his phone is still on silent, and he pulls it out as he walks back to his dorm, opens his Twitter app. 

There’s a glaring little (49) over his notification bell. 

“What the—” he mutters, clicking on it and scrolling the bottom of the highlighted notifications.

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @dks_0112 yoooooo this is so fuckin cute?? i should have written u a birthday drabble or smth, damn…

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo @dks_0112 chanyeol’s art senpai showing us up again…...chanyeol’s really gonna abandon us for this guy

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo @dks_0112 dfjsfksfhd seriously tho. but i can’t even be mad?? look how cute his doodles are

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo @dks_0112 i kNOW. chanyeol where did u find this boy. find me a boy who can draw like this too. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo @dks_0112 like it’s so cute?? u can tell it was just a quick drawing bUT IT’S SO CUTE. and the little heart,,,, adorable

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo ᄏᄏᄏ thank you…

Chanyeol stops, gapes.

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo SHIT sorry!!! i didn’t mean to leave u tagged!! /o\ this is. embarrassing

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo SHIT HI. SORRY FOR TALKING ABOUT U LIKE U WEREN’T THERE I DIDN’T KNOW U WERE THERE.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@thundaboi @byun_xing @yeoloooooo ᄏᄏ i figured

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo YOU MUST BE KYUNGSOO…..I MEAN OBVS U ARE BUT HI. WE’VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT U. 

“Dammit Baekhyun!” Chanyeol hisses, thumb slipping over the screen as he scrolls through his notifications nervously. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo hello~ i’ve heard a bit about you, too

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@dks_0112 @byun_xing @yeoloooooo ONLY A BIT…….CHANYEOL WYD

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@dks_0112 @byun_xing @yeoloooooo i’m jongdae! it’s nice to finally meet you ^^ 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo i’m baekhyun!!! we’re chanyeol’s best friends that he’s replacing with u

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo haha i doubt that…

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo nice to meet you guys

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo ur art is incredible btw!! we always see it when chanyeol rts it lol

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo yeah omg like we can understand why chanyeol talks abt it all the time. that commission u did for him ♡_♡ ♡_♡

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo thanks ^^ 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo yeah omfg as much as he yelled about it @ u, he probably yelled twice as much at us…

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo seriously...like “U GUYS LOOK AT THIS AMAZING THING, I’M CRYING REAL TEARS, HAVE U EVER SEEN SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL”

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@thundaboi @byun_xing @yeoloooooo ᄏᄏ he said the same to me…

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@dks_0112 @byun_xing @yeoloooooo lmao that doesn’t surprise me. he has many feelings, esp where u are involved

“Oh my god you guys _stop_ ,” Chanyeol says desperately. It’s been almost two hours since these were tweeted. He needs a time machine. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo anyway it’s nice to meet u kyungsoo!! we are always very excited to meet more fanboys like ourselves ^^

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo yeah!! there’s not a lot of us so we have to stick together

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo i’m gonna follow u ok. i hope that’s not weird. but u seem like a cool, talented dude :D and chanyeol’s always raving abt u…

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo me too!! any friend of chanyeol’s is a friend of ours. no pressure to follow back tho! 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo oh yeah for sure lol. i mostly just tweet garbage so like. i will not take offense. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo haha no that’s okay

Chanyeol stops in the middle of reading through the conversation to click on Kyungsoo’s profile, then click on his _following_ tab. 

Both Jongdae and Baekhyun are newly among them. 

“What the fuck!” he says, much too loudly. “You bastards! It took me two months to get him to follow me back!”

 _You’ve been subtly trying to get Kyungsoo to follow them for weeks_ , a little voice reminds him. 

_Yeah but I wanted it to be my idea_ , he grumbles back. 

The conversation fades out quickly after that, because Jongdae has to go to bed and Baekhyun has last-minute homework to do. Kyungsoo bids both of them friendly goodbyes. Chanyeol is absolutely torn between victory and bitterness. 

“I wanted us all to be friends,” he laments to Kris once he gets home, “but I want him to be _my_ friend the _most_.” 

“He had one conversation with them, Yeol,” Kris says, rolling his eyes. “Relax a little.”

“I can’t believe they would do this to me on my _birthday_ ,” Chanyeol sighs. 

Kris pats his shoulder supportively. “You poor, poor baby.”

Slumping into his bed mopily, Chanyeol opens his DMs, finds his chat log with Kyungsoo.

**birthday boy yeollie**  
i see you’ve met my friends  
sorry  
i will have to kill them  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏᄏ  
it’s okay  
they seem nice

**birthday boy yeollie**  
THEY ARE  
but they’ve  
humiliated me  
i will have to kill them  


**kyungsoo**  
i really don’t think that’ll be necessary ᄏᄏ  
i’m surprised you talk about me

Chanyeol scowls, red-faced.

**birthday boy yeollie**  
WELL  
OF COURSE I DO….  
YOU’RE A GOOD AND TALENTED FRIEND WHO I LOVE……  


**kyungsoo**  
boring though  
but i’m  
happy

Chanyeol puts down his phone. Pats his chest over his happily stuttering heart. 

“Jongdae and Baekhyun are forgiven,” he says. “ _This_ time.”

**birthday boy yeollie**  
^^  


####

When Kris returns from his morning class on Friday, it’s to find Chanyeol sitting in front of his laptop, squinting at a video of a girl demonstrating the difference between kinds of winged eyeliners. There’s still a smudge of black on his cheek from his last failed attempt.

“Hello,” Kris says. “Are you going out clubbing?”

“Okay, one,” Chanyeol says without looking away from the screen, “it’s not even noon, who the hell goes out clubbing in the middle of the day. And two, have I _ever_ gone out clubbing?”

Kris shrugs, unzipping his coat. “At this point, Yeol, I genuinely, _genuinely_ do not know what to expect from you. Tomorrow, you could pick up macrame. Or you could join a gambling ring. I wouldn’t be surprised either way.”

“Gambling is a terrible idea,” Chanyeol says, lifting up the handheld mirror he picked up at Daiso and squinting at his face. Does he have hooded eyes? He doesn’t know the difference between hooded eyes and monolids. 

“I like that you didn’t deny the possibility of there being macrame in your future,” Kris says. 

“To be honest, I don’t know what that is, but it sounds fun.” Chanyeol looks up at him. “Would you say I have hooded eyes?”

“I literally don’t even know what that means,” Kris says. “And macrame is some sort of...arts and crafts thing. My mom does it.”

“I like arts and crafts,” Chanyeol says. He turns back to his mirror. “You wanna try doing my eyeliner? I’m shit at it.”

“You would definitely regret that,” Kris says. “Ask Wendy?”

“She’s out with her roommate today,” Chanyeol sighs. “How am I supposed to be the most beautiful boy when I’m shit at eyeliner?”

“Keep practicing?” Kris suggests. “Look up _eyeliner for beginners_ tutorials?”

“That’s a good idea,” Chanyeol says, putting down his mirror and turning back to his laptop. 

“What are you getting dolled up for?” Kris asks, hanging up his scarf and moving to flop onto his bed. “Not that you need a reason, I guess.”

“Today is apparently _Aether Selca Day_ ,” Chanyeol says. “I need to look beautiful, like my best boy Minseok.”

“Okay, uh, what the fuck is that,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol snorts, typing a few words into the YouTube search bar. “Aether is the Element fandom name. Unfortunately. Every now and then, someone out there on the internet decides it’s _Aether Selca Day_ , and everyone posts selfies of them paired with selfies that their fave member took. I like mine to match.” 

“Oh,” Kris says. “Uh. Okay.”

“So I’m trying to do my makeup like Minseok’s,” Chanyeol sighs, holding up a picture on his phone screen that Minseok took at last year’s end-of-year awards. “I even have an eyeshadow almost that colour. But his eyeliner is sharp as hell, and I can’t compete.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” Kris says, glancing at the picture. “I’m sure you’d look very dashing.”

Chanyeol grins. “That is why I must keep trying.”

He works on his look for another hour after that, until his eyelids are red and tender from being scrubbed clean so many times. Then he sucks it up, goes through the entire process one last time, and takes the damn selfie, content with the fact that the makeup is _on_ , and it doesn’t even look like it was done by a first-grader. 

“I look amazing~” he sings, swiping through potential filters to blur out all the mistakes he made. “Everyone better call me pretty~”

“Am I not enough?” Kris asks, flipping through a manhwa on his bed. 

“No, I need constant affirmation,” Chanyeol says. He finds the perfect filter and saves it. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
today’s Look #AetherSelcaDay pic.twitter.com/KncskIsbcDz pic.twitter.com/PnsjkHvsAtq

Within a few minutes, he’s gotten a handful of likes, three retweets (Zitao, Baekhyun, and Jongdae), and a few compliments on his makeup. Chanyeol grins, refreshes his notifications obsessively. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo what’s aether selca day?

“Hah!” Chanyeol says. “Kyungsoo doesn’t know what it is, either.”

“But isn’t he, like, _in_ the fandom?” Kris asks, one brow lifting quizzically. 

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says. “But he doesn’t seem to have many fandom friends, and the ones he does have seem really lowkey. Not _everyone_ participates.” He focuses on typing out a quick reply. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 it’s p much just an excuse to post selfies lol. of u and ur bias!

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo oh… i wasn’t sure if there was more to it than that

 **yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 idk there might be lol but i just do it for fun… u should do it, too! ^^

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ah… idk

“I just realized,” Chanyeol says, stopping short. “I have no idea what Kyungsoo looks like.”

Kris snorts. “Really? You’ve been obsessing over him for like three months, Yeol.”

“Well, all our interaction is through text! I don’t even think about it.” Chanyeol scratches his neck. “I bet he’s cute, though.”

“At this point I think you’d think he was cute even if he had a potato for a face,” Kris says. 

“That would be incredibly bizarre,” Chanyeol says, distractedly typing out his reply. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 no pressure ofc!! it’s just fun ^^ 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo yeah. maybe~

“I hope he posts one,” Chanyeol sighs. “I bet he’s cute.”

“You already said that.”

Chanyeol goes back to his notifications, refreshes them. Clicks on the people who have already liked his selfie. 

“Hey,” he says suddenly, brows knitting. “Kyungsoo didn’t like mine!”

Kris snorts. 

“He didn’t like it _and_ he didn’t say anything about it! What the—” 

“I’m _sure_ it’s not because he thinks you’re ugly, Yeol,” Kris says, before Chanyeol can even voice it. “He probably just forgot.”

Chanyeol huffs, pouts. “He never likes my selfies,” he grumbles. 

“Maybe he doesn’t like anyone’s selfies,” Kris says placatingly. 

Twenty minutes later, Chanyeol clicks on Baekhyun’s twin selfies of him and Yixing to retweet it on his laptop, and sees Kyungsoo’s familiar display pic in a row of people who have liked it before him. 

“What the fuck!” he whines. “Why does Kyungsoo hate me?”

“Have you ever considered that you’re, you know, overthinking this?” Kris says. 

“No!” Chanyeol lies. “I just want him to like me!”

“I know dear,” Kris says, and turns back to his comic as if to say, _Alright, I’m giving up on you._

Chanyeol makes a frustrated sound in his throat. “Friendship with Kyungsoo ended,” he mutters. “Now _Jongin_ is my best friend.”

“Why Jongin?” Kris asks. 

“Jongin _always_ likes my selfies, even if he only sees them a week later,” Chanyeol says. “And Baekhyun and Jongdae fight if I choose between them.” 

Kris snorts softly. A new notification pops up on Chanyeol’s screen. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@dks_0112 @yeoloooooo

Chanyeol blinks. Scrolls up. Sees two matching pictures—one of Minseok, face covered by a mask and the hood of a sweater at the airport, and one of a boy Chanyeol’s never seen before, similarly hidden.

“Oh my god,” he says. “Kyungsoo tagged me in his selfie. Kyungsoo posted a selfie. I told him to tag me in all his art and he tagged me in a picture of _himself_. Oh my god Kris he’s cute!”

Kris sighs, heaves himself upright to come look at his screen. “You can barely see him,” he says after a moment. “He’s just eyes.”

“They’re cute eyes!” Chanyeol says, grinning so hard his face hurts. “Look at his cute round eyes. Look at his cute little fringe. Ahhhhh, I love him so much. Kris, I love him. Friendship regain with Kyungsoo.” 

Kris rolls his eyes and goes back to his bed. 

**yeol ♡ gay cat dads** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡ ♡_♡

“Are you just sending him a thousand heart eyes emojis,” Kris asks. 

Chanyeol grins. “I absolutely am.”

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ……………………..

“Oh,” Chanyeol says. “Maybe he did not like that.”

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo 고맙당♡

Chanyeol has to lie down, a hand over his chest. “He’s so fuckin’ cute.”

“I know dear,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol breathes out a very long breath, and then gets up to send a bunch of heart emojis in return. 

It’s strange, he thinks, how weird and fluttery his heart gets where Kyungsoo is involved. He may be overly invested. But, he reasons. He gets excited like this about Minseok pics, too. 

_He’s just a handsome, talented man that I admire_ , he tells himself, nodding. _This is fine. This isn’t weird._

It makes sense, he decides. He’s Kyungsoo’s #1 fan. This is fine.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:  
> 생일츅하햄 (saengilchyukhahaem) - happy birthday, only...cutely  
> 고맙당 (gomapdang) - thanks, but also cutely  
> oh and galbijjim is like...stewed short ribs? idk but it can be VERY spicy. trust me.
> 
> ANYWAY i had a lot of fun w this chapter i hope yall liked it :3 hehehe


	8. Chapter 8

After Chanyeol’s birthday, finals come barrelling towards them at startlingly high speeds—both in Korea and North America. Suddenly, Chanyeol has a lot less time to spend online, busy finishing final projects and cramming for exams and getting ready to head back to the States for two months for winter break. It feels like his first semester at Konkuk has flown by, all of a sudden—he’s already halfway through his final year of university, and he has no idea where the time went. 

It’s either that fact, or the general contagious quality of exam stress and the associated general despair, that makes him so moody and miserable during his last week in Korea. Or maybe it’s the fact that he’s getting about half as much sleep as usual. Or maybe it’s that he hasn’t been able to talk to his friends much. 

In any case, the night before his last final of the semester, he gives up on studying by 9pm—the last one is always the hardest, he thinks—and clicks on his bookmark for the Element subreddit page. Chanyeol’s not a huge Reddit person—has his hands full with Twitter and a highly neglected Tumblr, to be honest—but it’s his go-to “I’m not going to spend a lot of time here, I just want to check up on what they’re doing without getting sucked into the Twitter vortex” fandom-related pastime. He likes to pretend he spends less time on there than he would on other social media. 

He browses a few articles absentmindedly, reads a couple translations of Weibo posts and things he missed during exams. He listens to an OST song Yixing released a week ago even though he listened to it when it came out, and then clicks on the weekly general Element chat thread and scrolls through it almost without seeing any of the words. 

He stops when he sees the words “RANT: ladies, ship the boys if you want, but stop thinking it’s Real, you’re making everyone uncomfortable.” 

“Well,” Chanyeol says. “That’s true enough.”

The same person goes on to say, “I saw this person on Tumblr in the LuMin tag wailing and weeping because MINSEOK WENT ON A TRIP WITH JOONMYUN AND NOT WITH LU HAN AND I’M DEPRESSED DO YOU THINK THEY’RE HAVING RELATIONSHIP TROUBLE and it’s embarrassing and, frankly, disturbing. Please stop.” 

Chanyeol does not disagree. He, too, feels kind of disturbed when people start being convinced that they _actually_ know that band members are secretly in a relationship. 

The reply below it says, “LOL that’s so depressing. Like they would actually be dating… I don’t ship them myself, but like, you do you. But don’t delude yourself.”

Under that, someone says, “When I first got into shipping I caught myself being a little tinhatty, but I realized how stupid it was pretty early on. Those fans are probably just young.”

Up to this point, Chanyeol more or less agrees. Shipping is fun and he likes imagining or fantasizing, but it’s not like he thinks he knows the _truth_. He doesn’t even want to know the truth, really, or assume he has the right to. He says a lot of dumb, hyperbolic shit on his Twitter, but he knows, and hopefully all of his friends know, that he doesn’t actually think he somehow knows what’s going on behind closed doors. He just likes to pretend. 

And then someone says, “Those fans are creepy lol. THEY’RE NOT GAY! PRETEND ALL YOU WANT BUT THEY’LL NEVER BE GAY. Sorry, weird little fangirls, but they’re STRAIGHT and PROBABLY HAVE GIRLFRIENDS.”

And Chanyeol thinks, oh. 

Oh. That doesn’t make him feel good. 

He’s not sure why he decides to answer. He knows it’s stupid to start stuff online, especially with fans. Fans are notoriously hard to reason with, and quick to lash out. But this. This feels important. This feels personal. 

His hands are shaking, just a little, as he types out his reply. 

_Okay so like...I understand your sentiment. I really do!! Fans can be ridiculous. But I mean...please don’t imply they can’t be gay? Because they can be. Like I see what you’re saying but gay people exist._

He stops, rakes a hand through his hair, tries to figure out what he’s trying to say. 

_And bi people, and all sorts of LGBTQ people. And like, do you get what I mean? You’re acting like they don’t exist but they DO. And like. Any of the Element boys COULD be gay or bi or whatever. They COULD. I’m not saying they are but it’s not out of the realm of possibility? Do you see what I mean? Gay people exist in real life, not just in fans’ imaginations…... And it’s none of our business even if they are gay, or if they’re straight! You shouldn’t assume and like. Idk. Like it’s their life and why are you saying who they can and can’t be? Because they can? And it’s. Idk it’s rude to say they can’t be gay because not only is it none of your (our) business but like it invalidates actual LGBTQ+ people? Like it makes them feel like they can’t and shouldn’t exist. And that’s. Not true._

_Idk. Do you know what I mean?_

He presses post before he can add any more nonsense to his reply. He feels...frustrated, and lost. He wants to say so many things but he doesn’t know _what_. All he knows is that it fucking sucks to feel like no one actually believes in or likes people like him outside of fanfiction. And he just. He wants people to know that. That they’re wrong. And that they’re being shitty.

Why do people always have to be so goddamn shitty? 

A minute later, he gets a reply. 

“Lol, someone’s reaching…”

After that, he really does log out, close the tab. He feels sick, suddenly, and cold, and alone. Kris is out studying at the library, and he doesn’t want to bother Wendy, but he suddenly feels so...fucking alone. He lies down on his bed and closes his eyes, and all he can think about is the fangirls at the store and at the movie theatre assuming him and Wendy are dating—just like everyone assumes the members have girlfriends, or will one day have girlfriends. Like nothing else is even a _possibility_. And he thinks about people addressing other fans as “ _ladies_.” And he’s just so _tired_. He’s so tired of feeling like he’s not welcome in this space that he thought was a rare corner of acceptance and belonging. 

Stomach rolling, he logs into his Twitter account for the first time in three days. 

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
everything feels like shit, fandom is the worst, i want to die

This, too, is probably a stupid thing to say. He doesn’t even know, _really_ , why he says it. Half of him wants someone to say something snippy in return—something like _then what are you doing here, dumbass?_ —just so that he can delete his account and maybe...cry or something, he doesn’t know. But the other half of him wants so desperately to stay. To find a reason to stay. 

Nobody replies for three long minutes. Chanyeol doesn’t even know who’s online, or if _anyone_ is. He only vaguely knows his friends’ exam schedules. It’s possible that they’re all on hiatus, like he’s supposed to be. 

It’s also possible that they’re ignoring him, because he’s overly dramatic and annoying and needy and—

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo my son...come into my arms. tell jongdad ur woes. i will make it better. 

Chanyeol cracks a smile, blinking hard. 

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi everything sucks and nothing is good

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo who did this to u. i’ll fight them. 

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi i did this to me. i think i’m too sensitive for fandom life.

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo well if ur leaving i’m leaving too. we’ll start our own fandom. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo HELLO, DON’T GO WITHOUT ME. why are we leaving? i’m in if yall are in. 

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi lmao...but i love my boys. the struggle. 

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing concept: we start a new element fandom. with a better fandom name. exclusive group. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo i’m in but why are we leaving

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo idk someone said something mean to our chanyeollie

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo WHO DID. I’LL FIGHT EM.

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi i didn’t say that…

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing i gleaned it. DMS!!!

Chanyeol sighs, closes his laptop, curls onto his side to click on his DM icon on his phone. 

**jongdamn**  
were u on the dickish side of tumblr again?

**yeol [has exams]**  
no………. reddit  


**barkhyun**  
CHANYEOL!! we don’t go there. they don’t understand us there.

**yeol [has exams]**  
i’m starting to think no one understands me anywhere……….  


**jongdamn**  
chanyeol….  
u okay man

**yeol [has exams]**  
djhskjjfkds  
yeah  
idk  
bad day i guess  


**barkhyun**  
sometimes with u it is hard to tell if u are having a sad day  
or a Sad Day  
u know

**yeol [has exams]**  
hhhhhhhhhhhhh  
this is why i usually stay offline during exams  
i get too  
aaaaaaaaaaa  
big bad feelings  


**jongdamn**  
bro  
we are here for u  
did u want to talk about the dumb reddit ppl

**yeol [has exams]**  
idk  
i’m just MAD and SAD abt people being like  
STRAIGHT IS THE ONLY REAL SEXUALITY  
GAY IS ONLY FOR FICTION  


**barkhyun**  
oh no were people being awful  
lemme go fight them

**yeol [has exams]**  
no!!!!   
do not go there  
don’t look at my stupid rant  
also don’t bother fighting with them u’ll just get mad  


**barkhyun**  
but i have a speech all ready  
abt extremes and all  
it’s like Don’t Say They’re All In Love Because Friendship Is Real  
But Also Don’t Say They’re All Straight Because You Don’t Know  
Also Shut The Fuck Up  
see? i’m Prepared

 **jongdamn**   
boiii how long u been working on that one

**barkhyun**  
how long have i been in fandom

**jongdamn**   
lolol relatable

**yeol [has exams]**  
lol  
please don’t go on the reddit tho ok  
please  


**barkhyun**  
i won’t  
sorry ur having a bad time bro  
i love and support u and ur gayness

**yeol [has exams]**  
;; thanks  


**jongdamn**  
baek u didn’t say it loud enough  
I LOVE AND SUPPORT U AND UR GAYNESS  
I LOVE MY GAY SON!!!!

**yeol [has exams]**  
>.<  
<3  


**jongdamn**  
btw yeol when’s ur last exam??  
this situation calls for a FUN BEAGLES MOVIE NIGHT!!! (/day)

 **barkhyun**  
YES!!!

**yeol [has exams]**  
uhhhhhh it’s tomorrow @ 11am  
done by 2 at the latest?  


**barkhyun**  
eyes emoji  
ok nope that’s too late for jongdae  
next day???  
for u. thursday morning

**yeol [has exams]**  
i fly home on friday  
thurs is good  


**barkhyun**  
dae?? wednesday night??

 **jongdamn**   
bruh i have my last paper due that morning  
i can swing it

**barkhyun**  
my last exam is the next day  
but idc lol  
MOVIE DAY!!!

**yeol [has exams]**  
i’d really like that :’)  


**barkhyun**  
WE CAN WATCH LU HAN’S MOVIE  
I SAW A LINK W SUBS YESTERDAY

 **jongdamn**   
YESSSSSSS

Chanyeol chews on his smile, stretching out across his bed. A new notification pops up at the top of his screen, and he clicks on it automatically. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo you okay? 

Chanyeol’s heart does a quick little jump-skip in his chest. He clicks back to his DMs hastily.

**yeol [has exams]**  
hey  
can i invite someone to our movie party  


**barkhyun**  
=________=  
u mean kyungsoo right

**yeol [has exams]**  
…...yes  


**jongdamn**  
YES HE CAN!!!  
new friends!! new friends to love!

 **barkhyun**  
well when u put it that way  
it does sound p cute  
yeah invite him

**yeol [has exams]**  
idk if he’ll even accept  
but i just  
wanted to invite him  


**jongdamn**  
do it!!!!

Chanyeol swallows hard, navigates back to his notifications. 

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 yeah ^^;; thanks tho!

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 but also uhhhh random question: do u maybe wanna join me & baek & dae on thurs to stream lu han’s new movie?? 

He waits, fidgeting nervously, for four entire minutes before he gets a reply. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo uhhhh. what would that entail?

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 it’s fun!! we all just stream the movie at the same time and voice chat as we watch. it’s like watching a movie w ur friends!

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ah… that sounds fun? and i. appreciate the invite. but i’m not very fun to watch movies with…

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 u don’t have to be!! baek and dae talk nonstop lol. u just have to be there~~

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 no pressure ofc!! like if u don’t wanna join. that’s fine. i was just thinking like...i’d like it if u joined us ^^;;

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ah...thanks

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo you guys seem really close though…

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 we are, but they all agreed it’d be cool if you joined! i promise u don’t have to say much if u don’t want to ^^

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i’d just...really like it if you joined. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i’m really not that fun…

**yeol [has exams]** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 it doesn’t matter to me if you’re fun or not ^^ 

There’s a scarily long pause after that, long minutes of silence from Kyungsoo that make Chanyeol nervous, that make him think maybe he’s overdone it, he’s been too forward, he’s been too off-putting. For good this time. 

And then.

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo well…. ok then

Chanyeol grins and punches the air in victory. “Yes!”

**yeol [has exams]**  
U GUYS BETTER NOT SAY ANYTHING TOO WEIRD  
I’LL KILL U OK  
DON’T EMBARRASS ME  
BE NICE TO HIM HE DOESN’T TALK MUCH  
DON’T SCARE HIM AWAY  


**barkhyun**  
hehehehe  
yessir

**yeol [has exams]**  
don’t “hehehe” me  
ur my biggest offender  
i’m SERIOUS abt this  


**jongdamn**  
don’t worry yeol  
we’ll go easy on him  
THIS TIME…

**yeol [has exams]**  
i’m uninviting yall to my movie party  


**barkhyun**  
:)))))  
u wish

####

Coordinating their movie day (which has changed names from FUN BEAGLE MOVIE NIGHT to CHINGUS MOVIE PARTY) is much more chaotic than usual, now that they’re working with four schedules and three timezones. This is enhanced, probably, by the fact that Chanyeol is hypersensitive to Kyungsoo’s every need. Kyungsoo says he’d like to be done before lunch? THE MOVIE WILL END BY 11:30. Baekhyun and Jongdae be damned. Chanyeol feels like Kyungsoo is on the precipice of bailing out at all times, and he is _determined_ to keep him back from the edge. There will be more Beagle parties in the future. He can’t be certain about Kyungsoo.

 _hey!_ Baekhyun writes at one point in their group chat. _why don’t u two in seoul just meet up irl to watch? it’d save us the pain of an extra call connection and all._

Chanyeol’s heart stutters in his chest for one whole second before Kyungsoo immediately types back, _i can’t._

And that. Ksdjnfsjk. That makes Chanyeol feel all...itchy. Because Kyungsoo doesn’t even give a reason or anything. Like he doesn’t say _sorry, I can’t, I need to be home to feed the fish_ or whatever. He doesn’t give any explanation. Just _i can’t._ But Chanyeol thinks it’s more of an _i don’t want to._

And that’s okay! He doesn’t have to! It wasn’t even Chanyeol’s idea. 

But. Why does he never want to meet up with Chanyeol? 

_that’s okay!!_ he types back anyway. _we’ll figure it out ^^ does 9am KST work for everyone?? 5pm for Baek, 8pm for Dae._

It does. So the plans are made. 

Chanyeol wakes up at 7am on Movie Day, just because he’s so excited. Kris glares at him when Chanyeol accidentally wakes him up, but they go for breakfast together, and Chanyeol doesn’t stop talking about his hopes and dreams for today’s adventure the entire time. 

“I think it’s going to be really fun,” he gushes, picking up Kris’ kimchi with his chopsticks. “Hopefully Baekhyun doesn’t say anything too stupid. Me and Jongdae are used to the stupid things he says, but Kyungsoo might be traumatized. Maybe I should give him a limit of how many bad sex jokes he can make. I can’t stop him completely—nobody has that kind of power—but maybe if I give him a limit of like, five, he’ll use them for good and not evil.”

“Is it possible to use sex jokes for good?” Kris asks. 

“He has, on occasion, made us laugh,” Chanyeol says with a shrug. 

Kris cocks a skeptical eyebrow. 

“Anyway!” Chanyeol says. “It’s gonna be good! I’m excited! But also terrified. But mostly excited! If Baekhyun and Jongdae ruin this for me I will throttle them.”

“I’m sensing a change in loyalties,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol scoffs. “The beagles are ride or die. I have a much more tenuous grasp on Kyungsoo. I need to hold on.”

“That’s a weird mental image,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol gives up on him. 

By the time Chanyeol gets back to his dorm, it’s 8:30, and he frantically starts setting up as he sends a message to the group chat.

**yeol is a free elf**  
EVERYONE READY???  


**barkhyun**  
lmao dae and i are already on the call  
we’re discussing whether or not it’s a choice to become a ghost

 **jongdamn**  
who the hell would WANT to be a ghost??  
stuck in limbo for eternity?????  
why am i talking about this here too

**barkhyun**  
lololol  
u ready park?

**yeol is a free elf**  
yeah omg WAIT FOR ME  
I WANT TO GET IN ON THIS  


**jongdamn**  
too late i alrdy ended the argument

**yeol is a free elf**  
FUCK  
kyungsoo?? u there??  


**kyungsoo**  
give me a sec

**yeol is a free elf**  
no problem!!  
boyz add me to the call i need to rant abt ghost theory  


**barkhyun**  
k one sec  
i’m busy verbally punching dae in the face

By the time Chanyeol gets added to the call, ghosts are apparently a thing of the past, and Jongdae is saying, “—was the best fictional hero of the century, shut the fuck up, you don’t know what you’re talking about—” and Baekhyun is simultaneously saying “—because you want to fuck him doesn’t mean he’s the best hero ever, like I _know_ he’s hot, I have _eyes_ , but he has the personality of a doorknob—” and Chanyeol can only laugh. 

“Baek, you know better than to argue with Jongdae about literature, you _know_ better.”

“Chanyeol!” crows Baekhyun’s voice. “Buddy, listen, Jongdae thinks—”

“I’m not talking about the movie, you dumbass, he’s different in the books!” Jongdae cuts in. “You’ve never read the books, because you can’t _read_.” 

“Ex _cuse you_ , I happen to have a very high IQ, my parents got me tested,” Baekhyun says. 

“Yeah, for ADD,” Jongdae snips back. 

Baekhyun laughs loudly over the line. “Anyway, Yeol, welcome! Feeling better, dude?”

“Yeah, lots,” Chanyeol says, grinning as he gets his laptop plugged in and starts building himself a nest of blankets and pillows on his bed. “Are we done talking about ghosts?”

“Yeah, we had to stop, Jongdae was getting too worked up,” Baekhyun says. 

“Baekhyun is _really_ testing me today,” Jongdae says. “I’m gonna have to fight him.”

“I’ll get on the next flight to Canada,” Baekhyun says happily. 

“You’re gonna come to _me_ so I can fight you?”

“What can I say, I love to be pushed around,” Baekhyun coos. 

“Oh, gross,” Chanyeol laughs. “Baek, please.”

“Don’t make me leave this call,” Jongdae warns. 

“You’re lucky I didn’t make a BDSM joke,” Baekhyun sings. 

“No BDSM jokes,” Chanyeol says quickly. “Curb your sex jokes today, Baek. I already discussed this with Kris. No scaring away my new friend.”

“ _Our_ new friend,” Baekhyun corrects. “Kyungsoo’s our friend now, too. You have no claim on him now.”

“He was my friend first!” Chanyeol sputters. “I’m warning you two—”

“We’ll be nice!” Jongdae says. “Chanyeol, really. Chill.”

“I just don’t want him to regret this,” Chanyeol mutters, sinking down on his bed. “So just let him talk sometimes. And don’t talk over him. And don’t scare him.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Baekhyun says, as if Chanyeol’s concerns aren’t completely warranted. 

**kyungsoo**   
okay i’m ready  
if you still want to add me to the call

Chanyeol’s heart kicks into double-time. “I’m adding him now,” he says. “Be nice!”

It takes a second for the call to connect. And then another for Kyungsoo to say anything. 

“Hi,” he says. “It’s...me.”

Chanyeol has to turn off his microphone, face flaming. “Oh my god,” he says. “Kris. I love him.”

Kris blinks at him slowly from across the room. 

Chanyeol hurries to turn his mic back on. “Hi!” he says, too loudly. “Hi. This is Chanyeol.”

“Hi,” Kyungsoo says again. 

Oh, god. He’s real. Chanyeol doesn’t know why that thought even enters his brain, but everything just feels suddenly _very_ real. That’s Kyungsoo. Talking to him. And his voice is so low, and quiet, and— Chanyeol has to remind himself to breathe. 

“This is Baekhyun,” Baekhyun says cheerfully. “Welcome to our movie party!”

“This is Jongdae. We’re glad you joined us!”

“Yeah, uh…” Kyungsoo says. “Thanks for inviting me.”

Chanyeol mutes his microphone again. “Kris, help,” he says. “He’s so cute. I won’t survive this.”

“It was Chanyeol’s idea,” Baekhyun says, because he lives to throw Chanyeol under the bus. “But we were wholly supportive.”

“Does everyone have the movie ready?” Jongdae asks. “Does anyone need to take a pee break or get snacks or anything?”

“I’m good,” Chanyeol says, once his mic is back on. “Ready to go.”

“Samesies,” Baekhyun sings. “Kyungsoo?”

Chanyeol scowls—he wanted to be the person to ask Kyungsoo if he was good. 

“Yeah, I got it,” Kyungsoo says. Every time he speaks Chanyeol wants to die a little. In a good way. “So do we all just...press play at the same time? Or is that a...stupid question.”

Baekhyun laughs. “No, yeah, that’s how we do it. Very high-tech. We _could_ do, like, screensharing, but it takes up too much bandwidth. So we do a countdown.”

“And then someone inevitably has a buffering problem and we have to redo the countdown and then someone has to pause to talk to their mom and we have to let them catch up and yeah. It’s a good time,” Jongdae says. 

“Sounds...exciting,” Kyungsoo says. 

“You are in for an _adventure_ ,” Baekhyun says. 

And then Kyungsoo laughs. Chanyeol knows it’s him, because Baekhyun and Jongdae don’t laugh like that—a low, easy chuckle that makes Chanyeol’s stomach twist. 

He mutes his mic. “Kris. I’m about to cry real tears.”

“I know dear,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol barely goes back to the call in time for the countdown. 

The movie gets off to a good start. Lu Han doesn’t show up for the first twenty minutes or so—he’s only a secondary character—but they all make snide remarks about the clichéd plot, and start making guesses from the literal first second of the movie as to which actress Lu Han’s character will have an awkward romance with. 

Predictably, Kyungsoo doesn’t say a lot. Unexpectedly, though, he does talk _sometimes_. He makes an A+ reference to an Element song lyric when the female lead slips and falls in front of her crush. He joins in on their effort to mispronounce Lu Han’s name as ridiculously as possible. When Lu Han shows up looking suave and pretty, he says, “Uh, actually, I came here because I saw you getting beat up in the trailer.” When Lu Han delivers a particularly heartfelt line, he says, “What the hell, I wanted to make fun of your bad acting, you dick.”

By the time they put the call on hold for intermission (to pee and pop more popcorn), Chanyeol is hiding his enormous grin in his pillow. “He’s _so cute_ ,” Chanyeol says, squirming and shaking his laptop like that would stop Kyungsoo from doing whatever he’s doing to him. “Did you hear his little giggle when I made the joke about Lu Han’s shirt? It felt like a literal punch to my heart. I’m going to die. I have to live through another _hour_ of this.”

“Are you okay,” Kris says. 

“ _No_ , Kris, I’m not! I’m having heart flutters. Kyungsoo’s giving me the shiny feelings.”

“The _what?_ ” 

“Shiny feelings. You know, like. That feeling you get when you hear your favourite song. Or like when you see your fave band member just existing. It feels like this.” Chanyeol wiggles his fingers in front of his chest. “Sparkly.”

“Uh, _happiness?_ ” Kris suggests. 

“No, it’s different!” Chanyeol huffs. “Forget it. You don’t understand emotions.”

“Yeah, _I’m_ the one who is emotionally dumb,” Kris deadpans. 

“It just feels like there is a little happy sun in my heart!” Chanyeol says. “Listen! I just. I just like it when he talks to me or notices me and I just want to squeeze him and...hold his hands or something.”

Kris levels a look at him across the room. 

At the back of Chanyeol’s mind, a Yura voice says, “ _Yeollie, why do you like that boy so much? You’re not even best friends or anything._ ”

Chanyeol gapes. Blinks. 

Oh, god. It’s 9-year-old-glasses-boy all over again. 

Chanyeol is gay. 

“Did you just realize you have a real gay crush on him?” Kris asks dryly. “You know, the thing I figured out _at the latest_ when you compared him to Minseok, another man you have a gay crush on?”

“Fdsjhdsjd,” Chanyeol says. “Maybe.”

Kris grins. “Good luck, my friend.”

Chanyeol makes a quiet, high-pitched sound. Baekhyun announces on the group chat that he’s back from the bathroom and ready to go. Kyungsoo says, _me too. yeol?_

Chanyeol buries his head under his blanket for a minute, and then comes out to gulp down several huge, steadying breaths. 

“Okay,” he says. “This is fine. I’ve been gay a long time so everything is fine and nothing is wrong.”

“You keep telling yourself that, darling,” Kris says. 

“Yup,” Chanyeol says, typing out, _i’m ready to go!!_ “It’s all good because all I do is talk about how much I love him anyway, so nothing has to change. Everything is fine!”

“Whatever you say, dear.”

Chanyeol swallows hard and presses _call._

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've never actually spent any time on reddit so idk if people are like this on that site lol
> 
> sorry for the late-ish update!! it was thanksgiving here in canada and i was helping my dad with some work so i was unexpectedly busy. and also having a Sad Time but it's all good now. ENJOY SOME MORE CUTE AND DUMB FANBOYS. smooch.


	9. Chapter 9

Chanyeol’s twenty hours of transit from Incheon Airport to his little home in Georgia go surprisingly well, if you just ignore the part where he spends every waking moment thinking about Kyungsoo, and if he accidentally gave himself away to Kyungsoo, and if Kyungsoo would hate him if he found out, and the very real (although maybe highly unlikely) possibility that Kyungsoo is _on his flight_. 

(Chanyeol checks every time he gets up to go to the bathroom or stretch his legs. He doesn’t see anyone that might be him.)

It’s not that he thinks the rest of their movie-watching party went badly. Thankfully, the distraction of the actual movie (and the long-awaited scene where Lu Han gets absolutely clobbered) kept him from having the chance to say anything _too_ obvious or otherwise embarrassing in the aftermath of his revelation. He thinks he laughed too loudly at everything that came out of Kyungsoo’s mouth, which is embarrassing in retrospect, and his voice cracked once (humiliating), but apart from that...well, he made it through to the end without anyone asking him if he was okay. 

Suddenly, Chanyeol is glad he does weird stuff all the time. 

So it’s not that the movie-watching went badly. It’s just that even after the movie ended and Kyungsoo left to do whatever it is he had to do after lunch, Chanyeol didn’t stop thinking about him, and his nice low voice, and his cute laugh, and the fact that Chanyeol has a huge gay crush on him. And then it was Friday, and Chanyeol was still thinking about him. And now it’s Friday again—damn timezones fucking with his head—and Chanyeol is all braindead and jetlagged, and still. Still thinking about Kyungsoo. 

“Yeollie!” Yura sings from baggage claim, running to him and slinging her arms around his shoulders. “How are you? How was your flight? God, you haven’t called me in _ages_. I have no idea what you’ve been up to recently. Tell me everything!”

And Chanyeol is so tired. And he’s craving french fries so badly. All he can think about is french fries and— “I caught feelings, Yura. Big feelings.”

Yura pulls away, squints up at him suspiciously. “Do you mean you met someone, or that you fell in love with a different band member?”

Chanyeol laughs. “You think I would abandon Minseok that easily?”

“You’re right,” Yura says. “You’re way more likely to break your four-year I-only-like-boys-I-can-only-look-at-on-a-screen streak than to give up on Minseok.”

Chanyeol clears his throat, averts his gaze, squints a little. “Well.”

Yura’s eyes narrow again. “Chanyeol…”

“Well, I _could_ look at him in real life, potentially, one day,” Chanyeol says. 

Yura smacks his arm. “Chanyeol! Did you fall in love with a boy on the internet?”

“It’s not like he’s not a real boy!” Chanyeol protests, lifting his arms to protect himself. “Don’t tell Mom! She’ll insist he’s an online predator!”

“Is he?” Yura asks. 

“Of course not! Or if he is, he’s _also_ a young Element fanboy,” Chanyeol says. 

“He could just be pretending,” Yura says, shaking her finger warningly. 

“Well he would have to be _very_ good at pretending,” Chanyeol says. “Like, good enough to make references. He’d have to be _very_ dedicated. And also, wow, if he’s trying to lure me, he is doing a _very_ bad job.”

“You said you fell for him, though,” Yura says. 

“Oh, I did. But he sure as hell hasn’t been falling for me in return.” Chanyeol pauses, winces at how pitiful that sounds. “Can you buy me some french fries, please? I really want some french fries.”

Yura frowns at him for another second, and then sighs. “Sure, Yeollie. But then we’re going home. You look like you’re about to fall over.” 

“I’ve been awake since 5 in the morning,” Chanyeol laments. “And now it’s been a million hours but it’s only 10 in the morning. I’m suffering.”

Yura pats his hand, helps him collect his luggage, and then herds him back to her car to drive him to the closest McDonald’s. 

It’s another 40-minute drive from there to their parents’ countryside home, and Yura spends most of it interrogating Chanyeol about Kyungsoo, saying he’s being ridiculous, and then critically analyzing every single aspect of their relationship with Chanyeol, like a good sister should. 

“You’re much better at this than Kris is,” Chanyeol says, fiddling with the shitty car radio. “He always just says _that’s nice, honey,_ and doesn’t theorize with me.”

“What kind of friend…” Yura says, shaking her head. “Doesn’t he know that these things have to be obsessed over and picked apart until you want to die?”

“He doesn’t know the Park Family Way,” Chanyeol tuts. 

Yura snickers. “So what are you going to do now? Tell Kyungsoo?”

“Oh, god, no,” Chanyeol laughs. “No way. He’s already scared of me. I don’t want to force him even farther away.”

“So you’re just gonna continue on as normal?” Yura says. 

Chanyeol grins. “That’s what I do best,” he says. “Pretend to not have a crush and do nothing at all, until they disappear from my life forever.” 

“You are a sad, sad boy,” Yura says. 

Chanyeol shrugs. “It’s just a crush,” he says. “It’ll go away eventually.”

“Yeah, because Park Chanyeol has _never_ fixated on a boy he saw on the internet for five years,” Yura says. 

Chanyeol glares at her. “Kim Minseok is a god among men. He deserves my love.”

Yura laughs. “Sure, Yeollie. I know he does.”

Chanyeol huffs, stares out the window at the passing scenery. Thinks, but does not say, _Kyungsoo deserves my love, too._

 _“Just a crush,_ ” Yura scoffs. 

Chanyeol takes offense to that.

####

**barkhyun**  
so chanyeol  
me and jongdae have been talking

**ice ice yeollie**  
without me?  
u bastards  
I HAVE SO MUCH FREE TIME PLS TALK TO ME  


**jongdamn**  
oops  
sorry

 **barkhyun**  
lolol  
dae betas my fics  
that’s why we were talking

 **jongdamn**  
trust me yeol  
u don’t wanna get in on that

 **barkhyun**  
hey  >:[

**ice ice yeollie**  
he’s just jokes  
we love ur Good Gay Fic  


**barkhyun**  
T^T  
ANYWAY  
ur trying to distract me

 **jongdamn**  
oh yeah  
baek and i were talking

 **barkhyun**  
yes  
and we had TWO (2) things to ask u about

**ice ice yeollie**  
sounds ominous  
bring it  


**barkhyun**  
ok 1:  
wait what was the first thing

 **jongdamn**  
1: do u have an opinion on bucket hats

 **barkhyun**  
OH YEAH  
I LIKE THEM

**ice ice yeollie**  
bark no  
they’re awful  


**jongdamn**  
THANK U

 **barkhyun**  
NO THEY’RE NOT

**ice ice yeollie**  
they’re so ugly  
next question  


**barkhyun**  
NO LISTEN  
THEY GET CUTER THE MORE U LOOK AT THEM

**ice ice yeollie**  
i’ve been forced to look at them enough for 4 lifetimes  
why do they keep wearing them  


**jongdamn**  
right?  
like i literally wore those when i was 5  
to school field trips to the zoo and stuff  
Say No To Bucket Hats

 **barkhyun**  
they’re CUTE

**ice ice yeollie**  
sorry bark  
not cute  
next question  


**barkhyun**  
>:[

 **jongdamn**  
ok question 2:  
are u or are u not crushing on kyungsoo

**ice ice yeollie**  
jsfsjksd  
i take it back, let’s talk about bucket hats  
maybe i can be convinced  


**barkhyun**  
AHA!!  
I KNEW IT  
about kyungsoo, not the hats  
tho u SHOULD be convinced abt that

 **jongdamn**  
ohoho ohohoho

**ice ice yeollie**  
GOD HOW OBVIOUS IS IT  
DO I NEED TO DIE NOW  


**barkhyun**  
nah i don’t think so  
not quite yet  
we just know u rlly well so we could tell lol

 **jongdamn**  
yeah like when we watched the movie w kyungsoo  
and u were like  
weirdly quiet  
and then very laughy  
we were like EYES EMOJI

 **barkhyun**  
lolol it’s only bc we’ve watched movies w u before  
i’m assuming kyungsoo doesn’t know what ur usually like

**ice ice yeollie**  
wow i really want to die  
let us never speak of this again  


**barkhyun**  
WHY, IT’S CUTE  
our chanyeollie  
in looooove

**ice ice yeollie**  
please stop  
it’s just a dumb crush T^T  


**jongdamn**  
it’s sweet :3  
it’s not like we’re gonna tell him yeol  
and it’s not even like it’s an impossibility!

**ice ice yeollie**  
that’s why it’s DUMB  
i only like crushes where i know there’s no chance  
BUT TBH THERE’S NO CHANCE HERE EITHER  


**barkhyun**  
why???  
u both even go to school in the same city  
he’s totes available

**ice ice yeollie**  
HE DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO MEET ME  
i even asked him again  
like i was all “maybe we could hang out irl someday! when we’re back in korea!”  
and he was like  
“i’m not fun to hang out with lol”  
>:(((  


**jongdamn**  
well did u tell him u’d like to hang out w him anyway??

**ice ice yeollie**  
OFC I DID  
but i’m NOT gonna be that annoying friend  
like if he doesn’t want to i’m not going to pester him  
i’m just SAD OK  


**barkhyun**  
our chanyeollie has a cruuush  
that’s so cute

**ice ice yeollie**  
don’t make fun of me :(  
he gives me the shiny feelings :(  


**jongdamn**  
we’re not making fun of u!  
it’s seriously cute

**ice ice yeollie**  
just forget abt it ok  
i’ll get embarrassed and never talk to him again  


**barkhyun**  
we’ll only tease u the minimum amount

**ice ice yeollie**  
i’m serious  >:(((  
it’s just a dumb thing  
i just think he’s cute and talented and stuff  


**jongdamn**  
fan crush?

**ice ice yeollie**  
sure  
let’s call it that  


**jongdamn**  
lolol  
ok yeollie

 **barkhyun**  
it’s CUTE  
too bad he doesn’t want to meet u tho  
u could be cute boyfriends

**ice ice yeollie**  
T^T  
can we stop with this now  
erase it from ur memory  


**jongdamn**  
never :)

 **barkhyun**  
:))

 **jongdamn**  
but we WILL drop it  
for NOW

 **barkhyun**  
and in the meantime  
bucket hats

**ice ice yeollie**  
NO!!!  


####

December is a busy month for Chanyeol. The 18th is his dad’s birthday, and on the 21st the beagles celebrate Baekhyun’s 500th day on T, and then the 24th is Christmas Eve (during which Chanyeol’s family makes approximately one thousand gingerbread cookies), and then it’s Christmas, and a couple days later it’s New Year’s Eve. Add to that k-pop holiday specials, Christmas shopping, family obligations, and trying to hang out with all his high school friends at least once, and Chanyeol barely has a chance to sit down and breathe for the entire second half of the month.

And then suddenly it’s January, and everything just sort of...stops. Yura and his parents go back to work. All of his friends go back to school. Chanyeol’s the only one who has another two entire months off, all to himself. 

It’s a recipe for disaster, if he’s being honest. Chanyeol had developed a good sleep schedule while he was rooming with Kris, because _Kris_ had a good sleep schedule, but now that he has no one forcing him to be in bed by midnight, he gets a little wild. On days that he’s not manning the register at his dad’s corner store, he finds himself pulling all-nighters for literally no reason, and then sleeping all day, and groggily waking up when his mom gets home from work at 5pm. 

“Park Chanyeol, you wake up _right now_ ,” his mom huffs, smacking him with his own pillow and then disappearing to get supper started. 

“Mmmmdjsbfhsj,” Chanyeol says, picking up his phone from where he dropped it next to his head. “Park Chanyeol is gone. There’s only me, a garbage can, left in his place.”

“Rest in peace,” his mom calls from the kitchen. 

Chanyeol snorts, blinking away his blurry vision and clicking on the notifications he’s accumulated since he fell asleep around noon. 

He scrolls through them quickly, replies to the ones that garner responses, and then clicks the home button. 

**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ** @nini_draws  
are u a boy?? — i am mostly just sleepy, but thanks for asking! curiouscat.me/ninidraws/post/217551551?t=1507774547

“Shit,” Chanyeol says. “It’s already Jongin’s birthday in Australia.”

And then he sees Jongin’s display pic. 

And it’s different. 

“What the,” Chanyeol mutters, clicking on it. Jongin hasn’t changed his display pic in the entire two years that Chanyeol has known him. It’s been a little drawing of a cartoon bear for _two years._

And now, suddenly, it’s a doodle of a toddler in a tiny bear onesie, with big pouty lips and sleepy eyes, and it’s not in Jongin’s drawing style. 

It’s in Kyungsoo’s.

**ice ice yeollie**  
NINI  
first of all happy birthday  
i love u tons n tons  
and second of all  
DID KYUNGSOO DRAW UR DP…..  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
ah  
thanks 형  
( ˘ ³˘)  
yes he did!  
isn’t it cute :3

**ice ice yeollie**  
YEAH…..  
DID HE DRAW IT FOR UR BIRTHDAY….  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
yeah!  
we did a little art exchange ^^  
did u see the one i drew for his birthday?

Chanyeol’s heart stops.

**ice ice yeollie**  
his birthday?????  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
ye  
it was on the 12th  
so we exchanged little doodles last night hehe

Chanyeol’s ribs squeeze, and only in a bad way.

**ice ice yeollie**  
it was his birthday???????  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
he didn’t tell u?  
i’m surprised

**ice ice yeollie**  
I’M  
WHY DID HE TELL U AND NOT ME  
T^T  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
i mentioned mine first  
and then he said  
his was 2 days before it  
and then we said we should exchange drawings

**ice ice yeollie**  
OH MY GOD JAN 12  
THAT’S THE NUMBERS IN HIS TWT HANDLE  
GODDAMMIT!!!!  
WHEN DID THIS EXCHANGE HAPPEN  
WHY DIDN’T I SEE IT  
IF I WAS SLEEPING ISTG….  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
it was on dms…

Chanyeol feels very sad about very many things in that moment. 1) That Kyungsoo and Jongin are having private DM conversations without him. (Why are all his friends talking without him?? He’s so bored??) 2) That Kyungsoo told Jongin and not Chanyeol that it was his birthday. 3) That Kyungsoo is out there drawing cute birthday doodles for Chanyeol’s friends and not just Chanyeol. 

However, if Chanyeol says any of those things, Jongin will get very sad and probably apologize, so he swallows his pitiful jealousy and tries to muster up something like humility. Chanyeol is not a sore loser. He’s _not._

**ice ice yeollie**  
ah….i see  
he didn’t tell me……..  
but the drawing is rlly cute!!  
i will go look for the one you drew too  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
^^  
i don’t think he really told anyone

 _Except you_ , Chanyeol thinks bitterly. Now he knows how Kris felt when Chanyeol didn’t tell him about _his_ birthday. Except that Kris presumably does not have a big gay crush on him.

**ice ice yeollie**  
anyway happy birthday baby bear  
i gotta go now  
<3  


**jongnini ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ**  
thank u ^^ <3

Chanyeol sighs, goes back to his tline to scroll through it moodily. After a few minutes, he reaches Kyungsoo’s tweet from right around the same time Chanyeol passed out. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
sleepy baby bear @nini_draws pic.twitter.com/ksD9kjs5aS

Kyungsoo’s own icon is a Jongin-style doodle of a penguin with round eyes and dark eyebrows, wearing a cute little pompom winter hat. It’s adorable, and it makes Chanyeol feel unreasonably cranky. 

He has to take several steadying breaths before he can reply.

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 this is so cute!!! it totally looks like nini haha. i love it and i love u ♡_♡

Kyungsoo doesn’t reply immediately. Chanyeol’s not surprised—he hasn’t been online much during the break. 

Or maybe he’s just been avoiding Chanyeol. 

Either way, Chanyeol drags himself out of bed, helps his mom get supper ready, moodily eats with his family when his dad gets home from work. And then he drags himself back to his room, curls up in bed, picks up his phone again. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo hehe. thanks chanyeol. 

Goddamn Chanyeol’s heart, getting the flutters every time Kyungsoo so much as _acknowledges him._

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 jongin says it was ur birthday TT

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ah...yes

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 u didn’t tell me TT

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo honestly…i didn’t even think to...

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 sniff. i thought we were friends kyungsoo. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo we are…

Chanyeol gets very grumpy about how giddy that makes him. 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 where have u been recently?? u barely tweet  >< i worried abt u

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i’m just at home…

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 enjoying ur break?? ^^

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo not really

Chanyeol remembers, vaguely, Kyungsoo telling him once that he was glad he’d be away for Thanksgiving. He frowns in concern. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo what have i missed? 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 me, probably ^3^ but also, did u see element’s “winter performance”?

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo hmmmm yes, i was around for that

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 then...did u see lu han’s airport fashion the other day? w the,,, poncho thing

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ᄏᄏᄏ no. link me.

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i’m hoping it’s a preview for their comeback this year lololol https://twitter.com/princelu/status/539128290292

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo OH no...please god no…

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 lololol and then look at minseok...all black everything… Goth Seok https://twitter.com/ilLUMINation/status/93601228495

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ᄏᄏ he’s me from high school

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 lmao pls tell me u went through a goth phase

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo haha...yeah…

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 YES. that’s so funny omg. just goth aesthetic? or were u super emo too 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ah yeah...super emo

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 lmaooooo

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo it was actually awful. high school was the worst. 

Chanyeol hisses through his teeth. “Shit,” he mutters, heart clenching. 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 oh dude i’m sorry

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo nah

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 no really. i’m sorry i shouldn’t have made that joke.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo it’s fine

“Shit, shit, shit,” Chanyeol whispers. “Goddammit, Chanyeol, this is why _no one likes you,_ you insensitive asshole.” 

Kyungsoo doesn’t say much after that—just short replies to Chanyeol’s pitiful attempts to bounce back—and Chanyeol knows it’s his fault. He’s such a _moron._

It doesn’t stop bothering him all evening, and eventually he swallows his pride and finds his old DM chat with Kyungsoo.

**ice ice yeollie**  
hey  
i’m really sorry i said that about like  
being emo  
i didn’t mean to make you feel bad or anything  
i wanted to make sure we’re cool? ;;;;  


**kyungsoo**  
no it’s really fine  
it was just a phase i went through  
brings back bad memories i guess

**ice ice yeollie**  
sorry ;;;;;;  
do u not want me to talk about it?  
like we don’t have to talk abt it but also  
let me know if i say smth that makes u feel uncomfortable  


**kyungsoo**  
idk  
like i know mental illness isn’t something to be ashamed of. but.

“Park Chanyeol you _idiot_ ,” Chanyeol mutters frustratedly.

**ice ice yeollie**  
yeah no ofc  
it won’t change how i think of u or anything  
like u don’t have to tell me ANYTHING  
but just. know that.  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah  
idk  
it was less of an emo phase and more of a  
bad anxiety phase  
and that kinda led to other problems and it all sucked so. whatever.

Chanyeol’s ribs squeeze significantly more painfully than they had when he was feeling jealous about...Kyungsoo having friends that aren’t him, like a total asshole.

**ice ice yeollie**  
i’m sorry  
that sounds super hard  


**kyungsoo**  
idk  
sorry i’m talking about this

**ice ice yeollie**  
no don’t apologize  
i’m sorry if i made u feel pressured to tell me  


**kyungsoo**  
you didn’t  
it’s fine  
i just feel dumb for bringing it up

**ice ice yeollie**  
don’t  
i’m,, glad u felt comfortable enough to say anything to me  
i hope u didn’t feel obligated to  


**kyungsoo**  
i didn’t  
you’re...easier to talk to than most

Chanyeol’s heart gives a sad little _thump_.

**ice ice yeollie**  
really???  
lol i don’t feel like that……  


**kyungsoo**  
you should see me with other people

Chanyeol feels proud of himself for barely even thinking about the fact that Kyungsoo told Jongin it was his birthday and not him.

**ice ice yeollie**  
well i’m happy then ^^  
that u talk to me  


**kyungsoo**  
^^;;  
can we  
stop talking about this now

**ice ice yeollie**  
yeah ofc!!!  
can we talk about ur birthday instead  
did u celebrate it  
what can i do to celebrate it  
icb i missed this opportunity to celebrate my COOL FRIEND and TALENTED ART SENPAI  
what kinda terrible #1 fan doesn’t even know their idol’s birthday…  
i’m a disgrace  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
you don’t need to do anything…

**ice ice yeollie**  
BUT I DO  
where do u live  


**kyungsoo**  
why…

**ice ice yeollie**  
so i can send u a card ofc  
I’M NOT GONNA STALK U  


**kyungsoo**  
oh  
i’ll send u my mailing address then

**ice ice yeollie**  
:D  
oh also  
if ur winter break sucks  
come talk to me ok  
I’LL HANG OUT W U  
i, a garbage can, may not be tons of fun  
but i sure do have free time  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
okay

Against all odds, Chanyeol ends the evening with warm, shiny feelings in his chest. At long last, the mysterious and somehow nebulous Kyungsoo is really starting to take shape. Gain depth. 

And, Chanyeol thinks, so is his crush on him.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another 100 thanks to everyone who has commented or left kudos on this fic, yall make me so happy ( ˘ ³˘) 
> 
> oh also!! i keep forgetting. i have a curiouscat [here](https://curiouscat.me/jumpthisship) if you want to ask me questions! see u guys next update <3


	10. Chapter 10

In the last days of January, a tweet pops up on Chanyeol’s feed as he’s boredly refreshing the page in bed, pretending to go to sleep at 11pm to appease his mom but not really planning to fall asleep for another several hours at least. 

**Soompi** @soompi  
#Element tease for solo concert in Seoul https://www.soompi.com/2018/01/28/element-tease-seoul-concert/ 

At first, Chanyeol doesn’t really react. Element’s had hundreds of concerts, probably, since Chanyeol became a fan. And they never come to Georgia. Never. New York, LA. One time Chicago. Why do they never come to Atlanta? 

And then Chanyeol remembers. 

_I’m going to be in Seoul soon._

“Oh my god,” he says. “Oh my god?”

He hits _retweet._

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
YALL. I COULD. I COULD FEASIBLY GO TO THIS. WHAT IF I GO TO THIS.  
https://twitter.com/soompi/status/389347829743829

Almost immediately, he starts getting notifications. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo DON’T EVEN, PARK. I CAN’T HANDLE THAT LEVEL OF JEALOUSY.

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo shut up bark, you had the opportunity to go to the LA one last year!!!! they never come to canada!

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo BUT I COULDN’T GO BC IT WAS AN EXAM DAY. SO SHUT UP. 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi yall are the worst supportive bros ever, I’M GONNA GO IF IT KILLS ME

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing bro do u even know if you’ll be back in seoul by then? aren’t u home for another month still…

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @byun_xing I’LL GO BACK EARLY. BYE MOM, I HAVE ATTRACTIVE KOREAN BOYS TO SEE.

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi stop i’m too jealous T^T 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi if u don’t pray w me that i get to go i will disown u

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing i’ll pray w u bro. my prayers count x2 bc i actually go to church

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @byun_xing once again jongdae is my favorite

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi T^T T^T i want to have fun too

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi if i make eye contact w yixing i’ll communicate via telepathy that ur in love w him

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi thanks bro...ur doin ur best

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi jhdfhskhfdksh i can’t believe i might actually GO

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi I MIGHT ACTUALLY SEE THEM….IRL……MY BOYS

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing on a scale of 1 to 10 how much are u gonna cry

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @byun_xing bro...the real question is if i will ever /stop/ crying

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi when minseok finally sees u...u will be all splotchy and snotty. cool. sweet. nice.

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi IDC...I WON’T BOTTLE UP MY FEELINGS…

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing do u ever. lol. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo when he has a crush. lol. lol. 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @thundaboi DELETE THAT TWEET…

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @byun_xing KJSHFSKJF WHAT IF I CAN’T GO THO. WHAT IF I’M NOT IN KOREA.

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi then ull feel our pain u bastard

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo i will feel slight schadenfreudic joy, but also medium sad for u. is that acceptable?

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@thundaboi @byun_xing u guys are the worst

 **baby chick** @ohohorat  
@yeoloooooo @thundaboi @byun_xing i’ll feel sorry for u 형. i hope u can go.

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@ohohorat @thundaboi @byun_xing ;~~~~:  <3 <3 <3 <3

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
announcement: sehun is my new best friend, beagles are cancelled 

**baby chick** @ohohorat  
@yeoloooooo ^^ 

Chanyeol doesn’t fall asleep until 2am, busy following every Element news source so he doesn’t miss the concert dates announcement.

####

**ice ice yeollie**  
guys  
omg u guys  
the concert dates just got announced  
it’s during ur spring breaks………  


**barkhyun**  
…….

 **jongdamn**  
omg

**ice ice yeollie**  
I’M JUST SAYING…  
GUYS  
COME VISIT ME???  


For a minute, neither Baekhyun nor Jongdae replies. Chanyeol feels bizarrely tense, like maybe he’s made some sort of mistake. Like they’re offended he would suggest something so ridiculous, or so impossible. He just. He saw the dates and looked at his calendar and saw the week blocked off with [Beagles On Break], and he got so excited and he just _said it_. He just wanted it so badly that he suggested it without really even thinking it through. Did he say something wrong?

And then he gets a new notification. 

**barkhyun**  
………  
my mom just said she’d consider paying part as a birthday present

**ice ice yeollie**  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  


**jongdamn**  
DSKJFHSKJFK MY MOM HASN’T ANSWERED YET  
NOT FOR MONEY I JUST NEED TO KNOW IF SHE’LL LET ME GO  
IF U GO I’M GOING BAEK

 **barkhyun**  
REALLY  
OMG GUYS

 **jongdamn**  
GUYS!!

**ice ice yeollie**  
AAAAAA  
CAN U GUYS ACTUALLY COME  
I’LL CRY IF U DO  


**jongdamn**  
MAYBE???  
HOW MUCH ARE FLIGHT PRICES  
I CAN AFFORD LIKE…$1000

 **barkhyun**  
WHAT ARE THE EXACT DATES  
I HAVE A MIDTERM ON THE MONDAY AFTER

**ice ice yeollie**  
THEY’RE ON THE FIRST WEEKEND OF UR BREAK  
IF WE GO TO THE SUNDAY ONE…  
AND THEN U GET HERE LIKE ON SATURDAY……  


**barkhyun**  
I COULD DO THAT

 **jongdamn**  
KSJFSJKK I FOUND A FLIGHT FOR LIKE $1200….  
CAN I SWING IT…….

**ice ice yeollie**  
BRO I’LL HOLD A FUNDRAISER FOR U IF U CAN’T  
I WANT U GUYS TO COME SO BAD  
PLEASE PLEASE PKEALSSE  


**barkhyun**  
GUYS I THINK I’M GONNA DO IT  
I THINK I’M GONNA GO????  
MOM SAID SHE’D LOAN ME MONEY TO GO  
I THINK SHE’S PITYING ME BC I CRIED ABOUT NEEDLES EARLIER  
WAIT CAN I TAKE MY SYRINGES ON THE PLANE

 **jongdamn**  
DON’T GO WITHOUT ME BARK  
I’LL CRY

**ice ice yeollie**  
I’D LET U STAY IN MY DORM BUT I THINK THAT’S ILLEGAL  


**barkhyun**  
TBH IF I HAVE TO LEAVE MY SYRINGES AT THE AIRPORT I’D DO IT

 **jongdamn**  
MY MOM SAID WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT  
I THINK THAT’S A YES  
GUYS!!!!

 **barkhyun**  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**ice ice yeollie**  
aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  


**jongdamn**  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chanyeol feels breathless. The concert’s in a month and a half. 

He might get to see his friends in a month and a half. 

He’s so high on success and the adrenaline rush of wild possibilities that he clicks on Kyungsoo’s DM log with reckless abandon. He feels invincible.

**ice ice yeollie**  
kyungsoo  
element concert  
march  
baekhyun and jongdae might be coming  
join us????????  


Kyungsoo doesn’t reply immediately, and Chanyeol doesn’t really expect him to. They’ve been talking more regularly since Jongin’s birthday, chatting here and there throughout the day, but Kyungsoo told Chanyeol himself (!!) that he isn’t online much when he isn’t feeling great, since it tends to make him feel worse. Chanyeol doesn’t understand, because it’s when he’s feeling bad that he relies on his online friends the most, but he doesn’t push it. He’s willing to give Kyungsoo the space he needs.

Still, he’s on edge for the next half hour, as he makes frantic plans with Baekhyun and Jongdae, until he gets a reply. 

**kyungsoo**  
ahh…  
i don’t know…

Instantly, Chanyeol deflates. He supposes he _shouldn't have_ expected a beagle-esque response. He shouldn’t have expected Kyungsoo to yell and say OH MY GOD, THAT WOULD BE AMAZING, I’M GOING TO SEE IF I CAN. Kyungsoo has used all caps a total of like one time when talking to Chanyeol, and it was when they were discussing LuMin and their cat daughter. 

So he shouldn’t have expected that, especially. But he supposes, with his track record, that he also shouldn’t have expected Kyungsoo to want to go with them at all. 

He pats his chest over his broken heart, and then carefully types out his response.

**ice ice yeollie**  
i just thought it would be cool if we could all go together ^^  
it’s fine if u can’t, obviously  
it’d just be really fun  
let me know!!  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah

Chanyeol sighs again. He wishes Kyungsoo could show a _little_ enthusiasm, at least. Like maybe disappointment, if there’s something actually keeping him from going to the concert. Or like. A reason, maybe. 

For a second, he’s tempted to ask. He really is. He just wants to _know_ , okay. He wants to know why Kyungsoo never wants to meet up with him, even though they’re friends now. 

But then he doesn’t, and it’s not because he too nice to force Kyungsoo into admitting something. He wishes that was why he doesn’t end up saying anything. He wishes he was just a nice person. But secretly, deep down, he’s scared. 

What if it’s just because he doesn’t like Chanyeol that much? 

What if it’s just because he thinks Chanyeol is already weird enough online? 

He sighs, scratches the back of his head.

**ice ice yeollie**  
^^  
anyway  
how are u?  


**kyungsoo**  
i’m ok

Chanyeol sighs again, lies down on his bed. If he already managed to make Kyungsoo feel bad _again_ … 

**kyungsoo**  
^^  
how are you?

Chanyeol’s heart lifts a little, and he smiles. Rubs his thumb fondly over Kyungsoo’s familiar little display pic. God. He makes Chanyeol feel so fucking soft.

**ice ice yeollie**  
i’m good  
happy :)  


**kyungsoo**  
that’s good  
i can’t talk right now  
but i’m glad you’re having a good day

Chanyeol bites his lip, squirms happily.

**ice ice yeollie**  
thanks kyungsoo  
i hope you have a good day, too  


**kyungsoo**  
^^

Chanyeol sighs again, but much more happily this time. Eventually, he’s bound to get this right. 

**jongdamn**  
GUYS I THINK MY MOM JUST SAID I CAN GO  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chanyeol grins. He is having a very good day indeed.

####

“Men. I’m sure you all know why I’ve brought you here today.”

“Uh,” Jongdae says from Chanyeol’s laptop screen. “To keep you occupied while you wait for tickets to go on sale? The exact reason that you told us to call you?”

“Was that a surprisingly clever ploy to get us to keep you company on a school day?” Baekhyun asks, his university cafeteria providing background chatter on his end. 

“No, no that was the legit reason,” Chanyeol says. “But just as I was waiting for you to call, I had a flashback, and there is a grave matter to discuss.”

“Is it more grave than this cold I woke up with?” Jongdae asks. 

“I was just gonna ask you about that,” Baekhyun says. “You okay? Did you take some medicine?”

“Yeah, just sniffly. For now.” Jongdae hunches his shoulders miserably. 

“Colds are the worst,” Chanyeol says. “Now focus on me! Flashback!”

“Was it very dramatic?” Baekhyun asks. “Did you faint dead away?”

“Sadly, no. I just suddenly remembered something Kyungsoo said to me and was like, _shit_.” 

“Are any of your thoughts ever _not_ about Kyungsoo?” Jongdae asks. 

“I have a lot of free time,” Chanyeol says. “And you know I love to overthink things.”

“You? No,” Jongdae deadpans. 

“Alright, we’re ready for the big reveal,” Baekhyun says. “How much time do we have left before tickets go on sale?”

“T-minus ten minutes,” Jongdae announces. 

“It’s not a big reveal,” Chanyeol says. “I got your hopes up. I’m sorry. You’re not going to be impressed.”

“Just pretend you forgot what you were going to say, and then introduce the same thought as like a throwaway memory,” Baekhyun says. “That’s what I do when I accidentally overhype things.”

“You’re right. I don’t know what the big flashback was. What was I saying? Also, oh shit, just remembered, one time Kyungsoo told me his ideal type is small and cute. Dammit.”

Jongdae groans and rolls his eyes; Baekhyun hisses sympathetically. “Dude, that’s a serious blow.”

Chanyeol nods, clutches his chest dramatically. “I know. He’ll never love me you guys.”

“Does he _know_ that you’re fifty feet tall, though?” Baekhyun asks. 

“And only a tiny bit cute, on good days,” Jongdae says generously. 

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol admits. “But if he ever does find out, I’m done for. I’m like the least small person I know. Except Kris.”

“Do you know how tall _he_ is?” Jongdae asks. “Maybe you’re shorter than him.”

“Actually, no idea,” Chanyeol says. “But I doubt he’d be _much_ taller.” 

“Guess you’re screwed, then,” Jongdae says lightly. “Time to accept it.”

Chanyeol sighs theatrically. “It’s okay. I never really thought he’d like me back anyway.”

“This is why he doesn’t want to come to the concert with us,” Baekhyun says. “He heard you’re over 180cm.”

“Who told!” Chanyeol demands. 

“I heard it was Sehun, your new best friend,” Jongdae sniffs. 

Chanyeol laughs. “Well, can’t do anything bad to him.”

Jongdae sighs. “You’re right. I love him too much.”

“Did you seriously make us call you so you could complain about Kyungsoo’s ideal type not being tall and handsome, or whatever?” Baekhyun asks. 

“No, I really did just want you to keep me company,” Chanyeol says. “I’m super tense? WHAT IF I DON’T GET THE TICKETS. Why did you guys make me do this?”

“You’re the one who doesn’t have school!” Jongdae says. “I need to leave for class in a few minutes.”

“What if I fail you,” Chanyeol whines. “It’ll be all my fault. I can’t handle this kind of pressure.”

“Six minutes left,” Jongdae says. “We’re gonna drop you in a second. You need all the high-powered internet you can get.”

Chanyeol whimpers. “Alright. I’m gonna do it!”

“You can do it!” Baekhyun cheers. 

“We believe in you!” Jongdae adds. 

Chanyeol holds up a fist, nods resolutely, and then ends the call. 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
T-MINUS 5 MINUTES TO CONCERT TICKET TIME. EVERYONE PRAY FOR ME.

With four minutes to go, Chanyeol gets a notification in the midst of his constant page refreshing. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo hey...any chance you still have room for one more in your party?

Chanyeol gapes. 

**ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 DUDE OMG YES??? UR COMING? DO U WANT ME TO BUY UR TICKET???

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo if u can...and if u want… if not that’s fine. i just thought maybe it’d be fun to go.

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 KYUNGSOO YES OH MY GOD!! I’M BUYING UR TICKET SO U CAN SIT WITH US. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ^^;;

Chanyeol hits refresh on the ticketing page. 

The _Purchase Tickets_ button lights up. 

Chanyeol screams, internally and externally, throughout the entire ticket-buying process. He fumbles desperately over entering his credit card information, breathes heavily through the whole thing. 

And then.

They’re his.

**ice ice yeollie**  
GUYS I GOT EM  
WE’RE GOING TO THE CONCERT MUTHERFUCKERS  
ALSO KYUNGSOO’S COMING WITH US  
TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE  


**barkhyun**  
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
also omg YES KYUNGSOO  
I’M SO HAPPY U DECIDED TO COME  
CHANYEOL WAS DESOLATE

**ice ice yeollie**  
SHUT UP BARK  


**jongdamn**  
I’M GONNA BE LATE FOR CLASS BUT  
YAS!!!!  
ALSO YAY KYUNGSOO!!!!!  
I GOTTA GO BUT I’M SO EXCITED AAAAAA

 **kyungsoo**  
^^  
if today is the best day of your life…  
what is concert day going to be like for you

**ice ice yeollie**  
get ready for ACTUAL DEATH  
wait that’s it  
i’ll have died of happiness and will be attending as a ghost  
BEAGLES + KYUNGSOO UNITE AT LAST  


**barkhyun**  
CHINGUS PARTY  
I’M SO PSYCHED AAAAAAAAAA

 **kyungsoo**  
:)

Chanyeol grins, absolutely exploding with bright happiness. He’s that one meme. The exploding brain meme. 

Jittery with nerves and adrenaline, he clicks on his private DM conversation with Kyungsoo.

**ice ice yeollie**  
hey  
i’m really happy u decided to come :)  
i’m rlly rlly excited  


**kyungsoo**  
^^  
it was a really split-second decision…

**ice ice yeollie**  
well, thank u  
it made me really happy :D  


**kyungsoo**  
i’m glad ^^

If Chanyeol tears up a tiny bit at that, well. 

Nobody has to know.

 **ice ice yeollie** @yeoloooooo  
small brain: seeing element concert alone  
bigger glowing brain: seeing concert w beagles  
transcendental brain: SEEING CONCERT W BAEK+DAE+SOO

####

On Chanyeol’s second-last day of break before his flight back to Korea, he wakes up at 9am—two hours before he usually wakes up these days—to the sound of his phone going off.

Chanyeol has exactly five things on notification on his phone that still go off when it’s on Do Not Disturb mode: alarms, family calls, kakaotalk messages from the Beagles (used for emergencies), the international Element twitter page, and DMs from Kyungsoo. 

He expects the sound to be coming from anything but the latter. 

**kyungsoo**  
hey

Chanyeol rubs his eyes, sits up, and grins.

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
hey  


It takes a minute for Kyungsoo to reply, and Chanyeol has to check three times if the original message was actually sent thirty seconds before his own.

 **kyungsoo**  
can i ask you something?

For some reason, Chanyeol gets stupidly giddy-queasy. He gets that _this is it_ feeling, even though he doesn’t know what _it_ is. (Well. He knows what he’d like it to be. But.)

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
ofc ^^  


**kyungsoo**  
u can say no

There’s a long pause. Chanyeol wonders if he’s supposed to say something to that. He should have waited until he was a little more awake to answer. 

**kyungsoo**  
you’re gay right?

Chanyeol laughs, and suddenly feels very nervous.

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
why would i say no to that??  


**kyungsoo**  
sorry that wasn’t the question i was going to ask

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
lol  
well the answer is yes. obviously.  
why?  


His stomach feels all fluttery, and his heart beats too quickly against his ribs.

 **kyungsoo**  
can i ask how you came out?

...Oh. Well. That was...not what Chanyeol had been expecting. Or hoping for, at least, with every pitiful molecule of his entire pathetic being. But it’s okay, he tells himself. It’s fine. He’s not disappointed! It was a stupid thing to hope for, anyway. 

**kyungsoo**  
to your family  
if you’re out, that is  
i just assumed you were…  
sorry if this is a personal question

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
haha yeah i am  
i don’t mind talking about it ^^  
i came out really young tho  
my sister was there when i figured it out myself, and she helped me tell our parents a few months later  
they’re p progressive tho, so neither of us were that worried!  
or at least my sister wasn’t, which helped  
we did a whole “chanyeol has something to tell you” thing and then i clammed up and got nervous and then she looked at me and i nodded and she told them for me. it was very nice.  
and then i threw up. and then my parents hugged me.  
the end!  


**kyungsoo**  
ah  
that’s a nice story

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
except where i threw up  


**kyungsoo**  
haha. yeah.

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
why are u asking?

**kyungsoo**  
because i don’t know how to do it

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
you’re not out to ur family?

**kyungsoo**  
idk it’s like  
i’m pretty sure my dad has known forever?  
but i’ve never dated and i’ve never actually said anything to him  
like i figured it out in high school but i had. other issues back then.  
so i guess he was more worried about that than a sexuality i wasn’t even acting on  
and. yeah.  
my brother knows tho. but /he/ asked /me/

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
ahhhh i see  
but you’re thinking of coming out now?  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah…  
but like. idk how and suddenly i’m super nervous...

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
good luck dude!!!  
do u wanna talk to dae about it maybe?  
he just came out to his mom last year  
baek did just a couple years ago too  


**kyungsoo**  
no...that’s okay

Chanyeol’s heart swells a little bit. He knows Kyungsoo told him that he’s easier to talk to, but seeing the evidence of it—that Kyungsoo will talk to him about these things but not other people—makes him ridiculously warm and happy.

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
well, just remember that there’s no one way u have to do it  
and u don’t have to do it at all if u don’t want to  
it’s up to u  
however u feel comfortable  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah  
thanks chanyeol

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
^^ i’m cheering for u!  
if u wanna talk anything over before u go for it  
i am here for u  


**kyungsoo**  
thanks

There’s a long pause, and Chanyeol rakes his fingers through his hair, wonders how he can support Kyungsoo better without overstepping boundaries. And then his phone vibrates again. 

**kyungsoo**  
i’m sorry to keep bothering you but  
can you talk to me for a bit  
i’m really nervous

Chanyeol’s fingers fumble over his screen as he types out his frantic reply.

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
ofc!!!  
ur not bothering me at all  
talking to u is the best way to spend my morning ^^  


**kyungsoo**  
o<—<  
thanks yeol

Chanyeol gets truly stupidly giddy about the nickname, even though every single one of his friends uses it.

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
whatcha wanna talk about? ^^  
talking is my best skill  


**kyungsoo**  
haha  
honestly, whatever  
anything

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
have i ever told u about my secret lumin au?  


(He knows he hasn’t. That’s why it’s a secret.)

 **kyungsoo**  
no  
tell me

Chanyeol grins, sits back against the wall at the head of his bed. If Kyungsoo needs him to talk, then goddammit, Chanyeol will _talk_. 

Two hours later, Kyungsoo says _my dad just came in. I told him I had something to talk to him about at lunch. He smiled and said he thinks he knows what, and he’ll be happy to hear it._

Chanyeol tears up a little.

**yeol ~ take me back.mp3**  
good luck soo  <3  
i’m cheering for u  
i love u <3  


**kyungsoo**  
thanks yeol  
means a lot

Chanyeol makes a high-pitched sound, burrows into his blankets, and grins.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> istG there was smth i wanted to say here but i am so sleepy and i can't think of it. i lov u. hope u enjoy my meme references.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny warning for (light) alcohol consumption! they're all legal drinking age and no one gets drunk so [thumbs up emoji]

“What are you writing?”

Chanyeol yelps, flings himself over his desk. “Nothing!”

Kris blinks at him from where he’s hovering over Chanyeol’s shoulder, unfazed. “Are you writing _Do Kyungsoo_ all over your notebook instead of doing all the homework you said you were going to do ahead of time before your friends come visit?” 

“No!” Chanyeol says, way too loudly. “I'm just practicing my hangul!” 

“By writing the same name over and over?” Kris asks.

Chanyeol makes a whiny, frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “I liked you better when you couldn't read Korean!” 

Kris grins, pats his shoulder. “You missed me over the break, didn't you.”

“Not even the tiniest bit!” Chanyeol lies. He tries to discreetly cover his notebook with some loose papers.

“I've already seen it, Yeol, you can't hide your shame from me now,” Kris says. “I know you're writing yours and Kyungsoo's names in little hearts.”

“There are no hearts!” Chanyeol protests. “Stop slandering my name.” 

“Have you written his name with your last name yet? Or would you take his? _Do Chanyeol_. Hmmmm.” 

“Aghhhhh,” Chanyeol says, covering his ears. “Stop that! I'm not a middle schooler!”

Kris hums noncommittally. “You do know it's still four days until they get here, right? Are you sure you won't waste away from anticipation before then?” 

“I was doing fine before you started bothering me,” Chanyeol grumbles, pretending to search for something in his pile of papers. 

“You've had like six breakdowns since we got back from break,” Kris reminds him. 

“That's the norm for me,” Chanyeol says.

“How are preparations going?” Kris asks, flopping onto his bed and picking up his manhwa. Apparently he’d missed them during the break, because he’s been reading comics nonstop since they got back two weeks ago. Chanyeol secretly thinks they’re cheesy BL manhwa but he’s not going to say anything. “Did your friends manage to find a place to stay? Whenever I glimpse your chat or whatever, it’s just a lot of capslock.” 

“That’s just our regular conversation,” Chanyeol says. “They found a place. Finally. It’s just like three stops away on the subway.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Kris says. And then he sits back to read, obviously finished with the conversation. 

Chanyeol vibrates for about another minute, and then bursts out with, “I’m too excited, Kris, I can’t do my homework!”

Kris sighs and says, “I brought this upon myself.”

“I know I said I wanted to get ahead on all my schoolwork so I could hang out with Baek and Dae more while they’re here but how can I do that when I’m too excited? But also I’m so nervous? What if they don’t like me in real life. What if it’s awkward. What if they like _each other_ but not me and then they don’t want to hang out with me but I don’t realize it and keep bothering them and they’re secretly like _what the hell, leave us alone._ ” 

“Your mind is a scary place,” Kris says. 

“ _Also_ , we keep making plans, but Kyungsoo keeps setting up these elaborate escape routes, I swear to god. Like he doesn’t say that’s what they are, but I _know_ , okay, I _know_ that’s what they are. We’ll be like _let’s do this on that day, we’re all going!_ And then he says _yes but I might have to do such-and-such so I might not be able to go, or I won’t be able to stay long._ ” 

“That’s smart,” Kris says. “That is a smart man.”

“No one else is doing that, Kris! Why doesn’t he want to hang out with us?” Chanyeol whines. 

“Uh, because he barely knows you?” Kris says. “He’s playing it safe. And he’s probably not used to spending all day every day with people. Man, you really don’t understand introverts…”

“I come from a family of extroverts,” Chanyeol huffs.

“He’s probably having all the same ridiculous freakouts as you, only instead of yelling about them to his unsuspecting roommate, he’s making sure he’ll have an out if they actually come true,” Kris says reasonably. 

“You’re not unsuspecting. You suspect me all the time. You’re used to this.”

Kris snorts, shakes his head, goes back to his manhwa. 

“I don’t want him to be nervous,” Chanyeol mumbles, crossing his arms and slumping on top of his desk.

“Then let him have his escape routes,” Kris says.

“I want him to like me and to have fun. And to _like me_.” 

Kris laughs softly. “I know, dear.”

Chanyeol smiles slightly into the crook of his elbow. It’s good to be back.

####

On Saturday morning, Chanyeol wakes up at 8am, sits bolt upright in bed, and says, “Oh my god, Kris, today’s the day.”

Kris groans from his bed. “Go back to sleep, Yeol, you’re not picking them up until the afternoon.”

“I can’t! Oh my god. They’re coming today!” Chanyeol fights his blankets off of his body, stumbles out of bed. 

“Go be excited anywhere else but here,” Kris says. “Come back in two hours.”

Chanyeol makes a muffled sound against the back of his hand, pulls a sweater on over top of his pajama shirt, and then grabs his shoes and leaves to get breakfast, trying not to hyperventilate. 

As much as everything feels very chaotic and overwhelming inside Chanyeol’s brain, things really fell together in the end. Jongdae ended up getting a connecting flight in California, so Baekhyun made arrangements to take the same flight to Korea, which means they’ll be travelling and arriving together, which is pretty amazing. They already posted a pic last night at their terminal gate, grinning and excited. Chanyeol’s not jealous. Also, miraculously, Kyungsoo agreed to meet Chanyeol to go meet them in Incheon, which is just. Wow. Chanyeol is anticipating an out-of-body experience. And that means that when Baekhyun and Jongdae get out of customs, they’ll all be together at the same time, and it’s going to be _amazing_. Chanyeol can feel it. 

To add to that, Wendy’s offered to take notes for him in any classes he misses, plus Chanyeol managed to finish a project that’s due smack-dab in the middle of the week, and begged one of his professors to let him do a quiz early, so that his week is mostly cleared of major interruptions. It’s still early in the semester, which is a blessing, because there are no midterms to worry about, or huge assignments. He’ll have to do a little frantic catching up after the week is over, but it’s worth it. It’ll be _worth it_. 

Basically, everything is amazing and Chanyeol is so excited he could goddamn _cry_. 

At 10am, he makes plans with Kyungsoo to meet at the Hanyang University subway station so they can go to the airport together. At 11am, he gets a DM notification. 

**kyungsoo**  
i’m  
having some regrets

Chanyeol panics.

**yeol / D-1**  
why??????  


**kyungsoo**  
i think i shouldn’t have said i’d go

**yeol / D-1**  
did something happen???  
are u okay??  


**kyungsoo**  
no  
i mean no nothing happened  
i’m just

He doesn’t say anything for a full minute. Chanyeol’s heart beats wildly in his chest.

**yeol / D-1**  
don’t abandon me now soo T^T  
is something wrong  
is there anything i can do to help  


**kyungsoo**  
idk i’m just  
nervous

Chanyeol suddenly feels very shitty. He _clearly_ has not been doing his job.

**yeol / D-1**  
about meeting or about the concert??  
i’m sorry :((  


**kyungsoo**  
idk  
why am i telling you this  
idk if i can come today

**yeol / D-1**  
nooooooo  
i mean if u don’t feel comfortable it’s ok if u don’t come  
but i’m rlly excited to meet u :(  
i’m sorry ur nervous  


**kyungsoo**  
hhhhhhh  
idk  
sorry

**yeol / D-1**  
u don’t have to apologize!!  
it’s ok man  
is there something specific ur nervous about  


**kyungsoo**  
idk  
i don’t know what to say  
when we meet

**yeol / D-1**  
tbh  
u don’t have to say anything if u don’t want  
i talk enough for 10 ppl so  
i got the words covered  


**kyungsoo**  
haha

**yeol / D-1**  
honestly tho  
i’ll say hi, u can say hi, i’ll probably say IT’S SO NICE TO MEET U  
and then if u want we can say nothing  
and we’ll go pick up baek and dae  
and they’ll talk like crazy  
and no one will mind at all if u just wanna listen  


There’s a long pause after that, and Chanyeol thinks maybe Kyungsoo is just going to disappear from his life forever. He worries that he said something horribly wrong, like maybe Kyungsoo interpreted his words to mean _no one will even care if you don’t talk, we don’t want to hear you anyway._ Which is not what he meant!!

 **kyungsoo**  
okay

Chanyeol blows out a long, slow breath.

**yeol / D-1**  
u still want to meet @ 3?  
i’ll bring my ipod and stuff in case u don’t feel like talking ^^  


**kyungsoo**  
okay  
forget i said any of this

Chanyeol grins.

**yeol / D-1**  
already forgotten  
see u in 4 hours soo ^^  


**kyungsoo**  
see you

Chanyeol makes a loud, high-pitched sound, clutches his chest, and tries to wrap his mind around _seeing Kyungsoo_. His whole, real face. The face that he has, whatever it looks like. Chanyeol can barely comprehend it. It’s like trying to imagine the face of God.

**yeol / D-1**  
ah!!  
i’ll be wearing a big-ass yellow sweater  
but wendy says u can recognize me by my bowlegs  
lololol  


All Kyungsoo sends him in response is a thumbs-up emoji. Chanyeol figures he’ll take what he can get.

####

Chanyeol gets on the subway at at exactly 2:45, throat tight with anticipation. He gets off three stops later, at Hanyang University. He tries to take deep breaths as he shuffles out of the way of the people getting on and off the train, tugging on the brim of his cap, fiddling with the edges of his sleeves. He keeps looking around, but he doesn’t know what Kyungsoo looks like. And to be honest, he doesn’t know for sure if Kyungsoo’s going to show up. He chews on his lip, sends up a silent prayer.

_Please, please come._

_Please, please don’t think I’m too weird._

“Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol whips around, heart pounding wildly, and sees a boy in thick-rimmed glasses standing five feet away, narrow shoulders hunched, wide eyes blinking. 

And Chanyeol realizes he forgot to send up the most important prayer of all— _please don’t be so fucking cute that I forget how to function._

“Shit,” Kyungsoo says, staring up at him. He’s so little. He’s so tiny and Chanyeol has the biggest fucking crush on him. 

His words—word, singular—filters through Chanyeol’s sluggish brain. “What?” he says. 

Kyungsoo averts his eyes, staring over Chanyeol’s shoulder. “No. Nothing. Uh. Hi.”

Chanyeol is really. He’s truly dying. “Hi,” he says breathlessly. Kyungsoo isn’t looking at him. Why isn’t he looking at him? Chanyeol didn’t put on any makeup today because he thought he might cry and ruin it but now he is thinking maybe he should have. “How, uh. Hi. It’s nice to...meet you.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes flicker to his, and he smiles, just a tiny bit. He has soft, round cheeks and a soft, round mouth, and he’s dressed in all black—black sweater, black jeans, black shoes, little black backpack—and Chanyeol wants to. Hold his fucking hand. “Nice to meet you too,” he says, and Chanyeol recognizes his voice, at least. He has been thinking about his voice for three months. He just didn’t expect it to be coming out of this tiny, adorable body. 

Chanyeol grins. Probably too wide, knowing his face and the way that it regularly betrays him, but he can’t help it. “Ready to go?” he says.

Kyungsoo nods, and Chanyeol wants to say _that’s okay, you don’t have to talk. I’m okay with you not talking._ But he promised he would forget that conversation. So he just smiles, and then leads the way to the platform to get on the next train. 

Standing next to Kyungsoo is honestly kind of surreal. He’s like five inches shorter than Chanyeol, which puts his face right around Chanyeol’s shoulder, which is very inconvenient for trying to sneak glances at him. But Chanyeol does it anyway, because he can’t help it. They stand there on the platform together, not saying anything, and then they get on the train and are forced close together in the limited space, and Chanyeol’s heart beats erratically every time they bump shoulders. 

The moment a seat opens up nearby, Chanyeol pushes Kyungsoo unsubtly towards it. “Sit,” he says, and tries on his best smile. “I’ll grab the next one.”

Kyungsoo smiles at him, shifting his backpack into his lap, and even though he’s still not looking at Chanyeol, Chanyeol feels like he has received a special kind of gift. He stands in front of Kyungsoo’s seat and stares out the windows at the walls rushing by, and occasionally glances down at him, and tries not to squirm too obviously. 

Five minutes later, a small hand tugs on the hem of his sweater. “Yeol,” Kyungsoo says (oh, god, he called him _Yeol_ ), and points to the empty seat across from him. 

Chanyeol sits down so quickly he bruises his tailbone. Kyungsoo smiles, and Chanyeol has to pull out his phone to frantically text Wendy that _Kyungsoo is the cutest fuckin person I’ve ever seen, I’m not going to survive this week._

He receives no sympathy. 

Eventually, they have to get up to switch subway lines, and they have to stand again for a while, but after that the crowd thins out as they get closer to Incheon, and they find two seats together for the last hour of the trip. Their knees bump together, and Chanyeol messes around on his phone, tries desperately to hold his tongue. 

“Do you want to share my earbuds?” Kyungsoo says. 

Chanyeol startles, turns to him. “Huh?”

Kyungsoo is holding an iPod Nano that looks at least ten years old. “If you want. You can share my earbuds.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol grins. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Kyungsoo hands him one earbud, and Chanyeol fits it into his ear. He instantly recognizes the piano intro to _Take Me Back_. 

“This is my favourite song,” Chanyeol says a little breathlessly. 

“I know,” Kyungsoo says. “I remember.”

Chanyeol is very glad he didn’t put on any makeup, because he’s already getting misty-eyed. 

“Who’re you texting?” Kyungsoo asks a minute later, swaying against Chanyeol’s shoulder as the train shakes. 

Chanyeol grins broadly. Kyungsoo is _talking to him_. Kyungsoo is _initiating conversation._ This is just like the beginning of their friendship on Twitter, only like a million times more exciting and also stressful because it’s happening in _real time._ “Wendy,” he says, grateful that they’re no longer talking about Kyungsoo and his overwhelming cuteness. “My friend from class.”

“Oh, right,” Kyungsoo says. “The Renegade fan?”

Chanyeol chews on his smile. “Yeah.”

“I see you tweet about her sometimes,” Kyungsoo says. He’s still staring straight ahead, at the opposite side of the train. “She’s not coming to the concert?”

“Nah, she’s saving up for _‘a more worthwhile concert,’_ ” Chanyeol says with a scoff. “She said she would have come if I had no one else to go with, but since I had friends coming, she’d rather go to a Renegade concert.”

“Psh,” Kyungsoo says. “Her loss.”

Chanyeol laughs a little too loudly. “You might meet her this week, though. I’ll probably drag her out to meet all of you at some point.”

“Maybe,” Kyungsoo says, and Chanyeol doesn’t push it. Kris said to let him have his escape routes, so Chanyeol is going to _do that_. 

He doesn’t say anything for a minute, listening to their shared music in silence, but a thousand questions are bubbling up in his chest, a million conversation starters, a million gushing compliments and _oh my god I’m so happy you’re actually here’_ s. He swallows them down, forces himself to stay quiet, and then thinks, _well, he started it. He asked something first._

“What are you going to wear tomorrow?” he blurts. Well. That works. 

Kyungsoo actually turns to him for a second, blinks. “What?”

“To the concert,” Chanyeol clarifies. “What are you going to wear?”

“Uh,” Kyungsoo says. “I haven’t really...thought about it?”

“Well, I figure you can either wear like something fannish, like an Element shirt or whatever, or you can wear like your most flattering outfit. I know Baek brought clothes specifically for the concert,” Chanyeol laughs. “Dae insists he doesn’t care but he’ll probably wear something cute in the end.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “What are you wearing?”

“I’m _mostly_ concerned with not being unbearably uncomfortable for the whole show,” Chanyeol says. “But I’ll try to look presentable. Otherwise Baek might chastise me.”

Kyungsoo looks torn between thoughtful and concerned, his dark eyebrows knitting together. “I haven’t even thought about it…”

“Well, you’ve got a whole day yet,” Chanyeol says lightly. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Kyungsoo huffs, and then shrugs. “I guess.”

Chanyeol smiles, bumps his shoulder gently. “Are you excited?”

Kyungsoo nods, and it’s only a little bit hesitant. “Yeah. I am.”

And he’s still not looking at Chanyeol, he’s still sitting stiffly in his seat and audibly weighing all his words before he voices them, but that’s _something_. And it’s something that he’s _here_. And he’s talking to Chanyeol, and sharing his music, and letting their knees brush together with the shaking of the train. 

That’s definitely something. 

(It’s enough to make Chanyeol want to scream.)

####

Chanyeol almost, _almost_ forgets why they’re even on the subway, right up until they reach their station—the last on the subway line—and he sees the signs. _Incheon International Airport._

Oh, god. It’s time. 

“How long have you guys been friends?” Kyungsoo asks as they wend their way towards baggage claim. 

“Uhhh, me and Jongdae about four years, me and Baek a bit less?” Chanyeol says. “Baek and Dae were friends before I met them, though.”

“Shit,” Kyungsoo says under his breath. He swears a lot more in real life than he does online. “That’s a long time.”

Chanyeol laughs. “Yeah. This meeting is...long overdue.”

“I’ve only known you for, what, five months?” Kyungsoo says. 

“Since August,” Chanyeol says, and then immediately backtracks and says, “I mean, September. I think?”

(He started following Kyungsoo in August. He made First Contact in September.)

“Six months,” Kyungsoo sighs. “What am I doing here?”

“You’re here because I want you here!” Chanyeol says, too loudly again. Some people turn to look at him. “Length of friendship doesn’t matter, Soo. It’s just like how it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a fan of something. Being a fan is all that counts.”

Kyungsoo hunches his shoulders, stares up at the flight information board. “Well,” he says gruffly. “We can say that because we’ve been fans since debut.”

Chanyeol laughs out loud. “Indeed, Kyungsoo,” he says, and then pulls out his phone to see a _WE’RE ALMOST OUT OF CUSTOMS!!!!_ message from Baekhyun. 

His heart starts hammering again. 

Ten minutes later, they’ve found the right arrival gate. After another five, people start coming through it. Chanyeol presses up onto the tips of his toes, craning his neck, watching, waiting. And then. 

“Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol feels breathless all over again. “Ahh!” he says, overwhelmed, at a loss for words. 

Jongdae reaches him first, an enormous backpack hanging off his shoulders. He plows into Chanyeol headlong, and Chanyeol wraps his arms around his waist, swings him around. He’s smaller, lighter than Chanyeol would have expected. And then Baekhyun reaches him, lugging a suitcase behind him, which he abandons to throw his arms around him and Jongdae both. And Chanyeol’s clinging to them, grinning, blinking stinging eyes. 

“Oh my god,” he says, squeezing Baekhyun around the shoulders. “Oh my god I’m _so. happy._ ” 

“We made it!” Baekhyun crows. “We’re here!”

“You’re _here_ ,” Chanyeol says, and kisses them both on the tops of their bowed heads, loud and wet. 

Baekhyun makes a disgusted sound, then wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and jumps to cling to his front, koala-style. “You’re so fucking tall, oh my god!”

“Kyungsoo!” Jongdae says, stepping back half a pace. “Right? I’m assuming?”

Kyungsoo’s hanging back, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched. “Yeah,” he says, lifting his head a little, offering a tentative smile. “Hi.”

“Kyungsoo!” Jongdae cheers. “Oh my god! It’s so awesome to see you!”

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun echoes, detaching himself from Chanyeol but not moving away. “I had no idea what you would look like, and here you are! What the hell, man, you’re fucking cute!”

Chanyeol has a brief moment of shocked silence, in which he simultaneously thinks _oh my god Baek why would you say that_ and _what the hell Baek, I wanted to be the one to say that._ But mostly the former. 

Kyungsoo just smiles, bashful and embarrassed. “Uh. Thanks.”

Chanyeol can barely look at him. It’s like staring into the sun. He reels Baekhyun back in, buries his face in his matted hair. “I’m soooo happy you guys are here,” he says, sniffling. 

“We made it!” Jongdae says, lifting his fists in the air. “I’m fucking _starving_ , can we get something to eat?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol sniffles. “Come on.”

He grabs Baekhyun’s suitcase for him, and then quickly ends up with Jongdae’s backpack on his back, too, and he doesn’t even care, because they’re _here_ , and they’re chattering away excitedly, and asking Kyungsoo questions, and recounting their tales from the plane, and it’s _wonderful_. Chanyeol feels like crying again. 

“Aaaaaah, Chanyeol’s tearing up,” Baekhyun announces loudly. “Yeollie, our sensitive boy.”

“I’m just happy!” Chanyeol says, rubbing his nose vigorously. 

Jongdae grins, clings to the arm not pulling Baekhyun’s suitcase. “We’re happy too, dude.”

Chanyeol sniffs, holds onto the hem of Jongdae’s sweatshirt, looks over at Kyungsoo. He’s still hanging back, staying a step or two away from the knot of them, but he meets Chanyeol’s gaze for a second, gives him a small, warm smile. 

Chanyeol feels like he’s going to puke happiness all over everybody. 

It’s amazing.

####

Things get easier to handle the longer the four of them spend time together. They end up going all the way back to Seoul to eat, dropping off their bags at their airbnb before sitting down for huge bowls of bibimbap, and Chanyeol worries that Kyungsoo, overwhelmed by their Beagle-ness, will bail and go home before they even make it that far, but he doesn’t. He stays, and although he’s quiet and noticeably awkward, he eats with them and makes the occasional comment and never looks aggrieved when someone asks him a question. He sits next to Chanyeol, across from Baekhyun and Jongdae, and chuckles at Baekhyun’s constant stream of joke attempts, and mixes his bibimbap with absolute focus, and Chanyeol wants to keep him for fucking _ever_.

“Alright, friends, what’s up next on the itinerary?” Baekhyun asks, even as he sways slightly where he’s sitting. 

“Uh, sleep, maybe?” Chanyeol suggests. “You’re dead on your feet.”

“No I’m not!” Baekhyun protests. 

“He insists we’re going to make the most of every single second that we’re here,” Jongdae says. He looks slightly more awake than Baekhyun does—he mentioned that he slept more on the plane. 

“Jetlag is for suckers!” Baekhyun says passionately. “I want to go to the noraebang!”

“Oh,” Jongdae says. “I disagree with your first statement, but I _would_ love to go to the noraebang.”

Chanyeol shrugs— _he’s_ not the one who just crossed upwards of eight timezones. “If you guys want to go, I can take you.”

Baekhyun cheers too loudly for the inside of a restaurant, and Jongdae grins. Chanyeol swallows nervously, turns to Kyungsoo. 

“Hey,” he says with forced lightness, “you wanna come, too?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, moving leftover grains of rice around his bowl with his spoon. “I should maybe—”

“You should come!” Baekhyun says enthusiastically. “The more the merrier!”

Kyungsoo shrugs again, chews on his lip. 

“You don’t _have_ to come,” Chanyeol says quietly, “but it’d be awesome if you could.”

Kyungsoo hesitates for another second, and then says, “Okay.”

Jongdae whoops, and Baekhyun claps his hands together, and when Chanyeol sneaks another peek at Kyungsoo, he’s smiling at the table. It makes Chanyeol all soupy inside. 

By the time they get a noraebang room, Baekhyun _really_ looks like he’s not even going to make it through the first song, but the second they start searching the system for Element songs, he’s wide awake and bouncing on the balls of his feet, already tapping rhythms against his thigh with the tambourine. Chanyeol laughs, lets the two of them have the mics for the first song, and then sits down with Kyungsoo on the couch to watch. 

“Does anyone want drinks?” Kyungsoo asks, picking up the menu from the centre table. 

“Soju!” Baekhyun yells. 

“You don’t even like drinking, Baek,” Jongdae says. 

“I’m in Korea, Dae, I _have_ to like drinking,” Baekhyun says. “Get us some soju!”

“It’s nasty as shit,” Chanyeol warns him. “You’re not going to like it.”

“Watch me!” is Baekhyun’s only response. 

“It’s technically illegal to drink alcohol in here,” Chanyeol adds. 

“It’s technically illegal to bring snacks to the movies, too, but you never see that stopping me,” Baekhyun says. 

Chanyeol snorts, glances at Kyungsoo beside him. “You wanna go with me to the convenience store?”

Kyungsoo looks up, quirks a small smile. “Sure.”

It’s strangely thrilling, sneaking out to the nearest GS25 to buy two bottles of soju with Kyungsoo, sticking them in his bag, giggling over who should show their ID to the teenager behind the counter. By the time they make it back, Baekhyun and Jongdae are in the middle of a powerful rendition of Element’s last Christmas ballad, so they slip back to their couch spots, twist the caps off of their bottles. 

Chanyeol takes a swig first, and comes up sputtering. “Oh, god, it’s _so gross_.” 

Kyungsoo opens the other bottle, takes a drink, and grimaces silently. 

“Are you the only one who drinks here?” Chanyeol asks, glancing at him. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I don’t. Drinking alone sounds too depressing.”

“Jongdae drinks wine,” Baekhyun says, flopping down beside them and stealing Chanyeol’s bottle. “Our resident drinker.”

“Sweet wine isn’t too horrible,” Jongdae admits, grinning at Kyungsoo when he’s offered the other bottle. “I’ve never gotten anywhere near drunk on it though.”

“Oh, _gross_ ,” Baekhyun coughs as he takes a sip. “It’s like _vodka_.” 

“When have you been drinking _vodka?_ ” Chanyeol laughs. 

“We put it in mixed drinks occasionally at home,” Baekhyun says. “This is way, way worse, though.”

“Than mixed drinks? No shit.” Chanyeol cracks up. 

“We can order some juice to put it in,” Jongdae offers. 

“You go,” Chanyeol says, standing up as another song comes on. “I’m going to sing.”

“Soo?” Baekhyun says, taking another sip and shuddering. “You’re up next.”

“I’m okay,” Kyungsoo says, smoothing out a wrinkle in his jeans. “You can sing again.”

Baekhyun blinks, and then shrugs. “If you say so,” he says, and stands to take the mic. 

They all take turns yelling into the microphones for the next hour—Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae—while Kyungsoo sits in the background, shaking the tambourine and stealing swallows of soju and making faces. Nobody gets drunk—two bottles between four people isn’t nearly enough to do that—but Chanyeol starts feeling a little buzzed after they start mixing it with orange juice, and Baekhyun and Jongdae get even noisier, if that’s possible. They laugh a lot, make a lot of dumb jokes, sing until their voices start cracking. 

Around the half-hour mark, Kyungsoo takes off his glasses, and his eyebrows knit together, staring hard at the screen as he mouths along to the words. Chanyeol starts to feel a little nervous, then. That Kyungsoo hates this, that he wishes he wasn’t there, that he regrets meeting them. That he’s mad at them for dragging him along. 

But as another song ends and Jongdae snatches the mic from his hands, Chanyeol swallows his nerves, sits down heavily next to Kyungsoo. “You okay?” he asks, just quietly enough that the others won’t hear. 

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says, still frowning at the screen. And then, “Sorry. I’m really short-sighted.”

Chanyeol blinks at him for a second, and then he laughs. “Oh! Is that why you’re glaring at everything?”

Kyungsoo ducks his head, looks bashful even as he sways. He’s drunk way more straight soju than anyone else. “My glasses got smudged,” he mumbles. 

“That’s alright,” Chanyeol says with a grin, relieved. “Don’t you want to sing?”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “I’m okay here.”

“Alright. But if you want to sing, just take a mic. Those two have had enough time.”

Kyungsoo shrugs again. “I don’t want to ruin their fun.”

“The only thing you could ruin is their quest to destroy their voices,” Chanyeol laughs. 

Kyungsoo smiles a little, and Chanyeol counts that as a win. 

A minute passes without another word between them, and then suddenly Kyungsoo says, “Sorry I’m...awkward.” 

Chanyeol startles, shakes his head vigorously. “You’re not!”

“I am,” Kyungsoo says, shrugging, slumping sideways. He’s leaning against Chanyeol now, their shoulders pressing together on the couch, and Chanyeol is sweating. He’s glad it’s loud in the room, because otherwise he knows his pounding heart would be literally audible to everyone. “I’m bad at. People.” He sighs softly. “This is why all my friends are online. And I don’t even have many there.”

Chanyeol’s chest squeezes painfully. “It’s okay,” he says, at a loss. “I don’t mind. I like you this way.”

For the first time in what must have been hours, Kyungsoo tips his face up towards him, smiles a soft, round smile. It makes Chanyeol’s heart stop. 

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yells as another song winds down. “Your turn!”

Chanyeol tears his gaze away from Kyungsoo’s face to look up at him, swallowing thickly. “I want Kyungsoo to sing with me.”

Jongdae grins easily, holds his mic out. “No problem. I’m about to lose my voice anyway.”

Kyungsoo blinks, then reaches out to take it. “Okay.”

Chanyeol beams, grabs his wallet from the center table to pull out a little square of cloth. “Here,” he says, handing it to Kyungsoo. “For your glasses.”

A slow smile spreads across Kyungsoo’s face. Chanyeol almost does something crazy. 

Kyungsoo has a fantastic singing voice. They sing _Obsession_ , a b-side from Element’s last album, and it has some pretty big power notes, and Kyungsoo is nailing them all by the last chorus, and it’s _amazing_. Chanyeol laughs, tries to match him, totally fails. Baekhyun and Jongdae cheer in the background. 

“This was fun,” Baekhyun says as they walk out ten minutes later, breathless and hoarse. “We should do this again before we leave.”

Kyungsoo smiles, scratches the back of his neck bashfully. “Maybe.”

“Kyungsoo doesn’t have to hang out with us losers,” Chanyeol says, touching his shoulder supportively and then quickly letting go, jumpy about crossing boundaries. “We have to beg at his feet to grace us with his presence.”

Kyungsoo laughs, low and easy. It does stupid things to Chanyeol’s stomach. 

“Going to a concert together is like a blood bond,” Jongdae says. “He’s stuck with us forever, after tomorrow.”

Chanyeol’s breath gets stuck in his throat. 

Oh, god. 

_Tomorrow._

He’s been waiting for two months, and now it’s finally here. It’s happening. Everything is happening so _fast._

Kyungsoo smiles at him again before he gets off at his subway stop. Chanyeol doesn’t want to let him go. He doesn’t want to have to stop looking at his face. 

He keeps his hands and embarrassing crush to himself, smiles back. 

_Tomorrow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i screamed the whole time i was writing this chapter i love my boys!!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**barkhyun**  
IIIIIIIIIT’S CONCERT DAY!!!!!  
I SAW FANCAMS FROM THE OTHER SHOWS LAST NIGHT  
BUT I DIDN’T WATCH THEM  
GUYS I’M SO!!!  
EXCITED!!!!!!

 **jongdamn**  
it’s 5am and he’s hit me 4 times already in his excitement

 **barkhyun**  
JETLAG’S A BITCH!!!!!!  
I’M GONNA DIE TONIGHT

 **jongdamn**  
spoiler alert but  
i just saw this pic from last night’s show  
_shared a Tweet_

 **barkhyun**  
NOOOOOOOO  
OH MY GOD DAE NO  
NO  
NO  
WHAT DID I SAY  
I SAID NO!! SHIRTLESS BOYS!!!

 **jongdamn**  
he did say that  
multiple times

 **barkhyun**  
>:(((((  
i’m gonna SUE

 **jongdamn**  
:)  
daaaaad  
baekhyun is hitting me

Chanyeol groans, rubs his eyes tiredly. It’s 7am, and the conversation continues on for another fifty-plus messages between Baekhyun and Jongdae. Chanyeol skims over it, focuses mainly on whether or not they made any plans in his absence. 

There’s nothing but petty bickering and Jongdae posting grainy pictures from last night’s concert until the very end. 

**jongdamn**  
bark fell back asleep lol  
let’s get breakfast at like 9?  
venue at 10?  
yeol?  
i can see someone’s read these…  
kyungsoo?

Chanyeol’s just about to reply when a new message pops up. 

**kyungsoo**  
i can’t do breakfast

For a second, Chanyeol feels something like complete and utter despair. Kyungsoo’s changed his mind. He doesn’t like them after all. He doesn’t want to hang out with them. With _Chanyeol._

**kyungsoo**  
i have to run a few errands in the morning  
but i can meet you at the venue  
maybe a bit late

Chanyeol’s despair turns quickly to bright, sunshiney joy and relief.

**FANBOY YEOL**  
that’s fine!!!  
we’ll see you there then!!  
dae, where do u want to meet for breakfast?  


**jongdamn**  
lol idk u choose  
we’ll see u at the venue soo!!

 **kyungsoo**  
alright ^^

Chanyeol grins, rolls out of bed, and spends the entire morning trying not to wake Kris up as he painstakingly picks out a concert outfit. He ends up waking Kris up by accident anyway, and asks his opinion on Chanyeol’s choices. 

“If you’re trying to not freeze while you stand outside all day, wear the jacket,” Kris says tiredly. “If you’re more interested in wooing a boy, wear the sweater. It’s a cute sweater.”

Chanyeol stares long and hard at the sweater—a soft striped knit that Wendy told him to buy but he’s never worn because he never has anyone to impress—and then says, “But I also don’t want to freeze.”

“Then wear them both,” Kris sighs, turning over on his bed. 

Chanyeol grins and starts pulling clothes on. 

Twenty minutes later, he’s picking Baekhyun and Jongdae up from their subway station, and they’re getting kimbap for breakfast, and then getting extra food and water bottles to stuff their bags with. All three of them are buzzing with energy, babbling excitedly about the weather (chilly—Baekhyun is already shivering in his long-sleeved shirt) and the amount of sleep everyone got (not enough) and the pictures they saw of the concert (too many). By the time they get to the venue, eight hours before the concert is set to start, people are already milling around outside, setting up fangoods booths, passing out banners. 

It only adds to the excitement. 

“So,” Baekhyun says, pulling his arms into the sleeves of his shirt. “When’s Kyungsoo coming?”

“Don’t say his name to me, I’m sensitive,” Chanyeol says, covering his ears. 

“Right, Yeol, how’s that crush coming?” Jongdae asks, grinning. 

“No, no, don’t bring it up,” Chanyeol says desperately. “I’ll have to see him soon and I need to be able to talk to him.”

“He’s pretty cute,” Baekhyun says. “You should ask him out. _I_ should ask him out.”

“I’m not gonna ask him out, you moron, he only barely agreed to _meet me_ ,” Chanyeol scoffs.

“Are these the kinds of clothes you wear to attract boys?” Jongdae asks. 

“You shut up,” Chanyeol says, punching him in the arm. And then, “What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“He’s just being dumb,” Baekhyun says comfortingly. “Your clothes are fine.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol huffs. 

“If he’s into _really tall jock boy_ ,” Baekhyun finishes. 

“My sweater is cute!” Chanyeol says, struggling to undo the zipper of his letterman. 

“Uh...hi guys.”

Chanyeol’s head snaps up, and he sees Kyungsoo standing a couple feet away, chewing on his lip and looking somewhere over Chanyeol’s shoulder. 

Chanyeol swallows hard, drags his eyes over Kyungsoo’s open flannel shirt and his graphic tee tucked into high-waisted jeans. Fuck. _Fuck._

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun says cheerfully. “Is that your own art on your shirt? That’s so fucking cute.”

Kyungsoo ducks his head, runs his palms down the front of his shirt. “Ah, yeah. One time I was thinking about selling them so I got one made, but then I...didn’t.”

“You should, man, I’d buy one,” Jongdae says. “That’s a great concert shirt, too.”

It is—a superpowers-comic-style drawing of the four Element members, based on the element they represent—but Chanyeol can’t seem to find his voice to say so. 

Kyungsoo smiles bashfully, and then says, “Oh! I, um. I brought you guys some stickers and things, too. Just, you know. If you want them.”

“Are you kidding?” Baekhyun says loudly. “That’s awesome!”

Kyungsoo smiles a little wider, and then his eyes flick up to Chanyeol, just for a second. Chanyeol realizes he’s been staring at Kyungsoo in stricken silence since he got here. 

“I’m your number one fan, Soo,” he manages to say, only stumbling a little on the words. “I would plaster my entire body with your art if I could.”

Kyungsoo looks at him again, grins. Chanyeol’s knees go a little numb. “I ordered some temporary tattoos,” Kyungsoo says. 

“That’s _amazing_ ,” Baekhyun says, when Chanyeol fails to find his voice yet again. 

When Kyungsoo swings off his backpack and opens it up, Jongdae peeks inside and says, “Dude, you’ve got like a hundred prints in there.”

Kyungsoo shrugs embarrassedly. “Yeah, I dunno. I figured I could like...give them away, or…”

“You could sell them!” Baekhyun says, smacking Chanyeol’s arm for emphasis. “Dude, people would totally buy those.”

Kyungsoo shrugs again. “I don’t know if I could ask—”

“I’ll do it!” Baekhyun says. 

“You don’t speak Korean, Baek,” Jongdae says. 

“Jongdae will do it!” Baekhyun amends. “I’ll just be the Vanna White.” 

“Yeol will do nothing, since he’s forgotten how to speak,” Jongdae says with a grin. 

Chanyeol scoffs, cheeks warm. “Fuck off,” he says, and punches Jongdae’s arm for good measure. 

Kyungsoo smiles. “I mean, if you want to—”

“There’s literally nothing better to do,” Baekhyun says, beaming. “You and Yeol can hold our spots in merch lines. Me and Dae will go make you rich.”

“For a 50% commission?” Kyungsoo says, chewing on his smile. 

“Nah, I’d do it for free,” Jongdae says. 

“But we’ll take tips,” Baekhyun says with a wink, and then whisks Kyungsoo’s bag away, already rifling through it as he drags Jongdae along by the arm. 

Chanyeol coughs, left alone with Kyungsoo. “Uh,” he says. “Sorry about them. I hope you don’t have anything in there you don’t want them to see and/or sell.”

Kyungsoo smiles, staring after them. “As long as they don’t steal my wallet.”

“Nah, they’re pretty trustworthy,” Chanyeol says with a slightly awkward laugh. “Um. Glad you could make it.”

“To the concert?” Kyungsoo says, glancing at him. 

“No, to here. To wait. With us.” Chanyeol scratches the back of his neck. “Sorry, there’s something wrong with me today.”

Kyungsoo smiles, round and bright, and Chanyeol thinks _that. That is what’s wrong with me._

“Excited?” Kyungsoo says, and it takes Chanyeol a second to figure out what he’s talking about. 

“Insanely,” Chanyeol says. “I’m going to cry.”

Kyungsoo laughs, and Chanyeol has to look away and say, “Let’s go find something ridiculous to buy.”

They meet up with Baekhyun and Jongdae again half an hour later, when the two of them find Chanyeol and Kyungsoo waiting in line to buy lightsticks. Baekhyun tells a bizarre story about a fan they met with a Yixing tattoo, Jongdae shows off how much money they’ve already made, Kyungsoo gapes at how much they’ve been selling his prints for, and Chanyeol watches, and listens, and laughs. They stand in line for a while, Jongdae sells stickers to the knot of girls behind them, and Kyungsoo checks his phone to find he’s gained sixteen new followers since that morning. 

They reach the front of the line, buy their merch, and then Baekhyun says, “Chanyeol, go buy some lunch. Dae wants to buy a planner from that Joonmyun fansite.”

“Why do I have to go by myself?” Chanyeol complains. 

“I need to stay with Jongdae, he’s my translator,” Baekhyun says, curling his fingers into Jongdae’s sweater. 

“ _I_ can be your translator,” Chanyeol says, rolling his eyes. “And you don’t need anything translated.”

“Jongdae will miss me,” Baekhyun says. 

Kyungsoo raises his hand slightly. “I can go with you.”

Baekhyun grins. “Kyungsoo will go with you.”

Chanyeol huffs, raking his fingers through his hair. “Well. Kyungsoo is my new best friend, anyway.”

Jongdae snickers. “We’ve known that for months, Yeol.”

Chanyeol goes warm, and not in the good way. He turns away. “Soo, where do you want to go for lunch?”

Kyungsoo looks up from accepting his backpack back from Baekhyun. “You know, you’re the only person who calls me that.”

Chanyeol blinks, blushes. “I am?”

“Well, you and now, uh. The Beagles.” He gestures vaguely at Baekhyun and Jongdae. 

“Oh, uh. Do you not like it?” Chanyeol says, flustered. 

Kyungsoo blinks up at him for a second, eyes round behind his glasses. “No, it’s okay. I like it.” And then he says, “Do you like mandu?”

It takes Chanyeol a second to catch up. “Uh. Yeah. I do.”

“We can get mandu, if you want.”

Chanyeol bites back a grin. “Yeah. Okay.”

####

An hour later, clouds roll in over the sun, and Kyungsoo’s teeth start chattering.

“Are you cold?” Chanyeol asks, waiting next to him while Baekhyun and Jongdae go to the bathroom. 

Kyungsoo shrugs, pulling his flannel shirt tighter around his shoulders. “A little.”

The words are barely even out of his mouth before Chanyeol is struggling out of his jacket and pushing it into his hands. “Here, you can wear this!” he says, too loudly. 

Kyungsoo blinks at him, fingers closing around the fabric automatically. “Aren’t you going to get cold, then?”

“I run hot!” Chanyeol says. “And I have a sweater on underneath, too.” He pulls out the hem, as if to say _see?_ And also to say _look at this attractive sweater I own._

Kyungsoo just blinks again, and then says, “Alright. If you’re sure. But if you get cold, just ask for it back.”

Chanyeol nods vigorously, already knowing he won’t. 

Kyungsoo practically drowns in his jacket, hands lost in the sleeves and the bottom hem falling to his thighs. Chanyeol’s heart does some very stupid things. Kyungsoo says, “That’s a nice sweater.”

“Thanks,” Chanyeol says breathlessly. 

“Heyo,” Baekhyun calls as he approaches, “first of all, Soo, that’s a great boyfriend look you’ve got going on there. Huge varsity jacket and all, I love it.”

Chanyeol is going to strangle him. Kyungsoo doesn’t visibly react. 

“Secondly,” Baekhyun continues, “I, too, am freezing. Why don’t I get a jacket?”

“You don’t deserve one,” Chanyeol huffs. “Kyungsoo is my best friend now.”

Baekhyun pouts at him, and Chanyeol ends up taking off his sweater to give to him anyway. 

“Joke’s on you,” he says, trying not to shiver too obviously. “I came prepared for this eventuality.” He’s still wearing an Element t-shirt underneath—a little tight across the shoulders, because he bought it in grade 12, but it’s wearable. He catches Kyungsoo staring at him a second later, though, as Baekhyun and Jongdae huddle against him to keep him warm, and he wonders if he just made himself look like an idiot after all. 

“Do you want your jacket back?” Kyungsoo asks tentatively, already starting to unzip it. 

“No!” Chanyeol says. “Keep it on for a while. I’m good.”

“Chanyeol is kept warm by the amount of love in his heart,” Jongdae coos. 

Chanyeol shoves him gently. “It’s my desire to murder you that keeps me going, actually.”

Jongdae grins, rubs his face into Chanyeol’s shoulder, and says nothing. 

Baekhyun’s phone goes off in his pocket, and he pulls it out, nods firmly. “2:00,” he says. 

“You set an alarm for 2:00?” Jongdae asks. 

“We’ve been out here for four hours,” Baekhyun says. “And we’re gonna be here for another four. It seemed like a good milestone.”

Chanyeol snorts, and then thinks about it. 

Four more hours. 

“Oh, god,” he says. “I’m not ready.”

All three of his friends smile in response, and it’s Kyungsoo who says, “I don’t think any of us will ever be ready.”

Four more hours. 

But at least he’s in good company.

####

By the time the concert organizers start letting them into the venue, Chanyeol feels like his soul is ready to leave his body. He’s not even excited at this point. He’s numb. His mind is collapsing in on itself.

“I’m going to see him,” he says dumbly, clutching tightly to his ticket as they try to push into the building. “Kim Minseok. God among men. I’m going to see him with my own, real eyes.”

“Let’s just focus on getting close enough to do so,” Baekhyun says, clinging to Jongdae’s hand. “Everyone hold onto each other, I don’t want to get separated in there.”

Chanyeol feels Jongdae link their fingers together, and then he glances to his right, where Kyungsoo is carefully flattening the bent corner of his ticket. “Do you want to hold hands,” he says. 

Kyungsoo’s head jerks around to stare at him. “What?”

Chanyeol gets so distracted by the flush in Kyungsoo’s cheeks that he almost forgets to feel embarrassed. “Baekhyun says we should hold hands so no one gets lost.”

“I said _hold onto each other_ , actually,” Baekhyun says. “Chanyeol just likes holding hands.”

Chanyeol would hit him for that, but at least he didn’t say _likes holding hands with you_. “I can just hold onto your backpack, if you want,” he says, because Kyungsoo hasn’t reacted and he’s starting to worry. 

“Uh,” Kyungsoo says. “Sure.”

 _That’s okay_ , Chanyeol thinks, curling his free hand into the strap of Kyungsoo’s bag. _That’s okay that he doesn’t want to hold hands. That’s okay that he doesn’t have a crush on you._

Chanyeol forgets all the disappointment he isn’t feeling—really, he swears—when they manage to squeeze through the doors and make it into the pit, hauling each other closer to the front through the throng of fans, breathing hard in the stifling heat and crushing anticipation.

Jongdae’s hand slips out of Chanyeol’s—his palms are sweaty—and he loses him immediately in the crowd. “Shit!” he says over the thunderous chatter of the masses. “Soo, hold on—”

Kyungsoo steps away at the same time that Chanyeol lunges in the direction Jongdae disappeared in, and the backpack strap is pulled out of his grip. “Soo!” he says desperately, and Kyungsoo blinks in surprise, and then reaches out to grab his outstretched hand before he’s swept away. 

His hand is very small, and very warm. Chanyeol clings to it like a lifeline. 

They find Jongdae and Baekhyun a few minutes later, after much pushing and shoving and praying. They end up close enough to the stage that, Chanyeol thinks dazedly, he could throw something onstage if he had a bit of room to wind up. He doesn’t even have anything to throw. But he could, he keeps thinking. He could if he wanted to. 

Everything feels very overwhelming, and Chanyeol can barely breathe. The screens at the front light up with the words _ELE’Mental - The Third World Tour._ Everyone screams. Chanyeol included. 

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Baekhyun says, loud enough that Chanyeol can hear him over the roar of the crowd. 

“I’m gonna cry,” Chanyeol says. 

Something squeezes his hand, and Chanyeol looks over to see Kyungsoo’s fingers still wrapped around his own. The second Chanyeol sees it, though, he’s letting go, tugging on the zipper of Chanyeol’s jacket to take it off and give it back. 

“It’s hot in here,” Kyungsoo says—Chanyeol has to watch the shape of his lips to figure out what he’s saying. 

“Okay,” Chanyeol says, and takes it back, ties the sleeves around his waist. 

There are Element songs playing over the speakers—Jongdae and Baekhyun are yelling the lyrics. They’re going to lose their voices before the concert even starts. 

It takes over an hour for the concert to actually start after that, and if Chanyeol thinks everything is chaos before then, it’s the goddamn apocalypse when the lights finally go down. The breath is snatched from his lungs. It sounds like 10,000 people being murdered at once, and beside Chanyeol, Jongdae is one of them. Suddenly, though, Chanyeol can’t make a sound. He can barely breathe. He’s being shoved and jostled on every side, and he barely even notices.

It’s happening. 

A ridiculous video plays on the front screens. Dazedly, Chanyeol can’t stop thinking it reminds him of the opening scene to Avatar: The Last Airbender. Jongdae’s fingernails dig into his skin. The CGI effects are terrible. Chanyeol feels faint. He yells along with the crowd when the members show up onscreen, even though the video itself is embarrassing. The room goes dark, and everyone screams. The stadium is alight with thousands of licksticks. It’s fucking _magical._

And then—they’re there. Element. Real, and there, in front of him. And Chanyeol knew they were real, obviously, but they’re really—they’re really real, and they’re _right there._ Singing songs Chanyeol knows every fucking word to, performing dances he’s seen a hundred times. And they’re just _people_ , Chanyeol _knows that_ , but he’s been following them for _five. years._ He’s been following them for five years, and cheering for them for five awards seasons, has watched them grow from barely-adults into confident men, and in return they have made him smile in his saddest moments, have provided the backtrack to some of the best years of his life, have made him some of the best friends he will ever have. And he loves them so. _fucking_ much.

So, yeah. When he sees them in person for the first time, Chanyeol cries like a goddamn baby.

####

He ends up crying four more times during the concert. Once when Minseok gets a solo performance and nails an adlib ten feet from where Chanyeol is standing. Once when he’s translating a ment for Baekhyun and has to repeat Yixing’s, “ _And our male fans, too!_ ” Once when everyone holds up their banners and all the members start tearing up.

The fourth time is when the piano intro to _Take Me Back_ starts playing, and he breathes, “This is my favourite song,” and he feels a hand tugging on his shirt and he looks down to see Kyungsoo grinning up at him. And it’s just. It’s Chanyeol favourite song. And a sea of other fans is singing along with him, waving their lightsticks with him, and Kyungsoo’s smile is so bright and happy and full of something like affection, and so much emotion wells up in Chanyeol’s chest. He can’t help that every time his heart overflows, his love pours out of his tear ducts. 

He lets out a shuddering breath, rubs at his eyes, sings at the top of his lungs even though his voice is cracking terribly. When he looks down at Kyungsoo again, he’s still smiling back at him, wide and open and beautiful. Chanyeol thinks it’s the most exquisitely happy moment of his entire life. 

The concert seems to go on forever, right up until the encore, at which point Chanyeol thinks, _already? It can’t be over already. It can’t. It just barely started._

He doesn’t want it to be over. He wants to stay here, in this moment, with his friends and his favourite band, forever. The members walk around and wave at them and send them hearts and flying kisses, and Chanyeol wants to cry again. It can’t be over. It _can’t_. 

And then it is. 

Everyone is sort of speechless as they shuffle out of the building, clinging to each other, exhausted and light-headed and just...overwhelmed. Or at least Chanyeol is. Everything sounds muted and far away, like his ears are stuffed with cotton. 

“God,” Baekhyun says as they break free of the throng. “Oh my _god._ ” 

Chanyeol nods. There are a million things he can’t stop thinking about, a million things he has to share that he couldn’t in the chaos of the concert. But at the same time he’s emotionally drained, wrung dry. And he’s _starving_. “Does anyone else want to go eat fried chicken or something?” he says. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Baekhyun says emphatically. 

“I don’t want it to be over,” Jongdae whimpers, stretching his arms back towards the stadium.

“We’re gonna go to another one someday,” Chanyeol says, and it’s not a question. “The four of us.”

No one disagrees. 

The second they sit down at a booth at the first chicken place they find, everything just sort of starts pouring out at once.

“He looked at me!” Baekhyun says, slapping his palms on the table. “I swear he looked at me! Dae, didn’t Yixing look at me?”

“He definitely did,” Jongdae says, while shaking his head at Chanyeol when Baekhyun isn’t looking. 

“I knew it!” Baekhyun says, eyes glistening. 

“Did you hear the new songs?” Jongdae says excitedly, as if they could have missed them. “Those were totally new songs, right? We’ve never heard them before, have we? I thought I was going to faint when they sang the first one. _God_. Do you think that means there’s a new album coming out soon? There _better_ be a new album coming out soon.”

“I just kept crying,” Chanyeol says helplessly. “What if _the_ Kim Minseok saw me and my whole face was just one big splotchy, snotty mess.”

“I honestly just don’t know what to say,” is the only contribution Kyungsoo seems to have to offer. 

“You saw the LuMin moment, right?” Chanyeol says, turning to him. “You saw it, didn’t you? It was the part where I screamed.”

Kyungsoo grins. “I saw a _hundred_ LuMin moments, and I think at least 75% of them weren’t just hallucinations.”

“But _the_ LuMin moment, Soo, _the one_. If you didn’t see it, I’ll cry. With the flowers!”

Kyungsoo laughs, bright and happy, and Chanyeol wants to kiss him right on his gorgeous fucking smile. His head swims with it. 

And then a server brings them their food, and everyone starts digging in at once, and Baekhyun starts talking about Yixing looking at him again. 

They stay there for over an hour, discussing the entire show song-by-song, laughing over little moments they caught, showing each other the pictures and videos they took on their phones. It starts to get late, and the adrenaline wears off, leaving them sagging and drained. Baekhyun’s jokes get worse, and Kyungsoo gets quieter. Jongdae falls asleep where he’s sitting for a minute before Baekhyun punches him in the shoulder. 

“We’re meeting up again tomorrow, right?” Baekhyun says. “I know you have morning classes, Yeol, and me and Dae want to go to some temples and shit, but you’ll come hang out with us after, right? _Right?_ ” 

“Of course I will,” Chanyeol scoffs. “You’ll be trying to shake me off all week.”

Baekhyun beams. “What about you, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo jerks his head up from where it’s bent low over the table. “Me?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “You.”

“Me, what?” Kyungsoo says. 

Jongdae laughs. “Are you free tomorrow? We’re gonna be in Seoul all week.” He gestures between himself and Baekhyun. 

“Ah,” Kyungsoo says. “I, uh. I have classes…”

“Just anytime you’re free, and feel like hanging out,” Chanyeol says quickly. “It’d be awesome if you could join us.”

Kyungsoo smiles softly. “Yeah, I. Maybe I can make it for supper, if you guys are doing something…?”

Chanyeol beams. “That’d be great.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, and grins back. 

Ten minutes later, they pay their bill and get up to walk Baekhyun and Jongdae back to their airbnb, since it’s nearby, yawning and sleepy. They say their goodbyes, and then Chanyeol turns to Kyungsoo, says, “Do you know the closest night bus station from here?”

Kyungsoo smiles, and he’s been smiling all day, really, but every time it manages to make Chanyeol feel like his kneecaps have been replaced with jello. “Yeah, there’s one just down by Jamsil.”

“Oh, thank god,” Chanyeol sighs. “My feet literally hurt _so fucking bad_.” 

Kyungsoo laughs, and it simultaneously lights Chanyeol up and makes him want to die. 

It’s a long journey home, because the night buses only come every forty minutes or so, and Chanyeol has to transfer from one line to another to get back to his dorm—Kyungsoo has to transfer twice. Chanyeol is eager to get back in bed, but he doesn’t begrudge the extra time he gets to spend with Kyungsoo, all to himself. Even if they don’t say much; even if they just sit next to each other mostly in silence, knees bumping on the bench.

Kyungsoo steps off at Konkuk station with Chanyeol for his second transfer, and shivers in the cold night air. “I’ll, uh. See you tomorrow, Yeol.”

Chanyeol swallows thickly, shrugs out of his jacket. “Here,” he says, handing it over. “You’re going to freeze.”

Kyungsoo looks like he’s going to refuse for a second, but then a breeze sneaks down their shirts, and he hunches his shoulders, takes it. “Thanks. I’ll, um. Give it back tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol says, grinning. “Do you want me to wait for the bus with you?”

“No, go,” Kyungsoo says. “It’ll be here in ten minutes.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol says. “Text me when you get back so I know you’re not dead.”

Kyungsoo smiles warmly. “Okay.”

“Bye,” Chanyeol says, taking a step back down the sidewalk. “Um. Thanks for coming, today. I really liked that you...came.”

Kyungsoo chuckles, ducks his head. “Yeah. It was really fun.”

Chanyeol nods, doesn’t move. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo nods, and then says, “Oh!” and pulls something from the back pocket of his jeans. He reaches out, presses it into Chanyeol’s hand. 

Chanyeol frowns, unfolds a napkin from the restaurant to see a doodle drawn in ballpoint pen in the center—Lu Han in his concert outfit, kneeling to offer Minseok flowers, and Minseok bending to kiss the top of Lu Han’s head. Chanyeol grins so hard it hurts. “You _did_ see it.”

“Of course I saw it,” Kyungsoo says, chuckling self-consciously. 

Chanyeol bites his lip, glances up at him. “Can I keep this?”

“Of course,” Kyungsoo says, toeing the sidewalk. 

“Thanks. It’s— I love it. I— You’re my favourite.” He almost says _I love you_. It’s practically automatic at this point, after saying it so many times online. But it seems...different, out loud. Too much. He forces a grin. “I’m gonna put it on my wall.”

Kyungsoo laughs embarrassedly. “I’ll draw you something better than that to put on your wall.”

“ _Nothing_ can be better than a doodle on a napkin from a concert afterparty,” Chanyeol says. “Thanks, Soo.”

Kyungsoo grins. “You’re welcome.”

Chanyeol smiles all the way home, napkin doodle held carefully between his hands. He’ll never admit to how long he looks at the group selfies they took before the concert, rubbing his thumb over Kyungsoo’s smiling face, and he’ll _never_ admit to the giddy little kiss he presses to his phone screen when a notification pops up from Kyungsoo, saying _I got home safely~_

He can admit it to himself, though. 

He’s well and truly fucked.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u to tayler for drawing kyungsoo in high-waisted jeans and Inspiring me. see the cute drawing [here](https://twitter.com/buttonsoo/status/919936262739410944) :3
> 
> i've never actually been to a big concert like this so. excuse any inaccuracies!! i did my best. and thank u to everyone who helped me w concert and outfit details!!! 
> 
> yall....i love chansoo so much.


	13. Chapter 13

The rest of Chanyeol’s week with Baekhyun and Jongdae is a lot like the Element concert—incredible, surreal, and over way too soon. 

But it’s not over until Chanyeol says it’s over (that’s a lie), and Chanyeol says it’s not over until the Beagles have met his roommate. 

“Kris, I swear to god, if you leave right now...” 

Kris sighs, sits back down on his bed. “I need to go to the bathroom, Yeol.”

“You can’t avoid my friends forever!” Chanyeol says, jabbing a finger at him warningly from his desk chair. “You have somehow managed to escape my clutches all week, but it ends today! You’re going to meet them whether you like it or not!”

Kris rolls his eyes. “I haven’t been avoiding them.”

“You’ve been doing something!” Chanyeol says. “They’ve been here for seven days and you haven’t even _seen_ them.”

“Well you haven’t brought them here, and you know I hate leaving my room,” Kris says. 

“You were just about to leave it!” Chanyeol accuses. 

“I need to go to the _bathroom_ ,” Kris sighs. 

“Well, hold it,” Chanyeol says, crossing his arms. “You should be _excited_ to meet them. They’re the best.”

Kris lies back on his bed and stares up at the ceiling, like he’s meditating. “Remember when Kyungsoo didn’t want to be your friend, Chanyeol? Because you were too enthusiastic and you scared him?”

“He never said that’s why!” Chanyeol protests. 

“That’s what’s going on right now,” Kris says, ignoring him. “You’re loud, your friends are loud, and I am tired just imagining the three of you in a room together. I don’t know how Kyungsoo does it.”

“We’re not _that_ bad,” Chanyeol huffs. 

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Kris says, eyes closed. 

“Don’t you dare move from that spot,” Chanyeol says as he reads a message from Baekhyun saying they’re at the subway station. “If you disappear, I’ll be _very_ cranky at you.”

“Yes, darling,” Kris deadpans. 

Chanyeol meets Baekhyun and Jongdae at the top of the stairs of the subway exit, reeling them in by their outstretched hands and hanging onto them as they walk back to his dorm. Tomorrow, they’ll be going back to North America. He doesn’t want to let them go. 

“Just so you know,” Jongdae says warningly, “Baekhyun is _very_ tired, because he stayed up all night last night watching fancams from the concert and crying.”

“It was very emotional, Dae,” Baekhyun says, kicking out at him. “Jongdae is driving me nuts today.”

“You’re driving _me_ nuts,” Jongdae says, kicking back. “You’ve been complaining about your feet since 9am.”

“They hurt!” Baekhyun insists. 

“My feet hurt too, obviously!” Jongdae says. “I _told_ you to bring good running shoes, but nooooo, you had to bring _fashionable_ shoes.”

“Children!” Chanyeol says over their bickering. “No fighting! Why are you fighting? You’re supposed to love each other.”

“We _do_ love each other,” Jongdae says sharply, sending Baekhyun a glare. “But I’d very much like to love him from a distance today.”

“Jongdae’s mad because I didn’t want to go to another temple today,” Baekhyun huffs. 

“I’m mad because you didn’t want to do _anything_ , and it’s our _last day_ ,” Jongdae grumps. 

“My feet hurt!” Baekhyun complains. 

Chanyeol wraps his arms around his friends’ necks and pulls them in close to his body, bumping their heads together gently. “No fighting!” he says. “You two are going to see each other for like twenty-four more hours, and then _never again for many years_ , maybe. Be nice.”

Jongdae and Baekhyun narrow their eyes at each other childishly. 

“Kiss and make up,” Chanyeol says firmly. 

“No,” Jongdae says stubbornly. 

“Kiss,” Chanyeol says, dragging their heads closer together again. “Make up.”

Jongdae makes a face and turns away, but Baekhyun pitches forward, plants a perfunctory kiss on his cheek. Jongdae’s lips twitch up, but he just says, “Were you aiming for my _mouth?_ ” 

“Hell yes I was,” Baekhyun says, starting to grin. 

“Jongdae, kiss him back,” Chanyeol says. 

“He’s going to try to kiss my _mouth_ ,” Jongdae complains, but it lacks any bite. 

“Baek, no stealing your best friend’s first kiss without his consent,” Chanyeol says. 

Baekhyun makes a disappointed sound, then wraps his arms around Jongdae’s waist, making them stagger as they walk. “Come on, Dae, I kissed _you_.” 

“That’s because you wanted to,” Jongdae says, even though it’s clear he’s just arguing for the sake of arguing. “I know I am extremely kissable.”

“This is my dorm,” Chanyeol says, letting them in the front door. 

“Yeol, Jongdae is rejecting me,” Baekhyun whines. 

“He’s been _very_ annoying today,” Jongdae reminds him. 

“Kiss!” Chanyeol says. 

Jongdae huffs, rolls his eyes, and tries to kiss Baekhyun’s cheek very quickly as Chanyeol pushes open the door to his room. Baekhyun grabs his head and crushes it forcefully against his own face. Jongdae squawks. 

Kris stares at them from his bed. “Hello,” he says dryly. 

Chanyeol grins, scratching the back of his neck. “I should have foreseen this happening.”

“Hi!” Baekhyun says, jerking away from Jongdae with a smile. “You must be Kris! Oh my god, Yeol, you never told us your roommate is a _male model._ ” 

Kris blinks slowly. “Wait, let me guess.”

“Baekhyun!” He sticks out his hand, grinning. “Nice to meet you.”

“Kris isn’t even handsome,” Chanyeol says. “He’s just tall.”

“ _Very_ tall,” Baekhyun says as he shakes Kris’ hand. “I think he’s handsome.”

“Thank you,” Kris says, and it’s hard to tell if he means it or not. 

“Isn’t he handsome, Dae?” Baekhyun says. 

Jongdae smiles, half exasperated, half fond. “Sure, Baek.”

“I bet Kris would wear a bucket hat,” Chanyeol says. 

Kris blinks. “A what?” 

Chanyeol shakes his head. “He would,” he tells his friends.

“My dream man,” Baekhyun sighs. 

Kris looks between them. “So which one of you is the one Chanyeol’s in love with?”

Chanyeol gapes. His friends grin. 

“Kyungsoo’s not here today,” Jongdae says gleefully. “Just us Beagles tonight.”

“You _bastard_ ,” Chanyeol says. “You would have said that in front of him, wouldn’t you?” 

Kris smirks. “Would I?”

“You knew he wasn’t coming, right?” Chanyeol says. “Please tell me you only said that because you knew he wasn’t actually here.”

Kris just shrugs. “Nice to meet you two,” he says. “I’ll see you later, I really have to go to the bathroom now.”

He slips through the door, and Chanyeol stares after him, heart still beating too fast. He _wouldn’t._ Would he? Did Chanyeol just narrowly dodge a bullet? 

“I love that man,” Baekhyun sighs. “You said he’s not gay, right?” 

Chanyeol crosses his arms moodily, shrugs. “Unconfirmed, maybe ace. Doesn’t seem to like boys, in any case.”

“Damn,” Baekhyun says. “Guess I’m stuck with Jongdae.”

“I’ll kill you,” Jongdae says, unfazed. 

“So anyway,” Chanyeol says, “that’s my roommate. He’s great, I love him, but also now I can’t trust him ever again. Welcome to my room!”

“We’ve seen your room through your webcam before,” Jongdae reminds him. “Nice wall.”

Chanyeol stuck all his concert memorabilia up over top of his Element shrine, including Kyungsoo’s LuMin doodle for him. It makes him happy every single morning. “Thank you.”

“Your bed looks soft,” Baekhyun says, shuffling out of his shoes. “Can I take a nap in it?”

“If you want,” Chanyeol says with a shrug. “Jongdae might get mad at you, though.”

“No, actually, I’m down for napping,” Jongdae says. “I’m really, _really_ tired.”

Baekhyun grins victoriously. “Do you think we can all fit on there?”

“If we get cozy,” Chanyeol says, eyeing up his mattress. 

“I love getting cozy,” Baekhyun chirps, flinging himself onto Chanyeol’s bed. 

“We can pretend to be watching something,” Jongdae says, hanging up his jacket over Chanyeol’s chair and then climbing onto the bed with Baekhyun. “Then it doesn’t look as lame.”

Chanyeol grins, gets out his laptop. 

Both Jongdae and Baekhyun pass out within five minutes, despite the fact that Baekhyun’s pressed up against the wall and Jongdae is squished between him and Chanyeol, who’s practically hanging off the edge. Their legs are all tangled together over the blankets, and Chanyeol doesn’t even know whose hand it is curled into his shirt and whose is touching his ass, but he honestly doesn’t care. He smiles into Jongdae’s hair, closes his eyes. 

“This is kind of weird,” Kris says when he returns, waking Chanyeol from a half-doze. 

“Shhh,” he says sleepily, trying to scoot farther onto his mattress. “They’re tired.”

“You’re weird,” Baekhyun mutters, possibly not even consciously. 

“Let me hug my friends,” Chanyeol yawns, lifting one hand to wave it at his roommate. “They’re leaving tomorrow.”

“I’m letting you,” Kris says, audibly lowering himself onto his own bed. “This is preferable, actually. Much quieter than what I was expecting.”

Chanyeol huffs a laugh against the top of Jongdae’s head. “Shut up, we’re sleeping,” he says. 

“Sleeping,” Baekhyun repeats. 

“Fine, fine,” Kris says, turning on his bedside lamp and then flicking off the ceiling light. “I’ll just be here, I guess.”

Chanyeol grins, mutters, “You still have to hang out with us when we wake up.”

“Honestly, Yeol, I didn’t think I’d be able to escape it.”

Chanyeol smiles, presses his face against Jongdae’s hair, and falls back asleep. 

He still doesn’t want the week to end. But, he supposes, if it has to...this is the way he’d like it to happen. 

(And Kris _does_ end up having a good time hanging out with them in the evening, once Baekhyun has calmed down and Jongdae has stopped trying to fight him. A great time. Chanyeol can see it in his eyes. Kris just refuses to admit it.)

####

Chanyeol manages to convince Kyungsoo to go with him to drop off Baekhyun and Jongdae at the airport the next day, which he considers a small feat.

It’s not that Kyungsoo didn’t hang out with them at all during the week. He did. He went with them to supper the day after the concert, and he was there when Chanyeol brought Wendy along to Dongdaemun Market, and he met them for an hour once to get bubble tea. 

But Chanyeol wanted to see him _more_. He never stayed for too long, and Chanyeol wanted him to stay _forever_. Every time he leaves, Chanyeol feels like Kyungsoo is taking a tiny piece of Chanyeol’s heart with him. He’s in that deep. 

So he’s really, really happy when Kyungsoo says he’ll go with them to the airport. And he’s really happy when Kyungsoo smiles in his direction when they meet up at the subway station, and when he laughs a little at Chanyeol’s jokes. And Chanyeol wants to hold his hand _so bad_. 

But none of that is enough to distract him from the fact that Baekhyun and Jongdae are leaving. 

They all get pretty teary when they reach the airport, minus Kyungsoo. Chanyeol’s the group crybaby, so no one’s even a little bit surprised when he starts rubbing his eyes and sniffling, but when even _Jongdae_ starts getting shiny-eyed, that’s when it really all comes crashing down. Chanyeol sucks in deep breaths, stares up at the ceiling, holds tight to Baekhyun’s hand while Jongdae prints off his flight ticket. 

“It was, um, really nice to see you,” Baekhyun says, standing by the line to go through customs, voice a little wobbly. “And it’s not like we’ll never see each other again! Soon we’ll all have jobs and stuff and we’ll be able to afford to go see each other. Right?”

Chanyeol nods wordlessly, throat tight. 

“It was nice meeting you, too, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae says. He’s holding it together much better than Chanyeol and Baekhyun, but he’s blinking too fast. “I’m really glad you could come hang out with us.”

Baekhyun nods vigorously, and Kyungsoo smiles. “Yeah, you too. Thanks for inviting me and stuff.”

“We had to invite you,” Baekhyun says, voice rising in volume to compensate for how unsteady it is. “So that you could smile at Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol scoffs, flushing hotly, and kicks him in the leg. “Don’t be stupid,” he mutters. 

He glances at Kyungsoo, sees that he is _not_ smiling anymore. Goddamn _Baekhyun_. 

“Okay, we gotta go,” Jongdae says. “We’ll talk to you later, Yeol.”

“You bet your ass you will,” Chanyeol says, forgetting about Kyungsoo briefly to reel his friends in, hug them tightly. “Message me when you guys land in California, okay? And then again when you land in Canada, Dae. And when you both get home. I want to know you’re okay.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Baekhyun says, but he’s rubbing his face against Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Bye. I love you.”

Chanyeol grins, kisses their heads like he did when he first saw them in this same airport, a week ago now. “Love you too.”

A minute later, they’re waving at him from beyond the barrier. And then...they’re gone. 

Chanyeol inhales deeply, tells himself _not to cry, dammit, it’s not like they’re going to die, you’re making yourself look like a big baby._

When he’s pretty sure he’s gotten a hold of himself, he looks at Kyungsoo again, who hasn’t spoken since he said goodbye. He’s looking off to the side, curling and uncurling his fingers in the hem of his sweater, shoulders hunched. 

“Hey,” Chanyeol says, and then clears his throat when his voice comes out kind of hoarse. “Hey. You ready to go?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, still doesn’t look at him. But he never really looks at Chanyeol. “Sure,” he says, and nothing else. 

“Alright. Um. Let’s go.” Chanyeol moves to the left at the same time that Kyungsoo moves to the right, and their hands bump together between them. Chanyeol flinches away in surprise—just being _near_ Kyungsoo feels like electricity. But Kyungsoo jerks his hand away, holds it close to his chest. Starts walking briskly enough that Chanyeol has to hurry to keep up with him. 

They don’t speak as they get on the subway, find seats. Kyungsoo sits in the seat next to the door, angles his body away from Chanyeol. It feels...bad. Chanyeol doesn’t know what’s going on, but it feels bad, and he doesn’t know what to do. 

“Um,” he says. “Are you...okay?”

Kyungsoo nods stiffly without turning towards him. “I just don’t feel good.”

Chanyeol bites his tongue. _Neither do I,_ he wants to say. _My best friends just left and I don’t know when I’ll ever see them in person again and also you look like I’m making you miserable just by existing._

But he’s obviously not going to say that, so he just says, “Hey, you want to hear a funny story?”

There’s a pause, and then Kyungsoo’s shoulder twitches up in a shrug. 

Chanyeol jiggles his knee a little. “Okay, listen. So, the other day, me and Baek and Dae were out shopping in Hongdae, because Baek was looking for those, like, cartoon Element socks, and...”

He talks for five minutes straight, barely pausing to breathe, just because every time he pauses, Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to feel inclined to respond in the least. Which is fine! Chanyeol told Kyungsoo, once, that he was fine with being the only one talking. And he is. But he would just. He would like Kyungsoo to _react_ , at least. In some way. The most he does is turn his head a fraction in the direction of Chanyeol’s seat, nod the slightest bit. He gives a tiny, tight smile when Chanyeol laughs loudly at his own joke, and then turns away again. 

Chanyeol sighs internally, chews on his lip. “So, yeah,” he says. “End of story. I am now receiving concrit on my storytelling skills. Scale of one to ten.”

This time, Kyungsoo’s smile is a little bit more genuine. “Seven,” he tells the floor. “Denouement could use some work.”

Chanyeol grins. “You wanna listen to music? I brought my iPod.”

There’s a second of silence, and then Kyungsoo says, “Sure.”

Chanyeol clings to it like a lifeline. 

He doesn’t know what’s going on. Over the week, Kyungsoo had really loosened up around him and the Beagles. He’d even chatted with Wendy, when they’d met for the first time, and laughed, and he seemed to _relax_. Chanyeol had really thought Kyungsoo was starting to _like_ them. To like him. And hanging out with him. 

But now he’s just...it’s like he’s switched off, and he won’t talk to Chanyeol more than he has to, or be closer to him than absolutely necessary. His hands are tight fists in his lap, white-knuckled and unyielding, right up until he yanks a pen and paper out of his backpack and starts sketching out little doodles and then scribbling them out, over and over. And Chanyeol doesn’t know what he did wrong. Or if it’s just the fact that he’s Chanyeol. 

An Element song comes up on shuffle, and the opening lines tug on Chanyeol’s heartstrings. “Oh, god,” he says automatically. “Remember when they sang this at the concert?”

Kyungsoo’s lips twitch up. “Yeah,” he says, sketching out a pair of eyes. 

“Man, I think I’m gonna cry _again_ ,” Chanyeol says. “I want to go back, Soo. I miss them.”

And for some reason, Chanyeol expects him to scoff, to think he’s being dumb, or childish. But all Kyungsoo does is not, and say, “I know. Me too.”

Chanyeol grins, and Kyungsoo glances at him, smiles a little bit wider. 

_Maybe_ , Chanyeol thinks. _Maybe it’s okay. Maybe he really does just feel sick._

He forgets to say anything when the time actually comes to get off the subway. Kyungsoo gets off first; he just sort of says, “Bye,” and then lets the crowd sweep him away, onto the platform. Chanyeol barely gets a chance to return the farewell. But Kyungsoo smiles at him, just before he turns away. And that’s enough to make Chanyeol forget _everything._

He remembers, of course, later that night, when he’s hanging out with Kris and realizing Kyungsoo never met his roommate. He rubs his palms over his pajama pants, picks up his phone.

**yeol ~ lonely.mp3**  
hey!!  
i almost forgot to say  
just bc baek and dae are gone doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out!!  
i’m still just like 3 subway stops away lol  
if you want ^^  


It takes an hour for Kyungsoo to read the message—Chanyeol checks it compulsively—and then another fifteen minutes for him to answer.

 **kyungsoo**  
maybe

Chanyeol feels like someone just dropped a rock into his stomach. He swallows thickly, lies down on his bed. “Kris,” he says. “He doesn’t like me.”

“Seems fake but okay,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol shakes his head. “No, I really. I really think maybe he doesn’t like me.”

“I love that I don’t even have to ask who you’re talking about,” Kris says with a sigh. “Why do you think he doesn’t like you?”

Chanyeol shrugs miserably. “He doesn’t want to hang out with me again.”

Kris nods slowly, and then says, “Okay, yeah, it does kind of seem like he doesn’t like you.”

Chanyeol blinks hard, rolls over to press his face into his pillow. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Kris sighs again, this time more gustily. “I don’t know, Yeol. Maybe he’s just tired. Give him a break.”

And really, Chanyeol thinks, that’s all he _can_ do. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
my only decent train doodle from today. idk. pic.twitter.com/Kbie7wdSu 

Chanyeol swallows thickly, takes a few seconds to just. Breathe. 

**yeol ~ lonely.mp3** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 i love this one!!! i’m p sure u had lots of other great ones from today too, tho ^^

Kyungsoo likes his tweet ten minutes later, and says nothing. 

“Shit,” Chanyeol whispers. That’s really all he can say. 

Shit.

####

The next morning, Chanyeol wakes up to 76 notifications.

The first is a tweet from the official Element twitter page. 

**Element** @element_official  
#ELEMENT #ALCHEMICAL #엘러멘트 #MINSEOK #민석 pic.twitter.com/Js6Bsw3Eus

“Fuck,” Chanyeol says dumbly. “Holy fucking shit.”

“What,” Kris mumbles from his bed, half-awake from his alarm going off ten minutes ago. On a _Sunday_. 

“It’s comeback season,” Chanyeol says, almost reverently. “It’s comeback season and I _missed my bias’ teaser pic, fuck._ ” 

“Never mind, I don’t care,” Kris says. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
YOOOOO WE JUST LANDED IN CALI AND MINSEOK’S TEASER IS OUT??? @yeoloooooo HAVE U SEEN THIS. ALSO WE’RE ALIVE.

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing YEAH WE’RE ALIVE AND ALSO SCREAMING!! UR MAN IS LOOKING DAMN FINE AND ALSO!! ALCHEMICAL!!!

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo YEOL ARE U AWAKE. IT’S LIKE MORNING IN SEOUL ISN’T IT

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo oh nvm it’s like 4am lol. WELL WAKE UP SOON!!!!

 **jongdamn @thundaboi**  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo lmaoooo yeol u ALWAYS wake up late on comeback days. even when ur in korea...incredible

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo damn minseok looks so hot yeol ur boy almost made me waver in my devotion just now

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo lol ur gonna be so pissed when u wake up to this many notifs. love u, kiss kiss

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo wait wait wait. what about kYUNGSOO!! HIS BIAS IS MINSEOK TOO!!

“Shit,” Chanyeol whispers, stomach dropping. He doesn’t want them to talk to Kyungsoo. He doesn’t want _anyone_ to talk to Kyungsoo. Not until they...get this figured out, or whatever. His friends don’t know, yet. He hasn’t told them that something’s wrong. That Kyungsoo is...mad, or something. That he doesn’t want to talk. 

But it’s too late now. 

**jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo BRO UR RIGHT. KYUNGSOO!! @dks_0112 DUDE HAVE U SEEN THIS YET. ARE U SLEEPING. WAKE UP. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @yeoloooooo @dks_0112 i don’t think he’s awake... loSERS

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo @dks_0112 both of them....lame......WE’LL JUST SCREAM ON OUR OWN THEN THAT’S FINE

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@thundaboi @byun_xing @yeoloooooo i’m awake...

“ _Shit_ ,” Chanyeol hisses. 

But then. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo BROOOO what are u doing awake is it bc u miss us. i knew it. BUT ALSO HAVE U SEEN THE TEASER PIC.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo teaser?? 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo holy shit...

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@dks_0112 @byun_xing @yeoloooooo I KNOW RIGHT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. 

**barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo DOESN’T HE LOOK HOT IN THE WAY THAT ANNOYS U. I’M SO HYPED DUDE U DON’T EVEN KNOW. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo fuck...

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@dks_0112 @thundaboi @yeoloooooo bruh...soo broke out the swears and everything

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @thundaboi @yeoloooooo i knew there was a comeback coming. because new songs. but i was not. emotionally prepared...

 **jongdamn** @thundaboi  
@dks_0112 @byun_xing @yeoloooooo I FUCKIN KNOW RIGHT

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@thundaboi @dks_0112 @yeoloooooo where’s CHANYEOL he’s gonna have a gd aneurysm :)))) 

Chanyeol’s not sure _what_ he’s having, but it feels more like a heart attack, and it’s more about Kyungsoo than it is about Minseok and the comeback. 

Kyungsoo, who seems to be talking just fine with Jongdae and Baekhyun. Like nothing happened. Like they’re not the problem. 

Which means the problem is Chanyeol. 

He has to take several centering breaths before he can reply to the last tweet in the thread—Baekhyun, an hour ago, praying fervently that Yixing’s teaser is next and that he’ll be able to wake up early enough to be there for it. 

**yeol ~ lonely.mp3** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @dks_0112 @thundaboi hello....u bastards.....i have awoken and i am Cranky

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @dks_0112 @thundaboi :)))) good morning sunshine, dae is just about to board his flight to toronto, the sun is shining, minseok is hot as fuck

 **yeol ~ lonely.mp3** @yeoloooooo  
@byun_xing @dks_0112 @thundaboi i want to kill u, but also, i am so fuckin hyped. also glad ur home safe, thumbs up emoji

 **barkhyun** @byun_xing  
@yeoloooooo @dks_0112 @thundaboi THE COMEBACK’S TITLED ALCHEMICAL HOW FUCKIN COOL DOES THAT SOUND. SOO DON’T U AGREE.

Chanyeol closes his eyes, breathes deeply. It’s okay. If Kyungsoo doesn’t reply because he hates Chanyeol that’s okay. He’s had an entire night to accept that possibility. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo @thundaboi honestly if the mv isn’t pseudomedieval magical shit i’m going to sue. bring it on, element. i’m ready. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@byun_xing @yeoloooooo @thundaboi also yeol did you see. minseok has pink hair again. i know you love that...

And honestly...Chanyeol is too tired to deal with everything he’s currently feeling. Confusion, and bitterness, and relief, all at the same time. He doesn’t know _why_ Kyungsoo was acting so standoffish yesterday, or why it was only to him, or why he now seems to be fine. And it’s frustrating, to know nothing but to be too scared to ask. 

But Chanyeol is whipped, and he’s sleepy, and he’s excited about the comeback. He doesn’t want to deal with all of that right now. 

**yeol ~ lonely.mp3** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 @byun_xing @thundaboi I SAW HFJDFHKJS. IT’S SO ATTRACTIVE?? I’M INTO THIS...

 **yeol ~ lonely.mp3** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 @byun_xing @thundaboi ALSO the teaser pic didn’t give away much but consider this: steampunk concept

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo @byun_xing @thundaboi ...i would die, but it would be worth it

Chanyeol grins. He’s not about to ask Kyungsoo again if he wants to hang out—he’s still stinging from that rejection—but this feels okay. Maybe they’re okay. 

They stay okay, as far as Chanyeol (admittedly an idiot) can tell, for the rest of the week, as more teaser pics are released, and then the music video teaser, and the highlight medley. Kyungsoo is roped into the Beagles’ conversations about the comeback and the songs they heard at the concert on a fairly regular basis, and on a few occasions even jumps in of his own accord. He doesn’t often reply unprompted to Chanyeol’s daily tweets, but he does once or twice, and he replies seemingly readily when Chanyeol comments on _his_ tweets. Chanyeol is overly sensitive about if he’s being annoying or bothering Kyungsoo, but honestly, no matter how hard he searches for evidence of that being the case, he can’t really find any. Kyungsoo seems...the same as always. The same as he was before the concert, and everything else. Maybe even a little better, a little more comfortable and willing to interact.

But Chanyeol is still...scared. Every day, he wakes up and sees Kyungsoo’s little LuMin doodle from the concert afterparty. And every day, Chanyeol misses him. Wants to see him again. Thinks about him, knowing he’s only a couple of subway stops away, almost close enough to touch. 

And he can never bring himself to mention it. Can only remember that horrible, dismissive _maybe._

And then the music video is dropped—in the middle of Chanyeol’s _last class of the week, of fucking course_ —and all rational thought flies out the window. 

**ALCHEMIST YEOL** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 kYUNGSOO I’M IN CLASS RN BUT WHEN I’M OUT DO U WANT TO WATCH THE MV TOGETHER. I’M GONNA SCREAM AND I NEED U TO SCREAM W ME.

He has another half hour until his lecture ends—because his life is the actual worst—and Chanyeol has to wait through an entire ten minutes of gut-wrenching anticipation and anxiety until he gets a reply. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo i’m in class too... o <\--< what do you mean, watch together?

It’s probably an avoidance tactic. Purposefully misunderstanding Chanyeol so that he has more time to think of an excuse, or something. But Chanyeol really wants this. _So badly._

**ALCHEMIST YEOL** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 LIKE AT MY DORM, MAYBE?? SO WE CAN YELL TOGETHER....

 **ALCHEMIST YEOL** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 LIKE it’s ok if u don’t want to bUT I THINK IT’D BE FUN AND GREAT AND I’VE NEVER WATCHED AN MV W ANOTHER FAN BEFORE...

“Hey, can you chill a little?” Wendy murmurs from beside him. “You’re shaking my desk with your knee-jiggling.”

Chanyeol breathes heavily through his nose. “I’m _missing the music video release_ , and I’m _trying to convince Kyungsoo to come to my house._ ” 

Wendy smiles, rolls her eyes, and pats his knee. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo uhhhhhhhhhh. sure. i guess. after class? can’t stay long though...

Chanyeol almost yells out loud in the middle of his lecture. 

**ALCHEMIST YEOL** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 YEAH!!! JHJSKFD I’LL MEET U AT KONKUK STATION. I’M DONE AT 6:30. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ok... i’ll meet you at like 7? i can bring food or something...

 **ALCHEMIST YEOL** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 OMG PLEASE!! AAAA I’M SO EXCITED

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ^^;;

Chanyeol swallows down a squeal. 

He’s going to see Kyungsoo again. It’s comeback season and Kyungsoo doesn’t hate him. 

All is right with the world.

####

Chanyeol doesn’t exactly think about what he’s signed himself up for until he’s at Konkuk Station and realizes he’s about to meet Kyungsoo to bring him back to his room.

Him and Kyungsoo. Alone. In his _bedroom._

“Hey, Yeol,” Kyungsoo says, materializing in front of Chanyeol out of the milling crowd. 

He’s wearing casual clothes—a big black hoodie, jeans—and he still has his school backpack on, bulging and heavy-looking. Chanyeol wants to kiss him. “Hey,” he says a little breathlessly. “Um. Glad you could make it. Do you want me to carry anything?”

Kyungsoo smiles a little, shakes his head. He’s holding a bag from a fried chicken place Chanyeol recognizes, and it smells mouth-wateringly delicious. Chanyeol is starving. 

“Alright, then...let’s go!” Chanyeol tries to grin in a way that doesn’t give away how nervous and also infatuated he feels. “My dorm’s this way.”

Kyungsoo follows him silently up the stairs, and Chanyeol chews on his lip, tries not to think of the last time they were alone together. He’s almost too scared to look at Kyungsoo too much, just in case he does the same thing again—refuses to look at Chanyeol, refuses to come too close to him. If Chanyeol doesn’t see it, it’s not happening, right? 

He stops at a crosswalk, and Kyungsoo bumps into his back. “Ah,” Kyungsoo says, and it’s so _cute_ , somehow. Chanyeol doesn’t know why it’s so cute. “Sorry.”

Chanyeol smiles, steps to the side so Kyungsoo can stand next to him. “How was your week?” he asks. 

Kyungsoo hums. “Busy. I haven’t been able to draw much.”

Chanyeol has to bite back a smile at the simple act of _Kyungsoo talking to him_. God, he’s pitiful. “Oh, I noticed! Do you have any works in progress, or...?”

“Nothing too big right now,” Kyungsoo says, and shrugs. The light turns green, and they cross the road. “Just some concept scribbles here and there.”

“Well, no matter what you put out, or when, I know I’m going to cry over it,” Chanyeol says. 

Kyungsoo smiles a little, pushes his glasses farther up his nose. “Do you actually cry?”

Chanyeol laughs. “Okay, maybe I don’t _cry_ ,” he admits. “But I do get a little teary sometimes. Just because they’re so beautiful.”

Kyungsoo chuckles. “You get teary about everything...”

“Only things that move me,” Chanyeol says, laying a hand over his heart. “You’re just very good at it.”

Kyungsoo’s smile spreads, stretching out his cheeks a little, and Chanyeol has to look away, heart beating faster. 

They reach his dorm a minute later, and Kris isn’t there, probably because Chanyeol said _if you can’t resist giving me away, just don’t even be here_ , you bastard. Now that he has Kyungsoo in his room, though, he regrets it, because it feels very...scary, somehow, closing the door behind him. 

But it’s okay. He’s okay. He’s cool. 

“Should we eat first or watch first?” he asks, too loudly. 

Kyungsoo glances up from where he’s toeing off his shoes by the door. “Umm...eat while we wait for it to load in HD?”

“That’s wise, you’re so wise Soo,” Chanyeol says, opening his laptop, changing the quality of the video to 1080p. It starts playing, and Chanyeol frantically pauses it. “Ohhhh god, I’m so excited. Have you seen it yet?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, now standing awkwardly in front of his door in his bright yellow socks. Fuck, Chanyeol is soft. 

“Me neither! Perfect. We’ll both be surprised.” Chanyeol claps his hands together, glances at the video. “Oooo, it’s already quarter-way loaded. Uh, I don’t have a table, but we can just eat on my bed?”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, and then doesn’t move. 

“Sit!” Chanyeol says, patting the spot next to him on the edge of his mattress. “I’d offer my roommate’s, but he might not be as willing as me to get grease stains on his comforter.” He pauses, sees Kyungsoo’s moment of hesitation, and says, “Or we can sit on the floor, actually! Less chance of getting stuff dirty.”

Kyungsoo’s shoulders seem to relax at that, and Chanyeol gives himself a mental pat on the back. They sit down in the middle of the floor with the takeout container of chicken and pickled radishes between them, and Chanyeol’s laptop off to the side, loading silently. They chat a bit over their food, just about school and Seoul in the spring, and then Chanyeol looks at his laptop screen and sees that it’s fully loaded and he’s _too excited to wait_ , okay, he _can’t._

“Sit here,” he says, dragging his laptop into his lap and moving to sit against the side of his bed, gesturing to the space beside him with his elbow. “Careful not to knock over your water— Are you ready?”

Kyungsoo scoots around to sit next to him, close enough that their thighs touch, and then pulls his knees up to his chest. “Yeah,” he says, and he sounds almost as breathless as Chanyeol feels. “Go.”

Chanyeol hits play, and then promptly starts making high-pitched noises as dark clouds cover his screen, and CGI lightning cracks over some sort of Victorian manor. “Oh my god,” he whimpers. “I’m so excited.”

He feels a hand brush against the side of his thigh, and glances over to see Kyungsoo curling his fingers into the side of his jeans, fingertips digging into his thighs. He presses into Chanyeol’s side, eyes glued to the screen, and grins. 

Chanyeol’s heart beats wildly against his ribs. He bites his tongue, breathes out heavily, and braces himself for the rest of the video. 

Watching the music video with Kyungsoo is an absolute _joy_. Chanyeol can’t resist making weird sounds and frequent exclamations of, “ _Fuck me, oh my fucking god,_ ” but it doesn’t matter, because Kyungsoo just laughs, and makes little noises of excitement and distress, and presses closer to see better. The video is six minutes long—including a horribly embarrassing and dramatic stare-down between the four members just before the bridge—and it’s _amazing_. Six minutes of knife-sharp dancing, and amazing vocals, and dark imagery. It’s not quite the pseudomedieval magical concept or the steampunk music video they had wanted, but it’s artsy and broody and edgy, and Minseok’s eye makeup is fierce as fuck, and everyone looks amazing, and Chanyeol _loves it_. 

“Oooooh my god,” he says after it ends, wiping moisture from his eyes. “That was really. Wow.”

Kyungsoo sighs, and Chanyeol feels it against his arm. “I wanted to laugh but also they’re so...”

“They’re _so_ ,” Chanyeol agrees. 

“Can we watch it again?” Kyungsoo asks. “I might have blinked.”

Chanyeol grins, clicks _replay_. 

They get through it two more times—once watching it straight through, and then again pausing every time they want to talk about something specific, giggling like little kids—before the door opens, and Kris walks in. 

He stops in the doorway, stares down at them. 

“Uh,” Chanyeol says. “Hey, Kris. This is my friend Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, this is my roommate.”

Kyungsoo blinks up at him, and Chanyeol narrows his eyes at Kris and mouths, _I’ll kill you_. 

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Kris says. “Chanyeol’s mentioned you. Nice to meet you.”

Chanyeol closes his eyes briefly and thanks the Lord for the mercy of Canadians. 

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says. “You too.”

“How many times has Chanyeol described Minseok as _that sexy bastard_ so far?” Kris asks. “I’m taking bets with Wendy.”

Chanyeol scoffs, and beside him, Kyungsoo laughs, a soft little giggle that has Chanyeol _very_ quickly taking back what he said about Canadians. Kris is the worst. Making _his_ boy laugh like that. Unfair and _cruel_. Against Chanyeol’s rights, probably. 

“I get bonus points if he uses the words _I hate his entire face_ ,” Kris says. 

“I don’t say that that often!” Chanyeol protests, face warm. 

“Yes you do,” Kris says, quirking a smile in Kyungsoo’s direction. 

“Well, you’re in luck,” Kyungsoo says, grinning. 

Chanyeol very much wants Kris to go away now. 

“Did you buy chicken?” Kris asks, eyeing the half-full container on the floor. 

“I did,” Kyungsoo says. “You can have some, if you want.”

Kris smiles, then toes off his shoes to sit down in front of them. “Are you still watching the music video?”

“We could watch it again,” Kyungsoo says. “Yeol?”

Chanyeol huffs. “Yeah, come sit,” he says, patting the space on his other side. “Lu Han looks a little bit like a badass mage boy.”

“Cool,” Kris says, moving to sit beside him. “Soo, who’s your favourite member?”

Chanyeol scowls. _Soo._ That’s _his_ nickname for him.

“Minseok,” Kyungsoo says happily. “Same as Chanyeol.”

“Nice. I’ve always liked you best of Chanyeol’s friends,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol squirms in embarrassment. “I’m telling Wendy you said that,” he mutters. “Anyway! Let’s watch!”

Kyungsoo laughs, presses back into Chanyeol’s side, and Chanyeol decides, fine. Maybe this is okay after all. 

He would put up with an awful lot of teasing if it meant Kyungsoo being this close to him. 

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, fifteen minutes later. “You actually put my LuMin doodle on your wall.”

Chanyeol looks up, blinks, and goes warm. “Ah. Yeah. Of course!”

Kyungsoo stares at it, smiles. “I’ll give you something better to put up.”

“You don’t have to!” Chanyeol says. “I’m already happy with this.”

“I’ll make you a print of the commission I drew you,” Kyungsoo says. “You can put that up instead.”

“Never instead,” Chanyeol says, feeling his cheeks pink as Kris glances at him from his bed. “I’ll just put them both up.”

Kyungsoo looks at him, smiles. “I think I can live with that.”

And Chanyeol can live with that too. This. Everything. He can live with...all of this. It’d be better, he thinks, if Kyungsoo would make eye contact for more than half a hot second. And it’d be better if Kyungsoo wasn’t inching away from him, making sure that no part of them is touching now that they’re not watching the music video anymore. And it’d be better if he didn’t say he had to leave right after that, even though it’s barely 8pm on a Friday. 

It’d be better if Kyungsoo looked at Chanyeol as much as Chanyeol wants to look at him, and if Kyungsoo wanted to touch hands, and sit close together on Chanyeol’s bed with him, and stay so late that he ends up having to sleep over. That would be...really great.

But this enough. For poor, desperate Chanyeol, it’s enough. 

Even if he still wants to kiss him.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyooooo sorry for the bit of a longer wait, i was busy not wanting to write. but now i'm back! \o/ in case anyone was wondering, i'm currently thinking i have about four or five chapters left to go ^^


	14. Chapter 14

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
[fanart] This Magic Kills Me #lumin #루민 #element #fanart pic.twitter.com/kd7Fsw2cG9ad

Chanyeol grins, one foot still caught in his pajama pants as he tries to change for class. It’s been a month already since Alchemical was released, and Kyungsoo’s been working on the same piece of art since then, in between midterms and everything else going on in his life, and he hasn’t allowed Chanyeol to see it no matter how much Chanyeol pleaded. And now it’s here, in all of its dark and broody glory—Minseok and Lu Han standing in front of the manor from the music video, electricity connecting their chests, even as they stand off with fistfuls of magic. It’s incredible. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@dks_0112 @yeoloooooo

“You fool,” Chanyeol mutters, cheeks aching from smiling so hard. “You think I haven’t already seen it?”

**alchemist yeol** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 DAMN SOO YOU’VE OUTDONE URSELF AGAIN. HOW DO U DO THAT. THIS IS SO GOOD??? THE DETAILS??? THEIR /FACES/??? HOW DO U MAKE THEM LOOK SO ANGRY- 

**alchemist yeol** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 -AND ALSO IN LOVE WITH E/O AT THE SAME TIME? WOWEE I'M REALLY IN LOVE W U, U GOD AMONG MEN!!!

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ᄏᄏᄏ thanks yeol

**alchemist yeol** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 u shouldn’t laugh!! i’m being genuine. seriously, soo, this is so good?? ugh your style is just SO!! ♡_♡

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ^^

**alchemist yeol** @yeoloooooo  
#LRT yall already know this bc i talk abt it all the time but LOOK AT MY FRIEND KYUNGSOO’S ART!!! U SHOULD FOLLOW HIM BC HE’S AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM!!!!

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ᄏᄏ yeol… 

“Are you going to finish putting on your pants and go to class sometime today yet, or are you just going to stand there smiling at your phone in your underwear forever?” Kris asks from his desk. 

“Stop admiring my ass, you pervert,” Chanyeol shoots back cheerfully. 

He makes it to class fifteen minutes later, and by that time, he has new DM notifications. 

**jongdamn**  
 _shared a tweet_  
chanyeol  
honey  
u need to stop confessing to kyungsoo like this

**barkhyun**  
OOOOOOO  
someone said it

**alchemist yeol**  
djfjksfks WHY  
I TELL LOTS OF PEOPLE I LOVE THEM  
IT’S NOT LIKE I’M BEING SERIOUS  


**jongdamn**  
boi  
but u ARE serious

**alchemist yeol**  
SJDSJKN NO I’M NOT  
I’M  
OBVIOUSLY EXAGGERATING….  
he just doesn’t need to know how much  


**barkhyun**  
/how little

**alchemist yeol**  
>:[  


**jongdamn**  
lmao  
in any case  
what u gonna do when u actually want to confess huh  
he’s not gonna believe u

**alchemist yeol**  
brooooo  
i’m not gonna confess lol  
do u think i’m stupid  


**jongdamn**  
not to sound invested in any way but  
why not

 **barkhyun**  
yeah man it seems like he likes u??  
GO FOR IT DUDE I SUPPORT U

**alchemist yeol**  
UR NOT THE ONE I NEED TO APPROVE  
lol u guys don’t know what he’s like in person…  


**jongdamn**  
UH YEAH WE DO  
we just met him like a month and a half ago moron

**alchemist yeol**  
NO I MEAN  
when it’s just us two  
LIKE he’s fine online and stuff  
like i don’t think he HATES me or anything  
but he does NOT like to hang out  


**barkhyun**  
didn’t u guys go out for like,,,  
pizza or something  
like last week

**alchemist yeol**  
hhhhh yeah  
do u know how hard i worked for that  
we hang out like once every 2 weeks  
if i’m diligent and come up with a good enough excuse  
(aLWAYS initiated by me)  
and like he’s OKAY when we’re hanging out  
in general  
like he seems like he doesn’t hATE it  
but he’s always kinda awk  
much more than when it was us as a group  
like he doesn’t seem v comfortable  
and he doesn’t look at me  
HHHHHH  
doesn’t seem like crush behavior to me  


**jongdamn**  
oh yeah man that’s uhhhhh  
kinda true  
ur sure ur not imagining things?

 **barkhyun**  
it is true that i look at a person x100 when i like them lol  
and i totally make excuses to see them  
and talk to them

**alchemist yeol**  
right  
lol  
i’m screwed  
sO yeah i’m not gonna say anything to him lol  


**jongdamn**  
poor baby  
marry kris  
marry kris and get a canadian visa :))))

 **barkhyun**  
oooooo green card wedding  
actually that’s a good idea  
i want to do that

**jongdamn**  
u like girls u can marry wendy  
chanyeol can marry kris  
we can all be a happy canadian family

**barkhyun**  
now we’re talkin

**alchemist yeol**  
i have several issues with this conversation  
the first being that u are ignoring my pain  
YALL I LIKE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS  


**barkhyun**  
pat pat

**alchemist yeol**  
he’s so cute ;;;;;;  
i like it so much when he smiles at me ;;;;;;;;  
i waNT TO HOLD HIS HAND ;;;;;  


**jongdamn**  
bro this is so cute  
but also sad

**alchemist yeol**  
i alrdy liked him before but now i’ve met him irl and it’s BAD  
whenever i see him my heart grows 3 sizes  
like the grinch  
except my heart is already big so it is painful  


**barkhyun**  
oooookay buddy  
u ok there

**alchemist yeol**  
no  
i lov him  


**barkhyun**  
i know u do  
but since that’s making u sad  
instead we should talk about  
MY BIRTHDAY!!!

**alchemist yeol**  
i don’t know suddenly i can’t read  
bye i have class  
^3^  


**barkhyun**  
hate u

Chanyeol smiles, looks up from his laptop screen. Friends are good, he decides. Even if Kyungsoo never likes him back, friends are good.

####

Four days later, on Sunday, Chanyeol convinces Kyungsoo to go with him to the underground shopping centre to buy himself a million low-quality Element postcards to send to friends.

“I want a new fake Element hoodie, too, but I don’t like to admit I buy those,” he says, grinning at Kyungsoo as they make their way down the stairs into the mall tunnels.

Kyungsoo chuckles softly. He’s wearing his Element superpowers shirt today—the same shirt he wore the the concert—and Chanyeol doesn’t know how to tell him that he wants one really bad. 

“So, what have you been up to?” Chanyeol says cheerfully, stopping at the first store they come across and flicking through a shelf of file folders with k-pop bands on them. “What were you doing before now?”

“Ah, not much,” Kyungsoo says, squinting at some magnets next to him, but not _too_ close. “I was doing laundry.”

“You mean you don’t just keep rewearing the same clothes until you go home for break and get your mom to wash them?” Chanyeol says, flashing him a grin. 

Kyungsoo glances at him. “I don’t have a mom, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol freezes. “Shit,” he says. “I knew that. I’m pretty sure I knew that. You can hit me for that if you want.”

Kyungsoo cracks a smile. “That’s very generous of you.”

“I was actually referring to my mom, though!” Chanyeol says. “Like, as in, that’s what I do. I get my mom to wash my clothes when I go home. But also that’s an exaggeration. Obviously. I’m not that gross.”

This time, Kyungsoo laughs. “I’m not actually mad at you, Yeol. I was making a joke.” His smile fades. “Maybe I should, uh. Not do that.”

“No, no, it was a good joke. I am just an idiot.” He tips his head towards Kyungsoo. “You can still hit me if you want.”

Kyungsoo smiles, elbows him gently, and then moves away. “Now’s the part where you unlock my backstory,” he says from the poster wall. 

“About your mom?” Chanyeol asks, following him. “Is it tragic? Will I cry?”

“Nah,” Kyungsoo says. “She left my dad and us when I was a kid.”

“I can still cry if you want,” Chanyeol offers. “That sucks, though, Soo.”

Kyungsoo just shrugs, contemplating a huge Renegade poster. “I guess,” he says, and then, “Park Jimin is really attractive.”

Chanyeol blinks at him, and then up at the poster. “Yeah,” he says after a moment. “He really is.”

“If there was more time in the day, I’d stan him,” Kyungsoo says. 

“He’s my favourite, too,” Chanyeol says. 

Kyungsoo nods. “He’s totally my type.”

Chanyeol’s stomach squeezes. _Shit_. He’d forgotten about that. That Kyungsoo’s type is everything that Chanyeol is not. “Yeah,” he says faintly. “Small and cute.”

“And smiley,” Kyungsoo adds, still looking at the poster consideringly. He nods firmly. “I’ll draw him soon.”

Chanyeol manages a weak smile, but only barely. 

It’s not like Kyungsoo sees it anyway. 

Their outings always seem to start off like this. Kyungsoo is always hesitant to go—he’s not good at hiding it, or maybe just doesn’t bother trying—but when he shows up, he always starts out strong. He smiles readily enough, he’s fairly talkative. He makes jokes, laughs at _Chanyeol’s_ jokes. He’s still _Kyungsoo_ —he doesn’t look at Chanyeol much, never stands too close—but he always seems happy enough to be there.

It’s always later that something seems to go wrong. 

“Hey,” Chanyeol says to Kyungsoo as he waits for someone to finish buying something so he can pay for a package of fineliners. “I think I just glimpsed a bathroom sign. I’ll come find you when I come out, kay?” 

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says, distracted by a table display of cheap-looking keychains. 

It takes Chanyeol a few minutes to actually _find_ the bathroom, and then another few to actually get in—it’s a Sunday afternoon, and the shopping center is pretty packed. By the time he gets out, he kind of forgets where he left Kyungsoo, and has to wander around for a bit before he finds the right shop. 

When he gets there, Kyungsoo’s not inside. 

“Rats,” Chanyeol says, walking back out and pressing up onto his tiptoes. “Kyungsoooo? Damn, you’re well and truly lost. Goodbye, my friend. I loved you.”

It ends up taking him another minute to find Kyungsoo in the crowd—Chanyeol recognizes him by the back of his head and the curve of his hip, if he’s being honest, but it’s also hard to miss the way he’s craning his neck searchingly. 

“Don’t worry, I’m here, I know you missed me,” Chanyeol says, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

Kyungsoo whips around so fast that his glasses fall right off his face, and Chanyeol barks out a laugh as he stoops to save them from a dozen trampling feet. 

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, taking them back, stepping away. “I. I couldn’t find you.”

“Yeah, I got a bit lost on my way back from the bathroom,” Chanyeol says. He immediately notes the tenseness in Kyungsoo’s shoulders, chews on his lip. “But I’m back now, no worries.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Kyungsoo mutters, and turns away. 

_Shit._

“Is everything okay?” Chanyeol asks tentatively, following Kyungsoo as he pushes through the crowd towards some unknown destination. 

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says tersely, but Chanyeol sees the way his knuckles are white around the straps of his backpack. Shit, shit, shit. 

He waits until they’ve stopped—next to a nearly-empty store selling ugly wigs, of all things—to ask again. “Are you sure?” he says carefully. “Do you want to leave?”

“I think I need to go home,” Kyungsoo says, staring at an empty patch of wall. 

“Oh,” Chanyeol says, voice small. “I haven’t found any good postcards yet…”

Kyungsoo rakes his fingers across the back of his neck, hard enough to leave pink lines in his skin. “You can stay.”

“No, no,” Chanyeol says quickly. “We can go if you want. Do you feel okay?”

Kyungsoo threads his fingers through his hair, tugs on it. “I’m fine,” he says, but his body language screams _I’m dying._

“Actually, I’m super thirsty,” Chanyeol lies. “Do you wanna go get a smoothie or something?”

Kyungsoo visibly hesitates, and then says, “Yeah, maybe.”

Chanyeol nods, jerks his thumb over his shoulder. “I know a place. It’s easy to get to from here.”

Kyungsoo follows him willingly up and out of the shopping center, down the street to a little cafe that sells mango drinks. It’s pretty empty—it usually is—and it’s blessedly quiet. Kyungsoo rakes his fingers through his hair again, bends his head low over their table. 

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol blurts, swallowing hard. “I. I don’t know if I did something, but—”

Kyungsoo shakes his head quickly, doesn’t look at him. “I’m just. I’m just being stupid. Forget about it.”

Chanyeol hesitates, chest squeezing, and then says, “Is there anything I can do? To be. Less how I am.”

Kyungsoo blows out a slow breath, rubs both hands over his scalp. His hair is standing on end at this point, and it’d be cute if Chanyeol wasn’t completely consumed with nerves. “I’m not usually bad like this,” Kyungsoo says, and it sounds like he’s struggling to speak. “It’s just. Sometimes something sets it off and I can’t. I kind of just. I don’t know.” He sucks on his straw, scrubs one hand over his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol says quietly, throat tight.

Kyungsoo shrugs, and that’s all the confirmation Chanyeol needs to know it’s at least partially his fault. 

“You.” Chanyeol stops, has to swallow thickly. “You mentioned once that you had a really hard time in high school…?”

Kyungsoo nods jerkily, still staring hard at the table. “That was. Way worse than this, if you can believe it. I. That was kind of. All the time. Like this. So. It’s better now. But it’s not—” He stops, takes a slow breath. “Sorry. This is so fucking stupid.”

Chanyeol shakes his head fervently. “No, no, it’s. It’s really fine, Soo. Can I. Is there anything I can do?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, holds onto his drink like a lifeline. “No, just. Just forget about it. I’m fine.”

Chanyeol bites his tongue, takes a slow sip of his drink. Tries, desperately, to think of something to say. Something that won’t make things worse. “Hey,” he says, just a tiny bit shakily. “Did I tell you what me and Dae bought Baekhyun for his birthday?”

Kyungsoo glances up from the table for the first time, his lips quirking almost imperceptibly. He gives a tiny shake of his head. 

“Oh, man, just wait till you hear this,” Chanyeol says, fighting to keep his smile broad and casual. “He’s gonna go _nuts_.”

Chanyeol’s storytelling doesn’t end up going fantastically. Kyungsoo doesn’t really laugh at any of his jokes, and Chanyeol has to resort to telling stories from class after a few minutes, and then stories about Kris. But as the minutes tick by, Kyungsoo’s shoulders relax by increments. He looks up more often, smiles a little more easily. Chanyeol might not call it a success, but at least it’s not a complete failure. 

In the end, Kyungsoo still goes home early, and Chanyeol still feels like shit. 

“Sorry today wasn’t fun for you,” Chanyeol says as they wait for the subway, shuffling his feet. 

Kyungsoo makes a sharp, derisive sound. “No, it. It was my own fault.”

“It wasn’t,” Chanyeol says quickly, even though he’s not completely sure who’s fault it _is_. Definitely not Kyungsoo’s, though. “Next time we hang out will be way more fun. Cross my heart.” He draws an x to the left of his sternum, and then hesitates before he says, “Maybe you can pick the activity?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, stares down the tunnel. “Maybe.”

Chanyeol gets the feeling that means Kyungsoo doesn’t want to hang out at all. 

“Thanks for coming out today,” Chanyeol says, a little desperate. “I really like hanging out with you.”

Kyungsoo glances at him, lips curling at the edges. “Yeah, I’m oodles of fun.”

“You _are_ ,” Chanyeol insists. “I _like_ you. Hanging out with you.” He bites his tongue at the slip. 

Kyungsoo hunches his shoulders, smiles a little more. “Thanks, Yeol,” he murmurs. 

It’s still not a success. But at least he smiled at Chanyeol.

####

The following Tuesday, Kyungsoo posts another piece of art—the second in as many weeks.

 **kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
[WIP] a comic i’m working on… pic.twitter.com/jd7aKs9aSu6a

Chanyeol clicks on it eagerly. It’s still sketchy, just a single page of panels in pink pencil crayon with a few of the main lines drawn in graphite. But the important stuff is all there. Minseok and Lu Han, sitting facing each other in the first panel, separated by computer screens. _China_ , says Lu Han’s half of the panel, while Minseok’s says _Korea_. Their dialogue is all just scribbles, but they’re smiling, chatting. The next panels are screenshots of chat logs. _Wish I could see you in real life_ , Lu Han’s messages say. _You’re my best friend._

_You’re my best friend, too_ , Minseok replies, smiling happily. 

_I have to go,_ Lu Han types in the next panel, leaning against his desk, smiling wistfully. _Bye, Minseok-ah!! I love you~~_

_Bye_ , says the next chat log. 

The last panel shows Minseok slumped in his chair, half happy, half sad. Kyungsoo’s always been good at drawing that. His hand touches his screen. “ _Love you_ ,” his dialogue says. 

“Damn,” Chanyeol says. “Well. God _damn_. Hit me right where it hurts, Soo.”

“What’d he do this time,” Kris intones. 

Chanyeol scowls. “Drawing painful comics about unrequited online crushes,” he says. _Relatable_ , he types in his reply, and then quickly erases it. 

“Ouch,” is all Kris says. 

**alchemist yeol** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 DAMN SOO. COMIN FOR ME W THAT ANGST, HUH. WELL JUST SO U KNOW i love it and this looks amazing so far. can’t wait to have my heart trampled on.

He almost writes _I love you_ at the end, like he always does. But in the current context—in response to _this specific art_ —it seems a little misleading. Or, well. A little too accurate, if he’s telling the truth. Which he’s not. He’s not going to be telling the truth. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ^^;; aha...i’m not usually one for angst. but. here i am. 

**alchemist yeol** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 well will it have a happy ending?? bc if so. then all is forgiven. 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo ...idk. we’ll see. 

Chanyeol huffs. “Too real, Kyungsoo, too real.”

**alchemist yeol** @yeoloooooo  
@dks_0112 tbh i’ll love it either way. I BET IT’LL BE SO BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTBREAKING. can’t wait :’))) 

**kyungsoo** @dks_0112  
@yeoloooooo haha. thanks, yeol. 

“Does this mean you’re going to mope all day again?” Kris asks. 

Chanyeol narrows his eyes at him from across the room. “I don’t mope.”

“You do mope,” Kris says. “Every time you think that Kyungsoo doesn’t like you, which is pretty often.”

Chanyeol wrinkles his nose, pulls his knees up to his chest where he’s sitting on his bed. “You make it sound like I have insecurity issues.”

Kris looks up at him, and his expression is surprisingly soft. “You do have insecurity issues, dear.”

Chanyeol opens his mouth to make a retort, and then closes it. Frowns. “I just like it when my friends like me,” he mutters. 

“They do like you, Yeol,” Kris says with a smile. “That’s where the insecurity comes in.”

“Well,” Chanyeol says, crossing his arms. “Whatever.”

Kris smiles a little wider. “Are you still making me go with you and Wendy to lunch today?”

“You don’t always have to pretend I’m forcing you to go do fun things,” Chanyeol tells him. 

“Yes I do. You _are_ forcing me. Whether or not I enjoy going is a moot point.” 

“I’m gonna tell Jongdae I can’t marry you,” Chanyeol says. 

“Okay,” is Kris’ only reply. 

“And yes, you’re still coming. Wendy misses you.”

Kris snorts. “Sure, okay. Go to class, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol huffs, throws his things into his backpack, and goes. 

He doesn’t stop thinking about what Kris said, though. That Chanyeol mopes. Does he mope? Is he a moper? Has he been annoying his friends this whole time with his moodiness? Is he an annoying person to be friends with?

_Oh,_ he thinks. _This is what Kris meant about insecurity issues._

He spends his entire morning class in a daze, thinking about Kyungsoo, and whether or not he likes Chanyeol, and how Chanyeol can find out if Kyungsoo likes him, and if Chanyeol is overthinking this, and if his overthinking is annoying, and if Kyungsoo thinks he’s annoying. Now that Kris has told him he’s insecure, it’s like his insecurity feels validated and free to take over his entire mind. Only the problem is that Chanyeol believes everything it tells him. Such as that Kyungsoo maybe does not like him at all and that’s why he never wants to hang out with him and only manages to sound civil when they’re separated by a screen. 

Goddammit. 

The problem, he thinks, is that he doesn’t know how to act around Kyungsoo. The problem is that he keeps doing things wrong and making Kyungsoo uncomfortable and not being helpful when he’s feeling anxious, because he doesn’t know _how_. Every time it happens, he tries the same thing, and it never really works. But he doesn’t know what to do. He’s stuck. 

Everything was so much easier when he was just Kyungsoo's #1 fanboy on Twitter.

“Do either of you have any experience with anxiety?” he asks at lunch, from where he has his head down on the table next to his bowl of gamjatang. 

Wendy pauses in her discussion with Kris about comic books to rub her hand up and down Chanyeol’s back. “Are you having an anxiety attack, sweetie?”

“What? No.” Chanyeol pauses. “I don’t think so. This isn’t about me.”

“He’s talking about Kyungsoo,” Kris says. 

“Hey!” Chanyeol says, slanting a glare up at him. “No gossipping.”

“I’m not,” Kris says, and turns his attention back to his soup. 

“I said no gossipping, not _no helping me_ ,” Chanyeol says. “Wendy, hold my hand.”

“Alright, what’s the problem here?” Wendy says, threading her fingers through Chanyeol’s while she eats with her other hand. 

“ _Someone I know_ has like. Anxiety problems,” Chanyeol says, squeezing her hand. He can’t eat while they’re holding hands but right now he needs comfort more than sustenance. Also he’s been starved for physical affection since the Beagles went home. “But I really. Don’t know what to do to help. All I do is make it worse,” he sighs. 

“Aw, Yeollie,” Wendy says, sending him a soft look.

“Do either of you have any knowledge on this subject?” he asks, a little desperate.

“Only in mild forms,” Kris says, shrugging. “But we’ve already established that I understand Kyungsoo much better than you do.”

“We have established it, and I have already been sad about it and moved on, like an adult,” Chanyeol confirms. “But remember, we are not talking about Kyungsoo, or anyone, you don’t know him, I’m not gossipping.”

“It’s not gossipping if you’re genuinely asking for help, Yeol,” Wendy tells him. She spoons more soup into her mouth, and then looks thoughtful. “I was on antidepressants a couple years ago. I mean, I know that isn’t the same thing, but, well. Mental illness. It’s a bitch.”

“You’d think I’d understand him better, because I, too, am a complete mess all the time. I mean. No, that sounds bad. He’s not a complete mess all the time. But I am. So you’d think I’d be like, _that feel, bro_ , whenever he feels bad. But I really don’t get him,” Chanyeol sighs. “I just don’t know what to _do_. I don’t know what I can do to help and not make it worse.”

Wendy extricates her hand from Chanyeol’s grip, scratches through his hair gently. “The fact that you care enough to ask is good for starters,” she says fondly. 

Chanyeol shrugs miserably. “Everything is bad,” he says. 

“He’s having a bad day because Kyungsoo reminded him he’s in a one-sided love,” Kris says, though not unkindly. 

“I don’t like feeling unwanted,” Chanyeol says sadly. “Or like. You know. Out of place.”

“Alright,” Kris says. “Now imagine this: that’s what he feels like all the time, the second he steps outside of his house.”

Chanyeol chews on his lip, thinks about that. “Out of his room, probably,” he says. “He says he doesn’t get along with his housemates that well.”

Kris nods sympathetically. “Yeah. Damn.”

“So what do I _do?_ ” Chanyeol asks pitifully. “I don’t understand him and I don’t know what to _do._ ” 

“It’s different for everyone,” Kris says with a shrug. “Depends on the type of anxiety he has. He’d know best what he needs from you.”

“But he won’t tell me,” Chanyeol sighs. 

“He probably thinks he’s being, like, burdensome,” Wendy says, patting his head rhythmically. “Stage one is convincing him he can trust you.”

“We’re still on stage _one_ of our friendship?” Chanyeol whines. “Man, I’m doing a shit job.”

“No, no, stage one was convincing him to talk to you,” Kris says. “Stage two was getting him to meet you in person. You’re on stage three already. Not bad.”

That actually does make Chanyeol feel a little better. He picks up his head, eats some more soup. 

“Do you know if there’s something triggering the anxiety?” Wendy asks. “I know sometimes it’s literally nothing, which, you know, you should be aware of. It could really be _nothing._ ”

Chanyeol can only shrug again. “I don’t know. He doesn’t like to talk about it. Sometimes I...sometimes I think it’s _me_. But other times I have no idea.”

“He thinks it’s him,” Kris tells Wendy, like Chanyeol isn’t there. 

“Oh, Yeollie,” Wendy sighs. 

“Apparently I have insecurity issues,” Chanyeol says to his soup bowl. 

“We love you anyway,” Wendy says, picking up his hand and patting it. “Right, Kris?”

“The fact that I’m here right now is proof enough,” Kris says. 

Chanyeol smiles a little. 

“Just...do your best to understand how he’s feeling,” Wendy says. “Your boy. And try to make him feel, you know. Comfortable, and unjudged.” 

“And also, like, realize that when he says no, he probably means _I can’t_ more often than _I don’t want to,_ ” Kris adds. 

Chanyeol chews on the inside of his cheek. “Okay,” he says uncertainly. 

Kris turns back to his meal. “That’s all I’ve got for today in terms of emotional assistance,” he says. “You’re doing great sweetie.”

Chanyeol chuckles, hunches his shoulders. Wendy hooks her arm around his neck and pulls him into a side-hug, then lets him go to finish eating. 

Chanyeol doesn’t feel better, exactly. He still doesn’t know what to do, or how to be better. 

But he does, at the very least, feel full of love. And he’s pretty sure that’s the best first step.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooooo friends! just wanted to say that it's nanowrimo season now, which means i'll be a bit busier than usual (writing!!) so while updates should remain steady until completion, i might not be able to answer everyone's comments. i really like replying to comments (AND I REALLY LOVE RECEIVING THEM <33) but i might be strapped for time. i will DEFINITELY be reading them, though. obviously. and if there are any questions in your comment, i will definitely reply to answer them!! 
> 
> anyway i love u <3


	15. Chapter 15

Chanyeol sits at his desk and drums a stuttering beat on the edge of his laptop. Clicks between three different tabs. Opens a game of Solitaire, moves around three cards, and then closes it. Sits back, sighs, and then clicks back to Twitter. Refreshes his feed. Clicks away again. 

He stares at his wall for a minute. At the LuMin doodle from the concert. Uses it to...gain strength, or something like that. It usually helps. 

Today, it doesn’t.

**ya boy yeollie**  
hey kyungsoo!! i was just wondering if you were maybe free this weekend? ^^  
it’s been a while since we hung out~  


Four weeks, in fact. Four weeks since they went to the underground shopping center. Four weeks since Kyungsoo last agreed to see him in person. It feels much longer than that.

 **kyungsoo**  
it’s exam season…

Chanyeol’s heart drops. Bitterly, he thinks, _it wasn’t exam season last week. It wasn’t exam season the last five times I asked you to hang out._

**ya boy yeollie**  
ah...i know…  
but the year’s almost over ;;;;  
i was hoping we could hang out before summer  


**kyungsoo**  
sorry

Chanyeol sighs. Rakes his fingers through his hair. 

He has a sticky note on the wall now, next to his laptop. Reminders of what he’s supposed to do, when talking to Kyungsoo. So that he doesn’t make things worse. 

They were supposed to make things _better_. But that obviously hasn’t been working. 

_1\. Make him feel comfortable_  
2\. Don’t judge  
3\. No doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to  
4\. Be understanding 

Chanyeol’s trying. He really is.

**ya boy yeollie**  
it’s ok if you can’t!!  
i just miss your face~  
if u do end up having time, u can pick the place and time!  


**kyungsoo**  
i can’t  
sorry

Chanyeol breathes through the painful squeezing of his chest.

**ya boy yeollie**  
ahhhh that’s too bad. but it’s alright!! i’ll live ^^;;  
how have you been recently??  
it’s been a while since we talked  


**kyungsoo**  
not great…

Chanyeol bites his tongue, feels like shit for getting frustrated.

**ya boy yeollie**  
ah man sorry dude  
u wanna talk about it?  


**kyungsoo**  
just  
exam stress  
shitty

**ya boy yeollie**  
oh yeah i feel you  
you’ve got one more year, right?  


Chanyeol knows he does—they’ve talked about this before—but at this point he’s just desperate to keep Kyungsoo talking. Just for a little longer.

 **kyungsoo**  
yeah  
it’s not that i hate school that much or anything  
i just  
hate exam season

**ya boy yeollie**  
oh yeah man same  
so glad i’ll be done after this semester…  


**kyungsoo**  
right  
you’re graduating, huh

**ya boy yeollie**  
yeah!!  
as long as i pass all my classes lol…  


**kyungsoo**  
lol

Chanyeol waits, then, for the question. The one he always gets at this part of this conversation. _So what are your plans after that?_

It doesn’t come.

**ya boy yeollie**  
so how’s your comic coming???  
i’ve been eagerly awaiting the next pages!!  
no pressure ofc lol  
i just love ur art  
and i love to cry  


**kyungsoo**  
ah, i’ve been so busy lately…  
i haven’t gotten much done

**ya boy yeollie**  
BOO EXAMS  
icb ur profs think school is more important than   
LUMIN IN LOVE!!!  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏᄏ

The tight ache in Chanyeol’s chest lessens a little. He likes it when Kyungsoo laughs. Even if it’s just online. It reminds him of Kyungsoo’s smile, and Kyungsoo’s smile...fixes many things in Chanyeol’s heart. 

**kyungsoo**  
is it lumin in love, or just minseok~?  
stay tuned to find out…

**ya boy yeollie**  
why u gotta hurt me w that unrequited love…  


Chanyeol stares at that message for a second after he sends it. Hits too close to home.

 **kyungsoo**  
^3^

“Oh, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol sighs, curling his fingers into his shirt over his heart. “You’re really gonna kill me with your goddamn kissy faces.”

**ya boy yeollie**  
T^T  
shouldn’t u be studying or something  
instead of  
HURTING ME  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
are you saying you don’t want to talk to me anymore

**ya boy yeollie**  
no  
talk to me forever  
ilu  


**kyungsoo**  
^^;;

“Rejecteddddd,” Chanyeol whispers to himself.

**ya boy yeollie**  
seriously tho if ur busy u don’t HAVE to keep me company  
i just like it~  


**kyungsoo**  
i can take a little break

Chanyeol bites back a smile, and tries not to think _if you can take a break now, why can’t you take a break to hang out with me? I’m five minutes away._

He really is trying very hard to accommodate Kyungsoo. But sometimes it is _really_ hard for him.

**ya boy yeollie**  
^^  
save me from this exam review hell~  


**kyungsoo**  
i will do what i can  
ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

Chanyeol smiles, sighs. 

This would be easier, he thinks, if he didn’t like Kyungsoo so goddamn much. If he wasn’t _so_ desperate to be liked back. It would be easier if Chanyeol didn’t have so many emotions, all the time. 

They talk for half an hour before Kyungsoo has to get back to studying, and Chanyeol would be lying if he said he didn’t cherish every moment of it. Even if he’s struggling to say the right things, be the right kind of friend that Kyungsoo needs, he really has such a fucking big crush. Apart from when he’s actively being rejected, Chanyeol loves every word that comes out of Kyungsoo’s, uh. Hands. 

_And such tiny hands,_ he thinks to himself sappily. _So soft and warm. We held hands one time._

**kyungsoo**  
i’ll talk to you later yeol  
good luck on exams

**ya boy yeollie**  
thanks ^3^  
u too friend  
WAIT  
i almost forgot  
can we pleasepleaseplease  
hang out one more time before we leave seoul  
i have something to tell u~~  


**kyungsoo**  
oh?  
you can’t tell me here?

**ya boy yeollie**  
no, it’s the kind of thing i’d like to say in person!  
if it’s possible  
if u are free and. are able.  
i would be v happy  


It takes a long time for Kyungsoo to reply. Chanyeol closes his eyes and thinks _it’s not because he doesn’t want to, it’s not because he doesn’t want to, it’s not because—_

 **kyungsoo**  
uhhhhhhh  
maybe right before my flight on the day after my last exam?  
if that works for you…

Chanyeol nearly faints with relief.

**ya boy yeollie**  
that should work!!  
my flight’s not till that evening :D  
u can choose when/where!  


**kyungsoo**  
ok  
i gotta go now

**ya boy yeollie**  
ok~~  
bye soo!  
( ˘ ³˘)  


**kyungsoo**  
bye

Chanyeol blows out a long breath. That went...about as well as he could have expected. Kyungsoo said yes. Tentatively, and with a very firm escape route, but a yes all the same. 

Chanyeol will take it.

####

After a full of week of non-stop stress and hair-pulling and exam-writing, Chanyeol would consider himself just about anything but emotionally stable. He’s sleep-deprived, chock-full of information he’s never going to use again, and paranoid about whether or not he’s going to pass his classes, even though he knows he will. Even though the exams themselves are over— _finally_ , for the last time hopefully ever—he’s on the brink of crashing and burning. He can feel it, right behind his eyes.

Usually, he would take this time to curl up in bed, watch YouTube videos, let his online friends say soothing words to him while he holds onto the last of his sanity. 

Instead, he’s at a barbecue place with Kris and Wendy, scrubbing his hands over his eyes as he tries to keep it together because both of them have early morning flights tomorrow and he—he might never see them again. 

“Yeollieeeee,” Wendy says, pulling him closer to her to press his face into her shoulder, patting his cheek. “Honey, you can’t just cry all evening. Is that how you want our last day together to end?”

“Stop saying that,” Chanyeol sniffles. “I didn’t have time to prepare myself emotionally for this.”

“It’s not like we’re _dying_ ,” Wendy says, picking up some grilled meat with her tongs and putting it on Chanyeol’s plate. “You can bother me on Twitter every single day if you want.”

“It’s not the same!” Chanyeol whines. “Who will I get to hold my hand when I’m sad and do my makeup when I want to look hot?”

“Kris was never much good at that anyway,” Wendy says. 

Chanyeol scowls, smacks her thigh, and then laughs a little wetly. 

Kris sits across from them, grimacing, and Chanyeol is about 80% sure that’s his I’m-feeling-emotions-and-I-hate-it face. 

“I’m too sad for you guys to leave,” Chanyeol says, picking up the piece of meat Wendy gave him and wrapping it in a piece of lettuce as forlornly as he can manage. “How will I ever find someone who loves me as much as Kris does? What if he forgets about me and stops calling me _dear_? What if he starts calling someone _else_ dear?” 

“Please stop talking,” Kris says, grimacing harder. 

“You’re upsetting Kris, sweetie,” Wendy says. “How is he supposed to only feel dry apathy if you make him feel feelings?” 

“I also feel annoyed, sometimes,” Kris says. 

“You’re gonna pick up when I Skype you, right?” Chanyeol says, putting way too many pieces of chilies into his wrap so that he can have an excuse for tearing up. “You’re not gonna ignore me, are you? I’ll never forgive you if you ignore me. We’re brothers now.”

“I’m not going to ignore you, Yeol,” Kris says, blinking a little bit too fast. 

“You better not!” Chanyeol sniffs, stuffs the lettuce wrap into his mouth, and promptly regrets it. 

He puts his head down on the table to suffer through the pain, and when he glances up, he sees Wendy and Kris shooting each other small, fond grins. 

Chanyeol’s heart aches. 

He ends the night with a long, bone-crushingly tight hug from Wendy, who promises to message him when she gets home, and to not forget his birthday in November. She kisses Chanyeol’s cheek, and presses a little keychain bauble into his hand, to match the one on her backpack. Chanyeol cries. 

And then that’s done, and she’s gone. And Kris is already walking away, back to their dorm. Chanyeol sighs, follows him. He hates this. That he’ll be going to sleep tonight, and when he wakes up Kris will be gone. That there’s no specific moment for goodbyes for his roommate. 

He catches up to Kris on the sidewalk, and jumps a little when a heavy arm lands around his shoulders. He looks at Kris, watches him stare straight ahead, expressionless. “You’ve been a good roommate, Yeol,” he says. 

Chanyeol bites down on his grin, eyes stinging. It’s not exactly hugs and a teary farewell, but coming from Kris, it feels about the same. 

He’s not surprised, in the morning, to wake up to an empty room. He’s not surprised to see the bare mattress or the empty drawers. 

He _is_ surprised to see the letter on his suitcase, folded neatly with his name printed in round hangul on the front. 

_Chanyeol_ , it says. _I’m leaving this now because I won’t be around to hear you slandering my name. I’m not much good at saying words or showing feelings, but I know you love words and feelings, so here I am. Sacrificing my pride for you._

_I just wanted to say, I guess, that I’m really grateful I got placed with you as my roommate. I kind of dreaded that part of studying abroad, going into it. Because I don’t really like people that much. But I guess I got really lucky. So thanks for making my year abroad unforgettable, and making me do a bunch of things I didn’t want to do, and making me meet people I didn’t want to meet. I know I was grumpy about it, but I was also grateful. And I know I didn’t really show it, but you were my best friend._

_Keep being the person you are, okay? No matter what people say about you, or think about you, keep being the person you are, because you’re pretty great. You love things with your whole heart and you give yourself away more unselfishly than any person I’ve ever met and you make people’s lives better. Not just mine. So keep being that person. No matter which boy you eventually manage to woo, he’ll be really lucky to have you, just like I’m lucky to have you as a friend._

_So, yeah. Thanks for making this a year I’ll remember for the rest of my life. And thanks for saying you’ll miss me, even if it made me feel feelings. I’ll miss you too._

_Your brother,  
Kris_

_PS-Yes, I’ll answer when you call. Dear._

Chanyeol cries then, too.

####

Kyungsoo agrees to meet Chanyeol for lunch, five hours before his flight leaves for home—one and a half hours before he wants to leave for the airport. They have one and a half hours before they won’t be in the same city anymore. Chanyeol feels like there’s a countdown hanging over his shoulder.

“Hey,” he says breathlessly when he spots Kyungsoo waiting at a table, looking at a menu. He’s wearing comfortable plane clothes—sweats, hoodie, running shoes—and he looks sleepy, warm. Chanyeol wants to crawl into his sweater with him. Kyungsoo makes him feel so soft and gay. 

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says, glancing up at him, smiling slightly.

“This is a nice place,” Chanyeol says, taking his seat across from him. “Have you been here before?”

Kyungsoo nods, his eyes back on the menu. “Yeah. It’s close to where I needed to transfer for the airport anyway, so…”

“Right,” Chanyeol says, glancing down at the bulging backpack by Kyungsoo’s feet. “So you’re headed home today, huh?”

Kyungsoo nods again. “Yeah. When’s your flight?”

“Tonight. Overnight flight.” Chanyeol makes a face. “You’re back in Seoul in August, though, right?” 

He knows he is. They talked about this a month ago—that Kyungsoo had officially transferred to Hanyang University to finish his degree there. That he might do his Master’s in Seoul, too, if he can. 

Still, he feels oddly relieved when Kyungsoo says, “Yeah. For my last year.”

Chanyeol nods, grins. 

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes flicking up from his menu again. 

“Don’t rush me!” Chanyeol says, smiling. “I’m working up to it.”

Kyungsoo snorts softly. “Fine. Do you know what you want to order?”

“I’ll just get whatever you’re getting,” Chanyeol says cheerfully. 

Kyungsoo bites his lip, shrugs, and nods. 

They place their orders a minute later, and then Chanyeol folds his arms on the table, cocks his head to the side. “So? How did exams go?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, sipping from his cup of water. “They went okay.”

“So, coming from you, that means you aced them,” Chanyeol says with a grin. 

Kyungsoo ducks his head bashfully, lips curling at the corners. “We’ll see.”

“You can’t fool me, I know you’re brilliant,” Chanyeol says. “Unlike myself, the most mediocre student to ever exist.”

Kyungsoo scoffs. “Sure. Okay.”

Chanyeol grins wider. “Feeling better now that exams are done?”

Kyungsoo hums vaguely, pressing a pattern into his napkin with the tip of his chopstick. “In some ways,” he says. “Haven’t been able to totally catch up on sleep yet. And I’m dreading the flight. I always get sick.”

“Aw, that’s sucky,” Chanyeol says sympathetically. 

“Home will be...nice, I think,” Kyungsoo says. “I think it’ll be better now that I’m out to my dad.”

Chanyeol beams. “That’s so great, Soo.”

Kyungsoo glances up at him, smiles. “Thanks for helping me with that, by the way,” he says, voice soft. “I don’t know if I...ever said that. That was… I really appreciated it.”

Chanyeol’s heart flips over in his chest. “Of course,” he says. “I’m always here for you.”

Kyungsoo’s smile stretches, and his eyes stay glued to the table. Chanyeol thinks that if his face was tipped up a little more, he might accidentally try to kiss him. 

“So,” he says a few minutes later, once their meals have arrived and they’ve started eating. “So, so, so.”

“So?” Kyungsoo says, eyebrows lifting expectantly. 

Chanyeol grins. “So. I’m coming back next year.”

There’s a beat of silence. Kyungsoo stares at him, eyes wide. “You are?”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol laughs at his expression. “Yeah. As a teacher.”

“As a _teacher?_ ” Kyungsoo repeats, incredulous. 

Chanyeol chuckles, nods. “Yeah. One of my professors mentioned to the class that his son’s English teacher unexpectedly wouldn’t be able to come back next semester, and they desperately needed a new one. Short notice. I said I could do it. My interview was last week.”

Kyungsoo blinks, gapes a little. “Wow.”

“I know.” Chanyeol rakes his fingers through his hair. “I keep thinking maybe it was a crazy idea, but. I don’t know. I like kids, and I have literally nothing waiting for me back home, apart from my family. And I...really like it here. I’ll have almost two months off, and then I’m back.” He shrugs, laughs nervously. “The school’s in _Seongdong-gu_. It’s, uh. It’ll be closeby. To you.”

Kyungsoo nods slowly. “Wow,” he says again, and then turns back to his food. “Good for you.”

Chanyeol bites his lip, tries not to let his smile slide off his face too obviously. Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything else. Chanyeol’s stomach turns. 

“So, yeah,” he says weakly. “That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

Kyungsoo nods, doesn’t look up at him. 

“Are you—” Chanyeol stops, swallows. He’s not going to ask Kyungsoo if he’s _happy_. What’s he going to say? _No, I don’t care, I was kind of hoping I’d never see you again?_ “Anyway,” he says, clearing his throat. Sometimes Chanyeol wishes he was capable of dealing with one fucking second of awkward silence. “I guess I’ll be living by myself, which will be weird. And I’ll have to...make some new friends, I guess.”

Kyungsoo just nods again. 

Chanyeol tries to take a steadying breath, shovels some food into his mouth and scalds his tongue. _He doesn’t care,_ his spinning mind tells him. _He literally just doesn’t care and he thinks you’re a loser for making him meet you today to tell him this piece of news he didn’t want to hear._

But then a quiet voice, one that sounds a lot like Kris, says, _Just give him a little more time. Maybe he’s just. Thinking._

Chanyeol breathes, and gives him time. 

Kyungsoo eats a mouthful of his meal, picks up a couple pieces of their side dishes, kicks his feet against the floor. He looks up at Chanyeol, and he’s smiling, just a little. “You'll be good at that. Teaching kids.”

And Chanyeol knows that's almost nothing. That it's not _I'm glad you're coming back_ or anything like that. But it's _something_. If Chanyeol stretches his imagination just a little, it could almost be a _this is a good thing_. An _I'm happy about this._

He grins back. “Thanks, Soo.” 

The rest of lunch passes...fairly uneventfully. They talk about their plans for the summer, a recent Alchemical live performance Element did, the lack of updates about LuMin’s cat daughter. Chanyeol talks about Baekhyun and Jongdae, and Kyungsoo mentions his own online friendship duo, Seulgi and Irene, whom Chanyeol has seen talking to Kyungsoo occasionally but has never formally met. They try to come up with a name for them—like how Baekhyun and Jongdae and Chanyeol are the Beagles—and Kyungsoo laughs out loud at some of Chanyeol’s stupid suggestions.

It’s fun, and Kyungsoo seems fairly relaxed, and Chanyeol wants to say _see? This is nice. Why did you refuse to do this for an entire month?_

They finish eating, and then still have a little over half an hour until Kyungsoo needs to get on the subway to head for the airport, so they go to the palace right across from the station entrance. They pay the 1,000 won fee, walk around just to pass the time. It’s warm, and Kyungsoo looks like he’s overheating in his hoodie, but he refuses to take it off. Chanyeol happily lugs around his backpack for him, even though it’s heavy and uncomfortable, and lets Kyungsoo lead the way. 

“Can I take a selfie?” Chanyeol ventures, some ten minutes before they have to leave. “Of us two? I don’t think I have a single picture of just us two…”

(He knows he doesn’t. He’s been wanting to ask for one since he first met Kyungsoo in March.)

“Uh, sure,” Kyungsoo says, hunching his shoulders. “I’m not looking my best, but…”

“You looking your best would be too beautiful for my mortal eyes to comprehend,” Chanyeol says, and then busies himself with his phone camera, embarrassed that he said that out loud. 

Kyungsoo chuckles, and it only sounds a little bit uncomfortable. “Do you want to take it, or…?”

“Yeah, just because my arms are longer,” Chanyeol says, laughing. “Also, Wendy taught me how to take a half-decent selfie. Apparently it’s not as straightforward as you’d think.”

“I don’t really take pictures of myself, so I wouldn’t know,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Chanyeol says, and then forces himself to shut up, _seriously_ , he’s such a moron. 

They stand next to a pretty palace wall, out of direct sunlight so they’re not squinting against the sun. Chanyeol lifts his phone up, points it down at them. Kyungsoo’s uncomfortably far away from him, so he inches a little closer, grins. He waits for Kyungsoo to smile, too, and then snaps several pictures in a row. He looks at Kyungsoo’s face on the screen the whole time. 

He’s disappointed when he has to step away again, pulling his phone in to review the pictures. He doesn’t even have the excuse of taking more—they all look adorable. Chanyeol wants to tattoo them on his _face_. 

“Do you want me to send them to you?” Chanyeol asks, glancing at Kyungsoo. “You know, so that you can look at them when you miss me. Quick fix for when you’re longing to see my face.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, and Chanyeol’s stomach dips dangerously. “You don’t have to tell me,” he tries to joke, eyes on his phone, pretending to fiddle with it. “I know you’ll miss me every day. I can see right through you.”

Kyungsoo’s silence becomes heavy, and Chanyeol swallows thickly, looks at him. Kyungsoo’s not looking back—his eyes are turned pointedly away, his jaw locked, his fingers curled in the fabric of his sweater. 

“Soo?” Chanyeol says uncertainly. “Hey, do you want to go?”

Stiffly, Kyungsoo nods. “I can take my backpack,” he says, holding out his hand. 

Chanyeol blinks. “No, it’s fine, I can carry it into the station.”

“You don’t have to come,” Kyungsoo says. 

“I want to,” Chanyeol says immediately. His skin is itching. He fucked up again. He can feel it. But he doesn’t know what it was. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo says, turning to the exit. 

“Soo?” Chanyeol hurries to catch up with his brisk strides. “Did I— Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says, so quickly it makes Chanyeol feel like an idiot for asking. 

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol asks again. “Do you need to sit down, or—?”

“I need to go,” Kyungsoo says, throat bobbing. “It’s time for me to go.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol stumbles to say, and tries desperately to think of his list. _Be understanding,_ he thinks frantically. _Don’t judge. Be— no, help— no, shit. Make. Make him feel comfortable._

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what he did that was bad. The list isn’t helping. 

They reach the station, and Kyungsoo fumbles with his phone case, drops it on the ground. Chanyeol picks it up quickly, slides out his T-card to scan at the gates and hands it to Kyungsoo so he can walk through. Kyungsoo snatches it back, goes. Heart aching, Chanyeol follows him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, hoping the noise of the crowd around them drowns out the wobble in his voice. “We can— I don’t know what’s wrong, but if you want to—”

“I don’t want to talk,” Kyungsoo says, always a step ahead of him, never looking back. “I have to catch my flight.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol says, feeling like shit. He follows Kyungsoo down to the tracks, and then, in a small voice, says, “So do you want the picture, or…?”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says shortly, like it doesn’t matter to him one way or the other. 

“Okay,” Chanyeol says again. He swallows hard. “Hey, and. Maybe we can Skype during the summer?” He glances up at the signs by the tracks; the train will be coming in a minute. “Since, you know. I’ll miss you, and stuff.”

Kyungsoo shrugs, reaches out for his backpack. “Maybe,” he says. 

Somehow, that’s the last straw for Chanyeol. That goddamn _maybe_. “Soo,” he says, around the lump in his throat. “I know you—have some stuff. Going on. But I really...I don’t know if you like me or if you just sometimes tolerate me. And I need to know.” 

For the first time since the selfie, Kyungsoo looks at him. His eyes are wide, his mouth set, his brows drawn. Like Chanyeol’s hurt him. “I like you,” he says quietly. 

“Do you, though?” Chanyeol asks, heart squeezing. “I really want to think you do but I can’t tell, and I think that’s a problem on my part but I really. I want to _know_. I need to know, and I need you to tell me.”

“I do like you, Yeol. It’s just that. Whenever I see you—” He stops, breathes out a harsh breath, looks away down the subway tunnel. Chanyeol goes cold, and thinks, _Oh god. He’s going to say it’s my fault. He’s going to say I’m too loud, and too annoying. He’s going to say I’m too ugly._

“I just.” Kyungsoo’s voice wobbles. “I want to. Kiss you. And that is obviously a problem.”

Chanyeol blinks; doesn’t understand. 

“Okay?” Kyungsoo draws a tight breath. “I see you and I just spend the whole time worrying that you’re going to find out, and thinking you’ve figured it out every time you do anything, and it’s the. The _worst_ because I turn into this. Shitty person. And I hate it and it’s all...shit. So. Sometimes it’s just better if I...don’t see you.” 

Chanyeol gapes at him. “What?”

His voice is nearly lost in the sound of the train approaching. “I gotta go,” Kyungsoo says, stepping away. “I. This is exactly what i thought would happen and it did and now I have to go. I think I need to throw up. I have to leave.”

“Wait,” Chanyeol says, practically gasping for air. “Soo!”

Kyungsoo’s already walking away, pushing through the people lining up to get onto the train. “Bye, Yeol,” he says.

“Soo!” Chanyeol calls over the hissing of the train stopping. “Kyungsoo!”

The doors open, and Kyungsoo wedges himself into the nearest cart even as people rush to get off. Chanyeol is pushed aside by the bustling crowd, and loses sight of him. 

Within a minute, the station’s cleared out, and the train has left. All that’s left is a handful of confused tourists, some discarded flyers skittering across the concrete, and Chanyeol, swaying where he stands. He doesn’t move, dazed. 

_Shit_ , he thinks. _Shit, shit, shit._

Who’s going to make sure Kyungsoo’s okay?

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	16. Chapter 16

The thing is—the absolute most stupid fucking thing—is that Chanyeol doesn’t even have Kyungsoo’s phone number. 

They planned today’s meeting in their DMs. They’ve always done all their chatting in DMs, or otherwise publicly on Twitter. Chanyeol’s never needed his number, or even his Kakaotalk ID. And Chanyeol already cancelled his Korean phone contract, so he doesn’t have data right now with which to be messaging him. 

So what he ends up having to do, like an idiot, is go all the way back to his dorm, drag his laptop out of his packed bags, and type out his reply to Kyungsoo’s confession on fucking Twitter. Like the biggest loser ever. 

His heart is beating so heavily that he almost can’t type the words.

**graduate yeol**  
fjhsjkhsdjkfk KYUNGSOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
oh my,,,,, fuckin g gofd  
I??? LIKE YOU???????????  
I’M REALLY SORRY THAT U WERE UPSET AND FEELING BAD BUT DUDE I. LIKE YOU. A FUCKING LOT!!!!  
IDK WHY U THINK I DON’T OR WHATEVER BC I’VE LITERALLY BEEN TELLING YOU I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU FOR LIKE TEN MONTHS, LITERALLY SINCE THE FIRST TIME I TALKED TO YOU.  
BUT ANYWAY I DO AND I!! WANT TO KISS YOU ALSO  
SO LIKE,,, THE ONLY PROBLEM HERE IS IF YOU only like me on a physical level which is possible i guess although personally i think my personality is my better feature but it’s good, it’s fine, if you just want to kiss me but think i am obnoxious as hell that is very sad but also a thing that could feasibly happen so i would respect that   
BUT IF THAT IS NOT THE CASE. WHY AREN’T WE DATING???!!! unless u are not interested in dating as a social system which is also a thing i suppose, idk, maybe we could talk about this   
bUT THE POINT IS THAT I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU AND I WANT TO KISS YOU WHEN I SEE YOU ALSO.  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
anyway get back to me so we can discuss this. hope you get home safe  


He adds and erases a little ♡ like six times, and eventually leaves it off. He doesn’t want to… _scare_ Kyungsoo. He’s pretty sure he already has if it’s going to happen but. He just suddenly can’t do it. He already feels like he’s said too much, somehow.

But that’s probably _exactly_ how Kyungsoo feels right now, only way worse, so. Chanyeol can suck it up a little, he thinks. 

He doesn’t get a reply immediately, of course. Kyungsoo’s probably still on the subway, and then he’ll be at the airport, and then on the plane, and god. It’s going to be fucking ages before he sees the message. And even if he reads it while he’s waiting for his flight, by that time _Chanyeol_ will be heading to the airport for _his_ flight home, and basically everything is just one big stupid fucking mess. 

He doesn’t know what to do. What Chanyeol wants to be doing during this time, the interim, is yell about this to his friends. He wants to tell the Beagles, and he wants to tell Kris, and Wendy, and his sister, and everyone else who knows that Kyungsoo exists and that Chanyeol has had a crush on him for _months_. 

But he can’t do that either, obviously. Because Kyungsoo looked really upset when he left—just before he escaped Chanyeol’s grasp—and Chanyeol hates that. He hates that Kyungsoo is upset, and he doesn’t want to make Kyungsoo feel worse by telling everyone about it. He can just imagine it now—Kyungsoo finding out that he went around and told everyone _HE CONFESSED TO ME AND THEN HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK AND RAN AWAY_. That makes Chanyeol feel really bad. He’s not going to do that. Especially not right away, before he even _knows what happened._

But apart from that, there’s nothing to do, so Chanyeol unpacks and repacks some of his bags, rakes his hands through his hair a thousand times, checks his phone _two_ thousand times. He looks at the selfies he took with Kyungsoo for a very long time. Thinks about how he thought, after that, that Kyungsoo _didn’t like him_ , and laughs giddily. And then feels very scared. He’s not sure what he’s even scared of. That Kyungsoo was _lying?_ It doesn’t seem rational, even in his semi-panicked state, but at the same time he’s not ready to get his hopes up just yet. 

Time passes excruciatingly slowly, and Chanyeol hears nothing from Kyungsoo. His phone goes off a number of times—a message from Baekhyun asking if he’s left for his flight yet, a notification that Jongin posted a cute new doodle, a link from Sooyoung to a LuMin fic—and every time Chanyeol nearly has a heart attack, and then has to play it cool while dealing with his disappointment. Kyungsoo should be at the airport by now. Getting his ticket, going through security. Maybe he just hasn’t connected to the wi-fi there yet. 

Or maybe, says Chanyeol’s crumbling brain, he’s ignoring you, and he’ll ignore you for the next two months, and avoid you when you come back to Korea, and you’ll never ever get to realize your dream of being cute soft boyfriends. 

Honestly, knowing Kyungsoo...it doesn’t even seem that far-fetched. 

_Give him time, Chanyeol_ , he tells himself firmly. _Maybe he just needs some time._

He spends an hour totally jumping the gun and fantasizing about a _very_ cute first date, and then he gets ready and leaves for the airport an hour early, because he can’t stand it anymore. His empty dorm is taunting him, and his access to wi-fi is both a blessing and a curse. Maybe Kyungsoo will have responded by the time he gets there. 

He hasn’t, of course, because Chanyeol is never that lucky. He gets to the airport and goes through all the motions, and by the time he reaches his gate, all he has is a goodnight message from Baekhyun in his inbox. He checks his DMs with Kyungsoo, and they haven’t even been read. Although, he thinks, maybe that’s better. He thinks it’d be worse if Kyungsoo had _read them_ but not replied. 

The real test of strength is his flight. No internet, no connection to the outside world, for at least fourteen hours. No knowledge of whether or not Kyungsoo has replied. No knowledge of whether things are going well or badly, or if they’re _going_ at all. Schrodinger’s Plane. Fourteen hours to just...sit and brood and imagine all the ways things could fall to shit. 

It’s a small blessing when Chanyeol passes out in his seat for half the flight. A small, small blessing. 

It’s 10pm when Chanyeol lands in Atlanta, and close to midnight by the time he gets through customs and to baggage claim. He’s bone weary, and his feet are swollen, but all he can think about is connecting to the internet. His phone’s on 3% battery, and he prays that it holds out until he can check. 

_Please, please, please._

He has one DM, and it’s from Jongdae, asking if he made it home safe. Chanyeol sighs, stomach rolling, and scrubs his hands over his eyes. 

His dad picks him up from the airport, which Chanyeol is grateful for. He doesn’t ask many questions, just helps Chanyeol load up his things and lets him pretend to sleep in the car. 

He checks his phone again when he gets home, in between answering questions from his mom and getting ready for bed. Nothing. He checks again before he passes out for the night. 

Nothing. 

Chanyeol wakes up at 5am to zero response from Kyungsoo, and starts to worry.

**graduate yeol**  
jongdae  
as my resident nicest friend  
i need you to do something for me  
this is a genuine, serious matter  
i can’t tell you too much because like  
privacy issues  
but i need you to check on kyungsoo for me  
i think he might be having a really bad time and i think he’s ignoring my messages so i need you to check on him and make sure he’s okay  
don’t tell him i sent you or anything  
just like. pop in. and ask him if he’s ok.  
this is a jongin-level sensitive issue  
let me know if he responds ok  
love u  


He drums his fingers against his thigh, runs his hand through his hair. It’s too early for Jongdae to be awake yet—especially on a weekend—and it’s even earlier for Baekhyun. But then again...it might be so early for Baekhyun that he hasn’t even gone to bed yet.

**graduate yeol**  
yo  
bark  
are u up  


It only takes a minute for him to get a response.

 **barkhyun**  
don’t tell jongdae

Chanyeol smiles a little, but it’s a weak effort.

**graduate yeol**  
can i ask u for a massive favor  


**barkhyun**  
sure bro  
whazzup

**graduate yeol**  
can u  
very gently  
tell kyungsoo to check his messages  


**barkhyun**  
????  
did u do something awful yeol

**graduate yeol**  
NO  
for once i don’t think so  
i can’t really say what’s going on rn but  
i need him to check his DMs but he’s not  
try to be like. sensitive about it pls.  
like just say “hey friend, idk what’s goin on but chanyeol is having a bad time so maybe u should check ur messages”  
or something  
make it sound like there is no way they’re bad  
bc they’re  
not  


**barkhyun**  
lol  
mysterious  
but ok  
i will do my best  
u better not have done something awful to him

**graduate yeol**  
I DIDN’T  
don’t yell at him ok  
no innuendoes or anything  
be nice  
i should have asked someone else to do this  


**barkhyun**  
i can be nice!!

**graduate yeol**  
it’s the innuendoes i’m scared of  
DON’T DO IT OK  
he will not like that  


**barkhyun**  
:[  
ok

**graduate yeol**  
thanks bark  
and then go to sleep  


**barkhyun**  
YOU GO TO SLEEP

Chanyeol smiles, and then drags himself out of bed to get breakfast.

####

By noon, Kyungsoo still hasn’t read Chanyeol’s messages, replied, or even tweeted. He also hasn’t _liked_ any new tweets—Chanyeol checked, like a total creep—which, he’s pretty sure, means that he hasn’t even been lurking. Chanyeol certainly can’t scroll down his tline without liking at least one tweet. (Usually a dozen.)

 _Maybe he’s still in transit_ , says Chanyeol’s desperate brain, even though it’s been over 24 hours since he left Seoul. _Maybe he just. Maybe he hasn’t had the chance to check it. Maybe his phone died and he hasn’t recharged it yet. Maybe he dropped it in the airport toilet._

He asks both Jongdae and Baekhyun for updates on their ends, but they both say the same thing. No response. As far as they know, Kyungsoo hasn’t even read their messages. 

Chanyeol starts to feel pretty hopeless at this point. He just doesn’t know what else he can _do_. And he’s worried. He’s worried that Kyungsoo is out there, feeling like shit, thinking horrible things that _aren’t true_. This must be wreaking all sorts of hell on his anxiety levels. 

By mid-afternoon, Chanyeol figures he has three options: start asking Kyungsoo’s other online friends for help and/or a better way to contact him; send a letter to his home address; or wait it out and hope that Kyungsoo likes him enough to at least check his messages eventually. The first two feel a little bit like they’re edging on harassment, but Chanyeol starts to seriously consider both of them, because the third is starting to feel increasingly foolishly optimistic. 

He’s just about to do something drastic (like burst into tears) when his phone goes off. 

It’s a Kakaotalk message from Kris, asking if he got home alright. 

Chanyeol swallows thickly and types back, _Yeah. Can I call you?_

Kris sends him back a little shrug sticker. Chanyeol takes that as a yes and runs to haul out his laptop. 

“Dude, when you kept talking about Skyping me and expecting me to pick up, I didn’t expect you to mean you’d be doing it the second we got home,” Kris says from his screen a minute later. 

“I need some emergency advice,” Chanyeol says, rubbing his eyes vigorously. Getting only four hours of sleep last night is coming back to bite him in the ass right now, especially now that it’s 4am in Seoul. His eyeballs feel like they’ve been rolled in nettles, and his head is throbbing in his temples.

“Oh, Yeol,” Kris sighs. 

“I’m serious! This is serious.” Chanyeol chews on his lip. “No telling anyone, okay? I’m only telling you because you understand Kyungsoo, like, way better than anyone else I know.”

“What? You mean you don’t think Baekhyun and Kyungsoo can relate on a spiritual level?” Kris says dryly. 

“Kris, I’m being serious!” Chanyeol whines. 

Kris’ lips twitch up a little. “Okay, okay. Sorry. What did Kyungsoo do this time?”

“He.” Chanyeol swallows thickly. “He said something to me. Right before he left. We met up for lunch before his flight and he, he said something that he probably feels really embarrassed about and he was kind of already upset and I’m guessing that made it worse but he left before I could say anything to make it, um. Better. And now he’s like. Disappeared from the internet and I _don’t know what to do._ ” 

Kris stares at him for a long moment. “Okay,” he says. “So he’s embarrassed.”

“It’s been ages already though!” Chanyeol says. “I flew all the way to _Georgia_ since then.”

“Chanyeol,” Kris says gently. “Chanyeol, Chanyeol. One time I wrote a stupid answer on a test in grade seven and my teacher laughed at it, and I still have daymares about it. That was _ten years ago._ ”

Chanyeol blinks, frowns. “Are you saying I have to wait ten years for Kyungsoo to read my messages?”

Kris snorts. “Honestly, it could happen. I don’t know what he said, but it sounds like something I could feasibly do. But more likely, it’ll just take _time._ ” 

“But maybe if he just read my messages he would feel less embarrassed!” Chanyeol says. 

“Yeah, but if he doesn’t even open them, then he doesn’t have to face the possibility that they might be bad,” Kris says. “Schrodinger’s Inbox.” 

Chanyeol laughs a little hysterically at that. “So I’m just supposed to _wait?_ ” 

“Yeah, man,” Kris says. “Buddy knows how to handle his own anxiety attacks. My guess, from the extremely limited information you’ve given me, is that he said the thing, thought ‘ _oh my god I can never ever talk to him or look at him again_ ,’ and is currently just trying to keep his head above the water.”

“But what if he’s struggling!” Chanyeol says desperately. 

“If he’s not reading your messages, there’s nothing you can do for him,” Kris says with a shrug. “And he probably doesn’t want you to. He’ll deal with on his own, and then eventually he’ll muster up the strength to face you again.” He pauses, then says, “Might take a few days, though. Or...weeks.”

Chanyeol groans pitifully. “Need me a man who loves confrontation and communication,” he says. 

“Then you better give up on this one, dude,” Kris says blithely. 

Immediately, Chanyeol panics. “No, no,” he says quickly. “No. I can deal with this. We can work this out. I promise.”

Kris grins a little. “I gotta go,” he says. “Hope you can figure this out, Park.”

Chanyeol sighs heavily. “Yeah. Thanks, Kris.”

“No problem. Give him time.” Kris smiles and then waves and ends the call. 

Chanyeol stares at his black screen for a long time after that. 

_Give him time_. 

Chanyeol has never been a man of patience. But for this, he’ll try. For this, he’d do just about anything.

####

Chanyeol is woken from a dead slumber at 9 in the evening—in the middle of a jetlagged nap—to the sound of his phone going off. He doesn’t even think about who it might be before he opens it.

 **kyungsoo**  
oh, god

Chanyeol nearly has a goddamn heart attack. His eyes are burning from the light of his phone screen in the darkness of his room and his fingers are fumbling, but he taps out a response before he’s even fully conscious.

**graduate yeol**  
SOO!!  


**kyungsoo**  
o hmy gfod  
i gotta go t

Chanyeol’s heart stutters wildly.

**graduate yeol**  
WAIT NO  
SOO DON’T GO  
please come back  
i need to talk to u :(  
soo?  


**kyungsoo**  
sorry  
i had to go throw up

Chanyeol’s is torn between concern and absolute giddy joy that Kyungsoo is _here_. He’s read Chanyeol’s messages and he’s here.

**graduate yeol**  
oh my god are u ok??  


**kyungsoo**  
slightly better now  
….  
i really want to die

**graduate yeol**  
WHY  
i thought you’d be happy :(  


He doesn’t get a response for a full minute after that, and Chanyeol really worries that he’s fucked up somehow. That he misunderstood, and Kyungsoo is embarrassed on _his_ behalf. That Chanyeol’s made a huge fool of himself.

**graduate yeol**  
soo can u please  
talk to me  


**kyungsoo**  
sorry  
i want to die  
i’m so embarrassed

**graduate yeol**  
:(((  
why are u embarrassed  


**kyungsoo**  
why did i  
say that  
to you  
i’m such an idiot

**graduate yeol**  
at the station???  
I WAS HAPPY…  


_Oh, god_ , he thinks. _Maybe he was joking. Maybe he was just_ lying.

 **kyungsoo**  
it was so stupid  
like of all the ways to say it  
which i was never going to do  
why like that  
i really want to die right now

Chanyeol has to take several deep, calming breaths. This means what he thinks it means, right? This means what he wants it to mean. 

But Kyungsoo feels like shit and that’s. That’s bad.

**graduate yeol**  
soo :(((  
i’m sorry it’s making u feel bad  
i don’t want u to feel bad  


**kyungsoo**  
and now i’m making you feel shitty  
this is going so great  
sorry for fucking everything up

**graduate yeol**  
no soo u didn’t!!  
i’m really happy you told me  
even if it was,, an accident  


**kyungsoo**  
i don’t know why i said it  
i think i was just  
tired?? and frustrated??  
so tired of… feeling bad  
and /hiding/  
i was so tired of hiding all the time  
i was finally...not hiding my sexuality  
and then i was hiding something else  
i was so tired  
but i fucked it up…

Chanyeol’s stomach twists in sympathy. He...he _knows_ about hiding, even if it’s not quite on the same level as Kyungsoo. He _knows_ how that feels. And he made Kyungsoo feel like that.

**graduate yeol**  
i’m sorry :(  


**kyungsoo**  
what are /you/ sorry for…

**graduate yeol**  
idk  
i’m always messing things up  
i always make you uncomfortable  
and miserable  
and i don’t know how to stop  
you shouldn’t like me  


**kyungsoo**  
please don’t say that

**graduate yeol**  
that it’s my fault??  


**kyungsoo**  
that i like you  
it makes me need to throw up

That makes _Chanyeol_ want to throw up, a little bit. Fear and panic creep back into his throat and chest.

**graduate yeol**  
oh…  
so you don’t, then?  


**kyungsoo**  
o<\--<  
no  
i do  
but i just spent like 6 months having anxiety attacks every time i thought you knew  
i need a little time to adjust

Chanyeol bites his tongue; doesn’t know how to react to that. Doesn’t know how to _feel_.

**graduate yeol**  
oh  


**kyungsoo**  
and it’s not your fault  
i’m sorry for making it seem like it was your fault  
my therapist would say now that  
it’s the anxiety’s fault, which is no one’s fault

**graduate yeol**  
you have a therapist??  
sorry that was a stupid question  
ignore that  


**kyungsoo**  
ha  
hadn’t seen her in a while  
thought maybe an emergency session was not uncalled for  
helped a tiny bit  
here i am at least

Chanyeol bites back a grin at that, his heart pounding wildly. He still feels a little bit like throwing up, but now he’s not sure if it’s from nerves or from relief or _what._

**graduate yeol**  
:)  
here u are  
i’m glad ur here  


**kyungsoo**  
hhh  
everything feels bad

**graduate yeol**  
sorry :(  


**kyungsoo**  
except you  
you are  
good

Chanyeol’s getting emotional whiplash but he kind of loves it. Right now, at least.

**graduate yeol**  
i feel p bad too actually  


**kyungsoo**  
shit  
sorry

**graduate yeol**  
no i mean  
ur dealing with shit  
i’m dealing with shit  
we’re both. dealing with shit.  
and that’s ok  
i still like you even though you’re dealing with shit  


**kyungsoo**  
are you  
sure

Chanyeol buries his face in his pillow briefly, squirming restlessly before he types out his reply.

**graduate yeol**  
bro  
i am so sure  


**kyungsoo**  
don’t ever say bro during a confession ever again

Chanyeol grins.

**graduate yeol**  
:)  
bro  


**kyungsoo**  
sigh  
bro

**graduate yeol**  
was that a returned “bro”  
a loving “bro”  
is this a thing now  


**kyungsoo**  
i’ll never tell…

Chanyeol has to take a moment, then, to scream a little bit into his pillow. Everything still feels very...precarious, and scary, and a little bit like a balloon ready to pop, but everything also feels shiny and wonderful. Chanyeol’s heart is the balloon, on the brink of exploding with feeling.

**graduate yeol**  
AAAAA  
sorry i gotta  
yell a bit  
did i tell u yet that this is the best day of my goddamn LIFE?  
i so did not know that u  
sorry i’ll just say it one more time  
(like me)  


**kyungsoo**  
oh my god yeol

(Chanyeol likes it so much when Kyungsoo calls him that.)

**kyungsoo**  
you weren’t supposed to know  
i wasn’t planning on telling you  
o<\--<

**graduate yeol**  
I WAS REALLY SHOCKED  


**kyungsoo**  
surprise...

**graduate yeol**  
FDKJFSK SINCE WHEN  


**kyungsoo**  
ahh  
idk  
it just happened  
why tf are you so tall and,,,, cute

Chanyeol beams, blushes, and then freezes.

**graduate yeol**  
WAIT  
YOU SAID YOU LIKED SMALL!!!  


**kyungsoo**  
i LIED  
no i just have varied tastes  
why tf are u so tall AND small. simultaneously.  
that makes me so

**graduate yeol**  
omg  
ehehehehehe  
ehehehehehehehehehe  
i’m so happy  


**kyungsoo**  
for some reason looking at you makes me so angry  
how dare you have that  
face  
that makes me want to  
jdhfjksfjskfs

The face that Chanyeol has is currently aching from grinning so wide.

**graduate yeol**  
yeah well maybe if u had not run away  
i could actually kiss u  
u bastard  


**kyungsoo**  
blocked  
if i hadn’t run away i would have thrown up on you  
let me deal with my shit on my own

**graduate yeol**  
NO  
from now on we’re in this together my dude  
you and me  
dealing with shit  


**kyungsoo**  
damn  
that’s kinda  
romantic

Chanyeol is not proud of the giggle that escapes his throat at that.

**graduate yeol**  
:D  
seriously tho soo  
like  
i want to help you  
and i need you to let me  
but i also need you to help me  
a little  


**kyungsoo**  
i know…  
sorry i think i  
need to take some time to like  
think this through?  
a bit?  
maybe throw up one more time

**graduate yeol**  
yeah man ofc  
take all the time you need??  
i will be here  
♡  


**kyungsoo**  
hhhhhhhh  
ok  
i gotta go  
lie down now

Chanyeol is so giddy and hopeful that he doesn’t even feel like objecting. Or honestly...maybe he just wants to take care of Kyungsoo that badly.

**graduate yeol**  
ok  
soo  
i really like you  


**kyungsoo**  
…  
♡

Chanyeol has to close his laptop and roll around on his bed for a few minutes after that. This goddamn fucking...wonderful boy. 

Chanyeol has wooed him at long last.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all SO MUCH for all your comments last chapter!!! i loved reading them all SO MUCH. a little too much >:] i hope this chapter made up for it haha. 
> 
> in other news, i finished the last chapter of this fic yesterday, and there are two more after this one! probably to be posted Monday and Thursday next week, but we'll see~ 
> 
> since i'm still gonna be busy with nano and may not be able to respond to comments, don't forget u can also contact me here: [curious cat!](https://curiouscat.me/jumpthisship)
> 
> love u all! <3 (especially u rusty)


	17. Chapter 17

**kyungsoo**  
hey so like  
assuming that there is some mutual...liking going on here  
what, uh  
what happens now  
i’m having trouble convincing myself everything is okay when i don’t know what’s going to happen from here  
also good morning  
i forgot to say that first  
i’m an idiot

Chanyeol rolls over to bury his grin in his pillow.

**graduate yeol**  
good morning :>  
how did u sleep  


**kyungsoo**  
very poorly, and very little  
you?

**graduate yeol**  
same lol  
nerves or…?  


**kyungsoo**  
mostly, yeah  
hence. the question.

**graduate yeol**  
fair enough!  
honestly tho like  
it’s up to u?  
what u want to,,, do and what u want us to be and. stuff.  
i’m like a GO BIG OR GO HOME kinda guy but like  
i am Very willing to accommodate you aha ^^;;  


**kyungsoo**  
that is very generous of you  
except the problem is that i don’t even want to suggest anything  
on account of i am scared they are all stupid and/or humiliating

**graduate yeol**  
i am fairly certain they can’t be  
but i can see where you’re coming from  
this is  
much harder than it sounds in fanfiction  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏᄏ

**graduate yeol**  
ok so here’s the sitch:  
i like you a Lot  


Chanyeol still gets nervous heart-thumpy feelings, admitting that in writing.

 **kyungsoo**  
so i’ve heard

**graduate yeol**  
I’M JUST REAFFIRMING  
i could give you like  
screenshot evidence  
of me crying about it to the beagles  
it’s very embarrassing tho don’t make me do that  
unless u really want me to  
i’d do it  


**kyungsoo**  
that’s  
tempting

**graduate yeol**  
I’D DO IT  
but i may never recover  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏᄏ  
another time then

**graduate yeol**  
ANYWAY  
i like you A Lot  
and i have liked you for a long time  
so it’s like  
if you wanna jump right in  
I Am Ready  
but also if u want to take things really slow  
and just feel it out  
i am also Accustomed To Waiting  


**kyungsoo**  
but what would “jumping right in” and “feeling it out” entail…  
this is giving me an anxiety stomachache

**graduate yeol**  
“feeling it out” entails us not doing anything that gives u an anxiety stomachache  
it entails nothing changing  
except the fact that u don’t have to worry about me finding out  
bc i already know and i am Cool With It  
everything is chill  


**kyungsoo**  
and what is “jumping right in”

**graduate yeol**  
ok tbh i don’t know  
like in the context of  
online relationships  
how to go on dates  
how to hold hands and wear cute couple shirts  
doesn’t work???  


**kyungsoo**  
how are online relationships different from what we’ve been doing

**graduate yeol**  
idk  
more hearts?  


**kyungsoo**  
amazing

**graduate yeol**  
man  
you’ve really stumped me this time  


**kyungsoo**  
so are we sticking with the first one

**graduate yeol**  
by default?  


**kyungsoo**  
idk  
“jumping right in” sounds kind of terrifying anyway

Chanyeol swallows thickly. _That’s fine_ , he thinks. _If Kyungsoo needs time, that’s fine. Just friends for now is fine._

**kyungsoo**  
wait  
uh  
bad news  
i accidentally just told my dad you’re my boyfriend

Chanyeol’s heart nearly leaps out of his chest.

**graduate yeol**  
DKSJJKSFJK WHAT  


**kyungsoo**  
i was under pressure  
my dad’s super into the idea of me having a boyfriend suddenly  
it just happened  
sorry

**graduate yeol**  
NO THAT’S FINE  
are u okay?  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah  
felt less bad than expected  
shocking news: thing i was anxious about turned out less bad than expected

**graduate yeol**  
:)  
what’d he say  


**kyungsoo**  
not much  
smiled a bit  
i think he’s happy

**graduate yeol**  
he sounds like you  
lolol  
show him a picture i’m pretty cute  
i can send u our selfie  


**kyungsoo**  
...i did already

**graduate yeol**  
I DIDN’T SEND IT YET  


**kyungsoo**  
i showed him a different pic…  
from your twitter

**graduate yeol**  
SKJHSJKFDKS  
WAS IT A SELFIE  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah…  
he said “is he wearing makeup”

**graduate yeol**  
shit  


**kyungsoo**  
me: looks like it  
dad: he’s better than your mom was

**graduate yeol**  
KSDHFJKSFJKS DID HE REALLY  


**kyungsoo**  
he did  
dad: he looks nice

**graduate yeol**  
YES  
dad approved  


**kyungsoo**  
sorry i told him that  
it was an accident  
suddenly i’m very mouthy  
The Truth Is So Freeing

**graduate yeol**  
DUDE no this is great  
are u implying it is the truth that i’m ur boyfriend  


**kyungsoo**  
shit

**graduate yeol**  
:)  
how mad would u be if i changed my dn to “boyfriend yeol”  


**kyungsoo**  
depends on if you were doing it mockingly or not

**graduate yeol**  
i would never mock u  


**kyungsoo**  
then only medium mad

**graduate yeol**  
maybe worth it  
but the real question is:  
would it be the truth?  


**kyungsoo**  
i don’t think this is a one-sided decision

**graduate yeol**  
does the idea of it give you an anxiety stomachache  


**kyungsoo**  
only a little one

**graduate yeol**  
then it looks like we’re jumping right in, my dude :)  


**kyungsoo**  
i think i might be  
okay with that

Chanyeol’s heart just about explodes at that realization. 

_Boyfriend._

**graduate yeol**  
this is incredible and i am so happy but also i have one question  
why did u never like my selfies when i posted them  


**kyungsoo**  
what’s that  
i think my dad’s calling  
goodbye

**graduate yeol**  
COME BACK HERE  


**kyungsoo**  
gotta go  
^^

Chanyeol resists the temptation to scream into his pillow for a full minute.

**graduate yeol**  
YOU WIN THIS TIME  
BUT DON’T THINK I WON’T FIND OUT EVENTUALLY  
♡  


And then he really does do that screaming.

####

“HEY BEAGLE BROS,” Chanyeol says approximately three hours later, when Jongdae is back from his part-time summer job and Baekhyun has woken up for the day. “GUESS WHO JUST GOT HITCHED.”

Jongdae cheers enthusiastically, and Baekhyun says, “Whatever happened, I seriously doubt it’s that you got married.”

“I got romantically hitched,” Chanyeol says. 

“That’s so great, Yeol,” Jongdae says, grinning. 

“I’m so glad I never have to hear you pine again,” Baekhyun says, but he’s smiling, too. 

“Joke’s on you, I’m just gonna cry even more about how much I like him now,” Chanyeol says, positively _beaming_. “You guys are gonna fucking _hate_ me.”

“I already do,” Baekhyun says, at the same time that Jongdae says, “It’s Kyungsoo, right? You’re not having a crisis and hooking up with weird boys, right?”

Chanyeol laughs out loud. “No, it’s Kyungsoo. Here I stand; I can love no other.”

“Was that a bastardised Martin Luther quote,” Jongdae says. 

“I want a cute boyfriend, this isn’t fair,” Baekhyun whines. 

“My brother’s still single,” Jongdae offers. “Not that cute though.”

“Not if _your_ looks run in the family,” Baekhyun shoots back. 

“This conversation is done being about me, isn’t it,” Chanyeol says, snickering. 

“No, I want all the dirty details,” Baekhyun says. “So that I can hate you more specifically.”

“There’s no groping, sorry Baek,” Chanyeol says. 

“Why do you always have to disappoint me?”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “This is about what Kyungsoo said to you before you left Seoul, isn’t it? He responded to my messages, by the way. He said thank you very much for checking on me, but he’s doing better now.”

Chanyeol clutches his chest. “I like him so much.”

“You asked Jongdae to check on him, and me to tell him to check his messages?” Baekhyun asks, mock offended. “I see how it is. I always have to be the bad guy.” 

“You have a more commanding presence,” Jongdae says kindly. 

“Jongdae is a hundred times more sensitive and you know it,” Chanyeol says. “Thanks, Dae. Did he ever reply to you, Baek?”

“Just a thumbs up emoji,” Baekhyun laughs. “So I guess your messages worked?”

“Eventually,” Chanyeol says, grinning. “Do you want me to tell you about it?”

“You’ve got five minutes, and then we’re moving on to more interesting topics,” Baekhyun says, mimicking setting a timer. “Go.”

Chanyeol laughs, and goes. 

He tells the Beagles everything, minus anything he think might be too embarrassing for Kyungsoo. They get distracted several times, making fun of Chanyeol and making up ridiculous versions of what Chanyeol’s messages to Kyungsoo should have been, but they listen to the whole thing. That’s basically all Chanyeol expected from them. 

“Good for you, Yeol,” Jongdae says at the end, shooting him a thumbs-up. “Now we know how to woo somebody: tell them you love them a million times, right off the bat.”

“That is the worst advice I’ve ever heard,” Baekhyun snorts. 

“I tell tons of people I love them,” Chanyeol protests. “I’m just full of love.”

“Now that you mention it, that was probably very confusing for Kyungsoo,” Jongdae points out. 

Chanyeol pouts. “It’s not my fault I love lots of people platonically.”

“Are you gonna stop saying you love him now that he’s your boyfriend?” Baekhyun asks. “I know you said you’re jumping right in but...that seems a little fast.”

Chanyeol scratches the back of his neck nervously. “Oh, man, I don’t know. I’ll probably say it by accident…”

“Might wanna clear that up with him first, then,” Jongdae says with a laugh. “‘ _Hey, Kyungsoo, if I accidentally tell you I love you, don’t freak out, I just have a lot of emotions and I call all of them love_.’” 

“Gah,” Chanyeol says. “Why do I have so many feelings?”

“Heart’s too big,” Baekhyun says. 

“You’ll do fine,” Jongdae says. “I believe in you. You can do it.”

“Do what?”

“Have a boyfriend. _Be_ a boyfriend. I believe in you,” Jongdae repeats. 

“Uh,” Chanyeol says. “Thanks.”

“Of all the people I know, Chanyeol would be one of the best at being a boyfriend,” Baekhyun agrees.

“He’d put the work in,” Jongdae says, nodding. 

“I know how to be a boyfriend!” Chanyeol protests. 

“Sure you do,” Jongdae says placatingly. 

Chanyeol opens his mouth to argue, and then closes it. “Don’t I?”

Both Baekhyun and Jongdae shrug. “Put the work in,” Jongdae suggests. 

“Be proactive!” Baekhyun adds. 

“Can we stop talking about boyfriends now, it’s making me depressed about my love life,” Jongdae sighs. 

“Yeah, Chanyeol, you’re making Jongdae sad,” Baekhyun says. 

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “Fine, fine.”

“You went way over your five-minute limit,” Baekhyun adds. 

“Fine! Let’s talk about something else, then.”

They do, and it’s fine. Chanyeol loves talking to his friends. 

But he thinks about what they said—about being a boyfriend—for a long time. A really long time. So long that it starts making him feel queasy. 

_Aha_ , he thinks. _Insecurity issues._

He starts composing messages in earnest.

####

**graduate yeol**  
hey soo  
i know i said i’d be Chill about stuff but  
i have something i want to talk to u about  
but don’t worry it’s not scary ^^  


**kyungsoo**  
that disclaimer was actually very helpful, thank you  
hello

Chanyeol grins and presses his lips to his phone screen quickly, heart welling up with affection. He’s starting to think it might be a medical issue.

**graduate yeol**  
hehe  
actually that’s the thing i wanted to talk about  


**kyungsoo**  
oh god…  
the way my anxiety fucks everything up?

**graduate yeol**  
no  
lol  
mine  


**kyungsoo**  
yours??

**graduate yeol**  
yeah ^^;;  
i know it’s not as,, bad as yours  
and i know i don’t express it in the same way  
but if we’re gonna deal with shit together then  
i guess i should like. tell u about it.  


**kyungsoo**  
oh  
okay

**graduate yeol**  
don’t sound too excited lolol  
remember yesterday when u said “don’t say that” and “i need to think about this”  
that was  
good  


**kyungsoo**  
??  
me being needy?

**graduate yeol**  
lol kyungsoo  
u will be hard-pressed to find someone more needy than me  
i meant you telling me what you need  
because listen to me  
i’m really dumb  
it’s hard for me to figure these things out on my own  
if you don’t tell me explicitly  
i won’t know  
and i’ll kill myself trying to figure it out and thinking i’m doing the wrong thing  
do you get what i mean?  


**kyungsoo**  
maybe…

**graduate yeol**  
i know it’s hard to like  
ask for things  
but if you need something from me  
(to do smth or to NOT do smth)  
i really really need you to tell me ok  
or else i’ll fuck up  


**kyungsoo**  
but what if i can’t…

**graduate yeol**  
then i need you to try ur best  
bc i think that would help both of us  
very much  


**kyungsoo**  
hhhhhhh

**graduate yeol**  
sorry that i’m stressing u out :(  


**kyungsoo**  
no  
it’s okay  
i’m just shit at like  
self-advocating

**graduate yeol**  
if there’s anything i can do to make it easier for you  
let me know, ok? joint effort  


**kyungsoo**  
ok…

**graduate yeol**  
and i have one more thing to say that i was thinking about last night!!  
(can u tell i barely slept)  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
you don’t say

**graduate yeol**  
:)  
ok so  
recently kris told me i have insecurity problems  
and it turns out He Was Right  


Chanyeol’s hands shake a little as he types it.

 **kyungsoo**  
in what way?

**graduate yeol**  
in the way that i WILL sometimes genuinely think u don’t like me  
and i know this will not be easy for u  
but while i work on figuring out my shit  
i will need u to sometimes be like  
“hey chanyeol ur pissing me off but i still like u”  
(assuming that u do still like me)  


**kyungsoo**  
god you weren’t kidding

**graduate yeol**  
??  


**kyungsoo**  
about it not being easy for me  
but  
i understand what you mean

**graduate yeol**  
:)  
we’ll work on it  
yeah?  


**kyungsoo**  
yeah  
as much as this conversation has made me want to die  
thanks for like  
saying the things

**graduate yeol**  
thanks for  
listening  
and understanding  


**kyungsoo**  
chanyeol  
if there’s anyone who understands “i’m needy and need you to help me out here”  
it’s me

**graduate yeol**  
we are both perfectly and terribly matched  
♡  


**kyungsoo**  
haha  
okay i need to like  
take a nap now  
because i also barely slept all night

Chanyeol’s stomach dips a little, and he tries to fortify himself. _You said you were going to deal with your shit, Chanyeol._

**graduate yeol**  
lol  
alright  


**kyungsoo**  
guess who’s gonna be doing better once they wake up  
it’s me  
i hope  
힘내 kyungsoo

Chanyeol bites back a little grin.

**graduate yeol**  
ur doing great  


**kyungsoo**  
o<\--<  
ok i’m going

**graduate yeol**  
hey kyungsoo  
for future reference  
now is the time when u reassure me my feelings are not one-sided and pathetic  


**kyungsoo**  
oh i know  
i’m working up to it  
huff huff  
♡

Chanyeol laughs out loud, the vice around his chest loosening.

**graduate yeol**  
damn i really  
have such a crush on u  


**kyungsoo**  
man i’m doing better than i thought

**graduate yeol**  
lololol  
go take a nap soo  
i’ll talk to you after ♡  


**kyungsoo**  
alright  
쭉

Chanyeol screams a little.

**graduate yeol**  
T^T <333333  


Kyungsoo doesn’t even read his message. Chanyeol suspects he sent his last DM and then turned off his phone to deal with his embarrassment.

He’s not even mad. 

“Sleep well,” he whispers, and kisses his screen quickly. Then he slithers out of bed to douse his entire head in cold water.

####

The next day, at 12:50pm, Chanyeol sits eagerly in front of his phone and waits, very patiently, for the message he knows is coming.

It arrives at precisely 1:02. 

**kyungsoo**  
chanyeol  
did you send me flowers

Chanyeol giggles giddily.

**yeollie ♡**  
who me  
huehuehue  
why would u think that  


**kyungsoo**  
i can’t believe you just made me go to the door  
in my pajamas  
to talk to a stranger  
to receive a goddamn bouquet of flowers

**yeollie ♡**  
SORRY  
IS THAT VERY BAD  


**kyungsoo**  
i actually made my brother go  
but i’m glad you felt bad  
bc then i had to face my brother

**yeollie ♡**  
:3  
do u like them  


**kyungsoo**  
no comment  
why are you sending me flowers  
are you dying

**yeollie ♡**  
LOL  
no  
i’m being a cute long-distance boyfriend  
it was p fun finding a flower place that would deliver to ur house  
in the middle of fucking nowhere, illinois  
i felt like some sorta super sleuth  


**kyungsoo**  
you’re ridiculous  
i can’t believe /anywhere/ agreed to deliver here  
our house is like 20 minutes away from civilisation

**yeollie ♡**  
so i discovered  
i had to pick up a call to reassure the delivery guy the address was right  
he says ur house looks haunted from a distance  


**kyungsoo**  
oh my god  
it’s true though  
it does

**yeollie ♡**  
do u live in a creepy old mansion  
are u rich  


**kyungsoo**  
lol  
no  
it’s a dilapidated old shack hidden in a dark forest  
okay that’s an exaggeration  
but you get the picture  
old house, trees

**yeollie ♡**  
COOL  
there’s so much i don’t know about u kyungsoo  
i am learning so much  
1) doesn’t like flowers  
2) lives in a haunted house  
3) in the middle of nowhere  


**kyungsoo**  
i didn’t say i don’t like flowers

**yeollie ♡**  
:)  
now  
in exchange for the beautiful bouquet  
why didn’t u like my selfies  


**kyungsoo**  
oh my GOD

**yeollie ♡**  
:)  


**kyungsoo**  
i didn’t ask for these flowers you know  
i owe you nothing

**yeollie ♡**  
THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS SOO  
at least they were in the pic  
i paid real dollars for that bouquet  


**kyungsoo**  
>:[  
fine  
it’s bc i didn’t want to acknowledge your face

**yeollie ♡**  
REALLY?  
way back then??  


**kyungsoo**  
when?

**yeollie ♡**  
the first time wendy helped me do my makeup  
it was in like  
october  


**kyungsoo**  
i don’t even remember that…

**yeollie ♡**  
WHAT  
it was the day that little girl called me ahjussi and i had a bad feel  
and u said be whoever u wanna be  
and then i captioned my selfie with that  
and you didn’t even like it  


**kyungsoo**  
oh…  
i kind of remember

**yeollie ♡**  
I WAS SALTY ABOUT THAT FOR WEEKS  


**kyungsoo**  
aha  
oops  
i think i didn’t see it until the next day and then thought it would be weird to like it so late…

**yeollie ♡**  
i can’t believe this…  


**kyungsoo**  
if it makes you feel better, the rest were consciously not liked. on purpose.

**yeollie ♡**  
WHY WOULD THAT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER  


**kyungsoo**  
idk  
the rest were bc your face was too  
like that  
and i didn’t want to look at it too long  
or acknowledge that it existed

Chanyeol grins, warm-cheeked.

**yeollie ♡**  
is that why u never look at me irl…  


**kyungsoo**  
uhhh. part of that is my anxiety making eye contact very difficult for me  
but otherwise yeah

**yeollie ♡**  
:)))  
wait i am not smiling abt ur anxiety  
just abt u liking my face  


**kyungsoo**  
i didn’t say that

**yeollie ♡**  
i heard it in ur expressionless messages  


**kyungsoo**  
huff  
are we done with the interrogation yet

**yeollie ♡**  
NOT EVEN CLOSE  
THERE IS SO MUCH FOR ME TO LEARN  
such as: why were u so resistant to becoming my friend in the first place T^T  


**kyungsoo**  
oh that’s an easy one  
i just didn’t want to

**yeollie ♡**  
DSJJKSFKSS  
WHY…  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
honestly  
i just wasn’t interested in making friends  
and you came on really strong…

**yeollie ♡**  
THAT’S JUST WHAT I’M LIKE…..  


**kyungsoo**  
i know that now  
but back then i was like  
who tf is this dude…  
and i usually only become friends with people introduced to me by a mutual friend

**yeollie ♡**  
i gave baek and dae such an advantage….  
icb u literally just didn’t like me  


**kyungsoo**  
i didn’t say that!  
i just didn’t care  
ᄏᄏ

**yeollie ♡**  
T^T  
ouch  
ok it’s ok u like me now  
I PERSEVERED  


**kyungsoo**  
you really did  
even i was impressed  
i don’t have a very friendly online presence

**yeollie ♡**  
u did sometimes tho!!  
u were so hot and cold =_=  
why  


**kyungsoo**  
ah  
tbh i. don’t know how to do this  
make friends and have feelings and shit  
but i went through phases  
from being like “why are u talking to me idk you” to “oh maybe i should just be friendly” to “shit i don’t know what i’m doing or how to be likable and i’m uncomfortable”  
from there on it depended on if i was having a good day and how confident i was in interpreting signals from your messages and stuff  
i was doing my best

**yeollie ♡**  
I KNOW U WERE  
U DID GREAT  
I’M PROUD OF U  


**kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏ  
thanks yeol

**yeollie ♡**  
wait i have another question  
WHY WERE U SO NICE TO JONGIN  
BUT NOT TO ME…  


**kyungsoo**  
are you kidding  
jongin is the least intimidating friend ever  
love a friend who is even shyer than me  
also he draws well. and he’s cute. i wanted to be his friend.

**yeollie ♡**  
THAT’S  
relatable and a fair point  
i’ll let this one go bc now u like me best  


**kyungsoo**  
pfft  
thanks

**yeollie ♡**  
hey here’s another question for u  


**kyungsoo**  
oh boy

**yeollie ♡**  
how come when we first met u were like  
“shit”  


**kyungsoo**  
OH BOY  
suddenly i have to go

**yeollie ♡**  
SOO U CAN’T AVOID THESE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS FOREVER  


**kyungsoo**  
i was just  
nope i can’t say it

**yeollie ♡**  
SOO  
wait  
were u having a “shit he’s hot” moment  
pls tell me u were  


**kyungsoo**  
i would NEVER  
tell you if that were true  
okay to be fair it was more of a “shit he’s tall” moment  
i’d seen your face before

**yeollie ♡**  
YES!!!!!!  
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!  
OH MAN SOO  
this is the greatest day of my life  


**kyungsoo**  
never  
ever  
bring this up  
ever again

**yeollie ♡**  
:))))))))  
is that why u never wanted to meet me  
were u intimidated by my face  


**kyungsoo**  
only a little  
mostly it was because like  
you can control your image online. you can’t in real life  
what you see if what you get  
online felt...safer  
i knew you liked me online and didn’t want to ruin that  
tbh i still wonder if meeting you was a bad idea…

**yeollie ♡**  
IT WASN’T  
do u know how much i DIED  
u were so FUCKIN cute  
i had no idea what u would look like  
and i was like  
my eyes were so blessed  
my brain collapsed in on itself  
wowee i really wanted to kiss you  


**kyungsoo**  
did you really

**yeollie ♡**  
it was truly stupid how much  
good times :’)  


**kyungsoo**  
you know what sucks  
that you don’t get embarrassed about anything

Chanyeol laughs out loud.

**yeollie ♡**  
that is definitely not true  
i usually just say shit and then get embarrassed afterwards  
omg  
do u remember when u first started following me  
and i had that goddamn FERRET PIC AS MY PINNED TWEET  


**kyungsoo**  
…  
yes

**yeollie ♡**  
DON’T EVER SAY I DON’T GET EMBARRASSED ABOUT STUFF  
I THINK I SHED REAL TEARS OVER THAT  
UR FIRST GLIMPSE OF MY FACE  
9YO ME W A FERRET  


**kyungsoo**  
:)  
good times

**yeollie ♡**  
so many regrets…  
BUT ANYWAY  
this has been a very enlightening chat  
i’m glad u loved the flowers  


**kyungsoo**  
tch

**yeollie ♡**  
i’m doing a good job being ur boyfriend right  


**kyungsoo**  
i gotta say  
your effort is admirable

**yeollie ♡**  
honestly  
that is the story of my life  
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE  


**kyungsoo**  
to the story of your life?

**yeollie ♡**  
no, to being a boyfriend  
u wanna go on a date w me  


**kyungsoo**  
uh  
are you planning on coming to the middle of fucking nowhere, illinois?

**yeollie ♡**  
LOL  
no, sadly  
VIRTUAL DATE  


**kyungsoo**  
…  
go on

**yeollie ♡**  
u wanna watch a movie with me? :3  
like we did with the beagles that one time  
only just us two  
movie date  


**kyungsoo**  
actually…  
that sounds kind of nice

**yeollie ♡**  
YES  
we’re gonna get through these next 2 months just fine :3  


**kyungsoo**  
we’ll see if you don’t get bored of me before that

**yeollie ♡**  
you kidding??  
i spent 10 months pining after u  
nothing can stand in the way of me holding ur hand in august  
and until then  
movie dates will suffice  


**kyungsoo**  
^^;;  
i look forward to it

Honestly, Chanyeol’s not sure he’s ever looked forward to something so much in his life.

####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:  
> 힘내 (himnae) - be strong/buck up/good luck/etc  
> 쭉 (jjuk) - smooch sound
> 
> love u guys <3


	18. Chapter 18

Two months later, Chanyeol takes the subway from his new apartment in Seoul to Incheon, heart pounding heavily in his chest. His phone is an unignorable weight in his hand, still and silent. Chanyeol checks it again as he steps into the airport receiving area, even though he knows it hasn’t gone off. There’s nothing new there, so he rereads the messages from last night, before Kyungsoo got on his plane.

 **kyungsoo**  
flight got delayed by half an hour  
but i should be able to catch my connecting flight okay  
so still come get me at 5ish  
if you still want to

Chanyeol is still working on convincing Kyungsoo that he enthusiastically wants to be doing everything with him, all the time.

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
alright!!  
and ofc i want to  
i’m SO EXCITED  
t-minus 18 hours~~  


**kyungsoo**  
hhhhhh  
i wish i could be  
less nervous

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
♡  
it’s ok that ur nervous  
i’m kinda nervous too  
i probably won’t sleep at all tonight  


(He didn’t.)

 **kyungsoo**  
remember when i almost bailed on meeting you in march  
yeah  
that feeling is back

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
and just like in march  
everything will be fine  


**kyungsoo**  
everything was not fine in march  
my first word to you was “shit”  
and then i couldn’t look at you for 3 months

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
ok that’s a fair point  
but we’re doing much better than we were in march  
everything will be even finer  


**kyungsoo**  
i still might not be able to look at you  
just warning you

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
okay  
that’s okay  
anything i can do for you?  


**kyungsoo**  
hhhhhhhh  
idk  
i might have to feel it out when i get there

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
do you want me to let you make the first move?  
i know i can be a Lot irl  


**kyungsoo**  
that might help

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
i’ll bring my ipod ♡  
we can just listen to music if everything feels like too much  


**kyungsoo**  
okay

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
it’ll be okay. okay?  
we’ll figure things out  
i’ll tell you if something feels bad, and you do the same for me, okay?  


**kyungsoo**  
okay

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
i’m really looking forward to seeing you  
♡  


**kyungsoo**  
♡

Chanyeol takes a deep breath. He’s been learning, slowly, how to best help Kyungsoo when he’s feeling uncomfortable. How to tone down his usual overbearing presence online, and how to ask him gentle questions, how to soothe his worries. But he still never quite knows if he’s doing it right. He never quite knows if he’s helping or hurting. 

Kyungsoo’s learning how to tell him that, too. Slowly. But it’s an ongoing process. For both of them. They’re working on it. 

The rest of their messages are about Kyungsoo’s flight, and him boarding, and Chanyeol wishing him luck and safe travels. And then, of course, Kyungsoo has to go. Sixteen hours of travel time. Chanyeol actively feels like he’s missed him in that time. 

And now he’s here. And it’s happening.

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
i’m here!  
at the arrival gate or whatever  
see you soon ♡  


He doesn’t get a reply. Kyungsoo’s probably going through customs, or still getting off the plane. Chanyeol tries not to think the worst. Tries not to think of when Kyungsoo confessed to him and then disappeared for a day and a half.

He pulls out his phone while he waits, chats a little with Baekhyun, who should be sleeping, and Jongin, who wishes he was sleeping. Baekhyun teases him. Jongin soothes him. Neither really works. 

People start streaming out of the gate, and Chanyeol swallows thickly, fumbles to put away his phone. His heart pounds in his throat, in his ears. 

It’s almost like he sees Kyungsoo too quickly. He expects to have to wait, to hold his breath, to feel relief when it finally happens. But then he’s just—there. Chanyeol spots him, and the breath gets stuck in his chest, and the gears in his mind grind to a halt. He wasn’t prepared. Two months, and he didn’t manage to prepare himself for this. 

Kyungsoo meets his eyes from fifteen feet away. He stops walking, stares. He’s in the same clothes Chanyeol last saw him in—sweats, hoodie, running shoes. His hair is longer. Chanyeol’s knees are weak. 

“Hi,” he croaks. 

Kyungsoo’s throat bobs. “Hey.”

Chanyeol sways forward, and then reels himself back. He told Kyungsoo he’d let him make the first move. Does Kyungsoo remember that? Is he waiting for Chanyeol to do something? Will they be stuck in this awkward limbo forever? 

Slowly, Kyungsoo takes a step forward, and then another. He drags his suitcase behind him, and its little wheels thrum in time with Chanyeol’s pulse. He waits. 

Kyungsoo stops two feet away. His head tips up to look at Chanyeol. Their eyes meet—Chanyeol realizes, distantly, that this has never really happened before. Not like this. Not for more than a second. Chanyeol feels frozen. 

“Lean down,” Kyungsoo says. 

Chanyeol blinks. “Why?”

Kyungsoo’s lips twitch up, just a little. “You moron. Lean down.”

Uncertainly, Chanyeol tips his head down, sways in a bit. Kyungsoo watches him with intense eyes. His throat bobs again. 

He pushes up onto the tips of his toes, and presses a kiss to Chanyeol’s mouth. 

Chanyeol makes a small, surprised sound as his knees go numb, and then makes another noise as Kyungsoo pulls away a second later, disappointed, desperate. Kyungsoo retreats, and Chanyeol chases his mouth automatically, blood rushing in his ears. Kyungsoo steps back, away from him. 

“Hey,” he says. “Stop that. We’re in public.”

Chanyeol gapes. “I.”

Kyungsoo shrugs, looks away. “Figured I should get the first one out of the way,” he says, and then starts walking, pulling his suitcase along behind him. 

Chanyeol rushes to catch up, snatching the handle from his hand. His head is still spinning. 

Kyungsoo kissed him. 

“Uh,” he fumbles to say. His mouth is buzzing. “Hi. You’re here.”

Kyungsoo shoots him a tiny smile. “I’m here.”

“I.” Chanyeol struggles to gather the pieces of his disintegrated brain. “I’m so happy. That you’re here.”

Kyungsoo’s smile widens. “I’m happy, too.”

Chanyeol swallows hard; catches the sleeve of Kyungsoo’s sweater. He wants to hold his hand so badly. But they _are_ in public. And he doesn’t know if Kyungsoo would want it. “How are you feeling?”

“Sick,” Kyungsoo says, but his voice isn’t hard and clipped. “Landing almost always makes me nauseous.” 

“Right.” Chanyeol nearly trips over his own feet. “How was your flight?”

“Not too bad,” Kyungsoo says. “Long.”

Chanyeol nods, glances at Kyungsoo sidelong and tries to read his face. It doesn’t work. “Do you want me to shut up?” he asks nervously. 

Kyungsoo turns his head, catches Chanyeol’s gaze. Smiles. “No. You’re okay.”

Chanyeol bites back a grin. “Can I give you a hug?”

Kyungsoo’s pace slows. “Here?” he says. “Right now?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says, trying not to waver. “You can say no.”

“I.” Kyungsoo stops walking. “Sure. I guess.”

Chanyeol’s moving in the moment the words are out of his mouth. The suitcase is abandoned, and Chanyeol’s arm go around Kyungsoo’s middle, pulling him in close, pinning his arms to his sides. Kyungsoo makes a soft sound, stiff and uncomfortable, but then Chanyeol buries his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, breathes him in, and all at once he relaxes, slumping into Chanyeol. His arms twitch, and then snake around Chanyeol’s waist, tentatively, like he’s not sure it’s allowed. Chanyeol grins into the fabric of his sweater, squeezes him tightly, and tells himself not to _fucking_ cry. 

Kyungsoo is warm and soft and smells like planes, and Chanyeol never wants to let go. He never wants this moment to end. He's waited almost an entire year, and now he finally has Kyungsoo exactly where he wants him, pressed up against his body, secure in his arms. 

But a second later, Kyungsoo is saying, “I need to pee really bad,” and pulling away gently, and Chanyeol has to drop his arms. 

“Oh,” Chanyeol says, disappointed. “Okay.”

Kyungsoo steps back, looks up at him, and smiles wide enough that it rounds out his cheeks. Chanyeol’s heart stops. 

He grabs Kyungsoo’s suitcase and the corner of his sleeve again, and they resume walking without another word.

The subway ride back to Kyungsoo’s dorms is just as long as Chanyeol remembers. They get seats next to each other on the train, knees pressed together, and the rocking of the carriage seems to lull Kyungsoo to sleep. They chat for the first fifteen minutes, about home and about travelling, and then his eyelids start to droop, and his head starts to bob. 

“Here,” Chanyeol says, heart thumping against his ribs. “Lean against me if you’re tired. I’m told I have nice shoulders.”

Kyungsoo shoots him a small smile, and then shifts to press into Chanyeol’s side. He holds his body stiff for a few minutes, obviously unsure and uncomfortable, but then Chanyeol slides down in his seat so that his shoulder is lower, and Kyungsoo’s head can rest more comfortably against it, and slowly, he relaxes. 

Within a few minutes, he’s snoozing away, and Chanyeol’s chest is bursting with affection. If he turns his head a little, he can see the way Kyungsoo’s eyelashes brush against his cheek, and the way his full lips pout out just a bit, and he really. Chanyeol likes him so fucking much. And he’s _so happy_ Kyungsoo is here.

An hour later, Kyungsoo wakes up, pulls away embarrassedly as he rubs saliva from the corner of his mouth. Chanyeol grins, hands him one of his earbuds. Kyungsoo smiles as he takes it, and they spend the rest of the trip listening to music in silence. If Kyungsoo notices the arm Chanyeol has slung along the back of his seat—to keep him from moving too much with the swaying off the carriage, originally, but now just because he likes it there—he doesn’t say anything. 

Eventually, they make it to Hanyang, and get off to find Kyungsoo’s home. As much as Kyungsoo has said he isn’t really friends with his roommates, he insists he likes what they’ve got going. They don’t bother him, he doesn’t have to talk to them. Chanyeol keeps suggesting, you know, just becoming friends with them. Kyungsoo always just says, “Unrealistic.”

None of them are there yet when they arrive. Kyungsoo pretends to be surprised. Chanyeol doesn’t believe him.

“Um, this is my room,” Kyungsoo says, shuffling into a tiny room crammed between the bathroom and a staircase. He dumps his suitcase and backpack on the floor, runs his hand through his hair. “You can, uh, sit on the bed if you want. I’m gonna go...brush my teeth. I threw up fifteen hours ago.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol says, dropping onto the bare mattress. “Where are your sheets?”

Kyungsoo gives him an odd look. “Suitcase.”

Chanyeol shrugs, and Kyungsoo grabs his toiletries from his backpack and disappears. 

Chanyeol spends the next four minutes wrestling a fitted sheet onto Kyungsoo’s mattress, and a pillowcase onto his pillow. By the time Kyungsoo returns, he’s starfishing face-down on the mattress, breathing in that scent he’s starting to associate with his boyfriend. 

Ah. Boyfriend. It’s been two months, and Chanyeol’s still not accustomed to using that word to describe Kyungsoo.

“Getting cozy there?” Kyungsoo asks as he steps back into the room. 

“Very,” Chanyeol says, grinning as he sits up. He shuffles back, sits against the wall. “Sit with me?”

Kyungsoo visibly hesitates. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to.” Chanyeol is still learning how to not be disappointed when things like this happen. But he’s trying. “We can sit on the floor instead?”

Kyungsoo pauses, and then shakes his head. “I’ll sit with you,” he says, and climbs up onto the bed, sits next to Chanyeol with a few inches of space between them. 

Chanyeol grins. Half nervous, half determined, he lifts his hand, turns it over so that his palm faces the ceiling. “Do you want to hold hands?”

Kyungsoo’s face goes pink. “Yeol,” he says. “It’s really nice of you to keep asking, but having to answer is making me feel pukey. If I didn’t want you to touch me, I wouldn’t have kissed you. And I’m not twelve. If you want to do something, do it, and if I don’t like it I’ll punch you in the stomach.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says, dropping his hand. He bites his lip. Tries not to get stuck on the reminder that Kyungsoo kissed him. He’s already replayed it in his head a thousand times since it happened. “Good job self-advocating, Soo.”

Kyungsoo snorts, rolls his eyes, and rests his palm against Chanyeol’s between them. 

Chanyeol just about vibrates out of his skin. He curls his fingers between Kyungsoo’s, resists bringing it to his mouth to press his lips against soft, warm skin. But he does think about it. Extensively. And then he thinks about curling up with Kyungsoo on his bed and cuddling and taking a nap together, being the big spoon and pressing his nose into Kyungsoo’s soft-looking hair, being the little spoon and having Kyungsoo’s arms wrapped around his waist. Lying face-to-face, legs tangled, and holding hands, like they are now. Chanyeol’s entire body feels warm and fuzzy.

“So,” he blurts, suddenly realizing it’s been silent for a full minute between them. “What’s your semester look like?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, shifting to get more comfortable. His thumb rubs along the side of Chanyeol’s first finger, and it makes Chanyeol’s stomach dip. “It’s not too bad. I only have one class on Fridays, in the morning. So that’s nice.”

Chanyeol nods, forgets to respond when Kyungsoo reaches over to poke his finger through a rip in Chanyeol’s jeans. 

“How was your last day of orientation?” Kyungsoo asks. “I forgot to ask because I was nervous about my flight.”

“Oh, it was fine,” Chanyeol says. “Way better than the one before that. Did I tell you I made a friend?”

Kyungsoo’s mouth quirks up on one side. Chanyeol glances at it, and then can’t look away. “I’m shocked, truly.”

“Her name’s Amber, she lives down the hall from me. She teaches high school kids, but she’s under the same organization or whatever. She’s really cool.” Chanyeol tries and fails to look away from Kyungsoo’s mouth. 

“So popular with the ladies,” Kyungsoo says with a smirk. 

“Yeah, she.” Chanyeol stops, blinks, tries to gather his thoughts. “She.”

Kyungsoo turns to him, expectant, and slides his tongue over chapped lips. 

Chanyeol leans in before he even knows what he’s doing, pressing a kiss to Kyungsoo’s mouth. 

“Mmh,” Kyungsoo says, fingers tightening around Chanyeol’s hand. Chanyeol’s pulse flutters wildly in his veins, makes him press in closer just for a second, firm enough to feel the shape of Kyungsoo’s mouth against his, the warmth of his lips. 

And then he pulls away, cheeks hot, heart hammering. “Uh,” he says, licking his lips impulsively. “Sorry.”

Kyungsoo looks up at him, and a smile blooms across his face, shy and happy. “I didn’t punch you in the stomach, did I?”

Chanyeol swallows hard, tries to grasp the implications of that. “No.”

“Then you’re okay,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Oh,” Chanyeol breathes. “I. Again?”

The flush in Kyungsoo’s cheeks darkens a little, and his gaze skips away, but he nods, still smiling. 

The second kiss—their third, total—is far superior to the ones before. They’re both ready, both waiting. Their lips meet, and no one pulls away. Chanyeol clutches Kyungsoo’s hand in his own, feels his heart in his throat as Kyungsoo’s full bottom lip presses into his own. He exhales shakily, breaks away, presses in again. He kisses Kyungsoo’s upper lip, gently, as gently as he can, and then pulls away half an inch and dips his head to kiss his lower lip. Slowly, delicately. Like Kyungsoo is made of fine porcelain, only it’s Chanyeol who feels fragile, ready to shatter at any second. 

He kisses Kyungsoo again, and feels the shape of his smile against his mouth. “Are we in middle school?” Kyungsoo whispers against his lips. 

Chanyeol hunches his shoulder embarrassedly, kisses Kyungsoo’s chin by mistake. “Sorry,” he whispers back. 

Kyungsoo’s head shakes, and Chanyeol’s next kiss catches the corner of his mouth, lingers there. “It’s nice,” he hums, and presses into the next kiss indulgently, lips parting slightly, breathing humidly against Chanyeol’s mouth. 

Chanyeol wants to make all sorts of pained, satisfied sounds, but he keeps them trapped in his chest, turns a little so he doesn’t have to twist his neck. His knees bump into Kyungsoo’s, and then Kyungsoo turns, too, and their legs overlap between them. They’re close, and warm, and touching at their mouths and hands and knees, and everything feels so good. Chanyeol whimpers unintentionally, and he can feel Kyungsoo’s smile again. And he loves it so much. 

“You can—” Kyungsoo says, breathless. “If you want.”

Chanyeol pulls away, blinks his eyes open. Kyungsoo keeps his firmly closed. “Do what?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head slightly, leans in to press his nose into Chanyeol’s cheek. “I don’t know,” he mutters. “Just.”

Chanyeol kisses the first patch of skin he can reach—can’t stop himself, really—and drags his mouth across Kyungsoo’s cheek, back to his lips. He huffs out a soft breath, stomach twisting itself in giddy knots, and lifts his free hand. He’s slow, nervous, but Kyungsoo can’t even see what he’s doing, currently busy pressing chaste kisses into the corner of Chanyeol’s mouth. Chanyeol clutches his hand, and gently lays his other palm at the junction of his neck and shoulder, three fingers pressing into warm, smooth skin. 

Immediately, Kyungsoo makes a soft sound, presses in a little harder. His free hand reaches out, curls in the fabric of Chanyeol’s t-shirt, tugs him forward. Chanyeol all but falls into him, swallowing back an embarrassing noise and parting his lips just a little, just enough to catch Kyungsoo’s lower lip between his own. Kyungsoo lets out a shuddering breath, and a shivering warmth pools in Chanyeol’s stomach, spreads to his kneecaps. He does it again, and again, and Kyungsoo responds in kind, pressing up into each kiss, pressing his fingertips into Chanyeol’s stomach. It makes Chanyeol dizzy with pleasure. 

In the end, it’s Chanyeol who has to pull away first, breathless and overwhelmed. He leans back, and Kyungsoo follows him, steals another kiss, and another. Chanyeol can’t help but indulge him, even as his heart thunders in his ears. 

Eventually, though, he manages to break away, blinking his eyes open hazily, chest heaving. Kyungsoo’s eyelids flutter, and he stares back at Chanyeol, cheeks beautifully pink, lips still parted. 

Chanyeol swallows thickly. “That was.”

Kyungsoo nods, even though not even _Chanyeol_ knows what he was going to say. “Yeah,” he breathes. And then, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

Chanyeol blinks. Waits a moment for his words to register. “Yeah,” he says. 

Kyungsoo nods again, slips off his bed. He lets go of Chanyeol’s hand to rummage around in his backpack for his laptop, and Chanyeol flexes his fingers sadly. 

A minute later, Kyungsoo’s back on the mattress beside him, opening Netflix. Their arms are pressed together, their socked feet bumping. “Star Trek: Into Darkness?” he asks. They’d streamed the first Star Trek together a week and a half ago, before Chanyeol left home for Seoul. 

Chanyeol swallows, nods. “Sure.”

Kyungsoo clicks on it, squirms to make himself comfortable. He pushes his laptop a little farther down on his lap, and then reaches over, picks up Chanyeol hand with his own to lace their fingers together. 

Chanyeol blinks, and goes warm. “Ah,” he says, relaxing. “I think I’ve seen half of this one before.”

“Don’t spoil it for me,” Kyungsoo says, eyes glued to the screen. 

Chanyeol grins, and swoops in to press a kiss to the warm swell of Kyungsoo’s cheek. Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, even after he pulls away; just smiles, squeezes his hand. 

Chanyeol sighs happily and sits back to watch.

####

**barkhyun**  
HELLOOOOOO LADIES AND GENTS AND NONBINARY FRIENDS  
IT IS TIME  
FOR  
THE ULTIMATE CHINGUS MOVIE WATCHING EXTRAVAGANZA  
in 30 minutes  
get ur streams ready

 **jongdamn**  
was this necessary  
my phone just went off 6 times mid-lecture  
i told u i only get out of class 15 mins before we start

 **barkhyun**  
oops ^3^  
who has friday night classes anyway  
loser

 **jongdamn**  
masters students do, that’s who

 **barkhyun**  
yes yes we all know u are v smart  
hey btw  
did u get a chance to read over the fic i sent u

 **jongdamn**  
u mean the one u sent me less than an hour ago  
when i was still in this same class  
..  
yes

 **barkhyun**  
:3  
i love u

 **jongdamn**  
who doesn’t

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
hi hello we’re here  


**barkhyun**  
we?

 **kyungsoo**  
hi

 **barkhyun**  
oh i see  
u are late  
together  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
baek  
no  


**jongdamn**  
interesting ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **kyungsoo**  
jongdae  
don’t make me kill you  
you’re my favorite of chanyeol’s friends

 **barkhyun**  
WTF…

 **jongdamn**  
SKJHFSKJ YES  
I KNEW IT

 **barkhyun**  
can u believe the world is so cruel  
can u believe no one will ever love me  
i’ve never been so hurt in my whole life

 **kyungsoo**  
you didn’t retweet my last comic update

 **barkhyun**  
I TOLD U  
I’M BOYCOTTING IT UNTIL LUMIN GET THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR ASSES  
NOT EVEN U AND CHANYEOL WERE THIS BAD

 **kyungsoo**  
me and chanyeol took 9 months to get together

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
10  
i started following u in august  >_>  


**kyungsoo**  
oh my god

 **jongdamn**  
ur lumin art is truly  
iconic  
how many RTs did this last update get

 **kyungsoo**  
idk  
too many

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
2.3k :3  
NOT ENOUGH  


**barkhyun**  
THAT’S OUR BOY  
FINALLY GETTING THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVES

 **jongdamn**  
fandom’s gonna collapse when the last page is finally released  
there will be nothing left to live for

 **kyungsoo**  
ᄏᄏᄏ  
i don’t think the entire element fandom is following it

 **barkhyun**  
THEY SHOULD BE

 **kyungsoo**  
i thought you were boycotting it…

 **barkhyun**  
LOVINGLY

 **jongdamn**  
baek’s just mad tha  
shit class is over  
gotta blast

 **barkhyun**  
COME BACK SOON MY LOVE

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
are we really the only ones here  
the rest of yall are fakes  


**kris**  
no i’m here  
i’m just conserving my energy

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
KRIS!!!  
WELCOME TO UR VERY FIRST CHINGU MOVIE PARTY  


**kyungsoo**  
hey

 **kris**  
hi kyungsoo

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
why do u ignore me brother  
i thought we had a bond  


**kris**  
i just called you yesterday chanyeol

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
T^T  


**barkhyun**  
HI KRIS  
nice to see u again ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **kris**  
how did i get sucked into this again

 **barkhyun**  
lololol  
it’s my animal magnetism

 **kris**  
i don’t think that’s it

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
have u talked to wendy recently  
is she still coming today  
she’d better not have flaked  


**웬디**  
no i’m here too~  
just enjoying from afar c:  
kris since when do you even have twitter

 **kris**  
i don’t want to talk about it

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
dude it took so long to convince him  
look at how many times he’s tweeted since then  


**웬디**  
oh my god  
3 whole times

 **kris**  
don’t follow me

 **웬디**  
too late : >

 **barkhyun**  
hi i’m back i made popcorn  
HI WENDY

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
$10 says u eat it all before we start the movie  


**kyungsoo**  
$20 he eats the last handful during opening credits

 **barkhyun**  
i’d be mad but i know it’ll happen

 **jongdamn**  
I’M BACK  
hi wendy hi kris

 **kris**  
ah  
my favourite beagle

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
WHAT  


**jongdamn**  
oh my god today is my DAY

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
I AM EVERYONE’S FAVORITE BEAGLE  


**웬디**  
nah baekhyun’s mine

 **barkhyun**  
DSJHFSKJHFKJS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
WHAT HTE HELL  


**jongdamn**  
is everyone here  
good  
let’s start the movie

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BETRAYING ME  
THE INJUSTICE…  


**barkhyun**  
life is tough

 **jongdamn**  
is everyone ready for me to call them?

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
NO, i am still REELING FROM THIS BETRAYAL  


**kris**  
i’m good to go

 **웬디**  
ready

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
yall are the WORST  


**jongdamn**  
ok i’m gonna start the call

 **kyungsoo**  
you’re my favorite beagle chanyeol

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
!!!  
:D  


**barkhyun**  
gross

 **jongdamn**  
no flirting in our group chat u gremlins

 **kyungsoo**  
too late

 **kris**  
are you gonna call or not

 **jongdamn**  
sorry yup

**chanyeollie 선생님**  
...  
♡  


####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:  
> 선생님 (seonsaengnim) - teacher  
> 웬디 - Wendy
> 
> BONUS: LOOK AT THIS [ADORABLE FANART](https://twitter.com/ksoominie/status/930973151550427137) FOR THIS CHAPTER I RECEIVED!!! 
> 
> ~~~
> 
> IT'S OVER!! omg yall. i am seriously. STUNNED by the reaction this fic got. i started it on a whim, because my tlist seemed interested in my initial tweets about the silly idea i had for it. and then i started posting, also on a whim, after months of hiatus. i did NOT expect it to be as popular as it was. but i am so so happy that people related to it, and found a little bit of joy in it. all of your comments made me so, so, so so so happy. i promise to reply to all ur comments on this chapter! (eventually!)
> 
> special thanks to my tlist, for inspiring so much of this fic, and especially to jay, for test-reading a couple chapters, and EXTRA MOST SPECIAL THANKS TO RUSTY!!! for beta-ing and being incredible. the beagle to my bro. (that doesn't make sense.)
> 
> and now...i will fade back into the sweet embrace of hiatus, my fave place to be. as always, you can find me on [curious cat!](https://curiouscat.me/jumpthisship) LOVE U GUYS!


End file.
